The Orphan (30 page)

Adam searches anyway, tearing the place apart. Their bedrooms, the living room, the bathroom, under every cushion and in every drawer. He ransacks the entire trailer in a fury, but he does not find his $568.

He will never get there again. Not with this family, not in this life. Even if he mows lawns all summer, for a whole other year, it won’t matter, they will just take it again. He will never mow another lawn or ride another bike as long as he lives.

His Cinelli is gone. Everything is gone.

He can’t live here anymore, never again. The bike was going to take him far away, he realizes now. Once he had the Cinelli, he would never have come home.

Adam doesn’t cry. The thing inside that allows children to cry is broken.

He sees red, then yellow, and then he sees streaks of white like falling stars. He finds his old Little League bat in the shed out back and uses it to destroy as much of the trailer’s insides as he can. Bashing out the front of the TV, the dinner plates, the family photos on the walls. Holes in the cabinets. He smashes his sister’s Barbie collection to limbs and pieces and knocks her bedside lamp to smithereens. The liquor bottles in the kitchen explode with glory. When he is too tired to swing the bat, he staggers and falls onto the couch, exhausted. He stares into empty space for a few minutes, and then his focus comes back with precision.

On the coffee table beside the ashtray is a half-empty pack of his mom’s cigarettes, and beside those, a little yellow Bic lighter.

Adam picks up the lighter and thumbs the metal wheel.

A tiny flame curls up and wavers meekly. The lighter is almost out of fuel, but there is enough. Just enough.

He removes the last eleven dollars from his pocket and holds them over the flame, watching the money shrivel and darken, transforming from a piece of the Cinelli, enough for maybe the grips, into fire. When the flames reach his fingertips he drops the bills on the coffee table and watches them consume themselves until there is only a spiral of smoke and a layer of black ash.

In his bedroom, he fills his backpack with a few necessities. A change of underwear and socks, his jean jacket, his favorite issue of
Questar
, and some beef jerky and crackers he has kept in his dresser so that his sister won’t find them when they run out of food, which happens for days and sometimes weeks at a time. Lastly he adds the knife, in case they come for him. It is not the pocket knife his Grandpa gave him when he was still alive. It is the evil-looking knife he found in his dad’s truck one night, the one he kept for the eventual night they came to kill him.

Then he walks to Miriam and Ethan’s bedroom.

‘I’m sorry, Arnie,’ he says, and holds the Bic flame under the curtain. Holds it there until he doesn’t need the lighter anymore.

Adam runs for a long time, thinking of nothing. He runs past Crest View, the school that has done nothing but make him feel ashamed of his family and his life. He runs into Wonderland Hills, where the rich kids live, where Darren Lynwood and Tommy and the rest of them are leading protected lives so removed from Adam’s experience they might as well be princes. He runs northwest, past Wonderland Hills pond, toward the rising Foothills of the Rocky Mountains, through fields of prairie grass turning steep into the first woods. He climbs a plateau until he can look back and see the entire town of Boulder, and then moves deeper, to a place where he can hide all night, for days, weeks, the rest of his life.

He hides and shivers through the night, an endless night, and all through the next day.

In the afternoon he searches for a stream where he might fish for dinner, but he doesn’t find one. He searches for berries to eat, but there are none.

As the second evening comes, he hears noises, monsters coming for him in the pine trees, his raging father hunting him with a knife, and he runs some more, until he finds this fallen log on the other side of a stream.

He burrows into the brush and keeps perfectly still, sometimes crying, sometimes laughing, and finally sleeping for a few peaceful hours, until something wakes him in the middle of the night. He sits up, listening as a creature drags itself through the sparse forest, stalking him.

Adam is confused, expecting to find himself at home, that this was all a dream, a nightmare. But no, he is still in the hills. Something has come for him. He will surrender. If it is a bear or a cougar, he will not run from it. He has nothing left.

But the creature stalking him is not a creature at all. It’s a boy.

One he recognizes.

‘You?’ Adam asks the shadow watching him from behind the first thin strand of trees. ‘What are you doing up here?’

‘I followed you,’ the shadow responds, and steps into the moonlight. He is wearing faded Levi’s jeans, red and white checkered Vans, and his Patterson Racing BMX jersey and his blue Haro gloves. His hair is longer, his frame leaner. He looks so damn cool, and his presence is such a surprise, Adam finds it impossible to be angry at him for ruining his bike. That day in Palo Park seems like something that happened ten years ago. ‘I know what happened and I want to help you. I know there’s no going back, but there’s a better way. We can sort it out.’

Glad of the company, Adam crawls up from the muck and sits on the log. Darren moves a little closer, using a pine needle to pick his teeth. Even this is a cool move. Everything Darren Lynwood does is confident and cool.

‘I’m sorry about the Cinelli,’ Darren says. ‘That would have been rad to see you on that ride.’

‘I was hoping you would like it,’ Adam confesses, as much to himself as to Darren Lynwood. He realizes for the first time that this is what he wanted. Not just the Cinelli, but the Wonderland Hills Gang’s approval. Darren Lynwood’s approval most of all. He didn’t want to beat them. He wanted to join them. ‘You always have the best bikes, the best everything. But I thought you would, you know, respect it.’

Darren steps a little closer. ‘I did. I do. You have the eye, man. You have the killer instinct. You just need the right bike to work on your skills. I’m sorry it didn’t happen.’

‘Wait,’ Adam says. ‘How’d you know about it, the Cinelli?’

‘Arnie told me. He was real proud of you. We all were.’

Adam wants to cry but he wouldn’t dream of doing so now. He’s already cried in front of Darren Lynwood once. Never again.

‘I guess I should say I’m sorry about your family, too,’ Darren says, looking around the woods. ‘I heard what happened. It’s all over the news. But I understand it. I know you didn’t mean it, but maybe it’s for the best, right?’

He looks down into Adam’s eyes, and Darren Lynwood’s eyes are black with fire, dark and serious far beyond his years.

Adam says, ‘I didn’t mean to burn it all. It just… I lost control.’

‘No doubt, no doubt, bro. But how could you have known they were in there? Your sister in the closet, where they kept her. Your folks passed out in the bathroom. Knocked out on heroin or whatever that stuff is they smoke? Smells like a chemical factory. Probably would have done it to themselves if you hadn’t done it for them. Like I said, for the best.’

Adam cannot speak for a moment. ‘Wait, what? You’re saying…’

Darren Lynwood peers down at him, nodding.

‘They’re…?’ Adam asks. ‘My family, they were home?’

‘’Fraid so.’

‘But I checked. I swear, they weren’t.’ And at the same time, Adam thinks,
Did I really check everywhere? Or did I skip the bathroom and Sheila’s closet for a reason? Because maybe I didn’t want to know. Because maybe I wanted them to feel the full force of my
—

‘Firemen found the bodies, dude. It’s over. They’re charcoal.’ Darren Lynwood laughs heartily, the same way he did when Adam’s bike tumbled into the ravine.

Adam laughs too, because to do anything else, to think about the reality of what he has done, would send him down a dark hallway to Hell for the rest of this life.

‘So, the good news is,’ Darren says, clapping his gloves together and taking a seat beside Adam on the log. ‘You’re free. You finally got away from them, in a way not even the Cinelli could have done for you. You can do anything you want now.’

‘Whattya mean?’ Adam says.

‘I mean, you can go anywhere, stay out late, and ride for ever. You’ll find another bike, another path, new friends. The world is waiting. No more abuse, no more drugs, no more séances and all that twisted business with your sister. You are better than that, always were, and you proved that today.’

‘You knew about my family too?’ Adam is too tired to feel ashamed.

‘Buddy, the whole school knew,’ Darren says. ‘But you know what? Screw them. Because school’s over. You’re the hero, at least to me. If my family was like yours I would have done the same thing, if I had your guts. But I don’t think you and I are made of the same stuff. What you got inside you. Man, that’s hardcore.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ Adam blurts. ‘I worship you!’

Darren looks him in the eyes again, and this time his eyes are not black or dead, they are blue, crystalline electric blue. Adam is not attracted to him, he has had crushes on girls, but nevertheless Darren Lynwood is beautiful. His cheeks glow. His skin is clean. He is all style. From the way he rides to the way he talks, his taste in bikes and clothes and a thousand other details, it’s what everyone at school knows. Darren Lynwood is not only going to live an amazing life and be a star, he is already a star.

‘I know you do,’ Darren Lynwood says. ‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I have an idea. It might sound crazy at first, but hear me out. Think about the long term. This is your life we’re talking about.’

‘Okay.’ Adam is puzzled and excited. He feels as if Darren Lynwood knows him, knows his thoughts, because whatever is coming, Adam has felt it too. It’s been building for the whole year, before the day in Palo Park. Maybe since the first time he ever saw Darren Lynwood. He wonders if Darren Lynwood is going to invite him to live with the Lynwood family. They can become brothers.

‘I’m moving away,’ Darren Lynwood says. ‘My dad, he works for Mountain Bell, you know. And he got a new job, in Albuquerque – that’s down in New Mexico. We’re leaving in a week. He was supposed to leave a month ago but he convinced the company to allow him to stay till the end of the school year.’

Adam’s heart sinks, remembering the rumors of the Lynwood family’s move. Maybe being brothers was crazy, but in the past few minutes he’d started to hope they would become friends at the very least, with or without the Cinelli. Maybe Darren Lynwood would feel bad for him and let him borrow one of his bikes. But he’s leaving for real? It’s too much sadness in one day. He can’t talk.

‘It’s better this way,’ Darren Lynwood assures him, shaking him by the shoulder. ‘We will always be friends, but with me gone, you can take over.’

‘Take over?’

Darren Lynwood leans in close and whispers in Adam’s ear. ‘You can be me now.’ His breath is warm and smells like candy, orange Gatorade maybe. ‘That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? Not just to be like me, but to be me? To have what I have? To ride my bikes? To have a nice house and a real family who loves you?’

Adam can’t bear to look up. He can only nod, and now the tears come regardless of how many times he blinks and how many times he swore he would never cry in front of Darren Lynwood again. Hot tears roll down his dirty cheeks and his chest heaves.

‘It’s okay. I want you to,’ Darren says, hugging Adam close. ‘It’s my way of making up for trashing your Huffy. For the teasing. For everything. I want you to take it, Adam. Take my life.’

Adam shakes his head. ‘I can’t.’

‘Yes, you can. I want you to.’

‘How? How is that possible?’

‘Simple. You run away. Not forever, but for a few years. Just long enough for people around here to forget what you look like. To forget what I look like. You have to run away so the police won’t find you, and you’ll be safer in another state. Then later, in a year or two, you find an orphanage, a shelter, or just call social services. They’ve been to your house before, you know how those folks work. You tell them you are a stray, a runaway, an orphan who can’t remember his family. You forget your family, but when you need one to hold on to, you remember mine. My hard-working father and my sweet mother. My house in Wonderland Hills. You don’t tell them any of that, but that’s who you are now. Inside you. When they ask your name, you tell them Darren Lynwood, and you can never change that, because your name is who you are. It is your history and your fate. It is your destiny.

‘You’re a smart kid. All that’s been holding you back is your family. They’re dead now. Someday you will find a new one. A wealthy family who can’t have kids of their own. They will adopt you, and when they try to change your name, you say no, you are Darren Lynwood. Because you have to believe it, Adam. You have to erase everything before today, before this moment, and when you walk out of these woods, you will be Darren Lynwood for the rest of your life.

‘When you grow up, you will be handsome, strong, and charming with the girls. You will go to college, you will work hard and get good grades. Your family will set you up, pave the way. You will live the dream life, my life, but you will also earn it. Because I work hard at school, too. One day you will fall in love and be married and have children of your own, and no matter how close they get, they will never know you as Adam Burkett. To them, to the rest of the world, and most importantly to yourself, you will only and always be Darren Lynwood. But you have to believe it. You have to memorize it in your bones. You have to commit everything, Adam, the way you committed to the Cinelli. Because if you don’t go all the way, it will all fall down, and one day you will wake up, your life will be hell, you will be a drug addict like your parents, homeless and lost and condemned, forever stuck being Adam Burkett. Now, which would you rather have? My life, or Adam’s?’

‘Yours,’ Adam says. He feels loose, weak, lighter than air.

‘Who would you rather be, Adam? A ruined kid from a rotten home, or me, the kid with all the bikes, all the advantages, all the success waiting for me down the road?’