The Order of the Elements 01 - Breaking Point (36 page)

“Are you ashamed of what you feel?” Ethan asked.

Lucy shook her head. “No, not at all. I’m just amazed. The way you feel about me and the way I feel about you is…” She trailed off, but he caught the end of her sentence in her thoughts
. …almost as strong as what Phoebe and Dorian feel for one another.

“Almost?” he asked.

Lucy sighed. “You don’t understand. I don’t even really understand it, not in this case. They are linked in a way that even I can’t comprehend, not fully. But the way you feel and the way I feel is very strong. The strongest that I’ve ever come across.”

“Except for Phoebe and Dorian,” Ethan said.

Lucy smiled. “Yes, except for them. But I don’t want to be them. I want to be us. I love you, and that’s what matters to me.”

“But you still think about it; you still compare us.”

“In that instance I did because I didn’t think I would find anything comparable to them. But I have, and you know how amazing that is to me and how happy I am that I’ve found that with you,” Lucy explained.

Ethan did know; her thoughts were an open book to him. He saw the way Phoebe and Dorian looked at one another. Nothing else in the world mattered to them until they were together and knew the other was happy and content. Was it so different for him and Lucy? He had never thought about it. He and Lucy were generally happy and content most of the time. Of course, they constantly had the other whether they were physically in the same room together or were just sharing their thoughts. But Phoebe and Dorian
ached
for one another. Even when they were together, it wasn’t enough.

Phoebe and Dorian both knew how much they loved each other, yet how often did Phoebe become enraged whenever the slightest thought of Dorian flitted through Kali’s mind? She fought for Dorian, and if the occasion ever came, Ethan knew Dorian would fight for her, even though they each knew that they only wanted each other. Ethan saw the way all the men here looked at Lucy. He saw from her memories how men in her village had looked at her too. But he had never once been angry about it. Never once had he felt the need to fight for her. Was it because he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she didn’t want anyone else? Or was it because he just didn’t care enough to fight for her?

No, neither one, Lucy thought.

What is it then? Ethan asked.

She was silent, both physically and mentally.

Am I ever going to find out whatever it is you can’t tell me?
He was tired of all of this stuff he couldn’t know. He was sure knowing would solve everything.

I hope so. It really is frustrating not being able to tell you, Lucy sighed.

It’s even more frustrating not knowing at all, he thought.

“I know,” she whispered. “I’m ruining this, aren’t I?” Her brow furrowed. It was such a rare occurrence when that particular look appeared on her beautiful face.

Ethan smiled. “No, I’m just trying to understand.”

His arms were still wrapped around her. He briefly wondered how much time had passed and how long it would be before someone came looking for them. It felt like hours had gone by. Maybe even days or weeks or years had passed. He wondered if it was possible to love someone so much in such a short amount of time. How many times had the impossible been proven here in this world? Why was he still questioning it?

Lucy didn’t appear to be following his thoughts. “Well, if it helps, I don’t understand either. One day, if the ban is ever lifted, perhaps we’ll both find out. But until then, I’m happy, and what we have is more than perfect for me. So why don’t we just worry about that?”

Ethan laughed. “Okay, I guess Phoebe and Dorian deserve their mysteries. After all, Phoebe has been uncharacteristically
not
nosy about ours.”

“Well, I can’t blame her for being nosy. It’s part of her talent. I don’t think it’s something she particularly enjoys, but it’s unavoidable. But you’re right; she has been good about it.”

“Hmm, maybe it’s a good thing she and Dorian found out they need one another. I don’t think I would have lasted a week with military Dorian commanding us around.”

Lucy laughed, and it sounded like the most beautiful instrument in the world playing. “I’d like to see you tell him that to his face.”

Ethan’s fingers traced the side of her throat, from where the beautiful sound of her voice emanated. “Anything for you.”

Lucy smiled. In that case…why don’t we forget about Dorian, and you kiss me instead?

Anything for you.

25. Meeting

Dorian cleared his throat in annoyance, and Ethan huffed impatiently for what had to be the hundredth time in twenty short minutes. Dorian’s annoyance was due to Phoebe’s incessant squirming; Ethan’s impatience was due to the fact that the family and scout in isolation were getting their last check over before coming out; he and the others were waiting outside the isolation quarters, just down the hall from the infirmary. This anticipation was also the source of Phoebe’s squirming. Phoebe knew Dorian was also excited, but unlike the rest of them, his carefully composed features and trained patience gave nothing away.

She became distracted from her squirming when shimmering silver eyes gazed back at her. She felt like she should be used to this by now. Still, every time she found Dorian’s eyes trained on her, her heart raced. To know that he never tired of watching her every insignificant movement as if it was of the utmost importance made her dizzy with happiness. Once her eyes were captured by his, everything else disappeared. She slowly memorized his every feature. She probably knew them so well that she could draw them perfectly with her left hand and her eyes closed.

Even so, she scanned over him again, looking for any changes that might have occurred while he slept. She saw every strand of his black hair and its metallic streaks catching the light with perfect clarity. She remembered her friend Carmen’s brother trying to achieve the same casual look as Dorian’s. It had taken him forty-five minutes and three-fourths of a bottle of hair gel, and it still looked nowhere near as good or unintentional. Phoebe had never seen Dorian do anything with his hair, aside from running his fingers through it occasionally.

Dorian’s features did not hold a trace of the annoyance that his actions had portrayed moments ago. He was amused by her impatience. Although this face had been hard and cold upon their first meeting, it was now warm and content. The lines of stress and worry were more often replaced by those from smiling. Phoebe felt her heart swell, expanding to use every miniscule amount of space allotted to it, and then some. Only one thing was out of place on this face, and that was the permanently clenched muscle in the hard square of his jaw. No matter his mood, it was a line that never softened, a muscle that never relaxed.

The straight angle of his nose brought her attention to the perfect shape of his lips—lips that she had traced many times with her fingers. That was the most contact she had ever had with them. But she wanted more. Every time her focus was brought to the perfect curve of his lips, a curve that she was nearly positive would match hers, her longing for that contact raged out of control. She could see it play out just like the many fantasies she used to have to endure from Kali as she imagined the very same thing. But for Phoebe, it would be so much more.

Dorian was the most physically attractive man she had ever seen, and while that was part of her motivation, it went deeper than that. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt as if that connection would break down all the walls between them. That he would be hers in a way no one else ever had been, and in a way no one else ever would be. Though, despite numerous efforts, it was one act she couldn’t get him to commit to. There were moments when he was close to pressing his mouth to hers, but he’d turn away at the last second, and she could feel the pain and confusion it caused him. She wondered what he hid behind that barrier in his mind that wouldn’t let him move forward with her. For now, she didn’t force the issue because she didn’t want it to push him away. She knew that the seemingly small act would somehow unlock all the secrets he kept from her. If there was one thing that fascinated her about Dorian, at least more than anything else, it was the inner workings of his cryptic mind.

Ethan and Lucy’s silence didn’t bother Phoebe. From the months she had observed Ethan in the Non-Magical Realm, she knew quite a lot about him already, and Lucy was probably the most honest person Phoebe had ever met. Lucy’s silence never meant she was holding back, only that she didn’t have anything she felt the need to say. Dorian, on the other hand, mystified Phoebe. His mind was a complicated maze, a puzzle she couldn’t solve. No matter how many times she rearranged the pieces or changed her direction or even tried to take him by surprise, he was always ready with a defense to keep her out of the secrets he kept.

Even when that wall did break down, even when the puzzle was solved, Phoebe was sure Dorian’s mind would still be the focal point of her fascination. She was sure that whatever these secrets were, they were probably more fascinating than anything she could possibly imagine. She tried not to drive herself crazy with the possibilities—it was a difficult task. The scar on his neck, the jagged line that was the only flaw on his lightly tanned skin, was sure to hold a longer and much more detailed story than the one he had given her. And that was only one thing. How much more was there that she didn’t know?

Phoebe saved his eyes for last. They always erased all other thoughts from her mind and left her with only one reason to want to pull him closer, to have that connection with him that she wanted so badly. His eyes were full of adoration that she couldn’t understand. He looked at her like she was a gift from the gods. She mentally chuckled at her own bad wording. She was just ordinary. Even here, she felt no different than any of the people around her.

Although she knew what would be there when she went searching Dorian’s thoughts, she had to check anyway. This was the one thing she hated about her elixir. The silence was precious, and to feel just her own emotions was bliss, except there was one voice that she missed. Phoebe focused, fighting through the thin shield that protected her mind from the emotions and thoughts around her. Her mind found Dorian’s easily, and she felt his love wash over her. It was still crippling, still so strong she couldn’t comprehend its depth. It was like trying to stretch her mind around the fact that the universe just went on and on and on, that there was no end to it. That was how deep, how limitless, how wonderful it was.

She stayed in his mind, content to feel this love for the rest of eternity. She watched through his mind as he examined her every feature, always finding each one beautiful. She still couldn’t understand it, even here, immersed in his mind. She couldn’t see what he did. His gaze caught her eyes, and she felt him smile. He could always tell from the look in her eyes when her mind was no longer behind them.

You’re intruding.
His thoughts sounded clearly in his mind.

Phoebe watched her body sigh from his eyes. She always found this strange. She could still control her body even though her mind was somewhere else. It was intriguing to watch. She commanded her lips to move. She could hear his thoughts, but he could not hear hers. Cassius and Phoebe were working on that particular area of her talent, but it wasn’t going well.

“Does it matter? You hide your secrets well.” Her voice was soft, barely a sigh. His ears were the only ones to pick up her words.

But it’s not really fair. You see what I see, feel what I feel, and yet here I am, stuck on the outside looking in, he replied.

Phoebe could feel his longing to read her thoughts, to see into her mind. There was nothing interesting there. He leaned in closer as if he would be able to hear her thoughts if he were nearer to her. She could smell the rainwater scent of her skin through his nose. A wave of pleasure washed through him.

You always smell so good, he sighed pleasurably.

She could see her cheeks flush. “I hadn’t noticed,” she made her body say as her eyes glanced away.

He picked up on the sound of her voice and savored it. She heard his thoughts comparing her voice to the melodic sound of water dancing over stones in a small brook, and he was making another comparison she couldn’t grasp. She fought against the wall blocking her, but it was futile. He smiled again as her brow furrowed in concentration and her eyes narrowed in frustration.

You really should stop fighting. Maybe those are things you would be better off not knowing, he suggested.

“Maybe you should let me be the judge of that,” her lips replied.

He saddened. One day I will have to do that, but for now, it’s best this way.

Her body sighed again. It was pointless. That was even more frustrating. With anyone else, she could have gotten to their secrets by now, but Dorian was just too good at keeping her out. She guessed he deserved his privacy; everyone had secrets now and again. She lost herself to the full force of his love again before pulling back to her own body. The effort was starting to wear on her energy, so she wouldn’t have been able to stay much longer anyway.

She lifted her downcast eyes back up to him, and he smiled again. Her heart stuttered. “I’m sorry. I know it frustrates you,” he said.

“Frustrated is a bit of an understatement,” she replied.

“What would you say then?” He threaded his fingers into hers, which had been previously twirling a stand of her hair.

Phoebe scowled. It required a lot of effort; it was hard to be anything but content when she was looking in his eyes. “Irritated beyond what should be allowable for any one human being.”

He chuckled. “In that case, I guess I should be glad you have the capacity to handle the irritation of quite a few human beings at once.”

He was impossible. But she couldn’t make herself get angry like she wanted to. Her ability to handle intense emotions had been up for debate since the disaster that was the Earth Tournament. She still couldn’t think about the incident without cringing. She was glad that her thoughts were silent. Her cringing wasn’t due to the fact that she had very nearly killed someone, but because she had not succeeded. She hated to admit it, even if only to herself. The others thought she would feel guilty, but she just couldn’t bring herself to feel that way. They hadn’t seen the explicit thoughts in Kali’s mind.