The People in the Park (17 page)

“I can’t wait until yours comes,” Callie said.

“My daddy owns his own business,” Steffy said. “He knows how to manage money without stealing it.”

“Haven’t you heard?” Stacie asked. “Lauren’s father was cleared.”

“For now,” said Steffy. “You never know what can come up with a little digging.”

“You are so mean!” Melanie said. “I don’t know why we wanted you as a friend anyway.”

“Bring it!” Steffy said as she drove off.

By the time Callie, Stacie, and Melanie caught up with me I was getting into Mom’s car.

“Are you OK?” asked Callie.

“I’m trying to be,” I said.

“We’re here for you,” Callie said. “Where do you want to go?”

“I’m OK. Really.” I drove away.

And I really was OK. I went straight home. I didn’t have to go on a long drive to clear my head. I didn’t have to have a pity party with my friends and talk about Steffy. I needed none of that.

She couldn’t hurt me anymore.

37

Dad was home for the weekend.

I’d stayed at school late working on my recession story. I still didn’t know for sure if I wanted to major in journalism in college. Right now what the future held seemed a long way off.

Mom had told Dad about my plans to go to Lincoln Prep. Dad took us out to dinner at the steakhouse on the Plaza so we could discuss it.

The restaurant had lush carpeting, heavy wood furniture, and hushed tones. It had been a while since we’d been in a place like this as a family, and I could see why. Lots of people recognized Dad and came over to greet him and wish him well.

I immediately felt at home. I belonged here. This was the world in which I felt comfortable. Then what was I trying to figure out?

Dad’s voice brought me back to the present. Our waiter had us choose from a selection of cuts. Then we settled down to family talk while our steaks were being char-grilled.

Dad told us about his first week at work in Atlanta. He had dinner with his colleagues at various golf and private clubs every night. When Mom got to Atlanta they would decide which clubs to join.

“What’s this I hear about you wanting to graduate from Lincoln Prep instead of Fairfield Oaks?” Dad asked.

“I’ve given it lots of thought,” I said. “Fairfield Oaks is all I’ve known since middle school. I want a change. I want to see what it’s like going to another school, a school with more black students. I haven’t had that experience ever.”

“There’s a reason why you haven’t had that experience,” Dad said. “You know why we moved to Fairfield. I wanted you to have the best.”

“Who says that’s the best?” I struggled to get him to understand my position. “I’ve had the Fairfield experience and see where it got me. Jay’s family wouldn’t allow him to take me to prom. Steffy now drives my car. Living in Fairfield and going to Fairfield Oaks is not all that important anymore.”

“Then, Kitten, what is important to you?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m trying to figure that out. I want to get to know Tiffany better. We’re cousins and we barely know each other. I loved the atmosphere at Lincoln Prep the weekend that I spent with Tiffany. There was more pageantry and more school spirit at Lincoln Prep than at Fairfield Oaks.”

“You can’t say there is more school spirit,” Mom said. “They just express it differently.”

“Well I want to be a part of that atmosphere,” I said, pleading with my eyes and gestures. “Being at Lincoln Prep was cool when you were out of town. No one judged me or looked at me funny. They welcomed me as Tiffany’s cousin.”

“I want you to graduate from Fairfield Oaks if you’re not going to move to Atlanta with us,” Dad said.

“You can have the black experience at a HBCU,” Mom said.

“Mom, I haven’t decided where I want to go to college yet.”

“What about the Ivy League? Or one of the elite women’s colleges on the east coast?” Dad said. He was bewildered as to why I wanted to change plans now, plans that had been in the making since we moved to Fairfield.

“I don’t want to go to Fairfield Oaks my senior year.”

“Is it because of Jay?”

“No, he wants to get back together and go to the prom.”

“Then problem solved,” Dad said.

“No! I don’t want to get back with him,” I said. “Besides, he isn’t the reason I want to change to Lincoln Prep.”

“Then is it because Steffy is driving your car?” Mom asked.

“I’ll get you a new car when you get to Atlanta this summer,” Dad said.

Exasperated, I looked from one to the other. I couldn’t think of words to make them understand.

Our food arrived and the waiter, with great fanfare, placed our meals in front of each of us. We took our first bites in total silence.

“If I stay with Aunt Ira and Tiffany, the traffic back to Fairfield is horrible. Bumper to bumper. I don’t want to be stressed going to school every day.”

“What about your walks in the park before school?” Mom asked. “You always enjoyed the river and being out in nature before school started.”

She just didn’t understand. “That was our special thing, but you stopped going. This semester I had to do it by myself. It was all that was left that was normal, except I had to do it without you.”

Mom lowered her head. “I’m sorry I abandoned you. I just couldn’t be there for you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“I’m not blaming you for anything,” I said. “Being in the park and getting to know the people there caused me to rethink my life. They made me think about what I wanted out of life.”

“Kitten, what do you want?” Dad asked.

“I want to experience life, all facets of it.”

“If you go to Lincoln Prep, you’ll only know Tiffany.”

“I met her friends, plus Mrs. Stevens will be there. She’s my mentor. She’ll continue to help me and offer advice.”

“You have it all worked out, don’t you?” said Dad. “This situation just turned our lives inside out. It wasn’t supposed to do that.”

“I’m not blaming you, Dad. I know you want the best for me. So do I. But I have to start knowing what’s best for me. I’m almost seventeen and will soon be off to college. Shouldn’t I start making some major decisions that will affect my life?”

“Yes, dear, I understand,” Mom said, taking my hand across the table.

I looked at Dad. “I just need to find out who I am.”

“You are my daughter and your mother’s daughter,” he said. “You held your head up high through all of the media attention. You’re a strong young woman, and I’m proud of you. You didn’t fall apart during this ordeal.

“You’re thinking about your future. That’s a good thing. The only reason you want to go to Lincoln Prep is because your Mom and I won’t be here.”

“I want to get to know my family better,” I said.

“I know,” said Mom. “It’s OK. We’ll make it work.”

I hadn’t realized we had been in the restaurant all evening. We were one of the last two tables occupied. Dad left a huge tip to compensate for tying up the table.

The cool air embraced us as we strolled around the Plaza looking in shop windows, pointing out items of interest. Most of all we were quiet, each occupied with our own thoughts. Mom and Dad were probably wondering what they had done to bring about this turn of events. I didn’t know how to explain my feelings to them. I hoped they understood. They were going to Atlanta to start anew. They didn’t understand that I needed a new start, too, but at a place of my choosing.

I walked on a bit ahead of Mom and Dad.

I heard her say, “Maybe we can get our marriage back on track in Atlanta.”

I stopped abruptly and tried to play it off by pretending I was looking at something in a store’s window.

I hadn’t realized their marriage wasn’t on track.

38

Monday night Mom came into my room with a box of black walnut ice cream and potato chips and cookies. She loved to crumble Oreo cookies into her ice cream and I loved my ice cream with chips. We watched an old black and white movie on TCM and ate our decadent treats.

After the movie Mom stayed around, so I knew she wanted to talk. She told me how excited she was about moving to Atlanta. She said she had thought a lot about our conversation with Dad, and she agreed the entire family needed a new start.

“I want you to come to Atlanta with us,” she said.

“Mom! You just got through saying we needed a new start,” I protested.

“We can start anew together!”

“Come on Mom! I’ve gone through this with you and Dad. I want to stay here and go to Lincoln Prep. I want to stay with Aunt Ira so I can get to know Tiffany better. I want to learn who I am and what I want out of life.”

“You can learn all that in Atlanta,” she countered.

“No, I can’t! I don’t have relatives in Atlanta. I can’t learn what it’ll be like to be close to relatives there.”

“Your Dad and I have tried to give you the best of everything. Don’t you appreciate the sacrifices we have made for you?”

Mom didn’t understand after all. I looked at the hurt in her eyes. She seemed afraid that I was abandoning her.

“Mom, I’m not leaving you,” I said. “I don’t know who I really am. Everything has been handed to me. With this situation with Dad I’ve discovered there’s another way of life, a life of cutbacks and not having everything I wanted.”

Mom looked at me. Her eyes pleaded and her words hit home. “Can’t you wait another year to experience life on your own? You’ll be going off to college then. Come with us to Atlanta, or go back to Fairfield Oaks.”

I tried to keep the tears that were in my eyes from falling to my cheeks. I whispered, “I don’t feel like I belong at Fairfield Oaks anymore.”

“Is this because of Jay?”

“No, Mom, it isn’t. Everything is not about Jay!” I took a bite of ice cream and chips, trying to calm down. I needed to make her see my point.

“When I was with Tiffany, I felt like I belonged. I can’t explain it. I was with people who understood me. I didn’t have to be the novelty that everyone wanted to befriend. I was just me.

“And when I’m with you and Dad and at school and around here, I feel like I belong, too. I want to find out more about the part of me that feels like I belong when I’m with Tiffany and Aunt Ira. Can’t you see what I’m trying to say?”

Mom pulled me close and hugged me. “Of course, I understand,” she said. “I just feel like I’ve failed you. With wanting to shelter you and give you the best in life that we could afford, I didn’t keep the connection open to your family.

“We saw your Aunt Ira and Tiffany when we could or when we didn’t have anything planned, which wasn’t often. Instead of making sure you visited your grandparents every year, we took you traveling around the world. I wanted you to have the same experiences as your classmates. We moved out here to Fairfield and gave you everything, but somehow we didn’t give you what you really needed.”

Tears rolled down Mom’s face. “I failed you,” she continued.

Now I felt really bad. “No, you didn’t. I’m happy living here. I really am. It’s just that I only have one more year, and if I move to Atlanta or stay at Fairfield Oaks I might never get to really know my family and form a bond with them.”

“Your Aunt Ira and I are close,” Mom continued. “We talk on the phone practically every day. You and Tiffany were so busy with your own activities and friends that we just thought you would eventually find each other, maybe in college or after.”

“I want to do it now,” I said. “It seems like a good time with everything that’s going on.”

I paused. “There’s something else I haven’t told you yet. During altar call at church that Sunday, I gave my life to Christ. I want to be part of their church before I go off to college.”

Mom didn’t say anything. She brushed her head against the top of my hair. But I sensed we had come to an understanding. She might not agree with my position, but at least she knew I didn’t arrive at this place in my life without a lot of thought. And now I could see her objection better. My last year in high school was coming up. And she wouldn’t be around for it.

“Mom, I love you. I’ll visit you and Dad in Atlanta. You’re not losing me.”

When she left my room her spirit seemed deflated. I guess it was too much to ask that we all be happy about the changes ahead for our family.

“I’ll find solace at the park tomorrow while letting the sound of the river wash over me,” I said to my reflection.

Mom had stopped going to the park when I needed her most. She had abandoned me first. “She’ll probably immerse herself in the rituals of moving and selling the house. Activities relating to moving will keep her going until she starts her new life in Atlanta.”

39

The trees in the park fascinated me.

Some stood tall, straight and majestic. Others stood, but somehow through the years had become crooked. A certain group of trees fascinated me. Three trees had started out separately but their trunks had fused and they’d grown straight up together. This group always reminded me of my family: Dad, Mom, and me. We were strong like that.

“Trees are like life,” said a voice behind me.

I whirled around. Hale and Hardy stood looking at the trees.

“Good morning, Mr. Jones.”

“Call me Ted, young lady.”

“Lauren.”

“Pleased to meet you, Lauren. I’ve seen you out here looking at the trees. There are lots of lessons to be learned from trees,” he said, pointing to a crooked tree that reigned majestically in the park, spreading its limbs as if overseeing all the other trees.

“A strong storm probably came through the park decades ago and ravaged the trees here. But this one survived. It was bent over but it still grew. Even though it’s crooked, there’s a certain beauty about it. In lots of ways it’s more beautiful than the trees that grew straight.

“You see, life deals all of us blows. It’s how we deal with them that matters. You can lay over and die. Or you can keep living and let your scars show but not let them hold you down.”

I smiled. Everybody else told me about their lives. But Ted was telling me about the trees.