The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (80 page)

The apostle Paul had a past he would have liked to erase. Once a selfrighteous Pharisee, he zealously persecuted Christians, having some of them imprisoned. He turned around completely when he became a believer, eventually becoming the most well-known missionary in the early church. He accomplished much for the Kingdom of God-yet he always had to live with the memories of his past. It's clear from these verses in Philippians that Paul did that primarily by looking ahead, toward the future. The same goes for us. We must confess our own failures, accept God's forgiveness-and then move on. When you accept your past and focus on the future, you are moving toward a growing marriage.

Father, thank you for Paul's example of moving beyond his past. You know there are things I would like to change, both things I have done and things that were done tome. I bring all of those to you. Please help me to accept your forgiveness and comfortand then move on, looking to the future. May it include a strong marriage!

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

EPHESIANS 5:1-2

IN THE CONTEXT OF MARRIAGE, if we do not feel loved, our differences are magnified. We each come to view the other as a threat to our happiness. We fight for self-worth and significance, and marriage becomes a battlefield rather than a haven.

Love is not the answer to every problem, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those issues that bother us. In the security of love, a couple can discuss differences without fear of condemnation. Conflicts can be resolved. Two people who are different can learn to live together in harmony and discover how to bring out the best in each other. Those are the rewards of love.

Love really is the most powerful force in the world. It was love that led Christ to give his life for us. We have eternal life because of his love, and we also have an opportunity to love each other as his representatives. In Ephesians 5, the apostle Paul encourages us to follow Christ's example and live a life of love. Marriages function best when both partners feel genuinely loved. The decision to love your spouse holds tremendous potential, and learning his or her primary love language makes that potential a reality.

Father, thank you for the transforming power of love. Your love for me gives me so many things-self-worth, purpose, and eternal life. May I learn to imitate you in the way I love my spouse, and may that love lead to greater unity.

Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. i PETER 3:7 (ESV)

IN MARRIAGE, the love language of "physical touch" has many dialects. This does not mean that all touches are created equal. Some will bring more pleasure to your spouse than others. Your best instructor is your spouse. Your wife knows what she perceives as a loving touch; don't insist on touching her in your way and in your time. Respect her wishes. Learn to speak her dialect. Don't make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring the most pleasure to her.

First Peter 3:7 says that husbands are to dwell with our wives "according to knowledge" (KJv) or "in an understanding way." In other words, we need to know our spouse on a deep level. Men, the primary source of knowledge about what makes your wife feel loved is your wife. Some wives enjoy a back rub, others can take it or leave it, and others find it annoying. Women, of course the same goes for husbands.

God made your spouse unique. Physical touch is one of the five love languages, but you must discover what kind of touches your spouse enjoys. When you speak the right dialect of physical touch, your loved one will feel loved.

Father, thank you for the gift of physical touch. I want to use it to communicate my love. Please help me to be attuned to my spouse's needs and desires, not just my own.

Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.

SONG OF SOLOMON 1:2

LOVE TOUCHES may be extended or brief. A back rub takes time, but putting your hand on your spouse's shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee takes only a moment. Sitting close to each other on the couch as you watch your favorite television program requires no additional time, but it may loudly communicate your love.

Touching your spouse as you walk through the room where he is sitting takes only a second. Touching each other as you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug, but it may speak volumes to your spouse.

If you discover that physical touch is your spouse's primary love language, coming up with new ways and places to touch can be an exciting challenge. You may find that you can fill your spouse's emotional love tank as you stroll across the parking lot, simply by holding hands. A kiss after you get in the car might make the drive home much shorter. The Song of Solomon is a description of a husband and wife taking joy in touching each other. It can be inspiring reading if you're trying to think of new ways to express love to your spouse through physical touch.

Dear Lord, help me to be generous with my time and touches. I want to express my love to my spouse in more and creative ways.

The husband should fu 111 his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fu 111 her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:3-5

ONE WIFE TOLD ME, "I want to touch my husband, but when I try, he draws back. He acts like it irritates him, unless of course we are having sex." What is this man telling his wife by his behavior? That physical touch is not his primary love language. He will respond much better to words of affirmation or one of the other love languages. If physical touch is your spouse's primary love language, he or she will welcome tender touches any time you want to give them.

Often, people speak their own love language to others. So if your spouse is always wanting to hug or kiss, it may be because that is what he or she would like from you.

Some people will find it difficult to speak the language of physical touch. Perhaps they were not touched as children, and touching is uncomfortable for them. But anyone can learn to speak this language. The marriage advice in the verses above from the apostle Paul makes clear that we are not to deprive our spouse of sexual intercourse-or any other meaningful touch. When we marry, our bodies are no longer just our own. We can use touch as a gift to each other. Remember, love is about seeking to meet your spouse's need, not your own. You don't touch because it feels comfortable to you but because it communicates love to your beloved.