The Pawn (Shattered Series Book 1) (18 page)

        “I-is that what’s happening now?” she stammered, finally voicing her own inner thoughts, and a huge part of her was afraid to hear his words. “Have you found the strength to turn away from me?”

        “In a thousand lifetimes, I’d never be able to turn away from you or let you go, even if it were the right thing to do,” he murmured, closing his eyes as if in pain, but then forced them open again. “It’d be in the both of our best interests if I did.”

        His look was haunted.

        She nearly wept at the raw sight.

       
For this was the real Jarrod Sabatino in the flesh….every aching part of him…

       “Damn it, Olivia,” he said, blowing a hard breath, and clasped her shoulders gently. “While all of what I’ve said is true, I think that it’s time that we accept the facts. When I brought you here to Laramie Rock, I was so certain of what I wanted. But, now, I’m not so sure. I don’t know what I want from you or myself. After everything that’s happened, I don’t know what the future is for us or even if there is one.”

        Again, his hurtful confession cut her to the core.

        To her regret, he released her abruptly and took some steps back, and again, the shutters fell before his eyes.

        “Things have been crazy, yes. I know that in the beginning, we decided to take things slow, and it wasn’t easy for either of us. But, I don’t want to hide from us anymore. I know what I want.” The tears shimmered in her eyes. “But, why does it feel like you’re punishing me for that? Haven’t we earned the right to see where things go, now? I don’t want to take baby steps anymore. I want to be with you,” she pleaded, stepping towards him, and grabbed his hand. “Please, can we just talk---”

        “No, I think that we’ve said enough,” Jarrod said stiffly, pulling his hand free. The emotional distance made him totally unapproachable. “It’s time that we go back.”

        His rejection punched her hard in the gut.

        Only the numbness settled in her.

       “No, you go ahead,” she said tearfully, turning away from him, and the blinding awful truth. “I’m staying here”

        “No, Olivia. I’m not leaving without---”

        “Damn it, Jarrod! I just need to be away from you for awhile, okay?” she yelled, crying freely, and again, she was stricken by the naked pain on his face. This time, her words were softer. “Please. I need to be alone.”

        “I’ll go,” he said roughly. “But, if you’re not back at the house in twenty minutes or so, I’m coming back out. Understood?”

        She turned her back to him. “Just go.”

        Releasing a frustrated breath, Jarrod turned to go, and she didn’t turn around until she was sure he was gone. Turning, she saw him, and he was now just a miniature figure as he made his way back to the beach home.

        Finally, releasing her pent-up tears, she dropped to her knees on the ground and wept.

Chapter 9

        A short while later, close to 2:00 am, so deep in thought she was, she didn’t even notice his slumped form in the armchair resting in the corner of the room. Like a besotted fool, he’d waited for her, but was still too cowardly to admit that he wanted to be near her.        

        Staying silent and hidden, Jarrod watched as she made for the stairs, and after waiting a few moments, he followed behind her.

        Halfway up the steps, he paused in surprise.

        Rather than going to her own room, she’d headed in the direction of the other stairs---headed straight for his room. If it were possible for his anticipation to rise any higher, it did. Staying quiet, he followed. Taking a silent step, he ventured up the stairs and halted midway. From this stance, his bedroom was visible. Again, being the coward that he was, he said nothing. But, still, the explosive feelings hit him hard as he watched her.

        Taking a nervous breath, she rapped on his door. “Jarrod, we need to talk,” Olivia said quietly. “We can’t let things be this way between us.”

        The silence hummed.

         Obviously disappointed that she received no response, her shoulders slumped in defeat. Taking that as his cue, he retreated in a fast, but quiet departure. He didn’t stop moving until he reached the stairs leading to the lower level. As he did before, he stopped midway and waited. In a quiet flourish, she passed the stairwell and didn’t even notice him as she did. Again, being a coward, he said nothing.

        A moment later, she closed her bedroom door behind her. But, he held off a few seconds before scurrying across the landing to the other set of stairs.

        Again, he was careful to be quiet as he entered his own room and closed the door behind him. No use in her knowing that he hadn’t even been in here at all, he surmised.

        The darkness of the room wrapped around him, and finally, he embraced his own stormy emotions.        “How did I let things get so far out of control?” he rasped, releasing a deep sigh. “Caring about you was never part of the deal.”

        Tonight, hadn’t he been at risk of revealing so much about himself and their tumultuous relationship? Surely, that was putting his entire vendetta against Addison at risk! Not to mention her!

        Hadn’t she also spoken the dead truth?

        Her words----

        Didn’t they haunt him still?

       
It is a game, isn’t it? But, the only one you’re playing is the one against yourself, and you’re too blind to see that…

       “Damn it!” he raged again, raking a hand through his hair. As the shadows danced across the room, he removed his clothing. Now, finally nude, he climbed in the bed. With a deep sigh, he sank into the plush pillows and closed his eyes tight. But, still, he couldn’t erase her image from his mind.

        The way the moonlight had danced across her skin…how the thin wrap had clung to her every curve…the blatant innocence that barely disguised her open desire…

        Sucking in a ragged breath, he tightened his grip along the sheets, struggling against the hard-on that was coming beneath it. “Fuck,” he hissed in the darkness.

        Still, his sinful thoughts set root.

        On the spot, he’d wanted to take her, ravage her until they were both senseless, and desire would’ve been the only thing that they’d want to claim on the eve of morning. “You selfish, sick bastard,” he raged again, clenching the sheet hard in a tight fist. Yet, his erection had a mind of its own…

        “Olivia Lange, my want and need for you is going to send me to the fiery hells,” he muttered, tensing further. “And don’t I deserve that very punishment?”

        The darkness held no solace.

        It offered no penance for his dark needs.

        He shifted in the large bed.

        Again, his wayward thoughts took flight.

        Her earlier words caught up with him again.

       
But, I don’t want to hide from us anymore. I know what I want
…
But, why does it feel like you’re punishing me for that…. Haven’t we earned the right to see where things go, now….I don’t want to take baby steps anymore… I want to be with you…

        In the darkness, her visage swam before him. Under the sheets, his erection hardened further, and he closed his eyes against the pain. Still, the memory of her lingered in the dark room.

       
I want to be with you…I want to be with you….
.

        “Damn it,” he rasped, squeezing his eyes shut against her echoing words. But, behind his closed lids, he saw her desire.

        It’d shone in her deep brown eyes, he mulled, dazed, forcing his eyes open. And she’d bit her lip so often that he’d wondered if it’d bleed.

        Her breathing….

        It’d been as shallow and breathless as his…

        Like now, he thought, dragging in a ragged breath.

        They’d fought for living air.

         As he shifted in the bed again, he raised his hips to relieve the building pressure, but relief eluded him.

        Unable to ignore his own primal reaction, he closed a hand along his hardened shaft. Through the thin sheet, the dripping wetness seeped through.

        “Nothing about me wanting you is a lie,” he whispered in the dark silence. “It’s all too real…”

        And now, wasn’t his fire for her flaring out of control, he thought, sliding a hand beneath the sheet.   

        Closing his eyes tight, he allowed his fantasy to take flight. In his mind, he undressed her, revealing what the thin wrap concealed underneath. Her breasts were like full globes, full and plump, just the right size for him to hold and feast upon. And by gads, wasn’t she ready for him, he mulled darkly. Fine, dark curls probably dusted her triangular mound, and didn’t a dewy wetness bathe her insides well. So fucking hot and wet that he could slide into her right now---

        Releasing a guttural grunt, he moved his hand along his erection slowly, tensing against the searing pleasure as he fought to prolong it.

        “Damn it,” he hissed, increasing the strokes.

        His pleasure rose…intensified at the high peak…

        Somewhere, on the dark horizon, he saw her, finding the sensual storm that awaited him.

        His deep groan was desperate. “Olivia…my sweet Olivia…”

        The shudders racked his body as his violent release came. A short moment later, he threw an arm over his head before falling back against the pillows.

        “What in the hell is wrong with me?” he cursed, staring blindly at the ceiling. “Jacking off like a fucking wet-nosed kid?”

       
But, don’t you already know the truth
, his inner voice whispered.
Don’t you want to possess her physically and emotionally? Isn’t she the only woman that’s ever driven you to the point of insanity?  

       
Not even---

        The quiet thought sobered him at once.

        With a frustrated breath, he shoved the covers off roughly before leaving the bed.

        Crossing the room quickly, he opened the balcony doors and moved outside. But, not even the night air could ease the brunt of the tumultuous storm within him. Without haste, he moved the balcony’s edge and grasped the railing.

        He raised a tortured gaze to the moon.

        How could he ever forget that one fact?

        That he’d made a final promise to someone else?

***

        As she’d suspected, he’d been awake, she mulled in her bed, fully nude, and rolled onto her back before kicking the covers to her feet. When she’d entered the house moments before, his presence had seared her like a wielded sword, and it’d lanced her to the very core. Just where he’d been sitting in the darkened living room, she didn’t know.

        But, she knew that he’d been there.

        She’d felt him…

        Every bit of pure masculinity that he possessed was alive in the room.

        And selfishly, she’d taken hold of the moment, pretending that she didn’t know that he was watching her in the darkness as she’d moved for the stairwell. She’d made sure that her ascent was slow, heightening the intense moments with hope that he’d reveal his presence and pursue her. She’d even stopped at his bedroom and knocked, so certain that he’d end the façade and reveal himself.

        But, he hadn’t, she thought, laying an unsteady hand against her chest.

        From the shadows, he’d watched her…

        And heaven help her, it’d only turned her on more…

        Not only that----

        By coming to her, wouldn’t he have had to face himself?

        And the fiery need that claimed them both?

        Allowing the laborious thoughts to win out, she touched herself.

        Even now, she thought heatedly, sliding a hand across her breast, and then massaged a pebbled nub between two fingers.

        A desperate moan left her.

        Wasn’t the fire devouring her very soul?

      As she kneaded her plump breast, she sucked in a breath against the ricocheting pleasure. If he were touching her right now, wouldn’t the flames flare higher? Closing her eyes on a breathless gasp, she slid a hand between her thighs, and a shudder racked through her. She stroked a finger along the slick, dewy folds, and teased the tiny, forbidden nub.

        She squeezed her eyes shut against the madness.

        “Jarrod…” she whispered, distraught, biting her lip as the moan left her. “I need you…oh how I need you…”

        Her body writhed on the crumpled sheets.

        The heat of her fire and selfish possession---

        Her self-betrayal of her own body---

        It was almost too difficult to witness or bear.

        “Why can’t you touch me this way?” she breathed, blinded by her need, and her body arched like a bowstring on the bed. “Why won’t you make me yours?”

        Her breathing quickened along with the pace that she’d set, and before she could hold back the breathless gasps, her release came.

        Depleted, spent, she sank into the pillows.

        But, still, she accepted the burning truth.

        Only one man could truly satiate her fire……

***

        “Livvy! Wake up!”

        Through her fogged state, the next day, she heard a child’s voice, and after shaking her head against the incessant noise, she came fully alert.

        And thankfully, she’d showered last night after her little escapade and dressed, she thought, blushing, and then pushed the scandalous thought aside.

        With a huge smile, ponytails swinging, Meghan straddled her on the bed and was amidst a full on whine. “It’s 12:00 in the afternoon! You’re gonna miss lunch if you don’t get up, and you’ve missed breakfast already! That’s not good! ‘Sides, I’m ready to play. You promised that you’d play with me, remember?”

        Pushing herself up on her elbows, Olivia gave a sleepy smile, “I know I did sweetheart, and I haven’t forgotten. Give me a moment, okay?”

        “Okay,” Meghan nodded, moving to the left side of the bed before hanging over the side dangerously. Her voice was muffled as she spoke. “Almost forgot your surprise!”

        “Meghan!” she shouted, sitting up in the bed, and pulled her to safety. As she did, she found the little girl cradling a flat wrapped package with a pink bow. After making sure that the child was safely put in the bed again, she faced her with a frown. “Believe me, Meghan, I know that you have some super acrobatic moves, but you still have to think about being safe, okay?”

        “Livvy, you’re so silly!” the little girl giggled. “I hang on the side of my bed all the time! How am I going to get hurt doing that?”

        She tweaked her nose. “Just be careful, okay? I can’t let my best friend get hurt.”

        Meghan’s eyes widened. “You mean it, Livvy? Are we really best friends?”

        “Of course, we are,” she admitted, yanking on her ponytail playfully. “Who else would I allow to drag me from the bed without getting angry? And it helps that you’re such a cutie, too!”

        Throwing her hands over her face, falling back against the pillows, Meghan fell into a fit of giggles. She laughed along with her, embracing the joyful innocence and exuberance of the moment. A few seconds later, they sat cross-legged in the bed and faced one another.

        “You didn’t tell me that it was your birthday,” she said, eyeing the little girl, and lifted the flat package from the bed. The guilt surged through her. “I would’ve gotten you something if you’d told me.”