The Only One (20 page)

Shaking off his guilt, he stood there, debating long after she fled. What to do? Allow her to cool down, or follow on her heels? He could still see the look in her eyes, how they’d stared into his with a mixture of outrage and longing while she’d shouted at him.

I have come to terms with our past. We have no future.

“We shall see, my love. No way in bloody hell I’ll let you get away again.”

Chapter 29

Carmichael stables hummed with activity, which came to a halt as men recognized the rider galloping toward them. His mind set on the woman who’d just left his arms, Giles ignored them and cantered around the west-end fence behind the stables. Lady Luck was not with him.

Kit and Ben blocked the middle of the path, standing like two raging bulls.

Giles came to a dumbfounded halt.

One look at Kit’s angry face and he feared Alex’s brother had seen her return—and correctly jumped to the dreaded conclusion. Ben crossed his arms over a chest which had grown massive in size. Both men glared at him.

“Could have sworn I gave you fair warning.” Kit drew his lips into a thin, hard line.

“Looks like the Brit didn’t take your advice.”

“Years without a word,” Kit continued. “Never thought you’d be dumb enough to come back here.”

“Ain’t too bright, are ya, Brit?” Ben spat a stream of tobacco juice on the ground.

“I’m here to see Alex.”

“You’re not going anywhere near my sister,” Ben growled.

Sam strode from the stables, a curry and brush in his hand. “Alex came tearing in here like a bat out of hell. Running from you. I had to take care of Stardust. What did you do?”

Three sets of angry, determined eyes glared at him. If looks were ammunition, he’d be a dead man. Which from their threatening stance, annihilation could still be a possibility.

“The best thing for you to do is turn around and get the hell out of here.” Ben’s low warning throbbed intimidation.

Giles understood their desire to protect their sister, but he was just as determined to see her. “Under the circumstances, I don’t think Alex would appreciate me beating up on her brothers.”

“I’ll tear your heart out.” Ben took a menacing step.

Kit’s arm shot out. “Stand in line, Brother. He’s mine.”

“I have no quarrel with you.” Giles spoke to all three, but his gaze remained on Kit. “I don’t want to fight. I only want to talk with Alex.”

“But that’s just the thing.” Kit took his hat off, and shoved his fingers through his hair, and slapped it back on. “She don’t want nothing to do with you.”

Ben charged, ready to yank Giles from his horse. Sam hurried forward, grabbing Ben’s arm. Which seemed an insane move on Sam’s part, because with Ben’s massive arms, he’d easily swat off his brother like a pesky fly.

“We’re too close to the house.” Sam gave a nod over his shoulder. “She can see.”

Ben seemed to consider. Then he glanced up to Giles with a smile that held no warmth. “Let’s take the duke somewhere and explain his mistake in coming here.”

“The south end.” Kit’s jaw clenched and his lip curled up in fury.

If her brothers wanted to fight, that was ripping fine with him. God knew he would love to get this over with, but by the looks of these three, he was in for one hell of a battle. With Sam and Ben riding along on each side, he followed Kit to an open field.

“We won’t gang up on you, Brit,” Ben said as he dismounted. “We’ll give you a sporting chance.”

“We’ll take turns,” Sam added. “And I get first crack.”

“You’ll get your shot, youngling.” Kit slapped his brother on the back. “But Ben here is a pugilist. He’s had more practice boxing with his fists.”

Bloody hellfire.
That explained the broader width of Ben’s chest.

“Let’s get this over with.” Giles dismounted from his horse.

“A mite anxious, ain’t ya, Brit?”

“I want this business done so I can be with Alex.” Relying on skills he’d perfected during his spying days, Giles deemed the odds were just about even.

“You’ll not be with Alex!” Ben shouted.

“You’ll not be dishonoring Alex with your disgraceful sordidness. Where is the little wife?” Kit asked. “Leave her in your castle in England?”

“I’ll rip you apart with my bare hands.” Ben threw his first punch, which Giles easily sidestepped.

“I don’t have a wife.”

“Never took you for a liar.” Kit stared, disgust evident in his accusing eyes.

“You forget we were at the wedding.” Ben sneered and threw another punch. Giles dodged again.

“You don’t care a fig about our sister,” Sam accused.

“I’m here to dispel that idea.” Giles raised his fists, sharpening his guard.

“Old attitudes die hard.” Kit’s lips tightened with resentment. Two blurred fists came at him from the side while his attention remained on Kit. Giles ducked and spun about.

“She’s built a life without you. Why don’t you just go about your blasted business and stay away from her?”

“You broke her heart.” Sam’s voice grew louder as he stepped nearer. The brothers were closing in.

“Just so you know, I’ve been miserable for three long years.”

“Not good enough.” Ben threw another punch.

Giles’ head whipped back with a snap. He could blame his distraction on the other brothers, but even his reflexes were swayed by his obsession with Alex. He shook the hair out of his face.

“Didn’t look miserable in your black tails at the church.”

“I assure you—”

“Your assurance means nothing.” A fist to the side of his head. Bloody hell. Stars exploded in front of his eyes. Then, intense pain shot to his ribs. Damn, Ben was fast for his bulk. Fighting her brothers would not be a good way of gaining back the woman he loved. But he needed to live long enough to convince her of his intentions.

“She cares for me still.” In the lagoon she’d showed him how much. Her brothers could beat him to a bloody pulp, but he threw the gauntlet. “I tasted it on her lips only moments ago.”

“Let me at him,” Sam cried.

“Why, you bastard—” Ben hit him again.

Giles threw his arms up to block and sidestepped. Ben hurtled by so fast he lost his balance and nearly ended up in the dirt. An arm grabbed Giles from behind, spinning him around.

“I want you to see it coming.”

He saw Sam’s fist. Felt it, too. Bugger packed a wallop of a punch. Still, Giles did not hit him back. Next thing he knew, Ben slammed him in the gut. Down he went.

Holy hell.

“What’s the matter, Brit? I expected more of a challenge.” Ben lunged with his right. Giles felt the ground bounce off his head.

Kit intervened. “Give me one reason I should not kill you.”

Good God, if Kit thought he had to protect his sister’s honor, he would fight like a man possessed. Now was the time for Giles to defend himself.

Kit circled three steps, then lunged forward. Giles’ intuition had never let him down, so he’d been ready for attack. But Kit did not let up. After several punches to his face and gut, Kit spun around and kicked. Much to Giles’ chagrin, he landed in the dirt. The last man to plant him on his arse was Morgan. Damn if Kit didn’t fight like his friend.

Pain sliced his side. He crawled from the ground ready to pounce on his opponent.

“Admit you lie. Alex would never . . .” In mid-sentence, Sam swung a fist.

Giles easily avoided the blow. Furious and red with humiliation, Sam tried again.

“You deserve to have your teeth knocked down your throat for defaming our sister.” Ben swung the same instant as Sam.

With fists coming from two directions, Giles meant to block Sam and punch Ben. Instead, he struck Sam. Kit shoved into the mix and the three pummeled until all he saw was a blur.

He wouldn’t be able to proclaim his love to Alex if her brothers killed him. He’d already wasted too much time. Three blasted years for him to come to what little sense he had left. If he couldn’t convince them, or her . . . he refused to even consider the possibility.

No retreat. No surrender.

The motto of his spying days spurred him on. He would have Alex, by God. Nothing less. But, even with his skills, three experienced fighters—two of them nearly equaling his abilities—gave him a pounding.

Gasping with pain, and holding his ribs, Giles climbed onto his knees. Ignoring the jarring pain in his leg, he stood. Every bone in his body ached. He elevated his arms and held out his unsteady fists.

“You got muck for brains, Brit.” Ben glared and raised bloody knuckles. At least the man had his share of injury, although Giles figured most of the blood was more than likely his own.

“I love her.” He tried again to convince them his intentions were most honorable. “I want to make Alex my wife.”

“You already got a wife.” Ben threw a fist. Giles heard his bone cheek crunch.

Lying on the ground, he stared at Ben through swollen eyes. “I told you,” he gasped. “No vows were spoken.”

“Are you going to leave willingly?” Kit ground out. “Or do you need more convincing?”

Seeing the bruise beginning on Kit’s face, Giles grinned. A few of his punches had hit their mark. Then he groaned as his split lip screamed in protest.

“Throw the bastard off our land.” Veins stood out on Sam’s neck.

Giles braced both hands on the ground, palms down, preparing to stand. Maybe his legs would cooperate.

“You’re a stubborn cuss, I’ll give you that,” Kit said with deep breaths. “She’s doing just fine without you.”

But I am nothing without her.

“I made a mistake.” He barely recognized his own voice. Laced with pain, his lungs close to punctured, he gasped his next breath.

“Mistake?” Kit repeated. “The only mistake I see is you coming here after I warned you to stay away.”

Giles wiped the blood from his eyes. “I will not beg. And I will not go away.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Brit.” Ben growled and raised his fists.

“You left years ago. Too late to change your mind,” Sam yelled.

“I never stopped loving her. I’ll move heaven and earth to make things right.” Giles glared from one man to the other, determined to get his meaning across. He would not back down. He would not leave without seeing her.

Kit peered into his eyes as if he could extract the truth from Giles’ brain. Long moments passed in stony silence. Christ, would they beat him to a bloody pulp? He feared he had very little left. Ben and Sam seemed to be waiting on Kit. For what, only God knew. Was this to be his end? They had better kill him. For if they left him alive, he would return. Alex was worth every drop he bled.

“Do you know how much time passed before she even laughed again?”

“Kit, damn it.” Ben whirled to his brother in surprise. “What are you thinking? Are you insane?”

Ignoring Ben, Kit added, “I will not allow you to inflict more pain.”

“You can’t be serious,” Sam spat.

“The girl hates him. And if she has forgotten what happened three years ago,” Ben turned his scowl on Giles, “I will gladly remind her.”

Kit appeared deep in thought, wavering, undecided.

Giles shoved to one knee. Burning pain lanced his side.

“I told you to stay down,” Ben growled.

He raised his head, focusing on Kit. “I’m as good as my word.”

“What of your word when you gave it to our sister?” Sam asked.

“I tried to explain.” Giles grunted. He might have a broken rib or two. “I never meant to hurt her.”

“Well, you did.”

“Enough of this. Let’s haul his carcass out of here.”

Chapter 30

Every day for three years, Alex had prayed to forget. To rip him from her memory. To make the pain a little less. After months of being numb, she finally learned she could function again. After months of her mother’s sad eyes and Papa’s fierce scowl, she realized what she’d put her family through. Her brothers stomped around in their normal huff like bulls in a pasture. They’d roused her from her doldrums and even succeeded in making her laugh. Kit convinced her to put the past behind her.

Life was for the living and one could not live in the past.

Now her past had risen to haunt her.

Only Kit knew how deeply she’d suffered when he told her of Giles’ wedding. He knew what the information had cost her, understood what Mama and Papa could not. If Giles could not love her, the way she had loved him, better an ocean between them.

How many times had she wondered if he was happy? If he loved his new wife? The man deserved her ridicule. After three years, the pain had lessened to a dull ache.

And the moment she saw him? All past injustices were forgotten.

She flung open a window in an attempt to cool her flaming cheeks. Her duke was here. Her body warmed at the unwelcome images of his naked flesh. At this rate, she’d never be relieved of the oppressive heat. Had she really just left Giles’ embrace? Three blasted years and she still craved him. She clutched her arms about her waist. Months ago she decided to put the whole business behind her. At least her mind had finally accepted what was not meant to be.

Her heart was another matter altogether. Her heart just couldn’t let go.

She loved Giles as much today, if not more, than when he left. The shiny black curl over his brow made her heart remember too much. Such as how heated his lips were on her skin. How his tongue twined with hers in a dance made only for lovers. How being in his embrace made her safe and warm like no amount of heat from any blazing fire. How his gaze melted her bones.

Appalled, she fell across her bed and grabbed her pillow, burying her nose in the clean smell. His scent drifted into her mind. Sandalwood and leather. And a tang of something which could only be Giles. His heat. His smell. How she’d missed him. Broad shoulders, trim waist, standing so strong and bold like a lean, ravenous beast . . .

Her heart galloped, fast and pounding, the way it did when she raced Stardust hell for leather across the open fields.

She pressed her face in the cushioned pillow and tried to squash his image. Silken and rigid and hot. The yearning in his dark eyes mirrored the longing in her heart. How could she resist when her body cried out for his?

She would have died had he not touched her. Made love with her. Her face flamed at how eagerly she’d returned his caresses. She’d acted the harlot. Was she scampering down the road to self-destruction?

Their lovemaking had been so intense. Not the joining with an innocent as their first time, but more earth shattering. Souls connecting.

God, would this pain ever go away? Just when she thought she could endure, he had to enter her life again. Foreboding oozed an icy path down her backbone. She could not bear the heartache again.

She’d surrendered too quickly. How could she have lain with him? Her traitorous body bent to his will. Oh, but how could a girl take on blame, when such a magnificent creature stood before her in all his naked glory? She’d never seen a demi god. But Giles’ perfection surpassed any being in the human world. The powerful magnetism of his devastatingly good looks worked against any resistance. His heated gaze lured her, making the empty years dissolve like ashes to dust.

She shivered. If only she could think clearly. She must be strong and not allow triggers of hope. Kill any notion of ‘maybe’ before those notions grew to real wants and desires.

A part of her she’d sworn never to acknowledge again, reared its ugly head. Agony pierced her breast. Pain—as fierce as the day he’d left—stabbed her center. Tears pooled and blurred her vision. She viciously swiped them away.

At almost twenty-one, she’d matured, grown stronger. And, she had thought, wiser. Her actions this afternoon were most distressingly far from wise. At least she left with some of her dignity still intact. She had spurned him.

She punched the pillow, venting frustration. Guilt. She’d had enough of the blasted compunction controlling her life over the past several years. Nothing seemed so clear-cut anymore. She should have learned her lesson long ago. Today proved she’d lost track of any well intentions.

The knock came a second time before she realized someone was at her door.

“Alex. It’s Papa.”

Dear Lord. Did he know she’d seen Giles? Papa believed his only daughter hated the man who broke her heart.

“Just a minute, please.”

She hurried to her vanity to check her appearance. Grabbing a handkerchief, she dabbed at her nose. The blasted thing was red. Oh well. She could never fool him anyway. Sitting in her niche by the window, she called, “You can come in now.”

He glanced her way, knowing she’d not been idly sitting on the window seat. Then he cleared his throat.

“I saw you when you returned. Didn’t give much time to taking care of Stardust.”

“Sam is cooling him down for me.”

“Hmmm.”

What did that mean?

“I know you taught me to take care of my horse, but . . . I . . .”

“You don’t need to make excuses. If Sam’s taking care of Stardust, you must have come to an understanding. I’m just surprised Stardust would let anyone other than you care for him.”

What could she say? The duke made her crazy?

“I thought we might have a little talk.”

Oh, Lord. She must be in for a lecture. After the lagoon and her disillusionment, she didn’t know if she could stomach Papa’s displeasure.

“Three years ago I didn’t want to lose you. I still don’t. But I’ve watched you, seen the sadness in your eyes.”

Uneasiness crept under her skin. Why in the world would he bring this up now?

“I’m honest enough to admit I thought you were too young. I accepted what you imagined you felt for the duke, as just a young girl’s infatuation. But more than that, I knew you would not adapt to the English aristocratic way of life.”

He pierced her eyes with his stare. “I knew it just as surely as I know the sun is going to come up each morning. I knew one day you would wake up and want to come home.” He shook his head. “I wanted to spare you any controversy.”

“Papa. That was a long time ago.”

“I know, girl. I’m telling you what I felt. I wanted to banish Giles from your mind. I wanted to banish him from your heart. I shouldered the responsibility, denied the guilt.”

Guilt?

“Why are you telling me this now?”

He cleared his throat. If she didn’t know better, she’d think Papa was uneasy. “I’ve not seen you this excited in three years.”

She frowned in confusion. What in the world was he talking about? She thought back to her actions. She probably looked like a madcap when she thundered down the lane to the corral. Surely Kit and Sam didn’t say anything. Ben didn’t know what happened, so his temper hadn’t been stoked. She’d barreled into the house. Slammed the door. Pounded up the stairs.
Is that what he calls excitement?

“For a long time you went through each day as it was a chore. You moved around here in drudgery. Dull, uninspiring. Stardust was the only thing you seemed to take pleasure in. Even your conduct seemed monotonous. You’ve not shown any enthusiastic emotion for quite a while. Your spirit is back.”

She probably had a dumb expression on her face. But she did feel alive. More than she had in these past three years.

“Something’s built a fire in you. And I’m guessing it’s the Duke of Nethersall.”

At the mention of the duke, her hair stood on the back of her neck.

“If this is a result of what he means to you, then . . . I approve.”

Approve?

“How—”

“Does he make your heart leap?”

In all her born years, her father had never mentioned anything concerning her private feelings. His question stunned her. She wasn’t sure if she was more shocked because he asked or because he knew of her feelings for Giles.

“I guess you love that young man.”

A huge weight lifted from her chest. “Oh, Papa. I do.”

“Well, then.” He slapped his hands together and stood. “What are you waiting for, girl? Go save your man.”

Had her father lost his mind?

“What?”

“Those boys have your beau cornered down at the stables. Before I interfere, I wanted to know from you if I should. Do I let your brothers have at him, or do you want me to save his hide?”

Alex charged down the stairs, threw open the front door and ran as fast as her legs would carry her. When she arrived at the stables, no one was there. Then, she heard the shouting. She took off in another direction. She found him in a heap on the ground surrounded by her exasperating brothers. Strong arms grabbed her before she could reach him.

“Giles.” Her heart in her throat, she cringed at the bloody mess. “What are you doing here?” Panting furiously, she tried to jerk free. “Let me go.” She stomped the heel of her boot on Sam’s shin. He howled and jumped, releasing her. But Kit grabbed her before she took two steps.

She glanced to Giles, anger fueling her struggle.

“Stop it. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“What is wrong with you three? You’ve wounded him. Leave him alone!” She was so mad she could spit. He looked plumb awful. Blood covered his face, his clothes were tattered and dirty. She couldn’t believe he’d followed her home.

“What are you doing here?” she repeated in anguish.

“I tried to find you, but I got a little sidetracked by your brothers.” A smile stretched his split lip. He winced.

She jerked her arm free and dropped to Giles’ side.

“Damn it, Alex, get out of the way,” Ben roared.

She glared up at him. “How could you? Look what you’ve done.”

“We did it for you.”

“Go away.”

“We’re not going anywhere.” Sam flexed his fists and stepped to Ben’s side.

“And we’re sure as hell not leaving you with him.” Ben pointed a finger at her.

“Not happening, little sister.” And Kit, supposedly the levelheaded one of the bunch. All in on the same assault.

Lord save her, but she wanted to kill her brothers right now.

“Boys.”

All three turned to find Papa at their backs. A not very happy Papa, by his brooding expression.

“Look what we found, Pap. Sneaking around our property.” Ben sounded pleased.

If she were bigger, she wallop him good.

“You sneaking, Giles?” Papa asked.

“No, sir. Just came to see Alex.”

Papa gave a nod of acceptance. “Come on, boys.”

“But Pap . . .” At Ben’s outburst, Papa turned with a glare. One that said he’d take Ben to the woodshed if he talked back.

“Are you all right?” She brushed the hair away from Giles’ face.

“I’ll live.” He wiped at the blood running in his eyes.

“Wasn’t very smart to let my brothers get a hold of you.”

“I concede to your wisdom.”

“Oh Giles,” she sighed. “What are you doing here?”

He took her hand, caressing the back. “I can’t let you go.” His eyes pleaded.

Dare she believe? Her heart hurt.

“You desire me.” She glanced down at the stroking of his warm fingers over her hand.

He placed a knuckle under her chin and lifted. “I love you.”

If she doubted before, only certainty filled her now. His eyes blazed, promising her deepest desires.

“When you have something as important as love, anything is possible.” He squeezed her hand. “I loathed my father. I thought I was free of his bondage. Yet he detained me from the grave with duty and honor. For years I lived by a motto. ‘Never give up. Never surrender.’” His thumb brushed her lips. “The one time I needed to remember, the most important thing in the world slipped through my fingers. I gave up. The one person who mattered to me, the only one I ever loved, I let go.”

He lifted her fingers to his lips. He gripped them so tightly, his mouth pressed against her knuckles for so long, she feared him in a daze. Then, he lifted his head and what she saw in his eyes struck her heart.

“I ripped my own guts out the day I told you I didn’t love you. I thought you were too young, that our love would never last.”

“You . . . you didn’t trust me.”

“You’ve matured into a woman now. We both are stronger.”

“We cannot live in the past.” Her voice quivered. “I cannot allow you into my heart again.”

His hand curved along her jaw. “What words will convince you how sorry I am for my actions years ago? Although I think my leaving may have been the right thing. You were so young.”

She stiffened.

“I will never leave you again. Even if you send me away I will not go. I hungered for you every day of the past three years. My love for you clouded my reason. I listened to others. I did what I thought was best for you. Ah, sweetheart. Seeing the pain in your eyes, knowing I destroyed your glow, replacing your love and trust with pain and grief . . .” His hand shook as he cupped her face. “I have walked the corridors of hell, aware of what I did to you.”

Lifting her hand, she covered his as it pressed against her cheek. Leaning into his palm, Alex soaked in his warmth along with his words.

“Then today, I saw your eyes, your look of yearning desire, your look of ecstasy. Our coming together only proves you still love me. Let me spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you.”