The Passion of Mademoiselle S. (6 page)

*1
Translator's note: It's not entirely clear in the French, but she appears to be using the “aid” here.

*2
Translator's note: This word was not as commonly known or used in the late 1920s and it may be that Simone meant it more as a reflection of extreme sexuality than the cruelty it has come to mean now.

MONDAY, MIDNIGHT

My dear love,

I was beastly to you today, truly beastly. Please forgive me but I was aggrieved this morning for I felt sure I would find a long letter from you when I arrived at the office. Not only did I receive nothing but then at noon you seemed cold and distant, and I was hurt, very hurt. My beloved love, were you disappointed by our last assignation? Did I not succeed in giving you every sensation your body craved? Did you leave my arms dissatisfied, having failed to sate all your secret desires? Yet I wanted to afford you every possible ecstasy. I tried with the lowly means available to me, to find a new form of pleasure for you. I believe it is this that failed to give you the profound experience you hoped to have. I myself, though, have cast my mind back over the scene and found I had to get up out of my seat, prey to a fever in all my senses with no lover's embrace to calm it. My darling friend, remember those moments we shared…You had barely finished undressing before you brought the whip down on my rump. Your blows lashed at my quaking flesh, which you then kissed. Your impatient lips delved around my brown hole, which hoped for much better things, and I was already filled with furious desire. Your hard cock strained toward me, and he too quivered with desire. He wanted my lips to caress him, to make his proud pink head swell further. He throbbed deliciously in my mouth, but we both wanted other things, your whole being craved the experience we had so often discussed…and the way you offered up your ass drove me to distraction. Now, the time had come for us to realize our demented dream, for you to feel as if you were being taken by a virile male member. With one finger I prepare the way, soon it will be followed by the aid (alas, a rather mediocre thing), which I have in my hand. Every inch of your most intimate flesh quivers in anticipation of this moment. I spread your buttocks but then I am not sure what happened. I am terribly afraid that you were appallingly disappointed. But my hand was on your cock, rubbing it up and down, and you were the one who signaled for me to stop. You were ready to take me. We were both carried away by a vertiginous climax. And later you made me so happy when you pressed your lips to my button. You sucked me exquisitely and afforded me the most exhilarating of sensations. And, my loved one, you ejaculated with your cock in my mouth.

What is it, darling Charles? Is it an illusion or am I right? Be frank with me, tell me the truth. Lies would be pointless between us…you know we have made no pledges to each other, and we are bound together only by our mutual pleasure. If my touch no longer has any appeal, if you now feel sated or even repulsed, tell me, my loved one, but stop inflicting the pain of seeing you so cold and distant. Telephone me tomorrow to tell me whether you would like to see me at noon or whether you would rather part on the farewell we said this morning.

I shall try to sleep with thoughts of you. I cannot promise to behave myself.

I press my lips to yours. I love you and smother you with frantic kisses. Till tomorrow, my darling.

Your Simone

FRIDAY MORNING

My darling Charles,

In among my mail this morning I found your
pneu
from yesterday delivered as a letter. You can imagine what I have been through since yesterday morning and the terrible night I have had. With no reply to my letter, I thought it was all over between us. So then, what could I do but suffer?

That is now in the past. I have heard your voice and my heart has pounded for joy. My dear little god, at last I know I still have you. The nightmare is now evaporating and giving way to the most exquisite of realities. But I really did suffer, you know. You will say it was my own fault. Perhaps, yes, but it was yours too because you have been so lackluster when with me these last few evenings that I can be forgiven for thinking only boredom with our couplings could have this effect on you. Come now, let us forget it. I shall learn to know you better, the better to love you.

And yet I love you so much already and with such profound tenderness that I do not believe it possible for my feelings to be any stronger. I saw yesterday just how much you mean to me and how I miss your touch. I cannot wait, I really cannot wait to hold you passionately in my arms, to revel in the smell of your skin, to swoon under your penetrating kisses that have captivated all of me. My dear love, I want to spend many more impassioned hours by your side and, while I am under your spell, I want to forget all the sad, sad hours wasted on tears and anxiety. Make sure you have plenty of pleasures in store for me, I have missed them for so many days. Make me suffer your violent onslaughts. My skin wants to feel the bite of your whip, and when you hold me captive in your arms, when you have toyed with my body as your cruel passion sees fit, you will give me the wonderful reward that I long for with every ounce of me.

Darling Charles, it has been so many days since we were last in each other's arms! I am filled with the wildest craving for your whole body; my terror of losing you forever coupled with the boundless joy of being with you once more will propel me into your arms as a still more besotted mistress. I want to plant passionate kisses all over your enticing skin. I want to take your pulsing cock between my lips and tend to him until the best of you jets out. But what I want most of all is to take you again in that fierce embrace. I want to feel you shudder irresistibly. I want you to offer up your backside so my tongue and fingers can prepare your mysterious passage where my impatient “member” will eventually venture and take all of you, giving you that wonderful sensation again, the sensation that I know you crave as intensely as I do.

My loved one, when you want me you will find me so ready to love you, and ready to suffer, because I know you will make me suffer to punish me for being so bad. The letter you wrote yesterday includes a threat that I, should I not love you so much, would make me quake with fear. Beat me, darling, beat me, have your revenge. I belong to you, my whole body is yours. I am happy in your arms
because I adore you
. I am waiting for your telephone call. Could I come to you this evening? I cannot wait to see you and claim my forgiveness from your beloved lips. Give me your mouth, darling Charles, and then your eyes. I love you, do you know that? I want to keep you forever and ever.

Until this evening, my loved one.

Your Simone

WEDNESDAY

My dear darling love,

What a wonderful hour I spent in your arms yesterday! It will remain engraved on my flesh and in my heart thanks to all the intoxication it brought me.

I was happy, so happy. I could feel my desire rising within me. You had that strange glow in your eye that fascinates and arouses me, and oh, the air of triumph when you bound my hands! I was quite breathless, anticipating my ordeal with all the strength of my love. I wanted not to disappoint you. Did I succeed, dear beloved? Of course, I suffered from the whipping, but then did I not feel your lips caressing my battered buttocks?

Dear love, do you believe it possible to live moments such as these still more intensely? I do not think it is. I believe we savor such exhilaration together that nothing could ever allow us to forget it. With our every assignation we become more bound to each other by our perversion. Every embrace ties us together a little more. The same desire keeps propelling us helplessly into each other's arms. Oh, may this tremendous joy last many a day more! May nothing ever separate us! It would be too painful for me.

I belong entirely to you, my dear darling lover, and I do not want to think of the terribly sad time when you will tire of me. Tell me you love me, Charles, and that you are happy in my arms. I want to hear you say it to reassure my heart. I kiss every last inch of you deliriously.

Simone

My adored beloved,

I was touched by your
pneu
that arrived yesterday evening just as I was leaving and had given up hope of receiving one. It made me doubly happy. You replied and your reply was as I had hoped. I adore you.

I am glad my letter was to your liking this time. I know what you like, my passionate love. Well then, listen:

I too want us to exchange the most outlandish of embraces. I want us to draw a maximum of pleasure from our bodies so we can never forget each other. Yes, darling, when we met the time before last, I realized that you wanted this new kind of coupling, and I told you how very aroused I was when I felt you slipping your warm cock so gently and tenderly between my moist lips. It felt indescribably good when you fucked my cunt. You succeeded in awakening in me a desire for this coupling, which I had deliberately ruled out of our relations for many reasons. When next we meet, that is how you must take me, if you so wish, but you know what I expect of you if we are to lessen the banality of this coupling. You will be the one to drive the indefatigable aid into my ass. It will work such wonders in your expert hands, for you will know how to guide its infernal dance inside my brown flesh, and when you have quite giddied me with the delirious pleasure of it, then you shall take me, my loved one. You will penetrate me with your charming cock, you will fuck me passionately with all your fire and tenderness, and you will feel me shudder to a climax to make you believe you are having me for the first time. And so our love will be deliciously renewed. If we both have any strength left, I want you to be brutal and cruel. I want you to make me suffer with your merciless lashing, striping my skin with red weals. I will present my shameless rump to you, and you will bruise it with the full force of your furious passion. And when you have assuaged your longing for torture, you will kiss my fevered skin with your burning lips. Oh, darling, what wonderful delights our desire has in store for us! I am as impatient as you to experience them. Yes, my adored mistress, I shall be your male lover, and I hope my passion will afford you the most profound of pleasure. Give me your soft, soft body, I want to kiss it tenderly. I want to suck your cock, I want to suck your ass with my whole mouth, and take you imperiously with my impatient member. Spread your buttocks with your impatient hands. My tongue is opening up the mysterious passage, I hope you can feel it. I delve it as deep as I can inside you, giving you a foretaste of the coupling to come, which will leave you exhausted in my arms. Now I am pressing my stomach to your ass. Give yourself, give yourself. Can you feel the huge head poised before penetration? It goes up, and it goes down, all along your cleft. A thrust of my hips and I am buggering you passionately, my loved one. Is it good? Tell me, does it feel good?

Would you rather I pleasured myself in front of you? Well then, watch. See my finger coming and going between my wide spread thighs. It skims over the button, which stiffens to its exquisite touch. My stomach constricts with pleasure and later you can press your lips to me to harvest the abundant sap flowing from me. But I want you to do the same in time with me. I also want you to give me the titillating sight of your tugging yourself, and we can come together with the same intoxication.

This description is quite literally driving me wild, my dear love. I want to prove to you yet again how much I love you. I am so full of terrible vice, my beloved, and you are so very good at awakening my desire to perform the most perverse of couplings with you.

Do you believe we shall enjoy enough voluptuous pleasures when next we meet? But we shall need more time to ourselves because we are always in too much of a hurry.

I am already all aquiver at the very thought of these embraces. Whatever state shall I be in when I actually experience them in your arms?

Goodbye, my dear love. I send ardent kisses to every inch of your scrumptiously tempting flesh. I press my mouth to your lips in the deepest of kisses until very soon when I shall give you more and better things.

Do be good until then, so you have the strength to make me come the way we both want. I cannot wait to feel you in my cunt, taking sweet possession of me. What about you, do you want that too? Shall we now go against our own agreement? Never mind, I love you too much, but I know that your perversity will soon usher me back onto more forbidden paths. The most tender of kisses to you, my dear darling.

Simone

This previous letter marks an important turning point in the relationship: Some six months after their meeting, the two lovers reverse genders, a change recorded not only in their acts but also in their words. Until now, Simone presented herself as a mistress who submitted to her partner's brutal fantasies and desires, succumbing not only to his blows but also on the question of “normal couplings,” something she had previously staunchly refused but for which she develops a liking.

But Charles's own taste for sodomy, which the increasingly bold Simone now no longer doubts, allows her to take a more prescriptive role in their relationship.

In this same letter she still calls herself his “submissive slave,” prepared to undergo his ever-fiercer violence, but she also writes “my adored mistress, I shall be your male lover.” She is not proposing or suggesting this, but declaring it. Simone, now more in love than ever, is taking proceedings into her own hands.

This is partly because she is increasingly afraid Charles will weary of her, so she feels she needs to take the initiative and stand her ground if she is to satisfy her lover's secret longings and, more important, to keep him.