The Officer and the Traveler (16 page)

“
How do you like your coffee? Simmering or boiling?”
 

Gray snapped his eyes open to see Michaela wearing a pale green dress and kneeling by the fire, poking it with an iron rod. When had she gotten up? And why hadn’t he heard her? He’d never considered himself a deep sleeper, but he had been extremely tired these past few days, He must have been so tired he hadn’t heard her get up and dress. “You don’t have to make me coffee,” he said, scrubbing his hand over his tired face.

“
It’s no trouble.”
 

He stared at her. Was he imagining things or was there a musical lilt to her voice? “Why are you making me coffee, Michaela?”

She pulled the pot off the fire and poured them each a cup. Coming toward him, she said. “We need to talk.”

His gut clenched. Nothing good ever followed those words. He took the cup of coffee from her and set it down on the bedside table that held one of their only candles, then reached around her for his shirt that was laying over the back of one of their chairs. “Later.”

“
No, not later.” She reached toward his hand and yanked his shirt from his grasp, a storm brewing in her green eyes. “Now.”
 

Gray jerked his shirt back from her grip and put it on. “What do you want?” He hadn’t meant for his voice to come out so harsh, but he wasn’t about to apologize that it had.

“
I want to know what’s going on.”
 

“
I’m getting ready to go to work,” he said simply. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and pulled on his stockings. “Now, if you’d hand me my boots, I could finish getting dressed.”
 

She didn’t budge. “Why are you being so cold?”

“
Cold?”
 

Michaela crossed her arms and glared at him.

Ignoring her, he reached for his boots.

She moved to block his reach and he pulled back and moved the other hand to reach around her the other way.

She kicked his boots toward the door.

He frowned at her. “Why did you do that?”

“
Because you’re being inconsiderate.”
 

He scoffed. “You refused to hand me my boots, then when I went to reach for them, you block my reach and
I’m
the one being inconsiderate?”
 

“
Just answer my question and I’ll get you your boots.”
 

“
I can get them myself.” He stood.
 

She stepped in front of him, stopping him. “Why are you treating me so cruelly? What has upset you so much?”

He froze. “Nothing.”

Now it was her turn to scoff. “I doubt it was nothing. You were very affectionate when we returned here after our wedding, and now you hardly look in my direction.”

“
It’s complicated.”
 

“
I knew your situation when we married,” she said softly, lowering her eyes.
 

His chest constricted. Yes, she did know of the accusations against him when she married him, and he was sure he’d never be able to properly make up to her what she’d done for him. “It isn’t that.”

“
Of course not,” she said on a sigh. “You’ve never felt guilty about anything.”
 

“
What was that?” he snapped.
 

She shook her head and bent to pick up his boots.

He took them from her. “Answer me, Michaela.”

Michaela narrowed her eyes on him and for a moment he thought she’d refuse to explain her earlier words, but she didn’t. “Last night you made the comment that if you’d known the repercussions of going with Jack you’d have volunteered to stay with Ella and Allison and let Wes go in your stead. I thought you were saying that because of General Ridgely’s allegations that you’d raped a young girl that night and your cold treatment of me yesterday was because you felt guilty that you were using me to gain a fair trial. But now I know that it’s not your guilt that’s bothering you.”

“
I see,” he said slowly, thinking through what she’d just said. “Michaela, I appreciate your
willingness to marry me, I really do. And after this is all over, I intend to make it up to you—whatever you want. If you want to go back East to live near your other sisters, you can. If you want me to buy you a fancy house near a big city, I will. Whatever you want, I’ll get it for you and I’ll still be in your debt.”
 

“
Back East?”
 

 
He furrowed his brow. Why did she pinch up her face in a way that would suggest she’d just seen a cockroach crawl out from under his shako? “If that’s where you want to live, I’ll make the arrangements.”
 

“
What of you?”
 

“
I don’t plan to leave Fort Gibson.”
 

“
So you plan to send me away after the trial?”
 

He blinked. Was that a trick question? “It might take a while to set up the transportation.”

She nodded once. “I see.” Only a fool could miss the small quiver in her bottom lip.

Though Gray wasn’t fool enough to miss it, he also wasn’t fool enough to say anything else, lest he inadvertently upset her further. It was probably for the best that he put on his boots and walk her over to Mrs. Lewis before things could get worse, then he’d come back and finish getting dressed.

He shoved his feet in his boots and quickly tied them. “Let’s go.”

Michaela was to the door before him.

Resisting his urge to sigh, he reached around her and gripped the doorknob before she could twist it open. “I’m sorry if you thought I was unkind to you yesterday,” he said in her ear. “I didn’t mean for my actions to be taken that way.”

She remained silent and he inhaled to keep his nerves steady. Instead, what he got was a strong whiff of her lightly perfumed hair. Lilacs. He closed his eyes and took in another sniff. He couldn’t explain it, but Michaela had always smelled of lilacs and the scent was just as intoxicating now as it had been when they’d first met.

“
It’s all right,” she whispered. “I’ll ask my father today if he plans to stay until the trial and if I can ride home with him. That way you won’t have to arrange for any transportation.”
 

Since when had each of Michaela’s statements become the equivalent to a punch in the gut? “Is that what you want?”

“
No,” she said with a sharp, shaky laugh. “But it’ll be the easiest way.”
 

Gray released his hold on the doorknob and spun Michaela around to face him. It had been the first time following their wedding night that he’d been able to look at her without waves of shame crashing over him. “If you don’t want to go back with your father you don’t have to.” He twisted his lips, trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say. “You’re free to go wherever you wish. I won’t keep you here, but you don’t have to go with him, either.”

She lowered her head and nodded, and then without warning the door opened behind her. “Let’s go.”

Gray stood frozen as she took a step backward across the threshold. And
this
was why he’d never really wanted a wife. No matter what he’d said to the contrary when teasing Jack or Wes or trying to ‘steal’ Allison and Ella, he had no intentions of marrying. He’d spent more than enough of his life surrounded by females and he still didn’t understand them. Willingly marrying one was only asking for trouble.
 

He forced himself to leave the room and not call her back. He pulled the wooden door closed and jammed the key in the lock. He waited to hear the soft click of the lock, but grimaced instead when he heard another sound: a sniffle.

Gritting his teeth, he pulled the key out of the lock and turned to face his wife. “What are you crying about?”

He expected her to say, ‘Nothing.’ The very word he’d heard one of the prostitutes say to the others when they were clearly upset but didn’t wish to talk about it without a bit of prodding, sympathy, and begging first.

But Michaela was full of surprises! A fact he should have already known.

“
You are such a self-righteous philanderer. It’s fine that you’ve poked everything in a skirt, but now that you’ve taken me to bed, you want nothing to do with me,” she said in a razor-sharp tone, jabbing her finger in the center of his chest. “Need I remind you, sir, that
you’re
the one who took my virginity and if anyone should be ashamed of their overabundance of knowledge in the bedroom, it ought to be you.” She shook her head with such vigor two tendrils of her auburn hair fell loose around her face. “But it’s never shameful for the man, is it? He can sow all the oats and seeds he wants and nobody bats an eye.” She swiped at the tears coursing down her cheeks. “It’s the woman who bears all the shame. Only I’m not some soiled dove you can climb out of bed with, pay, and never see again. Instead I’m a wife, who must be ‘dealt’ with and you’ve decided that means that after the trial I need to be sent away because I’m useless to you here. You’ll have had your trial
and
a bit of fun. There won’t be any reason left for you to keep me here.”
 

Shock, pain, mortification, and uncertainty all swirled through Gray like a windstorm. “What the hell are you talking about?” he blurted, unable to form a more eloquent wording.

Michaela crossed her arms. “I just told you. You’re a—”

“
Self-righteous philanderer, I heard that part. It was the rest I’m unclear on.”
 

Michaela threw her hands in the air. “I don’t see how I could have been clearer. Not that it matters. I just find it unfathomable that you’re pretending that sending me away is some sort of peace offering for my marrying you to ensure you get a fair trial when it’s clear the real reason is that I’m of no use to you any longer. You’ll get your fair trial and you got a guilt-free and seemingly inexpensive night of pleasure.”

Gray’s face warmed. He didn’t know which of her misconceptions was worse. Not to mention they were outside arguing about this where anyone might see or hear them. He considered trying to convince her to go back into their room, but knew it would be fruitless. “Michaela, if you don’t want to leave after the trial, you don’t have to. I’m not trying to get rid of you.” He leaned his right shoulder against the wall, forcing her to look at him directly. “You didn’t come here with the intention of getting married. I know that. I also know that this isn’t the most sought after fort for an officer’s wife. It’s desolate and dangerous. I don’t want to force you to stay, but I’m not forcing you to leave, either.”

Her face softened a fraction. “And the other?”

He knit his brows. “Are you speaking of my interest in bedding you again?”

She dropped her eyes in response.

“
That won’t be happening again,” he said with a hard swallow.
 

Fire flashed in her green eyes. “Why because you don’t bed the same woman more than once?”

“
I haven’t, no,” he said with a hint of a smile.
 

“
Oh, so then it’s because I’m not experienced enough for your liking.”
 

He sobered. “I never said that.”

“
It cannot possibly be because I’m no longer chaste.”
 

“
It has nothing to do with that, either.”
 

“
Then what is it about me that repulses you so?” she burst out, throwing her hands into the air in a gesture of defeat.
 

“
You don’t repulse me. Quite the opposite, if you must know.” He ignored the way another round of heat crawled up his face at his admission and prayed she wouldn’t comment on it. “But that doesn’t change anything.”
 

“
I don’t understand. On our wedding night you were all...all...eager and now you can hardly abide to look at me.”
 

A lead weight hit him right in the gut. “I know,” he wheezed. “It was wrong of me to put my own desires before you and I’m so very sorry. It won’t happen again.”

She frowned. “I never said it was a travesty that I didn’t wish to repeat.”

“
You didn’t have to. I should have controlled myself better. Once again, I’m very sorry. I won’t
dishonor you again.”
 

“
You’re my husband, you can’t dishonor me,” she said tonelessly.
 

“
Yes, I can and I did.”
 

Her brows knit. “How?”

“
Because I don’t love you.” As soon as those five words had escaped his lips, he wished dearly he could take them back.
 

He didn’t know what reaction he was expecting from her, but once again it wasn’t the one he received: her eyes flared wide and she let out a bit of a squeak, then ran the other way down the board plank and toward the stairs.

It wasn’t until a moment later that he knew what had caused such a strong reaction when a heavy hand clapped him on the shoulder and General Davis said, “Perhaps you should keep your words of romance, or lack thereof, for the bedroom.”

“
Michaela! Wait!”
 

Michaela kept running. She could hardly see through the hair that had fallen in her face, but she wouldn’t stop. It was only reasonable to expect that Gray would catch up to her. But if he didn’t then she could at least hold onto some shred of dignity.

She hadn’t expected him to declare some sort of love for her after being married only two days. Neither did she expect him to just so carelessly tell her he didn’t. And certainly not in front of her father! Which only made things that much worse. How long had he been standing there listening to their private conversation?