The Officer and the Secret (13 page)

Veronica debated reaching for the spoon to get another bite in, but the look on Madison’s face stopped her cold. She didn’t want to lose a finger, so she just gave the treat up for lost. “How was your night?”

If looks could kill, Veronica would have an appointment with St. Peter.

“I’m getting tired of this whole back-and-forth junk between our place and Jeremy’s apartment.”

“Why didn’t you stay over there tonight?” Veronica eyed the ice cream longingly, wishing she hadn’t given it up for lost so quickly.

“Because our place is closer to work. Plus, his place is gross. I spend as little time over there as possible.” She dug back into the ice cream, heedless of the drips on her bridesmaid dress. She stuck the bite in her mouth then pointed the spoon at Veronica when she dared reach for the spoon. You know, her own spoon, the one she’d gotten out of the drawer herself. “You had your time with the ice cream. Now Ben, Jerry, and I are having our quality time.”

“Why does Jeremy not just come here, then?”

Madison shoveled another bite or two into her mouth without looking up. Veronica waited patiently, then when Madison kept on eating, she prodded her with an elbow. “Madison. What is it?”

“Okay, okay.” Madison set the ice cream down—with great reluctance, Veronica noted—and straightened. “We thought it might make you uncomfortable.”

She sat for a moment, silent and stunned. “We, as in you and Jeremy?”

“Yeah.” Madison reached for the ice cream again, then changed her mind and sat back. “I just, well…”

Veronica bit back a smile. For a woman who was so confident in herself and so open, Madison looked very uncomfortable. “You thought I would be offended that you two would share a bed?”

“We just decided to keep that… elsewhere.” Madison shrugged. “Plus, I have to admit having a boyfriend come over when you’ve got a roommate just feels very college-like. Know what I mean?”

No, she didn’t. But she nodded wisely, as if in complete understanding. “I hope you won’t let my prudishness stop you from having someone over.” With a small smile, she added, “Whether he be staying the night or not.”

“You’re not a prude. You’re just… more conservative.” Madison tipped her head down and raised a brow. “You know, I liked you better when you were meek and unresponsive. Those were good days, back when you wouldn’t give me lip and just nodded and smiled a lot.”

Veronica grinned. “The meek, unresponsive girl is no more.”

“I was kidding. Oh, happy topic. And bonus, a topic not about me.” She scooted until she could cross her legs under her. A very unladylike position for one wearing a cocktail dress. But who was Veronica to judge? “You disappeared after the ceremony for a bit. And come to think of it… so did Dwayne.” When Veronica felt her eyes widen, Madison nudged her with a foot. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you two sneaking back into the ballroom.”

She tried, really she did, but she couldn’t hold back the small smile that curved her lips. “We might have disappeared together.”

“Good going. You know, the more I think about this, the more I think I was entirely wrong when I gave you all those suggestions earlier about who you should start dating.”

Veronica waved that away. “No worries. I already had decided to ignore you and Skye.” She clasped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, I mean… I meant that with… I didn’t mean to—”

Madison burst into laughter. “It’s fine. We needed to hear it. A backbone won’t kill anyone. Thinking back, we really were a little pushy, weren’t we?”

Veronica tried this time for diplomacy and simply shrugged.

“We meant well, I hope you know. But we just didn’t know what the hell we were talking about, clearly. You found Dwayne. And I think…” Suddenly the laughter died from her eyes. “Not to lose the moment but… you are aware of his issues, right? The whole reintegration thing?”

“Yes. It was sort of hard to miss, what with me flat on my back on the couch.” Veronica chewed her lip. “I don’t think there’s anything I can do to help him. But I’m hoping that my presence won’t harm him, either. I just want to be there, if he needs me, for whatever I can do.”

“Well.” Madison clapped her hands and rubbed them together. “That’s a healthy attitude to take. I’m sure he will appreciate the extra support. He might need it. Or might not. These sort of issues can clear up as suddenly as they start. But until then, I think we’re forgetting something extremely important.”

Veronica looked at her.

Madison wiggled her eyebrows, a gesture that made Veronica laugh until she snorted. “While you and Dwayne ‘disappeared’ together… what were you doing?”

“I don’t disappear and tell,” she answered, channeling her mother’s prim voice for effect. The whole thing was ruined when Madison hit her with a pillow and she snorted again.

“I’ll drag it out of you then. I have to live vicariously through someone, and I can’t do it through Skye, given she’s got my brother in her bed and that’s just gross. Give! Give the details!”

“Never.” She threw the pillow back at Madison and sprinted for her bedroom, laughing when Madison made threats behind her.

Just another normal moment of life that she’d been craving. And she had it in the palm of her hand.

Dwayne stopped by Jeremy’s apartment, but the lights were all out. A quick check told him Madison’s car wasn’t there, but both Jeremy’s bike and truck were in the lot, so he had to assume Jeremy was just as alone as he was. While Dwayne would love to find someone to hang out with—misery loves company, wasn’t that how the saying went?—he wasn’t about to wake the dude up.

The only problem was, he had too much nervous energy to just head home. After dropping Veronica off—and settling for a simple chaste kiss at the door—he was still wired for action of some kind. A fight, a hard workout, a sweaty, moaning roll between the sheets…

Okay. That wasn’t happening. Not tonight, anyway. But at least now that he had a candidate in mind, the prospect looked much better. He walked down the apartment steps to his truck, resigning himself to a quick workout before bed to beat out some tension, when his phone vibrated.

Veronica. He fumbled with the pocket of his suit, then almost dropped the phone in his haste to open it. She wanted him to come back. Wanted him to take her back to his place. To finish what they were starting in the boardroom. Wanted—

No, not Veronica. Blair. Fuck. His stomach twisted painfully. Not only was it not Veronica, but it had to be
her
. The one person God put on this earth to make him suffer more than an insurgent cell. He debated deleting it, then some sick version of curiosity took over his fingers and clicked the “read message” button.

A little birdie told me you were back. I’m glad you’re safe.

A little birdie, his ass. His Facebook profile was public, and he intended to keep it that way in case anyone from previous bases or deployments wanted to find him. But that meant Blair could see him too. Sure, he could block her, but that would give her way more power than he ever intended to. Two seconds on his Facebook wall would tell her he was back. He rolled his eyes and hit delete, but his phone vibrated again before he could pocket it.

I miss you. I think about you. All the time.

He tightened his grip around the phone until it was close to snapping. The lying, conniving, deceitful bitch. The one positive he could come up with about deployment was he didn’t have to deal with her constant attempts to smooth the waters. Half the time she played the victim, and half the time she acted like nothing happened. Both ploys were bullshit. But that’s the only thing Blair had to offer… bullshit and ploys.

He almost shoved the phone back in his pocket when it vibrated again. The growl stuck in his throat though when he saw it was Tim, not Blair.

Where did you all head to? Thought we would do a post-celebration get-together at the house.

Dwayne texted back as fast as his thick fingers would let him. They really didn’t design phone buttons for guys with big hands.

We wanted to give you some space. Now go have a kick-ass wedding night.

Thanks bud. Don’t mind if I do. :)

“Lucky-ass bastard,” he muttered as he tossed the phone into a cup holder and started his truck back up. Yeah. Tim was lucky, not that he didn’t deserve Skye. She was perfection, but only for Tim. Dwayne couldn’t begrudge him the happiness he found. Just because his own near-miss with the preacher was a disaster of untold proportions didn’t mean everyone else should suffer like he did. So he could appreciate the way Skye made Tim smile, the way he could make her laugh. And if the jealousy pinched his heart just a little, there wasn’t a problem in that.

Though come to think of it, that small pinch was almost unfelt entirely now. Huh. Maybe the amount of time was the reason. They’d been together almost a year now; it wasn’t brand new.

Or, he thought with a grin as he threw his truck in reverse, he didn’t feel the pinch because he had something of his own now. Something that might turn out to be just as special as whatever Tim and Skye had. And jealousy was no longer an issue.

The freeway was almost deserted as he headed back to his own apartment. But the occasional spear of lights from traffic illuminated his cab, glinting off his phone. He threw it another disgusted glance.

Veronica was nothing like Blair. Not even close. If she had a deceitful bone in her body, he’d be shocked. And she wasn’t pushing for the relationship. The opposite, really. She had reservations about the whole thing, though he didn’t think it was just about him. Some ass must have burned her in the past, maybe. Something. But they’d work through it together.

There was something good there. He knew it. And for the first time since he returned from the sandbox, his heart felt light.

***

Veronica leaned back in her chair, rubbing at her tired eyes. After a lunch shift at Fletchers, she really was not in the right frame of mind to work on these math problems. But she had to finish her preparations for the GED test, and soon. The constant reminder that she was twenty-six years old and had nothing, not even a high school degree, to her name was one of the most worthless, shameful feelings in the world.

But
I’m correcting it. It wasn’t my choice to stop my schooling. And I’m doing the best I can.

The little mini pep talk helped to boost her confidence, just a little. Rolling her shoulders, she bent over, prepared to keep plugging away until she mastered this stupid quadratic equation. Because really, who would ever need this in daily life? Wasn’t that the beauty of a calculator?

No. Buckle down. Block out the negativity. Focus. No outside distractions. No thinking about anything but math. Especially not clear blue eyes, deep twangs that made her shiver, kisses that had her forgetting they were in the middle of a wedding reception…

No. Bad. Veronica physically shook herself, as if to knock the heated memories back a few steps. Math was number one. She could wonder why Dwayne hadn’t called in the two days since the wedding once this was done.

The phone rang, and she nearly knocked over her glass of water scrambling to reach the lifeline saving her from problem 2b.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Dwayne’s warm Southern twang melted through the phone and into her body, relaxing her muscles the way a good massage might.

“Hi,” she replied, annoyed with the breathless quality her voice took on.

“What are you up to?”

“Homework,” she said, then instantly squeezed her eyes shut on a wince. Such a juvenile term, and it would only lead to questions.

“Really? What subject?”

Questions like that. “Uh, math.” She shut the textbook quickly, as if he could see she was struggling with high school trig instead of college-level calculus. “But I can always use the break.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever talked about school before. What are you studying?”

She knew exactly what he thought. School, for someone in their twenties, equaled university. College. Or at the very least, community college. Nobody assumed someone her age was stuck so far behind, which was exactly what she counted on any time she sidestepped the topic with acquaintances. Even Madison didn’t know. “Oh, a little of everything right now.” There. Truth. As much as she could give at this point.

“Well, math was my best subject, so if you need help, I’ll be your study buddy.” The suggestive purr in his voice made her shiver, both with delight and apprehension. These feelings, still so new, almost scared her in their intensity. And she immediately retreated from the fear into her old personal.

“Thank you for the offer.” The cool distance in her voice made her want to cry. This reaction had to stop. She would end up chasing him away at this rate, just like her parents did to anything that might bring her pleasure when she was with them.

Maybe he wouldn’t notice.

Of course he noticed.

Dwayne cleared his throat a little, clearly uncomfortable. “Right. Well. I was calling to see if you work tonight.”

She forced more warmth into her tone. “I worked this afternoon. Why?”

The pleasure was clear through the phone. She could almost picture him standing there, smiling broadly. “Then, Miss Veronica Gibson, I would love the pleasure of taking you out on a date.”

The words, in all their Southern gentleman glory, made her giggle. It wasn’t the first time she’d been asked out. But it was the first time she wanted to leap up and shout, “Yes! Yes, yes, yes!” So she overcompensated by meekly squeaking, “Yes, please.”

Yes, please? She let her forehead drop to the desk, not even minding when it banged harshly.

He only chuckled. “Good. Tonight at eight? That work okay for you?”

“Yes.” Progress. She didn’t squeak this time.

“See you then, Miss Veronica,” he crooned as he disconnected the phone.

Veronica tossed the phone onto her bed and sat back. What was it about Dwayne that made her so nervous? Was it his size? No, that wasn’t right. He was large, definitely. One of the biggest men she’d ever met. But never once had that intimidated her. Maybe because along with his size came such a gentle personality, a kind understanding of other people’s feelings.

Maybe his job then. But that wasn’t really true either. She’d known Tim for months now, and he was a Marine as well. No nerves with Skye’s husband.

So it had to be the way she felt about him. Her hands shook just a little as she stood to look through her meager clothing. He’d already seen her in everything remotely normal. That only left the last dredges of her old wardrobe—ankle-length skirts and blouses that covered her to the wrist and up her neck. Nothing wrong with those clothes, if that’s what a person liked. But it’s not what she wanted. Not in the slightest. They’d been what her parents forced upon her, and she hadn’t been willing to rock the boat.

Well, she’d just have to create something out of one of the outfits he’d already seen. Her budget from the restaurant left almost nothing extra from month to month. Maybe she could borrow a top from Madison or something. That’s what girlfriends did.

And here she was, standing in front of the closet, dying to know what he would think of how she was dressed. For twenty-six years, clothes were nothing more than something she put on daily to protect her modesty.

Modesty—and its preservation—took on a whole new meaning when she thought about Dwayne looking at her. Sitting on the bed, she closed her eyes and remembered the feel of his mouth on hers, his hands skimming down her sides, the way she wanted him to keep going, that she had no intention of stopping him at all.

Scary. And thrilling. Which one she’d feel more if she let him continue, she wasn’t sure. But, she realized, she wanted to find out. That was something she was positive about. Looking down, she saw her hands had ceased their shaking.

Decision made, she stood again to pick out an outfit with more confidence. She was twenty-six years old. And she’d been saving herself because someone else insisted it was the right thing to do. But she was on her own now, and it was her choice, her body. And if she wanted Dwayne Robertson to make love to her, she would.

And she wanted. She wanted very much. But first, she needed to test how far she had come.

***

I’m ready for a change.

Veronica stared in the mirror and forced herself not to wince as the pair of scissors came closer.

Skye stood behind the stylist, a frown on her face. “Sweetie, you look a little green. Are you sure you want to cut that much off? Maybe a compromise, somewhere in the middle.”

Your
hair
is
your
crowning
glory.

“No,” she said, a little more forcefully than necessary. She smiled in apology at the stylist and tried again with a softer tone. “No, I’m sure. I need to change things up.”

The stylist nodded and fluffed her hair between her fingers. “Honey, I can’t argue with that. This is the longest hair I’ve seen since beauty school. We won’t go too short. But taking a good deal of length off will make you feel so much different.” She gave the back of Veronica’s head a more thoughtful glance and ran her fingers through the hair, measuring the texture and weight of it. “I think it’s actually long enough to donate. Are you at all interested in donating?”

She hadn’t even thought about it, but the stylist told her enough to know that it was worth doing. If she was going to leave the hair behind, at least let someone else benefit from it.

“Good. That sounds good. Let’s do that.” She settled deeper into the chair, staring straight ahead. “Skye, I’m fine. You can sit in the reception area. You’ll get bored standing there.”

With one last worried look, Skye left and the woman pulled her hair into a loose ponytail in the back.

She watched once more as the stylist picked up the shiny shears on the table in front.

“It’s okay if you close your eyes,” the woman whispered, giving her a small smile in the mirror.

“Thank you.” She breathed and did just that. The first snip, taking all the weight from her hair, was like a bomb exploding in her mind. And she instantly wanted to scream, “Stop!” and run like the wind. But the damage was done, she realized when the woman placed the ponytail on the table in front of her, eye level. She could always grow it back if she wanted.

This
is
what
I
need. It’s just hair.
But the change had to start somewhere. She needed to know what it felt like to make her own choices… starting with a small one.

As the woman swapped out scissors for a smaller pair, she shook her head. The lightness was unbelievable. No heavy mass weighing her neck down.

Symbolic, that.

The woman took up her post in back and tilted Veronica’s head down gently so she stared at her shoes. “So why the big change?”

“Hmm?” Veronica closed her eyes and kept them closed.

The woman talked easily as she snipped here and there. Thank God Veronica didn’t have to look. It would have driven her nuts to see even more hair fall bit by bit. “The way I see it, this is a drastic change for you. Nothing wrong with that, but it usually comes because of—or in spite of—something else in that person’s life. Is it a new job?”

“No.” The panic in her chest started to ease a little. She took a few more deep breaths and realized that truly, this wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be.