The People in the Park (16 page)

I didn’t have to ask Patrick to my prom for him to ask me to his. He asked me first!

Dad always told me that no matter how much money an African-American family had, the first thing that people saw was their skin color. I never thought too much about that before. Whenever he said it, I’d always thought he was just talking so that I would do my best in school. He said it was something his father had taught him, passed down from his grandfather.

Patrick seemed to look beyond skin color and see the real me. And Patrick knew I was Dad’s daughter before he even asked me out. He liked me for the person I am. It’s funny. The things that are important to me now that weren’t in the past.

33

I’d gotten used to having Dad around home.

During dinner he announced that everything was set for the job in Atlanta. Dad said that all the I’s were dotted and all the T’s were crossed. He was leaving for Atlanta tomorrow morning but would be home every weekend until school was out, then Mom and I could join him in Atlanta.

Was it all over so soon? I’d gotten used to living with a cloud over my head. I realized that in some aspects it wouldn’t ever completely be over for me. I couldn’t announce over the intercom at school that Dad had been cleared and another law firm had hired him and he was, we were, moving to Atlanta.

But I didn’t care. I’d learned not to care what people think about me. I was just trying to live my best life in the best way for me.

I did care about Dad. I was glad he was moving on from here and his career hadn’t been harmed too much. Atlanta’s a good place to begin again.

Mom constantly told me how much I’d love Atlanta. She was extremely happy to be going back South. Even though she was born and raised in Memphis, any place in the South was good enough for her.

That night Mom helped Dad pack what he’d need. She said the movers would be here to pack our household belongings after we closed on the house in Fayetteville.

Still, Mom moved through the house, going from room to room with small boxes, putting away photos that lined the mantel and shelves. She said she was taking away personal mementos so that prospective buyers would see themselves in the house instead of being reminded of the family who lived there.

I wondered where I fit into all this. Would I really be happy in Atlanta? Would it be easy to make new friends my senior year? I wasn’t a child of the South. I was from the Midwest. I couldn’t see myself picking up and moving during my senior year. I wouldn’t be connected with anything. The total experience of senior year would be meaningless.

The purpose of going to prom and graduating and going off to college was to share the experience with friends. Friends who shared the total high school experience with me.

But I probably wouldn’t have that luxury. Fairfield Oaks High School was very expensive. Plus I didn’t know where I wanted to go to college. My future plans were fluid.

On my morning walks in the park, I’d started talking to God. I learned that prayer is just talking to Him. I poured out my heart to God on everything, from getting interviews with students to my greatest fears.

What kind of person did I want to be? Who would help me become that person? When was it going to be my time? Where was the best place for me? Maybe God could help me answer the questions I had about my life. In the silence of the morning, I felt His presence and experienced His peace.

34

I finally asked him!

I couldn’t believe it took me so long to ask Patrick to go to the prom with me, but it did. I’d wanted to ask him from the beginning, since meeting him again at Maybelle’s house. But something held me back.

I was afraid of being rejected again. Even though he had invited me to his prom.

He said yes! He wondered what took me so long. He thought maybe I had another date.

I told him that I’d never had another date. And I hadn’t. I just thought I had.

Life is so complicated. Why couldn’t our lives run smoothly without any drama? Why couldn’t everyone in the world be happy and live their lives without distress?

The prudent thing would be to wear the same dress to both proms. They were a week apart. Amazing that I was even contemplating doing that. In the past I would have had to get another dress, even though it was highly unlikely that anyone from Patrick’s school was attending the prom at Fairfield Oaks.

This year was different. I’m not saying that I didn’t care how I looked because I did. It was just that there was so much more going on in my life, more important than getting another prom dress.

I told Patrick about the plan for us to ride in the hummer limo with my friends. He was all for it.

Part of me was glad that I had a date for the prom. This would show Jay and his family and everyone else at Fairfield Oaks that I wasn’t dependent on them for my happiness. I hoped I didn’t sound like a mad woman.

Another part of me was sad that I had abandoned my dream of going to the prom with Jay. All I had to do was say yes to be on the way to the prom with him.

But something deep down inside kept me from crossing that threshold. Was it my pride? Yes! I wouldn’t give Jay the satisfaction of breaking down and going to the prom with him. I’d rather go by myself first. Or stay at home.

Jay kept sending me texts asking me to change my mind. But I wouldn’t. I compared him to Patrick all the time. Patrick was so thoughtful. He called me every night. Patrick was organized. He had plans for his future mapped out. He didn’t expect me to change my plans for him.

Jay never called me, or rarely. He always sent text messages or e-mail. I wondered if he really liked me for me. Or if I was just a pretty girl for his arm.

I really didn’t know much about Jay. I didn’t know what he thought about lots of things. I didn’t know what his future plans were. I didn’t know where he planned to go to college. I didn’t know what he planned to do career-wise.

I thought I knew him, but I really didn’t. When he first told me we weren’t going together to the prom, I was devastated. How did we get to this point?

I finally sent Jay a text and told him that I was going to the prom with someone else, and he should ask someone else too.

Callie said I shouldn’t have told him anything. To let him be surprised when I arrived with a date. I didn’t want to hurt Jay intentionally. That wasn’t in me. I was concerned about hurting his feelings although he wasn’t concerned about hurting mine.

It was done. Time to move on.

35

I saw Maybelle in the park today.

She was happy when I told her that Patrick and I were going to my prom and also to his prom. She was pleased with her matchmaking skills. Even though I’d already met Patrick before that evening at her apartment, it was because of her that we were going to our proms together.

Maybelle and Rose made a big fuss over what I’d be wearing. I assured them I already had my dress. Of course, they thought I should be wearing two different dresses. They disregarded my protests when I told them that no one at either school would be at the other’s prom except Patrick and me. I tried to tell them that if I wanted another prom dress I could afford one. But they clucked their tongues and shook their heads as if they knew better.

My biggest nightmare was that they might show up in the park tomorrow with another prom dress for me. They’re kindhearted and mean well. If they hadn’t insisted on me going to the prom I’d probably be at home prom night. I accepted them playing matchmaker, but I drew the line at giving me clothes to wear. Besides they didn’t know my taste in clothes, and I certainly didn’t know theirs.

Mom was still busy planning for the move that night when I got home. She had her planner out and house plans lay across her bed. I crawled into bed beside her.

Mom passed the house plans to me. “Which room do you want?”

I looked through the house plans. Nothing stood out for me. “Whichever one you say will be fine.”

Mom looked at me. She was incredulous. “You are usually so picky about where your room is located.”

“I’m not feeling this,” I said.

She put down everything she was doing and looked at me. “What’s going on with you?”

“I’m not sure I want to do my senior year in Atlanta.” I said. “I don’t know anyone there. I want to finish school here.”

There! I had finally said it out loud.

“Well! That sheds new light on this situation,” Mom said. “Where would you stay if you stayed here? We’re hoping the house will sell by the time school is over.”

“I’ve been thinking,” I looked at her and hoped she would understand. “I can stay with Tiffany and Aunt Ira.”

“Hmmmm.” She thought about it for a moment. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head. “The traffic every morning getting over here to school will be unbearable.”

“That’s the thing,” I said. “I can transfer to Lincoln Prep and go to school with Tiffany. Mrs. Stevens will be there. She’s been hired as the Journalism and New Media teacher. I’m thinking about majoring in Journalism in college. At least I was thinking about it before Dad’s name and face was all over TV. Now I have to see if I really want to do this.”

“Isn’t the same thing going to be taught at Fairfield Oaks? I recall getting a notice of the new subjects that would be offered next year.”

“I know, but I was thinking about getting to know my family better.”

She paused and had a faraway look in her eyes. I knew she was inwardly blaming herself for me not being closer to Tiffany.

“You know, darling, we moved out here so you could have the best schooling.”

“I know.” I laid my head on her shoulder. “I just feel like I want to go to Lincoln Prep my senior year. It’s a good school.”

“One of the best,” Mom agreed.

“I had a good time with Tiffany and her friends when I spent the weekend with her. And I really loved going to church with Aunt Ira and the family. Tiffany has a beautiful voice. I didn’t know she could sing.”

Mom sighed, “Oh darling, we should’ve attended church more as a family. I can see why you loved being in church. There’s nothing like anthems and hymns and spirituals on a Sunday morning.”

“I remember when I was little we used to go to church, but I don’t remember too much about it.”

“Then Sunday became a day of rest for our family after all the activities of the week. We should’ve been getting recharged in church.”

I told Mom that the past didn’t matter anymore. Maybe all of this had to happen so I could make my own decisions and discover what it means to live a life of faith.

“You know, we can afford to send you to Fairfield Oaks your senior year now that your father has a new position in Atlanta.”

“I know Mom, but I need to do this.”

“I’ll talk to your father this weekend when he comes home.”

Mom nuzzled her face in my hair and held me close.

36

I saw Dr. Smithfield in the park today.

He was rounding the bend near the grove of trees, but he was on the opposite side of the walking path, near the railroad tracks. I cut across the park to intercept him.

“Good morning, Dr. Smithfield.”

“Lauren, how are you today?”

“I’m fine. The summer job you offered me a while back, if it’s still available, I’ll take it.”

He smiled. “Good! Good! Let me know when you can start. I’m converting to a digital filing system, so you will have plenty to keep you busy. Patients’ files need to be scanned into the new system. And of course, everything is confidential.”

“Of course,” I said.

“Great! Let me know when you can start. Larraine, my office manager, will certainly appreciate the help.”

I watched him and his little white dog until they were out of sight. Then I went over to a bench near the river and sat down. I felt good. I actually felt free. I was making decisions about my own life. My life was in my hands.

Attending church with Tiffany and family had been the turning point for me. I was learning to trust in God. I didn’t feel empty inside anymore. I wanted to be part of their church community. I’d felt alive there, like I could face anything.

I had nothing against the city of Atlanta, but I wanted to stay here and finish this part of my life. I wanted to grow in faith, and I definitely could do that here.

The river was clear today. I didn’t know where the logs I saw in it yesterday ended up. Did they go downstream to St. Louis and then flow into the Mississippi River or did someone intercept them? The water had receded to normal levels. The sun’s rays shone down upon the water, and it seemed as if the ripples were dancing in the sunlight.

There was so much I wanted out of life now that I had time to actually think about it. Mom seemed to understand that being here my senior year was best for me.

I still had so much to figure out, like where I wanted to go to college. Since my life had turned upside down, the things that I used to care about I didn’t care about anymore. I just wanted to live a good, normal life with good friends around me. I wanted to follow my heart where it led me and not be concerned whether I lived in the best part of town or not. I didn’t need to be around the “best” people with all their connections.

I wanted to be happy. And I didn’t know what all that entailed. I just wanted to be happy.

****

After school Callie, Stacie, Melanie, and I entered the parking lot. Steffy was leaving in my car. She had the top down.

“Do you girls want a ride?” Steffy asked. “Especially you, Lauren. You can see how smooth the ride in your car is. I feel like I’m floating on air every time I drive it.”

“No, I’d rather walk than ride with you.” I said and kept walking.

“You don’t have to hate on me because your old man had to sell your car. Let’s face it, we all have hard times.”