The P.J. Stone Gates Trilogy (#1-3) (85 page)

My life had taken on a very distinct circular pattern. Things seemed to be repeating themselves with an eerie déjà vu-ish feel to them. Here I was … locked in a room in an attempt to keep me from the man I loved. Sure the first time around it was my room in my parent’s house, and it was Bryn and not Khol but … I mean come on … I’d have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not draw on the parallels. Or maybe it was because I just kept repeating the same mistakes and not learning from them. How did that saying go … if you don’t learn from the past, then history is doomed to repeat itself? Well my history was definitely repeating itself.

I sighed and turned away from the huge flat screen T.V. that was mounted on the wall across from the bed. I guess Lorik thought he’d show me some kindness by putting it there for me so I had some way to entertain myself while I was his prisoner. But he apparently didn’t get the memo that I was more of a book girl, and I couldn’t take much more of the crap running on the limited channels that I could tune in to. He could have least gotten me some decent movie channels.

My mind wandered to a subject I’d been pondering a lot in the last day or so, at least that’s how long it felt like I’d been here. I was starting to lose track of time. My birth mother had told Khol that him and I were destined to be together … so did that mean I shouldn’t worry and I should just bide my time until Lorik let me go? Or was that outcome contingent on me doing something to put my future on that path? Should I just be laying here all complacent, or should I be doing something? But that was the problem; I’d already tried everything I could think of without any results. I hadn’t just decided to give up; I’d just run out of options.

I rubbed my belly and let my boredom lull me into a semi-conscious state of sleep. I wasn’t really dreaming, more of daydreaming I suppose, but my mind turned to things I used to do as a child when I was bored. Of course that meant I was also going to be thinking about Bryn.

“Be careful!” Bryn called from the kitchen countertop across from me. There’s alligators in that moat. If you fall they’ll get you.” Bryn gave me a wide-eyed look and pointed at the completely harmless linoleum floor.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I thought the floor was lava.” I hated when Bryn changed the rules of our games in mid-play. It really messed with what I was imagining in my head.

He shook his head and grinned at me, his dark hair falling into his mischievous blue eyes. “It was … but we got away from that. Now we’re seeking sanctuary in the castle. But first you have to jump over the moat.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Sanctuary from what?”

“Ummm … ” He drawled while he scratched his head. “I don’t know, something evil, something really, really evil.” He then grinned again and opened his arms to me. “Come on Peej, just jump.”

I scrunched my face up at him. “I’ll jump when I have a good reason. I—”

“Just jump! Come on—just jump, Peej! Jump!” Bryn exclaimed with excitement. “If you don’t it’s going to get you! It’s right behind you! Jump!”

I smiled and let out a girlish squeal as I jumped over towards him. I slid across the counter in my socks and nearly knocked Bryn over. He laughed. “You’re safe inside the sanctuary of the castle now. Don’t worry.”

“I want to meet the Lord and Lady of the castle. Is there a prince?” I demanded of him.

“Of course there’s a prince, and you’re looking right at him.” Bryn stood up to his full height and puffed out his chest. He turned cool eyes to me. “Prince Bryn at your service.” He bowed low and his eyes glittered.

I stood up and shoved at him. “You’re not a prince, at least not mine anyways.” I giggled. “I’m going to marry a prince one day, and then I’ll have my very own castle.”

“No I’m not your prince, because you’re going to marry a King, and I’ll be your Guardian Knight. You’ll be my Queen.” He knelt down in front of me. “And I’ll slay all the dragons you want me to for you.”

Of course we’d had it all wrong as kids. Instead of slaying dragons, we’d turned out to be dragons. And I didn’t need to marry a King to become Queen.

I wiped at the wetness on my cheeks and tried not to think about Bryn anymore, or Khol for that matter. But what was I left with? I didn’t really want to think about the Riders either, since I was stuck as Lorik’s prisoner without the ability to do anything about them at the moment either.

I wanted to scream … I just couldn’t take this confinement for one second longer. I got up and started to pace; the muscles in my legs were feeling restless. How long would I be forced to stay before Lorik was satisfied that Khol and Zen had sufficient time to explore what was really between them?

After burning off some of my anxious energy, I finally settled back down on the bed and allowed my frustration and boredom to suck me all the way down into sleep.

“Peej! Wake up!” Someone was yelling seemingly right next to my head. “Peej! You need to wake up! Now!”

I sat up in bed to see an almost transparent version of Bryn. “Whaa—?” I started, but my voice was cut off by me choking on smoke. I looked around with confusion, trying to shake off the muddled feelings from sleep.

“There’s a fire, you need to—God dammit it—this can’t happen!”

“What can’t happen?” I said, choking on more smoke. I dropped down to the floor and pulled a pillow down with me so I could hold it against my nose and mouth. More and more smoke poured into the small room and panic shot through my system. “Bryn! What do I do?”

His translucent form paced in front of me. “I don’t know—I don’t—crawl into the bathroom—wait—take the sheet and comforter with you.” He commanded.

Without giving much thought to the fact that apparently Bryn was helping me as some kind of spirit, or that I was in danger of being killed … yet again … I followed his directions. Although I didn’t so much as crawl but scurry on my hands and knees into the bathroom. Crawling with a baby inside of me wasn’t something that I felt was feasible, let alone good for my unborn son’s health. Once inside the bathroom I pushed the door shut with my foot. “Now what?” I coughed.

“Soak both the sheets and comforter in cold water and then stuff one around the bottom of the door and then you get in the shower and wrap the other around you. Once you’re in the shower, turn the cold water on. Hopefully the pipes won’t break, and hopefully that’ll be enough.”

“Enough for what?” I asked as I hurried to do what he’d just told me.

“Enough to keep you and your baby alive.” Bryn’s sad voice responded.

“Oh, well, me fighting for my life, that’s nothing new.” I couldn’t help the bitterness that seeped into my tone. “If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Maybe it’d be a relief to leave this all behind. What good am I doing anyone anyways?” I didn’t mean the last part, I was just angry, and tired … mostly tired of having to fight so hard for just the ability to keep sucking oxygen in my lungs on a daily basis.

“Don’t say that! Don’t you ever say that again!” Bryn’s voice vibrated with anger.

I crawled into the tub, turned the shower on, and then pulled the already soaked sheet around me. “I’m sorry.” I shivered. “I don’t really mean it.” I pulled the sheet over my head and closed my eyes. “Bryn?”

“Yeah?” He answered, anger still evident in his voice. “Come and talk to me and let me pretend you’re really here.”

His answer came from my right, and he was a lot closer. “I am really here, Peej. I’m just a useless spirit is all.”

“You’re not useless Bryn, you woke me up, and that could make all the difference in the world.” I paused to cough, the smoke that I had inhaled was still making my throat feel raw. “How are you here? I mean how can I see you?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” There was a long pause before he spoke again. “I’m always kind of … watching over you … I try not to but I can’t help myself. I’m not supposed to, you know.” He chuckled darkly. “But yeah … like I said before, neither one of us have ever seemed to be very good at sticking to the rules. So I was watching when the fire happened, and I wanted to be here so badly—to protect you—and then you could hear me.”

I smiled, although I knew he couldn’t see me. “So you’re stalking me from beyond the grave?”

I could hear the answering smile in his voice. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

I sobered when I really thought about what that meant. “But you shouldn’t worry about me anymore Bryn. You should be chillin’ in Heaven and doing whatever it is you should be doing after you die.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I missed being able to just talk to Bryn. Sometimes it felt like things weren’t real because I didn’t get to tell him. He had always been the first person I ran to with good or bad news. Now I had no one. Well … maybe I could have had Khol … but I had blown that one most likely. “What is it that you should be doing?” I asked with curiosity.

“Yeah, I’m not too sure about that either. I’m in some kind of limbo—well, not limbo exactly, I mean it’s nice and all but I don’t get to go anywhere until a few things are decided first.”

“Like wha—”

“And before you ask like what, I can’t tell you. Sorry.” He mumbled the last part.

“What started the fire?” I asked changing the subject.

“It’s electrical, caused by some wiring from the cable hookup.”

I ground my teeth together. “Of course it is. I’m going to be done in by bad reality T.V. shows. Perfect.”

We sat in silence for a few moments before Bryn spoke. “I miss you Peej.”

I choked back a sob. “I miss you too—so much Bryn—so much.”

“But—”

“How did I know there was going to be a but?” I muttered to Bryn who just ignored my remark.

“But I’m not alive anymore. You can’t spend the rest of your life mourning the loss of me.”

I threw back the sheet from my head, and blinked rapidly as the water from the shower beat down into my face. I focused in on his almost transparent form with anger. “I know you’re dead! Don’t you think I know that?” I yelled. “But you know it’s not that simple. How can you want me to be with Khol?”

Bryn stared at me and his eyes were a well of sadness. When he spoke his voice broke an octave lower than normal. “I walked away once when I was alive because I thought it was best for you, and now I’m dead. I just want what’s best for you.” He flicked his gaze to settle somewhere over my shoulder. “At least I had a brief moment of complete happiness with you before I died.”

“It’s not good enough, Bryn! It’s just not!” I wished I could touch him, but I didn’t even try because I knew it wasn’t possible. Seeing him in front of me without being able to feel his skin pressed against mine, was a torture all in itself.

“It’s more than some get.”

“It’s not—” I started but he rose and went to the door, he glanced back at me before passing through it. He was only gone for a moment before he reappeared with a look of panic on his face.

“Get back under the sheet, and turn the water all the way on cold.”

I immediately complied and I started to shake under the cold water and wet sheet. “The fire’s almost here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” He answered with a strain to his voice.

I closed my eyes and shuddered. “Of all the ways I thought I might die, I never imagined this.”

“Don’t say that, there’s still time.” Bryn chastised me.

“For what Bryn? The only one who knows I’m here is Lorik. I haven’t seen him since he brought me here. He stocked the room with food and water so he wouldn’t need to come back often, I’m thinking. By the time he comes to check on me it’ll be too late.”

“God dammit!” He bellowed. “This can’t be happening!”

“Bryn just come talk to me, it might be the last chance we have.” I was shaking with the chill from the cold water washing over. I peered out of the opening I’d left in the sheet so that I could see Bryn’s face.

He crouched down in front of me and reached out his hand as if he was going to touch my face, but we both knew he couldn’t, so he dropped it back to his side instead. “I wish I could touch you, Peej. Even just for a second.”

“I wish you could too.” I managed around chattering teeth.

“Peej, you have to promise me, if you make it through this—
when
you make it through this—you’ll take Khol as your
Anam Cara
.” His sea storm eyes looked at me imploringly.

“Why?” I cried out. “Why would you want me to promise that?”

“It’s time for you to stop mourning me. I hate seeing you deny yourself happiness. He’s better for you than me, and he always has been.”

“Name one thing that makes him a better choice over you.” I growled.

“He’s alive.”

And what could I say to that? He knew he had me on that one. “But you tried to walk away even when you were alive. What makes you think he won’t too?” I argued. “Why do you—”

“He can give you things I can’t, Peej. I knew from the beginning—” He dropped his gaze from mine. “I knew from our first kiss that it wouldn’t last.” He clenched his jaw and ran his hand through his tousled and still dry hair, which served as a reminder that he was in spirit form. “I wanted it to—you have to know I wanted that more than anything. But it became abundantly clear that he’s who you’re meant to be with—not me. You should have chosen him. I know you love him. Don’t try to deny it.” He lifted his dragon blue eyes to meet mine again, and he smiled faintly. “That you love me the way you do, even when you’ve moved on and you love him more—because you will Peej. You will love him more, and you’ll wonder how you ever stayed away from him for so long. Well—I’m just thankful I got to experience the bliss of loving you and having you love me back, even if it was for a short period of time.” His eyes glazed over like they were filling with tears. Could ghosts cry? “I just want you to be happy. Now that I’m dead I can be truly selfless. He’ll make you happy.”

Tears were now streaming down my face, not that you could tell with the water from the shower pouring down my face as well. He knew I loved Khol. Guilt and shame engulfed me. “Bryn—”

“Just promise me.”