The Passion of Mademoiselle S. (21 page)

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Readers may be surprised to see the term “69” being used here; however, after some Internet research I found its first usage in a quote dating back to 1893 (although with no author reference given).

My dear treasure,

I have been very sad all day, for the letter I was expecting this morning never arrived. But I have been rewarded this evening, for I have it in my hands at last, and I have never read one better designed to excite my senses. My letters may please you, my love, but what can I say of yours?! They put me in the wildest of states. So I have just reread at my leisure the four pages you handed me, and my button is as stiff as your cock would be before a titillating performance. I see so much of you in it, my darling little bastard. Yes, you are a beautiful debauched creature, and I love you all the more for it, for you afford me moments of intense voluptuous delight.

One evening when you are free, as I am, we shall savor the wild exhilaration that obsesses us both. Come, I very much want to find a companion-in-vice for each of us, one to bugger you just the way you want, a beautiful, vigorous well-hung male, whose cock you can suck and whose balls you can fondle, and who will rub your dick with a frenetic hand. Subjected to his brutal attentions, you will feel your strength drain away, you will cry out with both pain and pleasure. Do you picture the scene as I do? You are lying on your side. Your “man” is buggering you. I kneel in front of you and suck you while the other accomplice fucks me. What I should also like would be to be fucked while at the same time vigorously pleasuring two cocks. Oh, I am not sure what I want now, you are making me lose my mind. Yes, perhaps I would agree to your fucking another person in front of me. I would watch your cock disappearing into my girlfriend's cunt, while I frigged myself. But I should like you to see me sucking her with my deft tongue to pump out her come. I feel sure you would be rigid with insatiable desire at the sight of such a scene. And then you in turn would offer up your member for my ardent attentions. My loved one, I am happy you have such arousing sensations in my arms, and nothing gives me greater pleasure than sucking your lovely cock after it has made me come so wonderfully. When it comes out of me, it is so hard that it feels ready to burst with the pressure of the come inside it, and emptying it is an incomparable pleasure for me. Yes, I put all my skill into this act, for I adore it. Sucking you is my favorite thing. My button is swelling just at the thought of it.

We shall soon enjoy the debaucheries we have promised ourselves, but in the meantime you will make me die with pleasure. I shall be more depraved, more passionate than ever, and I shall excite you with my perverted words and deeds.

Give me all of you. I am bringing my tender, tender lips to your beloved eyes.

Simone

THURSDAY EVENING

My dear darling love,

I told you yesterday evening that we have found the partner to help us realize our ultimate dream, and I wonder whether I succeeded in satisfying you. I had a vague but painful feeling that some part of you was balking at the idea that I had managed to come this far, that I had managed to ask this man to join us. I wonder, Charles darling, whether you are a little angry with me for being so bold, and I am very sad to think I may have displeased you.

You know how much I love you, my dear treasure, and how much I want you to find ever more happiness in my arms. You know the full extent of the tenderness I have shown for you for nearly two years, and I hope you also know that you are my one and only and true love. So, as I have a constant need to please you and a still more burning need to keep you for myself, I have put all my depravity in the service of my love. I have known for a long time that you wanted to experience the brutal, unfamiliar attentions of a man as ardent and dirty as we are. I know you want to feel between your lips the beautiful soft skin of a nice long hard prick, and you are even more eager to feel it up your ass. I sought and I found. Are you angry with me, my beloved, for having gone almost halfway to achieving your satisfaction?

It is now entirely up to you, Lottie, if you want to experience this ultimate ecstasy. If you want it, you can soon surrender yourself to this man's embraces. Perhaps he will suck you more fiercely than I can, and you can reciprocate. You will hold his big cock between your lips while I suck on yours. Your hands can fondle his balls bursting with come, while I frig myself for you both to see. Would it not arouse you, then, to feel a real prick between your lips, to feel it swelling in your mouth, and also to put your own cock into a man's mouth? You will no longer have a fervent mistress between your thighs, but a vigorous male with an erection like a dirty bastard, for, to arouse him in preparation for this debauchery, you and I shall couple fiercely before his eyes, and he will be unable to resist such a scene. You will see his big cock straining helplessly toward your ass, and he will claim your hole, taking brutal possession of it as he drives his hard dick in up to the balls, and then you will have that supreme voluptuous sensation.

If you dare not be the one to touch him first, I shall do it for you, in front of you. I shall suck his cock while he tugs yours, and you can frig me too, at the same time. We shall be three gorgeous bastards, all quite naked, and our bodies will take each other on in strenuous, peculiarly indecent positions. You said in your last letter that you would not be against watching me being taken by our partner. If you want, if it will help arouse you, I shall give myself to him while you watch. You can watch our every move. If the scene gives you new strength, you can follow straight after him and take me in a fierce coupling, fucking me furiously right up to your balls, for my pleasure will be complete only if I can be sure you are happy, my dear love. I do not doubt for one moment that you will derive the rarest of pleasures from these new games
but I shall do nothing without your formal consent
.

I know this man is a beautiful bastard like you and me, who stop at nothing and are afraid of nothing. He is a good strong lad who must surely have a well-hung cock. I felt it only through his trousers to reassure myself you would not be disappointed by its girth. But you seem to be holding this liberty against me, and that is what upsets me so. I shall tell you again, my darling love, it was for your sake that I showed such audacity. I wanted to keep my promise and give you the sensation you have wanted for such a long time, but if you do not feel you have the heart to see this adventure through to the end,
if, more important, you should withdraw your love
once I have given myself to this man
in front of you,
we must stop in our tracks and never attempt anything like this again.

If, on the other hand, you would step out of this house a happy man, if you have it in you to appreciate this ultimate proof of my love, then we must do it, and soon.

I shall expect your answer tomorrow evening, Charles. You must reply tomorrow. I shall do nothing without knowing what you want.

Would you rather give up the idea of this cock and these balls you could fondle to your heart's content? Or do you want me to throw you between that beautiful bastard's thighs? Ah, I should like to watch the two of you taking turns to suck each other. I should like to watch your slightly awkward maneuvers as you tug each other at the same time. Did you not once write that you used to pleasure your little school friends? Well, you can repeat the performance in front of me. You will masturbate him with passionate gestures, and when his cock is nice and hard, you can put it in your mouth and you will feel his come pulsing right to the back of your throat in a powerful stream. Or I could be the one to suck him in front of you, and when his member is stiff and ready to come, I shall steer it toward your already opened hole, and he can come inside you.

And would you not like to bugger him too? How will you come, my love? Most likely in my mouth. I can picture a position you would find very arousing, I am sure of it. I am lying on my back with my legs apart. You put your ass on my face. I lick your asshole and reach round to pleasure your cock with one hand. Meanwhile, facing you, right before your eyes, you can watch the other man driving his cock into me. Would it not be exhilarating to come like that, my darling treasure?

Think about it. You can give me a long letter tomorrow, telling me what you think of this partnership. I do not want to give an answer until I have yours. Imagine what the three of us could do. Think particularly about the fact that, with all three of us in a heightened sexual state, I shall not be able to escape this man's clutches, and you will have to watch me ravished in his arms. Will this not be galling for you, Charles, seeing me taking pleasure from another man's caresses? Will you still love me as much afterward, my treasure?

Oh, do you know, I myself am now wondering whether I should accept this, for I am afraid of losing you, my beloved. You looked so astonished yesterday when I told you everything. Whatever will it be like when you see me in his arms?

And yet, my darling love, you know it is you alone I love, and I cannot love another lover but you. If I am prepared to try this, it is to give you still more unusual sensations. Do you want to experience them like this?

The other man has no effect on me, I told you that, I do not love him. It is you whom I love, and I shall be in his arms only long enough for one coupling. Afterward it is you whom I want. Your chest, your neck, your arms. You will be my refuge, my love, and I shall come to rest, huddled against you.

Oh, my darling Lottie, I would be giving you beautiful proof of my love by doing this. I shall have left no stone unturned to make you happy above all else. I would prostitute myself to give you a partner worthy of you. You must love me truly deeply, my treasure, as my reward.

I shall wait for your reply tomorrow evening. You must find the time to write to me, if only a single line to
tell me all your thoughts,
with absolutely no reservations. I should be very disappointed if you did not, my love.

Goodbye, my dear treasure whom I adore. When shall we next be together in our little room to love each other? How you have abandoned me recently, my darling!

I am furiously impatient to see you again tomorrow, my darling one.

How I love you, how I do love you! You are my whole life, my whole happiness. I am yours from the depths of my soul, and my body will remember your touch for the rest of my days. If only we could always belong to each other like this, oh, my wonderful darling whom I adore!

Passionate kisses on your lips and all over you, Charles, you whom I love more than anything in the world, my tender love.

Your Simone

Charles, it seems, is backing away from the temptation of a homosexual experience. Obviously, the social context of his time did not look favorably on such orientations. Although homosexuality had been decriminalized in France since a revolutionary decree in 1791, homophobia was still rife in most circles, including among many intellectuals, such as Paul Claudel, who asserted his stance unequivocally. The publication of Gide's
Corydon
in 1924 elicited violent diatribes and vengeful libelous comments. (
“La nature a horreur du Gide,”
which is a pun on the French expression for “Nature abhors a vacuum,” plays on the similarity between the French word for vacuum,
vide,
and the name of the homosexual author Gide, to give us “Nature abhors a Gide.” An English equivalent, though lacking the elegant familiarity of an existing truism, might be “It goes against nature to be so Wilde.”)

Things were further complicated by the fact that the newly emerging field of psychiatry filed “sexual inversion” alongside mental illness; this meant that the more liberal moral landscape, which is likely to have allowed many homosexuals considerable freedom to find fulfillment, and spared them the fear of criminal prosecution, still went hand in hand with widespread disapproval. This period of conditional freedom in France came to an end under Pétain's regime with the adoption in 1942 of a law that repressed all manifestations of homosexual relations, and would have consequences far beyond the end of the war: Homosexuality was declared a scourge on society in 1960 and was added to the list of mental illnesses in 1968. It was not until 1982 that it was decriminalized, and 1985 that it was withdrawn from the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.