The Order of the Elements 01 - Breaking Point (39 page)

Something clicked in Phoebe’s memory. “That’s what you meant when you said sometimes it’s easier to pretend you don’t care. The first night I was really angry. You used to pretend not to care because it
wasn’t
just as hard on the rest of them, not because it was. You were trying to make me feel better. You were trying to make me think that they were happy because they were trying not to worry about it. Not because it didn’t really matter to them anymore.”

He looked ashamed. “Yes, but would you have believed it was possible that people could turn a blind eye to what was going on?”

Phoebe thought about that for a minute. It wasn’t so hard to imagine. “Yes, I would have. It’s no better in the Realm of Non-Magic. Every day people are starving, neglected, dying from diseases that are curable, murdered, beaten, and anything else you can think of. Still, for people who are safe in their homes and have enough food, they tend not to worry about others who are suffering.”

He nodded. “But does it really make the knowledge of how they are any more acceptable?”

“No, not really.” Phoebe didn’t like knowing that these people didn’t care as much anymore. She didn’t like knowing that the reason was because they felt safe and didn’t want to risk that safety to help anyone else. She could understand it, but she couldn’t sympathize. “But there are still people who care, people who are willing to risk their lives to help,” she said.

Dorian smiled slightly. “Yes, and it’s because of them that I haven’t lost faith completely.”

Phoebe leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder. She suddenly realized that they both needed the comfort. “You should never lose faith. As long as there is one person still willing to fight, there’s still hope.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Then I have a lot of hope. You weren’t the only one who was angry today. Your friends are stronger and more determined than I gave them credit for. Perhaps not everyone is as complacent as I thought.”

“I was the only one who took off running down the forbidden tunnel,” she sighed.

Dorian sighed too. “It’s very difficult for you to control now, isn’t it.”

“Yes. You can’t imagine how bad it is.”

“I think I can. Your eyes get very dark, not quite black, but close. Today before you took off they were black. I was afraid you weren’t going to stop.”

Phoebe pulled away from him. She didn’t deserve for him to understand. She didn’t want him to be okay with it. She wanted to be stronger than that. She jumped to her feet and started pacing within the tunnel. He stood up as well and watched her.

“It’s not that bad. You haven’t lost control of it again. I thought you might today, but you were in control enough to get out and get away from everyone. You ran it off. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I should be ashamed of it. I
am
ashamed of it. Everything that makes me even the slightest bit upset spirals out of control, and I have to force myself to contain it. What if one time I can’t contain it? What if just one time I lose it and I hurt someone? What if I hurt you?”

Dorian stopped her on her next pass and pulled her into his chest. She tried to pull away, but she didn’t really want to. She was safe there. Safe from everything, even herself.

“Phoebe, I would never let that happen. I try to keep you out of any situation that might lead to that, and I will never let you hurt anyone,” he assured her.

She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I shouldn’t need you there to help me. I should be able to control it. Nobody else has to fight with their anger like I do. They’re strong enough.”

He tightened his arms. “You are not weak. You’re strong enough to fight it. I have never seen anyone able to do that.”

“But the fact that it’s strong enough that I have to fight it is just as bad,” Phoebe replied miserably.

“Did you ever stop to consider that while you have very strong negative emotions, the good ones are just as strong? It kind of balances out, in my opinion.”

She hadn’t thought about that. She was so focused on her anger and how bad it made her feel that she hadn’t stopped to consider how strong her other emotions were. Yes, her anger was strong, as was her hate, but on the other hand, her love was just as powerful when she focused on that instead. Wasn’t it always Dorian who brought her out of her intense anger? Couldn’t he distract her from anything? Now that her elixir was working, she couldn’t say that it only his powerful love she was feeling—it was also hers. Her love for him balanced out her anger most of the time. Was there anything he wasn’t right about?

She was silent for a minute and Dorian laughed. “I was right, wasn’t I?”

“As always,” she sighed.

He pulled her back so she could look in his eyes. He was serious again. “I won’t let you hurt anyone. Most of all, I would never let you hurt yourself.”

Phoebe smiled. “I trust you, even though I don’t trust myself.”

He shook his head and smiled. “I guess that’s the best I can ask for. Are you ready to start heading back?”

She grimaced. “How far did I run?”

He laughed. “Are you sure you want to know?” She didn’t like the sound of that.

“Well, I’ll find out either way,” she replied.

He kissed her forehead and her heart raced. “How does thirty miles sound?”

Her jaw dropped. “Thirty?” she repeated breathlessly. “Are you sure?”

He laughed and, she was distracted again by the sound of his voice. “Yes, very sure. Although, I was thinking it was going to be longer.”

“Well, that’s comforting,” she replied sarcastically.

He let her ponder the length of thirty miles for a minute. The most she had ever run in one shot was ten. She didn’t even feel tired. Her anger had to be the catalyst for most of it.

“We should probably start moving if we want to make it back before tomorrow,” Dorian said.

“What are we doing, walking?” she asked. It would take, at the very least, half a day to walk back that far.

“Unless you have a better idea. I don’t really feel like running that far again.”

Dorian was stronger than anyone she knew, but she was sure thirty miles of running would be wearing on his energy. Although, he didn’t really look tired. Maybe he had another reason for not wanting to run. Either way, she wasn’t walking.

“I do have a better idea,” she said. “Just give me a minute.”

Dorian looked at her questioningly but nodded. Phoebe closed her eyes. This was a long distance, but she was sure she could do it. Her mind traveled at lightning speed back to the Haven. A few days ago they had been introduced to Cory, who was brought in to try to coax Lucy’s Speed to its full potential. She had to search minds for a few minutes, but she found him. She found his talent. He could run sixty miles an hour at his fastest. Impressive. Phoebe channeled it back to her body as her mind returned there. She turned to Dorian and channeled the talent into him.

She smiled at him. He had no idea what was going on. It was difficult to hold from this far of a distance, but she wouldn’t have to do it for long. A half an hour max.

“I’ll race you,” she said and she took off.

Phoebe was out of Dorian’s sight in less than a second. It took him a second longer to catch on and start running. It was amazing to run so fast. Everything should have been a blur, but with her perfect vision, Phoebe could see every stone flying by them. She could just barely hear the sounds of the Haven when she quit channeling and she and Dorian slowed to a walk. They still had about four miles to go, but she wasn’t ready to face everyone yet. Not to mention, channeling was starting to take a toll on her energy.

Dorian wrapped his arm around her waist once they had slowed down. “I didn’t know you could reach that far,” he commented.

“I didn’t either. Cassius has never asked me to try at that distance,” Phoebe replied.

Dorian was quiet for a minute. “Maybe…” he said.

“Maybe, what?” she asked.

“Maybe you could do some surveillance for us, around the Haven as far as you could reach. We wouldn’t have to send scouts out as much.”

“Yes,” she replied immediately. She didn’t even need to think about it. Here was something she could do that might help, and no one would need to risk their lives. She might even be able to search out people in hiding. She felt a hundred times lighter as they continued to walk.

“That will ease Hector’s mind. He wanted to go back out and scout the mountains around us,” Dorian said.

Apparently Dorian would allow her to do something that wouldn’t harm her in any way. She knew he was protective because he was scared for her, but she was also glad that he wasn’t so overprotective that he wanted to keep her locked in a room, far from any danger. However, she was reminded of something else from earlier that day and she frowned.

Dorian saw it, of course. “Hector wouldn’t have gone anyway. I need him here for training. I considered having one of the elves join him for training so I could go out myself, but I don’t want to leave you here.”

That hadn’t been why Phoebe was frowning, but she was distracted, again. Although this time it was for a different reason. “You go out there?”

“Yes. Well, I used to, before you came back.”

She wasn’t sure why that hadn’t occurred to her before. “So you know what it looks like? You know what it’s really like?”

He frowned and stopped walking. “Yes, but I…”

“Show me,” she commanded, cutting him off.

He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Dorian, you have to show me. I have to know.”

“Phoebe, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You got so angry just hearing about it.”

She grabbed his arms. She knew this was one of the things he kept hidden from her. “I can’t just keep having it thrown at me a little at a time. I need to know. It will make it easier for me to hear about it.”

He sighed. “Phoebe, you have no idea…”

“No, I don’t have any idea. That’s why I need to know. Every time I think it can’t get any worse, and then it does. If I know everything, it will be easier. Please.”

“I guess it’s best if I show you here, just in case,” Dorian said in resignation.

He knew she was right. It would make it easier if it didn’t keep taking her by surprise. And it would be best to do it here, where she was away from people, in case she couldn’t control her anger again. He held her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.

“What do you want to see?”

“Everything.”

He closed his eyes. Phoebe wondered if he was concentrating. He had never needed to do that before. She broke through the protective barrier of her mind and went straight to him. He had his eyes closed because he didn’t want to see her reaction.

“Dorian, I need you to watch me. You’re going to have to know when to stop.” She heard her words through his ears.

Whatever you see, whatever you feel, remember that I love you, he thought before he opened his eyes.

She didn’t need to remember. She could feel it, more strongly than when he usually let it go.

“I’m ready,” she whispered quietly.

There was a strong emotion trying to break free of its cage, but Dorian managed to force it back and let another wall down. Phoebe was sucked into his memories.

Fires are burning; charred figures are running and screaming; thick smoke hangs in the air, making the sky almost black. The reddish orange orb that is the sun hangs in the sky. It casts no light on the ground. It is just a presence in the sky, only still there because Petrozan can’t figure out how to get rid of it completely. I walk through the land, invisible, as I try to guide these charred figures to safety. I can hardly breathe; the smoke is so heavy. I can hear the army marching, not far away. The liquid metal soldiers’ footsteps are almost silent. They must be close if I can hear them this well. I am only a half-mile from the village. I have to get there. If I’m fast enough, I’ll be able to get them out and to safety.

The footsteps move closer, and I start running. They won’t hear me. They have no ears; only their orders guide them. If Mari were here, I would be able to move so much faster. I could save so many. My hand instinctively rises to my scar; it reminds me why I’m here, why I’m still fighting, even when I have nothing left. Everything has been taken away from me, and yet I still live; my companion, my family, my…no, I have to focus.

I can hear the frantic cries of the people in the village. Only a little farther. I can see the smoke rising. Their homes are already on fire. They had no warning. How many will die? How many will I be able to get out alive? I can already hear the screaming of those being burned alive.

I burst into the village. It’s worse than I feared. At least half the homes are already on fire. Zuriel stands in the middle of the clearing as soldiers drag people out and force them to their knees in front of him. I’m too late, even invisible. There’s nothing I can do. Children are sobbing. One soldier beats each of them into silence. A baby cries. It’s ripped from its mother’s arms and examined for a minute. A Sensor determines the baby’s has no unique power. It doesn’t live to take even one more breath. The mother screams out in agony but is quickly silenced.

If my stomach contained any food at all, I would not be able to hold it any more. There are only twelve soldiers here. I wait to make sure there are no more. I can handle that many. I can hear the screams of those they left to burn, but there are still people who could be saved. The soldiers finish collecting anyone of value to Petrozan as they wait for the rest of the army. The rest of the homes are set on fire.

I make my move as the soldiers gather together in a group. I could put out the fires, but it’s best to let those trapped inside die quickly. To prolong their suffering would be far worse. We wouldn’t be able to make it back to the Haven before they would die a much more painful and prolonged death. My shield goes up, blocking Zuriel and the soldiers from the people huddled in front of them. They look around, searching for the source of the power as they brace themselves for a fight. I won’t be able to take them all down if it comes to that. Zuriel immediately cloaks himself. I have no doubt he will retreat immediately.