The Odds of Lightning (27 page)

Nathaniel pretended to play the tiniest violin, for the tiniest tragedy. Tobias crossed his arms and huffed.

“Whatever. You want to know my advice? Think of high school as a fresh start. You have the next four years to do whatever you want. Maybe you'll find out that the way you've always looked at the world is changing. Facts and equations and formulas can only take you so far, Nathaniel. But there's more to life than that.” Tobias's face darkened. “There has to be, right?” Nathaniel studied Tobias. He wondered if they were even still talking about the same thing. “Being so good at something, it comes with a lot of expectations. What if I don't live up to them? What if I don't even want to?”

“Why wouldn't you want to?” Nathaniel said. He literally could not comprehend it.

“I know you want to have it all mapped out like me, but there's no rush. Maybe you shouldn't even be a scientist. Take some time to figure it out.”

“What?” Nathaniel reared back. “What, you don't think I'm good enough?”

“No, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. I didn't mean it like that, I just . . . Agh, I'm trying to talk to you like a grown-up, you moron.”

Against his better judgment, Nathaniel started to feel his temper rising. “Right, because you're so much more grown up and smarter and cooler and
better than I am
.” Maybe it wasn't even all about Tobias. Maybe it was what happened last week with Tiny. Maybe it was just everything.

He was yelling. That was a fact.

“I'm just trying to protect you.”

“I don't need you to protect me!”

“I'm your big brother,” Tobias said. “That's my job.”

“Then you're fired,” said Nathaniel. Tobias opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked almost hurt. Nathaniel wished he could take it back, but it was already out there. He'd never seen his brother look that way before.

Nathaniel's hands clenched into fists. For the first time in his entire life, he truly hated his brother. He wished something bad would happen to him. So he could be free. From living in his shadow. From all of it.

“Come on,” Tobias said. “It's getting dark. I have work to do. Are you coming or not?”

Nathaniel turned around and walked out of the room.

“You can go on without me,” he said.

She stood at the pedestrian entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge. It was getting dark, long after Lu and Will and Nathaniel and Tobias were supposed to meet her, but she was standing there alone.

The weather had been heavy and humid all day, and tonight the air was soupy. Heat lightning flashed above the Queens skyline. It was going to storm. Tiny wondered if she should just pack it in and go home. No one was coming. She felt stupid and embarrassed. She felt like a little kid who still thought she belonged to Science Club.

The last-day-of-summer tradition was the one thing she asked of her friends. It
meant
something to her. She thought it meant something to all of them. Tomorrow was the first day of high school, and everything was probably about to change. But they had each other. If Tiny walked into school the next morning with Lu and Will and Nathaniel, she knew she wouldn't be afraid.

The humidity pressed down on her as the sun slipped behind the buildings and the orange sky burned out into a deep blue. She could only see one star, twinkling faintly far away.

Where was everyone? She tried to call, but no one picked up. No one answered any of her texts. For the first time, she wondered if the tradition only meant something to her. Maybe the others didn't care.

Tiny felt herself slipping away, into the atmosphere like the last fading light of the sun.

Then there was Tobias, pulling her back.

He was biking up the street toward her. When he saw her, he waved. There was the black water churning beneath them, and the night sky above them, full of stars. There was the possibility. The hope.

The
what if.

“Hey, Tine-O,” he said, swinging a leg off his bike and chaining it to a nearby gate.

“Hey, Einstein,” she said. Then, looking around: “Where's Nathaniel?”

“Ugh,” he said. “Don't call me that. And he's not coming. It's just you and me and the crumbling atmosphere tonight.”

Tiny's heart floated out of her body and soared above her like a shooting star, like an explosion of fireworks. She'd always secretly hoped for something like this, one last night, just the two of them.

“Fine,” she said, sticking out her tongue. “Don't call me Tiny, then.”

“But that's your name!”

“It's just a nickname,” said Tiny. “One
you
made up.”

They walked along the bridge, watching the water rush below them.

“Actually,” Tobias said. “It's just you and me and my massive lightning apparatus.”

Tiny laughed. “Your what? That sounds dirty.”

“Don't make fun. It's this device I made to record and measure the charges in a lightning strike. It's supposed to attract lightning and parse the charge.”

“Erm. Why do you have to do this tonight?”

“When I get to MIT, I'm supposed to submit a proposal for an individualized course of study. I want to study the effects of climate change on lightning in big cities. I just need to collect all the data I can as long as I'm in New York. Then I guess I'll move on to Boston, but New York is bigger.” He smiled. “And better.” He bent down. “Here—hold this part, and I'm going to plug this in here, and turn this on.”

“Is this safe?” Tiny asked. “Are we storm chasers? I know what happens to storm chasers. I've seen
Twister
.”

“Heh,” Tobias said. “I guess we're lightning chasers.” He considered it. “Yeah, it's safe. Basically safe. We'll be fine. Just don't touch it after I turn it on.”

Tobias stood back and produced a piece of chalk from his backpack. He used it to draw a box around the apparatus. He drew a bunch of arrows pointing to it and scrawled:
DO NOT TOUCH—EXPERIMENT IN PROGRESS.

“Very official,” Tiny said.

“Hey, this is a professional operation by a future MIT Earth, Atmosphere and Planetary Scientist. When I work for NASA, I'm totally going to get them to adopt my methods.” He held out the chalk. “Want to get in on this?”

Tiny drew a rainbow coming out of a skull and crossbones. She drew some cartoony lightning bolts around it for good measure.

“Nice. Really drives the point home.” Tobias put the chalk away and put his backpack back on. They sat down on the walkway and stared out at the water.

It was eight p.m. on a late summer night, and people occasionally walked past them on the bridge. Tiny sat down next to him, dangling her feet over the edge. She tried to push away the feeling that she might fall into the river below.

“Did something happen?” she asked. “Is Nathaniel okay?”

“We had a fight.” Tobias lay on his back and looked up at the stars. “Nathaniel . . . he just doesn't get it, sometimes.”

“Get what?”

“I don't know. That there's more to life than what he thinks. How hard this all is. All the pressure. The constant work.”

“But it's all good stuff, right? This is work you like. And you're really good at it!”

“Doesn't stop me from being scared out of my mind,” Tobias said. “I might have had the highest GPA at Daybrook, but at MIT . . .” He stared out at the black water. “I'm not going to be so special anymore.” He shuddered. “I'm going to get lost in the crowd there.”

Tiny looked up. There were clouds blocking the way in places, but she could see the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper and Orion's Belt. Those were the only constellations she actually knew by heart. “Yeah,” she said. “He likes to frame the world in facts.”

“Sometimes, the more facts I learn about the universe, the smaller and more insignificant I feel.”

“Seriously,” said Tiny. “I'm with you on that.”

“As far as I'm concerned, deep space gets all the credit for being mysterious. But I think there are enough mysteries down here on Earth to last a lifetime.”

Tiny shivered and rubbed her arms to hide the goose bumps.

Tobias turned his head to look at her. “Where's your other half, Lu? I never see you two without each other.”

Tiny shrugged. “I don't know. She was supposed to call. Speaking of feeling insignificant . . . I think I got ditched.”

“The nerve!” said Tobias. “We'll show her! Come on!” He stood up. “Come on.” He held out his hand. “Let's walk.”

“What about the apparatus?”

“It'll be fine! Do you not see those warnings? No one in their right mind is going near that thing.”

Tiny stood up. “Okay.” She smiled. “Let's walk.”

They walked the rest of the way across the bridge, and when they got to Brooklyn, they turned around and walked back. It was starting to get really late, but Tiny's parents hadn't called her yet. Lu hadn't called. Neither had Will or Nathaniel. The city lights glittered before them.

“What if I'm not good enough?” he said suddenly.

“What?”

“What if they expect me to know all these things already, and I don't?”

“Tobias,” Tiny said. “You're the smartest person I know.”

“I'm just . . .”

“What?”

“No. Never mind. It's embarrassing.”

“Oh, come on.”

“I don't know. I'm just scared of the future, I guess. I worked so hard. I don't want to mess this up.”

“You know,” Tiny said. “I'm scared of the future too. High school is starting tomorrow. Everything's going to change.” She paused. “Everything is already changing. I hate change. I wish everything could stay the same forever.”

“No, you don't,” he said. “Lots of good things can come from change. The future is yours to write it the way you want. Besides, nothing can stay the same forever. That's scientifically impossible.” He threw his arms out wide and grinned. “Make a wish on a goddamn star for something—one thing—to change. And you have to mean it. Go on. I dare you.” He pointed. “There's one, peeking out from those clouds.”

“I feel stupid.”

“No, no, do it. Here—I'll make one too.”

They both looked up and closed their eyes at the same time. Tiny hitched her breath and wished. She felt like somebody had seen her, the real her, for the first time. Maybe tonight, if she shone brightly enough in the dark, he wouldn't forget her when he left the next day. He would remember.

She wanted so badly to be seen. To be remembered. She was ready to grow up. She didn't want to be just Tiny anymore. She didn't feel Tiny. She felt huge. She felt massive. There was so much energy inside her, and it wanted out.

Tiny felt like she was about to burst out of her skin. She tilted her face up, waiting, just waiting, for her future to begin.

When she opened her eyes, Tobias had a huge grin on his face.

“Did you make one?”

“Yeah,” Tiny said. “I did.”

“Cool, me too. Let's go check on the apparatus.”

They walked back to the starting point. It was almost midnight, and Tiny still hadn't heard from Lu or Will or Nathaniel. Did her parents trust her so much to be good that they didn't even feel like they had to check up on her? The only person who seemed to care about her at all right then was Tobias. And he was leaving for college in the morning. When he left, she would have no one.

As they got closer, Tiny could tell something was wrong.

“The wind knocked it over!” she yelled, running to it. “All your work!” Tiny bent down automatically and fixed the antennae. “Maybe it's still recording.” The metal prongs began to vibrate in her hands. Something beeped. A red light started flashing.

“Don't touch it!” Tobias yelled, grabbing her and pulling her away.

“What? Did I break it?”

But Tobias didn't answer, because suddenly the sky flashed white and bright, knocking them backward.

“What was that?” Tiny asked. “What happened?”

“Oh my god.” Tobias sat up. “That was lightning. It worked.” His face clouded over. “I shouldn't have done this. You could have been hit. I didn't think this through at all.” He stood up, brushing his jeans off. “This was dangerous. What was I thinking?”

“It's okay, I—”

“It's not okay!” he shouted. “That could have killed you, Tiny!” He breathed sharply. “I'm packing this thing up. And then we're going home.”

She couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't his fault; it was hers. That there was so much energy charged inside her, she attracted that lightning all on her own.

Tobias was shoving the apparatus into his backpack and zipping it up.

Tiny thought about near misses and windows opening and closing and how life could change so quickly in the span of just a few seconds. The difference between walking along, minding your own business, and suddenly being struck by lightning.

He swung his backpack over his shoulder and unlocked his bike. He had a far-off look in his eyes. Like there was something really distracting going on in his brain and he wouldn't be able to rest until he'd worked it out.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Tiny asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Just thinking.” He paused, the bike in between them. “Thanks, Tiny. For believing in me. It's nice to know you're out there.”

And he leaned across the bike and kissed her.

Tiny felt a small electric shock pass between them.

The hair on her arms stood on end. It felt like—

It felt like—

“Tobias,” Tiny said, her lips still pressed against his. “I think you are the only person who's ever seen me the way I want to be seen.”

And he said, “For what it's worth, you see me too.”