The Order of the Elements 01 - Breaking Point (63 page)

He chuckled. “Just you.”

“Well, then, rest assured that everyone else thinks it too, and feels utterly inferior because of it.”

“I don’t think so,” he muttered.

“How could you not?”

“Because I think you’re perfect.”

If she hadn’t been sitting in the middle of a very solid surface, she probably would have fallen right over. As it was, she sputtered incoherently before finally spitting out, “Are you serious? I’m the most imperfect person I know!”

“Maybe so, but even if that’s true, which I seriously doubt, that is the very essence of what makes you so perfect.”

“So you’re saying that my being imperfect makes me perfect?”

“In abstract, yes.”

She pulled herself away from his chest so she could see if he was really as serious as he was feeling. His eyes betrayed no hint of amusement. “That makes no sense whatsoever, you know,” Phoebe commented.

He smiled. “It would if you would view yourself from my perspective.”

She shook her head. “I have, and I still don’t get it.”

She had tried many times while occupying his mind to see and understand whatever it was he saw in her. And though she could feel his awe, wonder, and love, she still didn’t understand it.

“Would you like me to explain?”

“I can’t see how it would help, but I suppose you could try.”

If felt surprisingly easy to suppress her Truth Seeking talent at the moment. She didn’t listen as he assembled his thoughts.

“It’s not your imperfections, per se, but how you make those imperfections assets rather than drowning yourself in them. Very much like your theory that the absences of some things—our imperfections—make up the very fiber of who we are. And that truth and strength of character are defined by how we embrace those absences when it seems things can’t get any worse, or as you and Cassius put it, reach our breaking point. When you reach the point where it seems things can’t get any worse, you find strength in imperfections that people would generally view as weaknesses.

“Just like in the cave, when it seemed there was no hope, you embraced your anger and fear in an attempt to save those you loved. You saw weaknesses but turned them into strengths. Sometimes, rather most times, I believe, imperfections make us strongest if we are willing to embrace them for what they are, rather than try to hide them or deny they exist. So, perfection lies in imperfection and our willingness to accept those as part of who we are.”

Phoebe felt like she had just heard some great philosophical conclusion, but since it pertained to her, it was absolute craziness. “Well, that doesn’t mean anything special,” she said offhandedly.

“You only think that now because I’m applying it to you. But you’ve already proven that you think the same thing. You just don’t like looking at it from my perspective of you.”

“That’s because your perspective is ludicrous. You’re suggesting that people shouldn’t strive to rise above their imperfections, because then we’d be denying who we are.” Phoebe tried to twist his words around to suit her needs, which were to try to make him understand that none of what he had said applied to her.

He shook his head. “No, I suggest exactly what you suggest. That truth is what imperfections we have. Strength comes from how we strive to fix those imperfections. Truth and strength come when, in the moment of need, we accept ourselves for who we are and are willing to turn to our perceived weaknesses if the situation demands it.”

Her lungs deflated, and her shoulders slumped as she realized he had entirely decoded the meaning of her innocuous theory. Dorian smiled and brushed her cheek lightly. “You know, the fact that you’re willing to argue against your own words because you don’t think anyone should view you like that is even more proof of how exceptional you truly are.”

Phoebe scowled. “Fine, believe your insane theories, and I’ll know you’re wrong about me, and I’ll worry more about how you even know things you’ve never heard me talk about.”

Dorian leaned over the side of the bed and picked something up off the floor. Her journal. “I hope you’ll forgive me. When I found you had gone, I…was afraid I would never see you again, so I went looking for any part of you I could find. Might I also say, I like your theory on immortality. It seems many of your theories indicate that you somehow knew what was going to happen to you. I think this theory is relevant as well.”

Phoebe snorted. “Why? Is it because you’ve found some preposterous way to apply that theory to me?”

His grin was blindingly bright. “Naturally. Would you like to hear it?

“Not particularly.”

“You don’t think what you did is grounds for earning immortality—in any form?”

Phoebe considered that for a minute. “Only if it would allow me to help others or encourage people to believe in themselves,” she said cautiously.

His awe was almost overpowering. “Exceptional,” he muttered.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand. “All this thinking is making my head hurt. Let’s go get something to eat; I’m starving.”

He had a curious expression on his face. “Of course, but might I ask you one more question before we go?”

She hesitated wearily. “I guess so.”

“You mentioned that you would give up your mortality so you could help others to see the beauty of life. Why?”

Phoebe had to think that over; it was more complicated to explain than to think about. It was one of those things where she knew exactly why she would do it, but she just couldn’t put it into words. “Because,” she started slowly, “I know this might sound crazy, but I’ve always felt like I knew exactly what I wanted from my life and exactly how to get it, and I don’t think that being mortal or immortal would ever change that. I’ve always wanted to help people live better, happier lives. It does seem a little ironic that I should be in the midst of the ultimate battle for human lives.”

Dorian nodded.

“There are other things that I want from my life, just like everyone. But if I could keep all those things and continue helping people—for an eternity—I can’t imagine anything making me happier than that. Even if it means giving up death and whatever awaits us after.”

Dorian considered her with careful eyes. “So, in essence, you do see immortality as a curse, but you would bear that in a purely selfless act?”

“Well, you make it sound noble when you put it like that. I can’t deny there are things that I would want to keep.”

“Like?”

Phoebe bit her lip before answering. “Well, you, for one. Eternal love. The ultimate cliché but something every woman hopes for, me included. And my friends. I wouldn’t want to watch them die, even though I know it would be better for them to end that way.”

His eyes suddenly blazed. “Do you believe that’s what we have?”

“Yes. Cliché or not, I believe in it, and I believe in us.”

His hand was on her neck, pulling her forward. Phoebe’s heart raced like it only had so many beats left and was trying to squeeze them all in before the end. His face was inches from hers, and all she could see were his eyes as they burned into hers. She felt his breath on her lips, and they parted in anticipation. Sapphire nudged Phoebe in her side and abruptly pulled her out of paradise.

She was too dazed to even scold Sapphire for being rude. Not that she could find it in her power to scold her. She knew Sapphire was hungry. Phoebe’s stomach growled loudly in confirmation. She hadn’t eaten in over six days, which meant Sapphire hadn’t either.

“Of course, this is all purely hypothetical,” Dorian said, regaining his casual attitude.

The façade he was trying to pull off wasn’t quite complete; his eyes still burned with desire. “Yes, but to have you—forever?” His scent still assaulted her nose. “Selfish, but I wouldn’t stop myself if I had the opportunity.”

Phoebe’s stomach growled again, loudly. “Let’s get you something to eat, and then we’ll discuss hypothetical matters, shall we?” he suggested.

She couldn’t deny that she was starving, but she also couldn’t deny that she would much rather stay there with him. “Okay,” she agreed.

If she was going to spend
quality
time with him, she would rather not have her stomach interrupting. Dorian stood up before Phoebe could even swing her legs over the edge of the bed, and he pulled her up and cradled her in his arms.

“I can walk,” she said halfheartedly.

She didn’t really mind being held against his chest and being taken care of. She also didn’t mind the feeling of security and protection, but she didn’t want him to think she needed him to do that for her.

“I know,” he said and carried her out anyway.

Dorian carried her all the way down the hall as she savored the feeling of being alive. The Haven had always been exquisite, but if it were possible for it to become even more beautiful, it certainly seemed like it was now. It still amazed her that this one small spot in this world was peaceful and perfect while everywhere else was so imperfect. With their first test over and her hope restored, she realized that as long as there was still someone willing to fight for the outcome they desired, there would always be hope that the beauty and peace in the Haven would once again spread to the outside world.

They only had to figure out the cryptic prophecy, but they had not the slightest idea where to start. Not to mention, everyone was being a thorn in her side about this whole recovery thing. She sighed.

“Don’t think about it,” Dorian murmured.

Don’t think about it? This coming from Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected about everything.
Phoebe needed to figure out how to work her new talent. Surely it would give her some insight into the prophecy.

“I can hear your heart racing. Please give yourself a few days to relax.”

Okay, so if she just focused and concentrated, she figured she should be able to find her power. Then she had to figure out how to trigger it—a word, an image, something. She tried to remember what the prophecy said—something about an elixir…

Dorian stopped abruptly, set Phoebe on her feet, and turned her to face him. Sapphire continued on to the dining hall, tired of waiting.

“What are you doing?”

Dorian didn’t answer right away. Instead, he unleashed the full force of his intense gaze and overpowering love on her. Her breath caught, and her heart skipped several beats before racing as fire shot through her veins. His cool fingers traveled lightly from her shoulders to her wrists, and goosebumps erupted in wake of his trail. He pulled her arms around his waist and then cradled her face between his hands. He leaned down and brushed his lips from her forehead to beside her ear. His breath was warm on her face, and she felt like her heart was about to explode out of her chest.

“I am knowingly making you apathetic to everything but me,” he whispered in Phoebe’s ear as a shiver traveled down her spine.

Phoebe couldn’t think of a coherent response as his lips continued their light trail down the side of her neck and his fingers tangled in her hair. She tried to breathe, but it only happened in little spurts when it was absolutely necessary. His arms slipped around her waist and pulled her into his body until she was molded to it. His lips traveled over her collarbone, leaving a trail of fire behind, and then he pulled his face back up to hers.

Finally, something popped into her blank mind. “That’s not fair,” she said breathlessly as his thumb traveled down the side of her face. It really wasn’t fair to hold that kind of power over another human being.

“Just a few days; that’s all I’m asking,” he said softly in a seductive voice that made her already pounding heart leap faster.

“One day,” Phoebe said, trying to make her voice sound strong but completely failing.

“One week,” he offered and pulled her face closer to his.

“Two days.”

“Five.” He pulled her face a little closer. Her frazzled thoughts completely fuzzed out.

“Three,” she managed in a tiny voice.

“Four.” His lips were centimeters from hers.

“Deal,” she muttered, and her lip brushed his.

His thumb traveled over her lips, and he rested his forehead to hers. She made some strange noise in frustration, a cross between a grunt and a huff. Then her stomach again growled inconveniently. “You need to eat, and we’ll finish this…discussion…later.”

“Promise?” She slurred her word slightly.

“Promise. And by discussion, I mean I have other things to tell you.”

“Okay,” Phoebe replied in a daze. Her mind slowly cleared as he pulled away and picked her back up. All she knew was that he had promised that there would be a “later.” She could handle that.

When they made it to the dining hall, Sapphire was already eating. Ethan had seen Dorian and Phoebe coming down to get some food, and everyone had beaten them there. They had managed to scrounge up enough food to feed an army, causing Phoebe to wonder if she’d really lost so much weight in a few days that they thought she needed twelve hundred pounds of food to eat. It took her a while to notice that Hector wasn’t there.

Phoebe was distracted from her “later” plans with Dorian as she thought over questions she had for Hector. Everyone seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood, and rightly so, as she sat and ate and they talked. Nobody mentioned her outburst from earlier. They didn’t want to think about it anymore than she did. Nothing too eventful happened while she was eating, unless Evan throwing pie at her face would be considered unusual. It wasn’t, because he missed, as always. Now, if he’d have hit her,
that
would have been unusual.

After she had eaten her fill, she decided she would really like to go for a walk in the gardens. It was January, but even with the cold, the flowers still bloomed as brightly as always. Sapphire stayed with Evan and Bree while Dorian took her hand and led her through the peaceful hallways.

“Where is everyone?” Phoebe asked, noticing it was unusually quiet.

“Training, of course,” he answered.

“Oh, right.”

They cut through a hallway that was a shortcut to the entrance hall. A hand grabbed her wrist. “Phoebe?” Phoebe knew the voice, but the touch attached was all wrong.