The Perfect Family (39 page)

His chest began to ache, like his heart was being squeezed to death. “You didn’t tell me any of this because I have a faith issue with Jamie being gay?”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Are you punishing me for my beliefs?”

“No, of course not!”

He slapped an open palm on the wooden surface of her desk. “Then why am I just finding out about all this? Why didn’t you call me to meet with Casey?”

“She didn’t ask to meet with you.”

“I could have gone with you to see Steve, then. That was my right, damn it.”

“There wasn’t time to contact you.”

“Bullshit. You didn’t want me to go.”

“All right! I didn’t want you to go.”

Utter silence.

She broke it. “It’s…it’s hard to talk to you these days.”

“So you completely took charge of our son’s life. You had no right.”

She raised her chin. “I have to protect him.”

“From me?”

“No, that came out wrong.”

He bolted off the chair. The back of it hit the wall, hard and harsh like the emotional words between him and his wife. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me. To us.”

“Mike, you’ve been dividing us for weeks now. I feel like I’m in this all by myself. Worse, that we’re on opposite sides. It’s why I asked you to consider marriage counseling.”

He loomed over her, his fists clenched and his mind whirling. “Fuck marriage counseling, Maggie. Fuck everything.”

Stalking to the kitchen, he grabbed his keys and strode out of the house. He got in the car and made it to the main road before he pulled over to the shoulder. His head back against the seat, he prayed. For guidance. For patience. For humility.

None of it came.

He felt calmer, though, so he drove the half hour to his parents’ place on the lake. His father came out the front door when he pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. It was eleven at night.

“Mikey, is that you?”

His dad’s use of the old nickname choked him up. “Yeah. I hope it’s not too late.”

BJ walked over to him. “No, of course not. Something wrong?”

“Yes.” He stepped closer to his father.

Then his dad opened his arms and Mike walked into them.

*

“Do you want to be alone with your father?” Mike’s mother asked. She was ready for bed in pajamas, her face washed, her hair combed off her face. When he was little, his mom’s nightly ritual made him feel safe, as it was constant and predictable.

Despite the gravity of his situation, Mike smiled. “Why? He’d just tell you later what I said.” Mike understood that from being a child in this house. There were no secrets between his parents. They settled into the family room, which faced the lake. “Anyway, I need a woman’s perspective. And a mother’s.”

“What happened, son?” his father asked.

“Several weeks ago, Jamie told us he’s gay.”

His mom and dad exchanged looks.

“You knew?”

“We suspected.” His dad leaned forward in his chair. “We were going to talk to you about it, but you never brought it, up so we waited.”

“Did Jamie tell you, honey?”

“He told Maggie, of course.” Mike hadn’t realized that he resented Jamie telling Maggie first. Or that Jamie hadn’t told them together.

“You’re upset about his sexual orientation?”

“Hell, Dad, of course I’m upset. It’s against our religion.”

A shock of white hair fell over his father’s forehead when he frowned. “Some people in the Catholic Church think that homosexuality is a sin. Some don’t.”

“What about you two?”

His mother spoke first. “Jesus loved everybody. He wouldn’t expect Jamie to live an unnatural life.”

“Celibacy.”

“Yes. It’s crazy for the church to believe that lifestyle is healthy.”

“Maggie agrees.” Mike’s heart twisted in his chest. “You’re on her side.”

“There aren’t sides here,” his dad told him. “Jamie’s our concern. And you.”

His mother studied him, her eyes full of sympathy. “You feel as if you and Maggie are on different sides?”

“Are you kidding? We’re on different planets when it comes to this.” He gave them the broad strokes of how his marriage had suffered in only a few weeks.

His mom got up and came to sit next to him. She took his hand in both of hers. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“How’s Brian?” his dad asked.

Mike swallowed hard. Those details were harder to relate, but he managed to get them out.

“Brian’s taking his cue from you.” His father’s words were like a bucket of cold water in the face.

“Oh, God. I’ve caused all this?”

“No. I didn’t mean it that way. I think your pastor is influencing you negatively.”

“He’s a good man. He has our family’s best interest at heart.” When his father just stared at him, Mike added, “I believe in him. In our church.”

His dad waited before he commented, “Then you have a tough road to hoe.”

Lucy said, “A man’s family should come first.”

“God should come first,” Mike responded.

“God wouldn’t want you to hurt Jamie.” His mother’s voice was so sure, so confident. “He wouldn’t want you to hurt your family. Anyone who advises you differently is wrong.”

Torn, Mike sighed. “I’d like a drink. A strong one.”

“You’ve got to drive back.”

“No, I don’t. I’d rather spend the night here.”

“Do you think you should do that?”

“Who the hell knows?”

*

Maggie heard the garage door go up, drained the rest of her coffee, and rinsed the cup out in the sink. She glanced at the clock. She was done with classes but she usually went in at this time to finish up the paperwork.

Hers and Mike’s phone conversation last night was curt.

I’m staying out here with my parents.

Fine.

They’d hung up simultaneously. Luckily the boys had been in bed before Mike stormed out, and they’d left for school this morning thinking their dad had gone to work.

Mike halted at the entrance to the kitchen. “I thought you’d be at school.”

“I’m sure you timed coming home so that you wouldn’t see me.”

His shoulders sagged and he eyes were bleak. Suddenly, she wanted to rush to him, wrap her arms around his neck and tell him everything would be all right. But they both knew it might not.

“Don’t harp on me. I’m wiped.”

Staring at her husband, she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I kept what’s been happening with Jamie from you. You’re right, I didn’t trust you with it.”

“That’s the problem.”

“No, Mike, the problem is you can’t accept your son for who he is. So it’s sent us all into a tailspin. We’re acting out of character.”

“I’m not the one keeping things from you.”

“You were the one who stayed out all night.”

“At my parents’.”

“You ran away.”

Pique flushed his cheeks. “I told them about Jamie. You’ve been nagging at me to do it. I did.”

“And?”

“I don’t want to talk about this now.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to get to work. I have a meeting shortly.”

“Then you’d better get going.”

He left without saying good-bye.

At noon, Maggie was on the porch, trying to get some final papers graded, when the doorbell rang. She didn’t answer it, fearful of what new crisis lay on the other side.

But she heard the front door open and went into the foyer to find Mike’s mother, Lucy, holding the key to their home that they’d given her long ago. Without saying a word, she set her bag on the corner table, crossed to Maggie, and embraced her in a warm hug.

Maggie began to cry.

“Shh. There now, sweetheart.” Lucy rubbed her back. “It’ll be all right.”

“I’m not crying because he’s gay,” she said adamantly, though the effect was diluted by the sobs. She buried her face in Lucy’s shoulder.

“I know you’re not. With Caroline coming to Sherwood and your mother handling it so badly, along with Jamie’s revelation, I think the stress you’re under is unbearable.”

“But I’m not crying about my boy.”

“You’re crying about
my
boy.”

When Maggie finally composed herself, Lucy took her hand and led her to the porch. Instead of choosing the stuffed rocker she favored, her mother-in-law sat down on the couch with Maggie and didn’t let go of her.

Maggie was glad for the contact. She loved and respected this woman so much, admired her grit, her unerring faith in God, and her love for her five children. Today, in comparison to Lucy Davidson, Maggie felt like the worst kind of mother and wife.

“Honey, I’m going to tell you something. And I want your promise that you won’t share this with anyone.”

“Of course, Mom.”

“When Tommy was five, I got pregnant again. We had a brood by then and I was so overworked, I was miserable. I was also in my forties. Your father-in-law had refused to use birth control because of the Catholic Church’s stance on contraception. I knew in my heart having another baby was not right for us at that time of our lives.”

“Did you have a miscarriage?”

Blue eyes so like Mike’s clouded. “No, Mag, I had an abortion.”

“What?”

“I had an abortion. My doctor was worried anyway about my emotional well-being. We did the procedure in his office.”

“What did Dad say?”

“I didn’t tell him. You’re the first person I’ve ever told.”

“I’m—”

“Shocked. As you should be.” For a moment, Lucy stared out at the backyard. “It was against my religion, my ethics, my belief system. Yet I did it for myself and for my family. I suffered over it, confessed to God, but I didn’t even tell our priest.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

“Oh, honey, I didn’t. God was with me, even though I’d sinned.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Well, for one, I want you to know that protecting your family and doing what’s best for them and yourself are important. But I haven’t finished the story.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Like I said, I never told your father-in-law, but I did confront him on the issue of birth control. He blew up at me. Flatly refused ‘to wear one of those rubber things,’ he called them. We’d practice abstinence, he said, as we always had. Like
that
had worked.”

“What happened?”

“I wouldn’t sleep with him until he agreed to use birth control. That’s probably more information than you want about your in-laws, but it’s necessary to make my point. Dad was mad as a hornet, but he finally caved. Now he thinks back on that time in our lives and wonders why he ever got so angry. Why he couldn’t see that God would want him to protect his family.” She smiled. “When you get older, I guess you can see the gray areas.”

“He couldn’t see them then because he was blinded by his faith in the church.”

Lucy sat back. “The Catholic Church has done harm to your family. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of good Catholics out there, good Christians in the fold. Us. Your husband. But sometimes, it’s a difficult church to live under.”

“I know. I can’t go back there after how it’s affected Mike’s attitude toward Jamie.”

“He told us. We’re glad you found God elsewhere. Someday, I’d like to go to a UCC service with you. And maybe to an event or two.”

“Oh, Mom.”

“Now, don’t get weepy on me again.” She squeezed Maggie’s hand. Her self-possession was calming. “There’s a message in all this. You and your husband can disagree, but you have to stay close and try to work through it. Fix it, Maggie, and don’t do anything to make it worse.”

She wondered if Mike had told Lucy about Damien, but she couldn’t broach the subject with her mother-in-law.

“At the same time, never, ever sacrifice Jamie for Mike. It’s not the natural order of life.”

Laying her head on Lucy’s shoulder, Maggie was glad for the reassurance. “Thanks so much for telling me this. For coming here today.”

In a motherly gesture that had been missing in Maggie’s life since Caroline left, Lucy soothed down her hair. “You can repay me by being the wonderful wife, mother, and human being you’ve always been.”

Suit coat off, the sleeves of his light blue shirt rolled up, Mike sat behind his desk at work unable to concentrate on the contract before him. He’d been distracted for two days. His visit with his parents had only served to make him feel worse. Regardless of how supportive of him they were, he sensed they disapproved of how he was handling the situation at home. He’d slept badly because he was away from Maggie, but even last night, when he shared the same bed with his wife, the distance between them was like an ocean.