The Palliser Novels (203 page)

“That is just it. Of course decency, morality, and propriety, all made to suit the eye of the public, are the things which are really delightful. We all know that, and live accordingly, — as well as we can. I do at least.”

“And do not I, Madame Goesler?”

“I know nothing about that, Mr. Finn, and want to ask no questions. But if you do, I am sure you agree with me that you often envy the improper people, — the Bohemians, — the people who don’t trouble themselves about keeping any laws except those for breaking which they would be put into nasty, unpleasant prisons. I envy them. Oh, how I envy them!”

“But you are free as air.”

“The most cabined, cribbed, and confined creature in the world! I have been fighting my way up for the last four years, and have not allowed myself the liberty of one flirtation; — not often even the recreation of a natural laugh. And now I shouldn’t wonder if I don’t find myself falling back a year or two, just because I have allowed you to come and see me on a Sunday morning. When I told Lotta that you were coming, she shook her head at me in dismay. But now that you are here, tell me what you have done.”

“Nothing as yet, Madame Goesler.”

“I thought it was to have been settled on Friday?”

“It was settled, — before Friday. Indeed, as I look back at it all now, I can hardly tell when it was not settled. It is impossible, and has been impossible, that I should do otherwise. I still hold my place, Madame Goesler, but I have declared that I shall give it up before the debate comes on.”

“It is quite fixed?”

“Quite fixed, my friend.”

“And what next?” Madame Goesler, as she thus interrogated him, was leaning across towards him from the sofa on which she was placed, with both her elbows resting on a small table before her. We all know that look of true interest which the countenance of a real friend will bear when the welfare of his friend is in question. There are doubtless some who can assume it without feeling, — as there are actors who can personate all the passions. But in ordinary life we think that we can trust such a face, and that we know the true look when we see it. Phineas, as he gazed into Madame Goesler’s eyes, was sure that the lady opposite him was not acting. She at least was anxious for his welfare, and was making his cares her own. “What next?” said she, repeating her words in a tone that was somewhat hurried.

“I do not know that there will be any next. As far as public life is concerned, there will be no next for me, Madame Goesler.”

“That is out of the question,” she said. “You are made for public life.”

“Then I shall be untrue to my making, I fear. But to speak plainly — “

“Yes; speak plainly. I want to understand the reality.”

“The reality is this. I shall keep my seat to the end of the session, as I think I may be of use. After that I shall give it up.”

“Resign that too?” she said in a tone of chagrin.

“The chances are, I think, that there will be another dissolution. If they hold their own against Mr. Monk’s motion, then they will pass an Irish Reform Bill. After that I think they must dissolve.”

“And you will not come forward again?”

“I cannot afford it.”

“Psha! Some five hundred pounds or so!”

“And, besides that, I am well aware that my only chance at my old profession is to give up all idea of Parliament. The two things are not compatible for a beginner at the law. I know it now, and have bought my knowledge by a bitter experience.”

“And where will you live?”

“In Dublin, probably.”

“And you will do, — will do what?”

“Anything honest in a barrister’s way that may be brought to me. I hope that I may never descend below that.”

“You will stand up for all the blackguards, and try to make out that the thieves did not steal?”

“It may be that that sort of work may come in my way.”

“And you will wear a wig and try to look wise?”

“The wig is not universal in Ireland, Madame Goesler.”

“And you will wrangle, as though your very soul were in it, for somebody’s twenty pounds?”

“Exactly.”

“You have already made a name in the greatest senate in the world, and have governed other countries larger than your own — “

“No; — I have not done that. I have governed no country.

“I tell you, my friend, that you cannot do it. It is out of the question. Men may move forward from little work to big work; but they cannot move back and do little work, when they have had tasks which were really great. I tell you, Mr. Finn, that the House of Parliament is the place for you to work in. It is the only place; — that and the abodes of Ministers. Am not I your friend who tell you this?”

“I know that you are my friend.”

“And will you not credit me when I tell you this? What do you fear, that you should run away? You have no wife; — no children. What is the coming misfortune that you dread?” She paused a moment as though for an answer, and he felt that now had come the time in which it would be well that he should tell her of his engagement with his own Mary. She had received him very playfully; but now within the last few minutes there had come upon her a seriousness of gesture, and almost a solemnity of tone, which made him conscious that he should in no way trifle with her. She was so earnest in her friendship that he owed it to her to tell her everything. But before he could think of the words in which his tale should be told, she had gone on with her quick questions. “Is it solely about money that you fear?” she said.

“It is simply that I have no income on which to live.”

“Have I not offered you money?”

“But, Madame Goesler, you who offer it would yourself despise me if I took it.”

“No; — I do deny it.” As she said this, — not loudly but with much emphasis, — she came and stood before him where he was sitting. And as he looked at her he could perceive that there was a strength about her of which he had not been aware. She was stronger, larger, more robust physically than he had hitherto conceived. “I do deny it,” she said. “Money is neither god nor devil, that it should make one noble and another vile. It is an accident, and, if honestly possessed, may pass from you to me, or from me to you, without a stain. You may take my dinner from me if I give it you, my flowers, my friendship, my, — my, — my everything, but my money! Explain to me the cause of the phenomenon. If I give to you a thousand pounds, now this moment, and you take it, you are base; — but if I leave it you in my will, — and die, — you take it, and are not base. Explain to me the cause of that.”

“You have not said it quite all,” said Phineas hoarsely.

“What have I left unsaid? If I have left anything unsaid, do you say the rest.”

“It is because you are a woman, and young, and beautiful, that no man may take wealth from your hands.”

“Oh, it is that!”

“It is that partly,”

“If I were a man you might take it, though I were young and beautiful as the morning?”

“No; — presents of money are always bad. They stain and load the spirit, and break the heart.”

“And specially when given by a woman’s hand?”

“It seems so to me. But I cannot argue of it. Do not let us talk of it any more.”

“Nor can I argue. I cannot argue, but I can be generous, — very generous. I can deny myself for my friend, — can even lower myself in my own esteem for my friend. I can do more than a man can do for a friend. You will not take money from my hand?”

“No, Madame Goesler; — I cannot do that.”

“Take the hand then first. When it and all that it holds are your own, you can help yourself as you list.” So saying, she stood before him with her right hand stretched out towards him.

What man will say that he would not have been tempted? Or what woman will declare that such temptation should have had no force? The very air of the room in which she dwelt was sweet in his nostrils, and there hovered around her an halo of grace and beauty which greeted all his senses. She invited him to join his lot to hers, in order that she might give to him all that was needed to make his life rich and glorious. How would the Ratlers and the Bonteens envy him when they heard of the prize which had become his! The Cantrips and the Greshams would feel that he was a friend doubly valuable, if he could be won back; and Mr. Monk would greet him as a fitting ally, — an ally strong with the strength which he had before wanted. With whom would he not be equal? Whom need he fear? Who would not praise him? The story of his poor Mary would be known only in a small village, out beyond the Channel. The temptation certainly was very strong.

But he had not a moment in which to doubt. She was standing there with her face turned from him, but with her hand still stretched towards him. Of course he took it. What man so placed could do other than take a woman’s hand?

“My friend,” he said.

“I will be called friend by you no more,” she said. “You must call me Marie, your own Marie, or you must never call me by any name again. Which shall it be, sir?” He paused a moment, holding her hand, and she let it lie there for an instant while she listened. But still she did not look at him. “Speak to me! Tell me! Which shall it be?” Still he paused. “Speak to me. Tell me!” she said again.

“It cannot be as you have hinted to me,” he said at last. His words did not come louder than a low whisper; but they were plainly heard, and instantly the hand was withdrawn.

“Cannot be!” she exclaimed. “Then I have betrayed myself.”

“No; — Madame Goesler.”

“Sir; I say yes! If you will allow me I will leave you. You will, I know, excuse me if I am abrupt to you.” Then she strode out of the room, and was no more seen of the eyes of Phineas Finn.

He never afterwards knew how he escaped out of that room and found his way into Park Lane. In after days he had some memory that he remained there, he knew not how long, standing on the very spot on which she had left him; and that at last there grew upon him almost a fear of moving, a dread lest he should be heard, an inordinate desire to escape without the sound of a footfall, without the clicking of a lock. Everything in that house had been offered to him. He had refused it all, and then felt that of all human beings under the sun none had so little right to be standing there as he. His very presence in that drawing-room was an insult to the woman whom he had driven from it.

But at length he was in the street, and had found his way across Piccadilly into the Green Park. Then, as soon as he could find a spot apart from the Sunday world, he threw himself upon the turf; and tried to fix his thoughts upon the thing that he had done. His first feeling, I think, was one of pure and unmixed disappointment; — of disappointment so bitter, that even the vision of his own Mary did not tend to comfort him. How great might have been his success, and how terrible was his failure! Had he taken the woman’s hand and her money, had he clenched his grasp on the great prize offered to him, his misery would have been ten times worse the first moment that he would have been away from her. Then, indeed, — it being so that he was a man with a heart within his breast, — there would have been no comfort for him, in his outlooks on any side. But even now, when he had done right, — knowing well that he had done right, — he found that comfort did not come readily within his reach.

Miss Effingham’s life at this time was not the happiest in the world. Her lines, as she once said to her friend Lady Laura, were not laid for her in pleasant places. Her residence was still with her aunt, and she had come to find that it was almost impossible any longer to endure Lady Baldock, and quite impossible to escape from Lady Baldock. In former days she had had a dream that she might escape, and live alone if she chose to be alone; that she might be independent in her life, as a man is independent, if she chose to live after that fashion; that she might take her own fortune in her own hand, as the law certainly allowed her to do, and act with it as she might please. But latterly she had learned to understand that all this was not possible for her. Though one law allowed it, another law disallowed it, and the latter law was at least as powerful as the former. And then her present misery was enhanced by the fact that she was now banished from the second home which she had formerly possessed. Hitherto she had always been able to escape from Lady Baldock to the house of her friend, but now such escape was out of the question. Lady Laura and Lord Chiltern lived in the same house, and Violet could not live with them.

Lady Baldock understood all this, and tortured her niece accordingly. It was not premeditated torture. The aunt did not mean to make her niece’s life a burden to her, and, so intending, systematically work upon a principle to that effect. Lady Baldock, no doubt, desired to do her duty conscientiously. But the result was torture to poor Violet, and a strong conviction on the mind of each of the two ladies that the other was the most unreasonable being in the world.

The aunt, in these days, had taken it into her head to talk of poor Lord Chiltern. This arose partly from a belief that the quarrel was final, and that, therefore, there would be no danger in aggravating Violet by this expression of pity, — partly from a feeling that it would be better that her niece should marry Lord Chiltern than that she should not marry at all, — and partly, perhaps, from the general principle that, as she thought it right to scold her niece on all occasions, this might be best done by taking an opposite view of all questions to that taken by the niece to be scolded. Violet was supposed to regard Lord Chiltern as having sinned against her, and therefore Lady Baldock talked of “poor Lord Chiltern.” As to the other lovers, she had begun to perceive that their conditions were hopeless. Her daughter Augusta had explained to her that there was no chance remaining either for Phineas, or for Lord Fawn, or for Mr. Appledom. “I believe she will be an old maid, on purpose to bring me to my grave,” said Lady Baldock. When, therefore, Lady Baldock was told one day that Lord Chiltern was in the house, and was asking to see Miss Effingham, she did not at once faint away, and declare that they would all be murdered, — as she would have done some months since. She was perplexed by a double duty. If it were possible that Violet should relent and be reconciled, then it would be her duty to save Violet from the claws of the wild beast. But if there was no such chance, then it would be her duty to poor Lord Chiltern to see that he was not treated with contumely and ill-humour.