The Other F-Word (28 page)

“Yes, sir, Mr Wolfe, I’ll see to it personally.”

“Thank you,” he said, putting his arm around me and guiding me to the door.

He sighed once we were out in the cold air. “We could go to the bar across the street, but I honestly doubt they’d have anything that didn’t have meat or cheese in it.”

“It’s perfect—I could use some cheese right now,” I said, walking in the direction.

“You must have had a rough day,” he said, catching up to me.

How did he know me so well?

We sat in a corner booth in the crowded bar. I ordered a vodka straight up. Damien quirked his eyebrow, but he didn’t say anything. All my thoughts were a jumbled mishmash of emotions. Then when I thought my heart couldn’t race any harder in my chest, it got worst.

“Emmie, is that you?” Kevin Bossman interrupted my rapid thoughts.

Shit…not a good time.
“Hi, Kevin, it’s good to see you.”

Kevin smiled, combing through his thinning copper hair. He had less hair and wrinkles in the corners of his eyes now, but he was still debonair, in that Robert Redford classic way. “You look exactly the same.”

“So do you,” I said with a gracious smile.

“You’re a horrible liar. You should never play poker, sweetheart.” He leant down, giving me a hug.

I didn’t have to look at Damien to know he was seething. I felt his anger float across the table, especially when Kevin took my hand and kissed it.

“How are those beautiful daughters of yours? You know, it must have been close to two years ago, but Marley called me to see about getting a reservation at my restaurant. Of course I always have a table reserved in case you’re ever in the neighbourhood.”

I giggled nervously. “She told me. Thanks for doing that. You know she just got married to the man who she made the reservation for.”

He frowned. “That’s interesting because she wasn’t with him that night.”

I winced, wishing I’d never brought it up. “It’s a long story.”

“Anytime you’d like to tell it, you know where I am.”

I took the drink our waitress had set down, ordering another immediately. I downed it in one swallow, like a shot.

“Excuse me,” Damien seethed. “I’d like to introduce myself, since no one else is doing it. I’m Damien Wolfe, Emmie’s boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten my manners,” I said, feeling my face burn.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Kevin greeted, shaking Damien’s hand.

I saw poor Kevin cringe when Damien tightened his grip.

“Well, I should be going,” Kevin said. “As always, it’s a pleasure to see you, Emmie.”

“You too, Kevin.” I smiled politely, but Kevin wasn’t done. He leant down and kissed my cheek.

“Kevin, is it?” Damien asked, not taking his eyes off me.

“That’s right.”

“I just want to make something clear, I don’t mind you kissing my girlfriend’s hand in a gentlemanly gesture if she’s fine with it, but I have a real problem with you kissing her cheek. You see, that kiss belongs to me.”

Kevin’s eyes widened, but when I turned back to look at Damien, he was still staring at me with an acidic smile that burned right through me.

“Understood.” Kevin walked away.

“Did you have to be such an asshole?” I said, matching his expression.

“Did you have to pretend like I wasn’t here?”

“I’m sorry, I just—”

“What, forgot about me?”

“Jesus, Damien, he’s just an old friend. The last man I dated. He has no interest in me.”

“He’s right, you should never play poker. You have no understanding of an opponent’s tells. He’s still interested in you.”

I sighed. This wasn’t going the way I expected. “You’re being silly.”

“Silly?” Damien drummed his fingers on the table. It was something most people did when they were bored or thoughtful. Damien did it when he was pissed off. “I make multi-million dollar transactions every day. I know how to read an opponent when I meet one.”

“I’m not interested.”

“It’s hard to tell since you didn’t bother introducing me. You practically ignored me, Jessie.”

This was ridiculous. A minute ago, I was contemplating how long it would take him to break up with me and now I was having a stupid argument with him about a man I had no interest in. A silly thought occurred to me. If I had taken the time to analyse it, I would have never blurted it out, but I was a desperate woman, trying to save what we had. “Maybe we should see other people, Damien.”

He stopped drumming immediately. The absence of the sound made my heart beat even harder. He was quiet for a minute. “Are you fucking with me?”

“I think it might be a good idea,” I said, staring down at my hands.

He tilted my chin to face him. His eyes were like burning forests. “You want to see other people? Is that what you want?”

“Sure.”

“And you’re fine with me seeing other girls and what…being with you on the side? That’s what we are?”

“I think we’re a little too serious.”

“Because I’m jealous? Because you want to see Kevin?”

“No, I just think it might be a good idea.”

“I see. Okay, I think that’s a brilliant idea then.”

He shifted his gaze away from mine, scanning the room. “What are you doing?”

“Scoping out the crowd. There are so many pretty girls here.”

“I didn’t mean now.”

He smile was so strained I thought it might hurt his face. “No time like the present. Want me to find a girl who might be into a threesome? That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

I knew what he was doing. He was testing me because he didn’t believe me. I wasn’t sure if I was up for his challenge. Now that I had blurted this absurd idea, I had to see it through. After all, some part of Damien was better than none.

“I’m more of a one-on-one kind of girl, but you go ahead and do what you need to do. Don’t mind me.”

“Thanks.”

Our waitress came then. She was young, blonde and tall. Her eyes lingered on Damien, and she played with her hair while she set down our fresh drinks. It was apparent he noticed, but he didn’t return any of her smiles. He resumed his search though as soon as she left. “Make yourself useful, Jessie. Help me out here. You see anyone bang-worthy in this crowd?”

“Our waitress seems to have a crush on you.”

“Not interested.”

“Why? She’s very pretty.”

He leaned closer to me, dropping his voice to a tense whisper, even though we were safe from being overheard. “I don’t want to wait for her to get off so I can…get off.”

“I didn’t realise you were in such a rush.”

“Well, I am.”

“Red head in the tight mini-skirt, six o’clock.”

He looked over at the direction I’d given.

“How do you know she’s wearing a mini-skirt? She’s sitting down at a table.”

“I saw her walk in and she was watching you the whole way to her table.” It was true. It had been difficult at first, but over the months we’d been together, I’d grown accustomed to the looks women gave Damien. Like a wolf, he had an animalistic sexual vibe, but a gentleness too. Most women were in a constant state of heat around him.

He punched me in the arm playfully. “Thanks, buddy. You’re such a great wingman. Always looking out for me. What would I do without you?”

“So are you going to make your move?”

“Are you sure you want me to?” He was waiting for me to stop him. He wanted me to tell him I’d spoken out of turn, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. A stubborn attitude was a DNA trait that ran in all the women in my family, and I had more than my fair share.

“Don’t let me get in your way. Go for it.”

“I guess I will go then.”

“Okay.”

“If I do this then I’m really doing it, Jessie. If I strike out, I’ll just get up to bat again.”

“You haven’t got up to bat the first time.”

“I’m just letting you know that I fully intend to fuck a girl into oblivion tonight, because I have your blessing to do so.”

“You keep saying stuff like that, yet you’re still sitting here with me.”

He sighed, running his hands through his dark hair. “Jessie, you don’t want this. I know you don’t.”

“Just go already and stop wasting time. She’s the most beautiful girl in this place.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “She’s not the most beautiful, but she’ll do,” he said, getting up from his chair.

He took slow, deliberate steps towards her, turning back to look at me once. The line between selfish and selfless is sometimes blurred. This was my idiotic way of hanging onto him, but letting him have what he wanted too.

She smiled brightly at him, tilting her head up when he approached. Her girlfriends all gave him the same coquettish smiles. I may have initiated this stupid idea, but I wasn’t going to watch it. I stood up, walking with fast steps towards the door.

Kevin caught up to me on the sidewalk. “Emmie, is something wrong?”

“I don’t feel well. I’m going to catch a cab home.”

“Let me hail one for you,” he offered. I didn’t argue.

“You’re boyfriend’s kind of an asshole,” he said.

“He’s very nice, Kevin. He was just surprised by your kiss.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. Why the hell is he trying to pick up another girl?”

I laughed—the sound was bitter and died in my throat. “It’s a long story.”

The cab pulled up and Kevin opened the door for me. “I always have time for your long stories. Remember that.”

“Thank you.”

Before I sat down though, a pair of large hands wrapped around my waist, gently pulling me back.

“I’m taking her home,” Damien said.

“Does she want to go home with you?” Kevin asked, raising his voice.

“I don’t know, Kevin, but that’s what’s going to happen.”

“I do. Thank you.” I nodded at Kevin before taking Damien’s hand.

I would need to call Kevin in the morning and explain it. I hadn’t seen the man in over a decade and he must think I’d gone mad. Perhaps I had.

Damien walked me back across the street in silence. He gave the valet driver our ticket and we waited.

“I can take a cab home.”

His expression was stern. “I am taking you home. I will not argue with you about that.”

“Did you strike out?”

“I didn’t feel like batting in the first place. I asked her if she had the time and where I could purchase a watch like hers. I told her I thought my girlfriend might like one.”

“Damien—”

He held up his hand. “Don’t talk to me right now. I’m royally pissed at you. I want to know what the fuck is going on. But right now I need a few minutes to myself. Why don’t you use that time to decide if you’re willing to share the truth with me or if you want to keep playing mind fuck games.”

I’d never seen Damien this angry. He didn’t speak the whole car ride to my house, or even look at me. He tightened his hands around the wheel so hard that I could see his knuckles turning white. His eyes looked straight ahead and he was silent. The tension was so thick, I felt it choking me.

We pulled up to the house. The realtor was there with the buyers. We’d both forgotten about it. He pulled over across the street. He slammed his fist against the wheel

I took a deep a breath. “Are you going to talk to me?”

He turned to me, but it wasn’t anger I saw anymore. It was misery and sorrow. “Do you know how much that hurt me? I fucking asked you to move in with me this morning. Don’t you know how I feel about you, Jessie? I love you.”

There it was. This should have been a joyous moment, hearing him say those words, but it just deepened the pain.

“You don’t feel the same way?”

I swallowed. “I love you too, Damien. I didn’t mean for that to happen tonight. It was stupidity on my part. I don’t want to see anyone else, because there is no one else for me.”

He took my hand, giving me a genuine smile for the first time that night. “What is it then?”

“Damien, where do you see us in a few years?”

“You want to have that conversation now?”

“I think we should. Just be honest with me, and then I will tell you what I see. I want to know if it matches.”

He sat back in his seat, but he didn’t let go of my hand. He was quiet for a while. “I don’t know. I was thinking about all the normal things. A rock on your finger that’s so heavy you can’t lift it without getting a cramp.” He kissed my wrist then, turning to me. “A nice house in the suburbs. Not like a mansion. It would be simple, but dignified. Probably brick since it’s so sturdy. Maybe a Georgian with classic lines and a large fenced yard where you could have a vegetable garden and—”

“I get it. It’s a nice house. Keep going.”

He grinned. “Yeah, I get hung up on that.”

“What else?”

“A child running around all over the place, driving us crazy and a couple of dogs. Maybe German Shepherds? I’ve always wanted a Shepherd, since I was a kid.” He gaped at me then, wiping the tears that started streaming down my face in thick rivulets. “Okay, so you’re not a fan of the German Shepherd. We’ll get something else.” His joke caused me to choke out a hysterical crying giggle. “What is it, baby? Just talk to me.”

“Do you remember how I told you we were safe with the birth control?”

“Jesus, Jessie, are you trying to tell me you’re pregnant?”

I shook my head. “No, just the opposite. I had my tubes tied when I had Billie. I can’t have children.”

He swallowed hard. The moment of thick silence felt like an eternity. “You would have been so young.”

“I had to fight with my doctor until he eventually agreed.”

He was quiet for a while, staring at the dark, empty street. When he turned to me, he smiled reassuringly. “There are other ways to have children. We could use a surrogate or adopt. Either way, they would be ours and we would love them. That’s all I want.”

“Damien, you don’t understand. I made that decision because I was as sure about it then as I am now. I love my children, but I don’t want any more. I’m done with that part of my life.”

He looked at me with such dejection then that my broken heart tore open again. “I see. I suppose I knew that already. I didn’t want to think about it. The truth is, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have a child either, so it wasn’t important to me. I’d be lying if I said I still felt that way.”