The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (34 page)

Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don't get sidetracked; keep yourfeetfrom following evil. PROVERBS 4:25-27

IRONIC, ISN'T IT, that with all the "time savers" of modern technology, we seem to have even less time for each other? Microwaves, remote controls, dishwashers, and computers were supposed to save us valuable time. But what happened to all that extra time? Apparently, it got gobbled up by other activities. Can we reclaim some of that time for our marriages? The answer is yes, if we set goals and make time to reach those goals.

The passage above from Proverbs 4 shows King Solomon's advice for meeting goals. Essentially, it comes down to knowing where you're going, setting a straight path to get there, and not getting sidetracked. That's the approach we need to take if we're going to meet our goals for marriage.

How do we make time? By eliminating some of the good things we are doing so that we will have time for the best. Life's meaning is not found in money, sports, shopping, academic success, or career achievement, as good as some of those things are. It is found in relationships-first with God, and then with people. If you are married, nothing is more important than your marital relationship. It is the framework in which God wants you to invest your life and experience his love. The husband is told to "love" his wife, and she is instructed to "honor" him. How better to love and honor than to make time for each other?

Father, thank you for the goals we've been able to set for our relationship. I pray for the wisdom and self-control to keep looking straight ahead at the goal. Let us not be distracted by other things that could keep us from meeting our goal, even if they're good things. Please show us how to straighten out ourpriorities.

So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity. EPHESIANS 5:15-16

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING that pays greater dividends than investing time in your marriage. It will affect your physical, mental, and spiritual health and the health of your spouse and children. It will also bring glory to the God who instituted marriage. In the past few days, we've been talking about setting goals and making time for each other. I want to suggest two more things that will help you meet those goals: delegating other responsibilities and scheduling time with your spouse.

When you consider delegating responsibilities, start with your children. How about making them responsible for washing dishes, clothes, and dogs? Or, if it's financially feasible, you can hire a neighborhood teen to mow your lawn or vacuum the carpet. Whatever you can pass off to others gives you more time to invest in your marriage. When your spouse says, "You know, I like the way we're becoming friends again;' you'll know your investment is paying off.

The second suggestion is to reflect your priorities in your schedule. If your goal is to have dinner out at least once a week, do you have it on the calendar for this week? How about next week? If you don't schedule things, they are not likely to happen. I encourage you to sit down together with your calendars and write down all the times you plan to spend together, big and small. When you write your spouse into your schedule, you communicate that he or she is important to you. You are making the most of every opportunity, as the Scriptures suggest, and you're on the road to overcoming the barrier of time.

Father, thanks for these ideas that will help us meet the goals we've set for our relationship. Please help me to do my part to keep those goals at the forefront of my mind. My spouse is my highest priority after my relationship with you; please help me to remember that and act on it.

"Let [Rebekah] be the wife of your master's son, as the LORD has directed." When Abraham's servant heard their answer, he bowed down to the ground and worshiped the LORD. Then he brought out silver and gold jewelry and clothing and presented them to Rebekah. He also gave expensive presents to her brother and mother. GENESIS 24:51-5 3

MY ACADEMIC BACKGROUND is anthropology. In all the cultures around the world that anthropologists have studied, they have never discovered a culture where gift giving is not a part of the love and marriage process. The biblical account of Rebekah's engagement to Isaac clearly shows this custom. Once she and her family had agreed that she would be Isaac's wife, Abraham's servant gave her costly gifts to show his master's sincerity and respect. Giving gifts as an expression of love is universal. A gift is a visible token that says, "I was thinking about you."

Receiving gifts is some people's primary love language. Nothing speaks louder of a spouse's devotion. Unfortunately, these people are often married to others who don't speak this love language very well.

A man may have given gifts before marriage because he thought that was a part of courtship, but after marriage the gift giving stopped. Perhaps he expresses love in other ways, but he ceases to give gifts. I remember the wife who said, "My husband tells me that he loves me, but to me, words are cheap. `I love you. I love you. 'I'm sick of words. Where are the gifts?" Her husband's words may be sincere, but he's speaking the wrong love language. For his wife, one gift is worth a thousand words.

If that's true of your spouse as well, make sure you're finding an appropriate way to express your love.

Lord God, sometimes 1 forget how much a small gesture can mean to my spouseeven if his or her primary love language isn't gifts. Please help me to be thoughtful and to show him or her how much I care.

When [the wise men] saw the star, they were filled with joy! They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. MATTHEW 2:10-11

WHEN IS THE LAST TIME you gave your spouse a gift? What did you give? If you can't answer those questions, a gift is long overdue. Gift giving is one of the five fundamental languages of love. A gift to your spouse is visible evidence of your loving thoughts.

The most famous gifts in the Bible are undoubtedly the gifts from the wise men to the baby Jesus. These men brought costly gifts of gold and expensive spices, and in doing so they honored Jesus and showed that they believed him to be a king. I'm sure Mary and Joseph were awed by these beautiful things and the love for their son they signified.

The gift need not be expensive. Guys, you can get flowers free. Just go out in your yard and pick one. That's what your children do. No flowers in your yard? Try your neighbors' yard. Ask them; they'll give you a flower.

However, if you can afford to buy gifts, don't give free flowers. Why not invest some of your money in your marriage? Give your spouse something you know will be appreciated. If you're not certain, ask! Explain that you want to do something nice, and ask for a list of some things your spouse would like to have. That's valuable information. Use it to build your relationship.

Father, thank you for the example of the wise men, who brought the best they had to show their love for Jesus. Help me to do my best to express love to my spouse through thoughtful, meaningful gifts.