The Odds of Lightning (23 page)

Luella was avoiding going home. Her mom kept texting to ask where she was.
OUT WITH TINY
was all she wrote back. Eventually her mom stopped texting.

She wasn't out with Tiny. After they left the park, Tiny went home to drop off her school supplies before having a last-night-of-summer dinner with her family. Tiny's family was like that. They actually
enjoyed
spending time together. Like a sitcom family.

So Luella just wandered around from one air-conditioned spot to the next. She popped into Barnes & Noble and read a book on method acting without buying it. She spent four stupid dollars of her allowance on a Frappuccino at Starbucks. Finally she gave in and texted Will.

GELATO FOR DINNER?

Will wrote back immediately.

WHAT ABOUT THE TRADITION? WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR EVERYONE.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE WAITING. COME ON. THEY'LL UNDERSTAND. WE'LL MEET THEM AFTER.

Will paused.

GELATO AND BILL MURRAY MARATHON?

Luella met Will at a fancy gelato place on the Upper East Side that had flavors like blue cheese and basil. Luella got the olive oil flavor, and Will got mushroom, but he threw his out after a single bite and proceeded to share Luella's. “That tasted like feet,” Will said.

“This is gelato, not ice cream,” Luella retorted. “Your palette is clearly not as sophisticated as mine.”

They walked side by side, not touching. Every now and then their shoulders would bump and Luella would leap away like she'd touched an ignited stove. Will had changed a lot over the course of the summer. He was more confident, or something. Now when she looked at him, she wondered if she was starting to think he was maybe, kind of, sort of, well, hot.

Luella concentrated with every inch of her being on not making any slurping or sucking noises while eating her gelato, keenly aware that it looked like she was making out with a dairy product. Which made Luella think of making out. Which made her nervous. Which was not good.

What was happening? Will was her second best friend (after Tiny, of course), and now she couldn't even talk to him!

If Will noticed, he did a good job of hiding it.

It was like some bizarre parallel universe.

So Luella just started saying words.

“I'm thinking of officially going by Lu now, when school starts,” she said suddenly. “What do you think?”

“I like Luella,” Will said into the dark.

“Yeah, I don't know. All this stuff with my dad. It's been a rough year. I just need to start over. So I thought, you know, new school year, new name. Something different. A change.”

“It's okay,” Will said. “Yeah, it's cool.”

“It
is
cool, right? It sounds kind of rock star.”

“You're not even in a band, Luella.”

“Lu.”

“Sorry, Lu.”

“I could be in a band.”

Instead of the funny, easy vibe they'd had all summer, the conversation felt tense. It had a weird edge to it, like they were both anticipating something would happen.

“Soccer tryouts are tomorrow,” Will said quietly, as if he half expected Lu to not be listening.

“Or as I like to call it, fun with balls.”

“Why does everything have to be a joke with you?” He turned to gauge her reaction.

Lu looked surprised. “Everything's not a joke with me.”

“It's just that sometimes I want to be serious.”

“Er,” Lu said. “Okay.”

They were standing in front of one of those beautiful old brownstones Lu always passed. She would look in the windows, but she never knew anyone who lived there so never had a reason or an invitation to go inside. She and Will had finished the last of her cone, and their hands were empty and they had nothing left to do.

“So, should we start the Bill Murray marathon?” Will asked, kicking the front step absently with the toe of his sneaker.

“Yeah, okay.”

“You have to be quiet though, Miss Talkypants. If my parents knew I was watching a movie with a girl the night before school started, they'd be pissed.”

“How big is your apartment? Won't they hear us?”

“Nah, probably not, if they're on the third floor with their door closed. We'll just be stealthy. Come on.”

“The
third
floor? Wait—you
live
here?”

Lu realized then, in the middle of everything, that she'd never been to Will's apartment. They just usually met other places.

“Yeah. Pick your jaw up off the floor. A bee might fly in and sting your vocal cords, and then you'll never be able to ask another dumb question for the rest of your life.”

Lu clamped her mouth shut and glared at him.

Lu watched him walk up the steps ahead of her
. Watching a movie with a girl.
So Will thought of her as a girl.

They were superquiet until Will tripped on a pair of his own sneakers, which had been lying in the hallway outside his room, and they both tried hard not to laugh, and whispered a lot of
shh
s.

“No, but shh for real this time.”

“
You
shh for real!”

“Where the hell are we? A museum? Is that a staircase? Are we in a ballroom?”

“Shut up, Luella.”

“How will I know which room is yours? I feel like we're in a hedge maze.”

“Well, for starters, you could be quiet and follow me.”

Eventually Will turned down a hallway and opened the second door on the right. Lu followed him in, and he flicked on the light before closing the door behind her.

“You have a flat-screen in your
bedroom
?”

Will shrugged. “Yeah, is that weird?”

Lu shrugged. “I don't know. Kind of?”

“Make yourself comfy,” said Will, motioning to the bed. “What do you want to start with?” He crouched next to a haphazard stack of DVDs and video games by the TV. “Oh,
I
know!” Using expert Jenga-playing moves, he extracted a case from the middle of the pile, popped the DVD into the player, and hopped up onto the bed next to her. He tossed the case onto her lap.

“Oh no.”

“Oh
yes.
Your Bill Murray education commences!”

“This movie looks so dumb.”

“
Caddyshack
is not dumb. It's a comedy classic.”

Lu jumped off the bed and began inspecting the DVD pile.

“You own
Lost in Translation
?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I thought you'd never seen it.”

“I got it after you told me about it.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I know you don't believe me, but I actually do listen to you, Luella.”

“Lu.”

“Whatever. Are we watching this or not?”

Lu jumped back onto the bed next to him.

“Fine, but I get to hold the remote.” She grabbed it from him.

“Fine,” he said.

“Fine.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

Will leaned in really fast and kissed her. Closed mouth, no tongue. Lu reared back, her eyes wide.

“I— What?”

“Sorry. That was unexpected.”

“No kidding.”

They sat in silence for a minute, staring in shock at the TV as the antipiracy warning played.

“Besides, that wasn't even very good,” Lu mumbled.

“Oh really? And you're some expert?”

Lu shrugged. “You're not supposed to keep your lips so stiff. And, like, you can use your tongue.”

Will stared at her blankly. Lu sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Stay still. Like this.”

She leaned in. Will closed his eyes, but she kept hers open. When her lips touched his, she opened her mouth and let her tongue graze his. Then she pulled away.

“Uh,” said Will. “Okay, your version wins.”

Lu leaned back and crossed her arms, smiling, satisfied. “I know.” She selected play on the movie menu.

“Wait.” Will turned to her. “That's it?”

“I thought you wanted me to watch
Caddyshack
.”

“It suddenly doesn't seem that important,” Will said. He leaned in again, and when his lips touched hers, she felt goose bumps all along her arms. This time she closed her eyes. Their mouths were open. He tasted like olive oil gelato. At least it wasn't mushroom.

Will's hands moved up her body, tracing her nonexistent curves, pushing her back onto the bed. He was heavy on top of her, but she didn't mind. It felt kind of nice, actually. Against every conceivable rule of logic, Lu found herself pulling him closer. She felt this sudden inescapable chasm between them, like if she let go, she might never see him again. She might lose him. High school was starting the next day. Their lives were about to change forever. He was going to join the soccer team and become one of those soccer guys. But none of that had happened yet. Tonight he was
hers.
She had to mark him so that no one else would ever be as special to him as her.

“You can take my shirt off,” Lu whispered.

Will pulled back and stared at her.

“I
can
?”

“Do you need me to ask you twice?”

“Hell no,” said Will. Her shirt went fluttering to the floor. He stared at her bra in dismay.

“Need some help?” Lu asked.

“Why are you even wearing one of those? It's not like you need it.”

“Shut up, Will!”

Will fumbled to unhook her bra, like if he waited even a half a second longer, Lu, her bra, and the entire room would melt away into a third dimension and he'd have missed his chance forever. Lu thought maybe that had even happened, that they'd gotten sucked into a time warp or something and she'd missed it, because the next thing she knew she was completely naked, and so was Will.

“It's cold,” she said. Will covered them with a blanket. His skin was warm against hers. “Have you ever, like, done this before?”

“Have you?”

“I asked you first.”

“Do you always have to win? Can't you just be, like, honest and real with me for, like, two seconds, Keebler?”

It was kind of hard to joke around when you were flat on your back, naked.

“No,” she said. “It's my first time.”

Will looked relieved. “Mine too.”

Will smiled and then so did Lu. He kissed her very, very gently.

“Good.”

“Good.”

“So,” said Lu, because she talked when she was nervous. “I guess, we're probably going to have sex.”

“I guess.”

Lu reeled back a little, mostly at her own surprise. She hadn't intended to say it out loud, but now that she'd heard herself say it, it sounded crazy. Obviously she knew everything about it from health class—even how to put a condom on a banana. But the idea of actually doing it with another human being felt like light-years away. Like,
Star-Trek-Enterprise
-going-into-hyperspace far away. She suddenly felt dizzy.

“Wait!” she said, pushing him off her and sitting up. She clutched the blanket to her chest so he couldn't see anything, which was ridiculous since he already had.

“Hey.” Will sat up too. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Lu said, realizing as she said it that it was true. “No, I—I can't do this. I have to go.” She was already thinking about where her shoes were and how to get to them without Will seeing her naked butt. “Shit, what time is it?”

“Almost ten thirty, I think.”

“What? How did it get so late? I told my mom I'd be home, like, half an hour ago.”

“Oh.” Will looked disappointed. “Okay. But hey, listen, I wanted to say—”

“Can you move over? You're on my underwear.”

Will held it up. “These? They're cute.” He waggled his eyebrows. Lu closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears from coming. She had no idea why she was about to cry. It was all just too much. She needed to put some clothes on and sit in her bedroom, alone, and process what had almost just happened.

“Stop,” she said. “Please just give them to me.”

She fumbled to get dressed under the blankets. Will looked like he wanted to ask her something but was too afraid to spit it out.

That was the moment Lu realized just how much this meant to her, everything they'd spent the summer building, every weird and kind-of-wonderful moment. It meant so much to her and she had been about to do this huge life-changing thing that could risk everything. And what if it didn't mean as much to Will? What if none of this did? Everything was suddenly coming crashing down around her.

What if he didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him? They'd been friends for so many years, since they were little kids, basically. And this summer everything had changed so quickly. And high school was about to start, and things were about to change even more.

Besides, Lu didn't believe in love anyway. It always ended. Just look at her parents.

Her heart still hurt so much from her dad leaving. She didn't think it was strong enough to handle getting hurt again. It would break into a thousand pieces, and it would be impossible to put back together.

She had to get out of there. She knew, in the worst way you can know something, that she couldn't let this go any further. She had to be the one to end it.

“Wait,” Will said. “Stop rushing, okay?”

She stood up and yanked on the rest of her clothes. “I really have to go. See you at school tomorrow.”

“Okay, I guess. See you, Keebler.” Will's voice was soft and rough at the same time, like corduroy. It gave her goose bumps.

It also hurt in a way that she never felt before. Somewhere physical but not at all physical. Behind her ribs but not exactly in her lungs. Somewhere just below it. Where her heart was supposed to be. She never wanted to feel that way again.