The Perfect Family (35 page)
For a brief minute, Jamie had questioned who he was, what he was doing. She did that to him a lot…
“You okay?” Brian asked across the car.
“Yeah, I just want today to go good.”
When they got to school, Jamie went directly to the gym. He’d been excused from all classes today to keep the drive running smoothly.
The Red Cross had set up six stations. Each consisted of a nurse, a long rectangular table, and the equipment to draw blood. Before students could donate, there was a check-in area where they’d stop to give information to the Red Cross staff, who filled out a questionnaire to make sure the student was eligible to donate. They asked for name, weight—you had to be at least 110 pounds—grade level, previous donation history, and a series of other questions Jamie hadn’t seen.
Because kids were prone to weakness and/or fainting after giving blood, an area to rest had also been set up and was staffed by parents who came in to serve juice and cookies.
His mother showed up around noon. She headed for the volunteer section and was talking to the school nurse when Jamie crossed to her. He heard one of the nurses say, “Nice to see you here, Maggie. Jamie’s done a fantastic job with the drive.”
He had. The place was wall-to-wall people. He’d decided on a separate line off to the side for teachers who had to get back to work quickly. Kids were late to classes all day long because of delays in the process, but no one seemed to mind, as they were supporting an important cause. Jamie was proud of what he’d done and feeling better about himself than he had in weeks, months, maybe even years. He was whistling when he reached his mom and kissed her on the cheek. “Hi, Mommykins. Thanks for coming.”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Did you see the tally?” He pointed to the wall where an oversized poster of a thermometer showed a count of how many pints were given every hour. “We’re gonna beat last year’s total easy.”
“That is so great, honey.”
“Yes, it is.” The principal had come to stand behind them. Jamie liked Mr. Thomas. A huge guy with linebacker shoulders, he was tough and fair-minded, though Jamie heard some of the teachers bitch about him being too controlling.
His mother greeted the principal warmly. “Hello, Steve.” They were on a first-name basis because she’d worked on committees with him.
Jamie smiled at him. “Mr. Thomas.”
“You’ve done a terrific job, Jamie. We all appreciate your hard work.”
“I love this school,” Jamie said without reserve. “I wanted to help out.”
“You raised two super kids, Maggie.” Mr. Thomas glanced across the room to where Brian entered through the gym’s double doors. “I hear Brian got a couple scholarships to Ithaca.”
Brian had received the official notice of two alumni scholarships that covered half his tuition. The school didn’t give athletic scholarships, but coach had written a letter that the money was a show of faith that Brian would play baseball his freshman year. They’d all gone out to dinner to celebrate the news. That had also made Jamie feel better. It was sort of like things were back to normal again.
The principal left and Brian reached them. He, too, kissed their mom. Facing Jamie, he asked, “Ready?”
“Yeah, sure. I still can’t believe I gotta hold your hand. You’re such a wuss about this.”
“Zip it, little brother. Just come with me.”
Brian was the first to donate. He sat down at a table and talked with the Red Cross representative, who recorded his answers on a computer. She took his temperature, checked his blood and blood pressure. From the sidelines Jamie gave him a thumbs-up.
While Brian was still answering questions, Jamie went to the next open station. He’d gotten the sober faced older guy who could have been an ex-Marine. The man went through the same routine as Brian, and asked the requisite stats about name, age, weight. Then, still staring at the computer, he began a series of questions. “Do you or have you ever had hepatitis?”
“No.”
“HIV?”
“No.”
More medical disease questions.
“Have you had sex with another male, even once, after 1977?”
Jamie stilled. The chatter around him went on, the laughter, the excited hum. But his mind filled with images of him and Luke. “Um, is it legal to ask me that?”
The worker peered up at him from behind thick glasses. “These are all standard questions set by the FDA. Everyone gets asked them, son.”
Son
. Would his dad condone this interrogation? Or would he stand up for Jamie’s rights?
“Did you ask the girl before me if she had sex with a male?”
The guy sat up straighter. “In a way. We asked her if she had sex with a male who had sex with another male after 1977.”
“That’s not the same thing. Did you ask her if she had sex with another female?”
“I don’t believe that question is on here.”
Of course, he knew the origin of the question, that HIV could be transmitted through certain types of sexual activity performed by gay men. But straight couples did those things, too.
Jamie’s hands got clammy and his throat clogged.
Don’t tell
, his mind shouted.
Lie. Don’t embarrass yourself or your family
. “I-I won’t answer your question. It’s discriminatory.”
The guy stared at him like Dr. Crane had. “Then you can’t give blood.”
Anger now, which was better. “What if I answer yes, can I donate then?”
“I’m afraid not.”
Heat flushed Jamie’s face. There was a buzz in his ears. He threw back his chair harder than he thought. When the metal hit the floor, it banged and echoed in the cavernous gym, causing people to stare at them.
Run, get away
. He raced out of the gym, spotted an alcove with a drinking fountain down the corridor, and strode to it. His breath came in gasps and he closed his eyes to steady himself.
He’d never seen this coming. How stupid of him.
“Honey, what happened?”
Oh, God, his mother. She didn’t need this. He didn’t want to lay this on her. But he didn’t know what else to do. Facing away from her, he said, “They won’t let me give blood.”
“
What
? Why?”
“They asked me if I’d, if I’d…” His face reddened at the thought of admitting private stuff to her.
Tugging him around, she held onto his arm. “Jamie, you can tell me anything. I won’t question you right now about it. Please, I need to know what went on in there.”
“They asked if I had sex with another male.”
Silence. “And you said yes.”
“Uh-huh. So they told me I couldn’t give blood.” He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. “Mom, the question is unfair. Sexual disease is transmitted by both men and women.”
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t know about this because I can’t donate.” And of course, nobody in Sherwood talked about those issues.
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should never have done this. Started this.”
“By
this
you mean?”
“Told everybody who I am. What I am.”
“I know it seems that way to you now.” His mother was so calm, so sure of herself. “But Jame, you have to be who you are. Keeping your sexual identity a secret has its own set of problems, as you know.”
Her affirmation helped him breathe easier. He thought about Luke, who never got an inkling of support or understanding from his parents. Oh, God, Luke! He was going to give blood in a half hour. He’d never donated before, either, because he was sick last year on the day of the drive. Would his father have told him the caveat, as he was a doctor? No, of course not, they’d never discuss male/male intimate contact. So Luke must not know about the questions either. Jamie remembered the pills.
“Would you like to go home, honey?” his mom asked. “I can make excuses.”
Fuck that
. “I’m not leaving. The drive is my responsibility.” He shook his head. “You know, Ms. Carson would call it irony. I set up the whole blood drive and now I can’t donate because I’m gay.”
“What can I do for you now?”
“Go back in there with me so I can finish this out.” He squeezed her hand. “Will you stay until it ends?”
“Of course. And I’m sorry if this ruins the drive for you.”
“You told me once nobody can ruin anything for you if you don’t let them.”
“Did I?” She linked his arm with hers. “Then let’s go back inside and not let your success be tainted.”
They reached the gym door from the hallway just as Brian came up to it. His face was pinched. “I just finished giving blood and found out all the kids are talking about you in there. The person behind you heard your conversation. Jesus Christ, Jamie, did you have to tell the Red Cross people you did stuff with other guys?”
Jamie gripped his mother’s arm. “Yeah, Bri, I guess I did.”
As Brian stormed past them, Jamie saw all the progress they’d made in the last few days go with him. Shaking his head, he walked into the gym—and gasped.
Luke was seated at the table Jamie had just vacated. His face was tight as he stared at the man asking questions.
*
Maggie felt like a ping-pong ball, being batted back and forth between Jamie and Brian. Today had been horrific. The rest of the blood drive had passed in a blur of worry, but after she took Jamie home, she made an excuse to go out again and was waiting in the parking lot at school for her other son. She’d done her best with Jamie, but like before, she had to help both kids. Her conversation with Melissa about choosing between them came back to her.
Support Brian, too…validate his mixed emotions…talk out what’s bothering him and don’t let problems fester…
Her son came out of the gym, his face grim. She’d pulled in right next to the Prius but he didn’t see her until he was almost at his car.
The window was down and she said, “Hi, honey.”
“Mom? What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
He swallowed hard. “I…I don’t think I can take another lecture.”
Her mother’s heart twisted in her chest that he now saw her in that role. “Oh, Bri, I’m not here to lecture you. I’m worried about you, too.”
“You are?” His eyes misted.
Hers did, too. “Of course. I told you that when I gave you the counselor’s name. Get in my car.”
Tossing his bag in his trunk, he circled the Civic and got inside. She started the engine. “Where we going?”
“To get ice cream.”
A small smile. “It’s dinner time.”
“Let’s live dangerously.”
Maggie drove to the closest ice cream store. Both she and Brian ordered chocolate cones and sat at an outdoor picnic table. It was warm today, but shady under an oak tree. They sat in silence until they finished the treat.
“Are you disappointed in me, Mom?” he asked.
Reaching across the table, she grasped his hand. “No, I’m not. I’m just worried about you.”
“I didn’t know any of that stuff about giving blood.”
“Teenagers don’t tend to think about those things. But I should have investigated this. I feel foolish not to have known.”
“Why is
everything
so hard?”
“I wish it wasn’t, Bri. Did the team harass you about what happened today?”
“No, but they knew. They all stopped talking when I came into the locker room. I thought this had blown over. It’s like a cut that keeps getting the scab pulled off.”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
“How’s Jamie?”
“Understandably upset.”
“I made it worse.”
She wasn’t going to lie to him. “If you did, you can make it better. We can fix things with each other. It’s not too late like it is with Darcy’s family.”
“I know. I said I’d do better.”
“This was a big blow to all of us. Did you think more about getting some counseling, using the name I gave you?”
“I did, but then I started to feel better. Jamie and me were doing okay.” He shrugged. “I guess not, though.”
They talked more about the counseling and Brian’s feelings in general, then drove back to school. When Brian got out, he came around to her side. “Thanks for this, Mom. I wasn’t sure you even liked me anymore.”
“I told you before, there’s nothing you could do that would make me love you less.”
“I know you love me. But you always liked me, too.”
“I still do. We’re all feeling our way in this, honey. We just have to try to do our best.”
He kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks.”
And for the first time since that horrible bang of the chair resounded in the gym, Maggie could feel the constriction in her chest ease.
*
The day after the blood drive, Jamie and Luke walked to the cafeteria at the beginning of fifth period. Luke had been rejected as a donor by the Red Cross, too, but wouldn’t talk about it. His MO, Jamie knew, but it bothered him to see Luke going back into himself. Jamie had also suggested again they go to the Gay Alliance support group, but Luke was resistant. So, if he didn’t talk to Jamie, there was no one else for him to unload on.
