The Place I Belong (34 page)

“Dad, I’m sorry,” Matt sobbed, his grip on his father as convulsive as Adam’s. “I couldn’t leave Satchmo.”

“I know,” Adam said, holding him and stroking Matt’s snow-dampened hair as the boy shuddered against him.

He also knew that he was never going to let go of Matt again. No matter what it took, he was keeping his son. As the certainty swept through him, a sense of peace followed it, spread
ing a warm light that chased away the shadows shrouding
his soul.

Hannah! Without releasing his son, he turned in the direction he’d come from and shouted, “Hannah! Wait! There’s a dangerous drop-off. I’ll come get you!” Squinting upward through the falling snow, he thought he saw the glow of her lantern.

“Okay,” he heard her call back. “Did you find them?”

“Yes,” he yelled. He took Matt by the shoulders and looked into his son’s face. “I have to get Dr. Linden. I’ll be right back.”

Matt nodded as a shiver rattled his teeth. Adam remembered the thermos and shrugged out of the backpack’s straps, handing it to Matt. “There’s hot chocolate in here. It’ll warm you up.”

Adam shoved the flashlight into his pocket and scrambled up
the embankment, using branches and rocks as hand and footholds.
At the top he cupped his hands around his mouth. “Hannah?”

“Here!” A glow swayed to his left. She must be swinging her lantern to make it easier for him to see her.

“Got it. I’m on my way.”

He dodged through the underbrush and found her leaning against a tree trunk, rocking her lantern in front of her. He wanted to enfold her in his arms and tell her of his decision, but he needed to make some amends first.

“How are they?” she asked, pushing off the tree and starting toward him.

“Matt is cold but seems fine. Satchmo is lying down. Matt says the pony fell down the hill.”

“I hope nothing’s broken.”

“Are you limping?” he asked, noticing a stutter in her gait as they hit a relatively clear stretch.

“It’s just a little sore from when I twisted it.” She waved his concern away.

The least he could do was carry her to the top of the slope. He stopped and turned his back to her, saying over his shoulder. “Put your arms around my neck and jump up.”

“What? No, I can walk.” She gimped past him.

“Hannah, please. We need you in good shape.” It also would allow him to touch her before the amends.

“Oh, fine.” Her tone was grudging, but she wound her arms around his neck and gave a hop so he could catch her behind the knees and lift her upward.

Her warm breath tickled his ear. Having her thighs wrapped around his waist brought back vivid and erotic memories. He hoped like hell his amends would be good enough.

As she slid down from Adam’s back at the top of the embankment, Hannah squeezed her eyes closed to imprint this last touch of his body against hers. It eased the pain of her twisted ankle. He went partway down the steep slope and braced himself before reaching up to her and saying, “Take my hands and lean on me. I’ve got a good foothold here.”

She put her hands in both of his, trusting the power and steadiness of his grip. When her wonky foot slithered out from under her, he brought her against him for balance, their bodies synchronized in a way that echoed more intimate times.

At the bottom of the drop, he released her hands but wrapped one arm around her waist to take the weight off her ankle as he guided her to Matt and Satchmo. The boy stood beside the pony in a slight hollow filled with fallen leaves while Trace paced around them. A big rhododendron loomed above, providing some shelter from the snow and wind.

“Dr. Linden, I’m really sorry,” Matt said. “I should never have taken Satchmo off the path, but he kept turning toward the sound of the water, like he was thirsty.”

“It’s okay, Matt. You didn’t know he’d fall down the embankment.” Matt looked so upset that Hannah gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. “Now tell me what happened.”

Matt thrust his hand through his tousled hair in a gesture so like Adam’s it made Hannah wince. She turned toward the pony, holding up the lantern. Satchmo blinked placidly in the electric light. He didn’t appear to be in any immediate distress.

“I thought the water was close because it sounded so loud,” Matt said, “so I just turned off the path and went toward it. It was still light enough to see, but I didn’t expect that cliff to be there. Satch and I both kind of stumbled and skidded down it.” Matt rubbed the back of his neck. “It was weird because I didn’t see Satch hit any rocks or branches or anything but when we got to the bottom, he started limping real bad. I was afraid he might have broken something, so I led him over here and got him to
lie down
.”

Matt bent down to stroke the pony’s neck. “Then I tried to call the stable, but my cell phone’s battery had died because it kept trying to find a signal and there wasn’t one.” His voice took on a burden of guilt. “I usually turn it off when I walk up here, but I forgot.”

“You wouldn’t have gotten a signal anyway,” Adam said, putting his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Sharon sent us out with a walkie-talkie.”

“Oh my goodness, I forget to tell Sharon we found them!” Hannah yanked the walkie-talkie out of her pocket.

“I’ll do it,” Adam said, taking the device from her. “You take care of Satchmo.” He walked a few feet away, and Hannah heard a crackle of static and then Sharon’s voice.

“Everyone from the stable went out searching for you,” Hannah said, thinking it would make Matt feel better. “I guess you couldn’t hear them because of the water, but they would have found you eventually.”

Instead the boy gave her a look of dismay. “I didn’t hear
anyone
.”

Hannah knelt to run her hands over the pony’s folded legs. “Which leg was he favoring?”

“I think it was the right front one.” Matt squatted beside her, his brow furrowed. “It was kind of hard to tell because I didn’t want to make him walk too far.”

“There are no significant wounds, and I don’t feel any noticeable breaks.” She breathed out a sigh of relief. “Let’s see if we can get him on his feet.”

Matt went to Satchmo’s head and wrapped his fingers around the cheek strap of the halter. Hannah forced herself not to limp as she went around to the other side of the pony. She didn’t want Matt worrying about her too. Butting her shoulder against Satchmo’s, she nodded to Matt.

“C’mon, Satch. Let’s get up.” Matt tugged and Hannah pushed.

Anticipating serious resistance, she nearly fell over when Satch surged obediently to his feet. “Well, that was easier than I expected.” She pointed to a more open space. “Can you take him over there?”

Matt led the pony forward. Satchmo stumbled as he put weight on his right front hoof, and Matt stopped.

Hannah bent to probe down the leg with her fingers. “If there’s a fracture, I can’t find it. Could be hairline, so we’ll need an X-ray. There’s a little swelling around the knee, but nothing serious. The cold ground may have acted like a natural ice pack. Walk him a little farther.”

Adam came up beside her, watching the pony as well. “Sharon’s on her way with help.” Satchmo took several more steps. “He doesn’t seem that bad, does he?”

Matt wore a look of puzzlement. “He was limping a lot worse before. You know, with his head bobbing up and down every time he took a step.”

Hannah checked his other three legs thoroughly. She didn’t want to miss something. Stepping back, she let her hand rest on Satchmo’s back as she frowned down at him. “I think he can walk back to the stable, as long as we can avoid that embankment.”

“I’ll find a way.” Adam swung his flashlight up and strode along the foot of the slope, fading into the snow and darkness with Trace trailing along behind him.

Hannah knelt by Satchmo’s right front leg, picking it up and bending it back and forth, watching for a reaction. All Satchmo did was turn his head to look at her and blow out a loud breath.

“Do you think Dad’s mad at me?” Matt asked in a low voice.

Startled, Hannah glanced up to find the boy staring down at her. “Gosh, no! He’s hugely relieved that you’re okay.”

Matt looked away. “I made a lot of trouble today. I mean, the stable hands looking for me and you hiking all the way out here in the dark and the snow.”

Her heart twisted as she realized he was afraid he’d given
his fathe
r another reason to send him away. She shoved herself out of her squat. “I promise you he’s not mad. He loves you, which means he was terrified something bad had happened to you. But now that we’ve found you and Satch, everything is fine.”

Matt seemed unconvinced, but their conversation was ended by Adam’s appearance out of the gloom. “The land flattens out that way,” he said, pointing behind him. “Satch won’t have any trouble negotiating it.”

A heartbreaking mix of relief and uncertainty flitted across Matt’s face when his father put his arm around the boy’s shoulders and smiled down at him. “Did the chocolate warm you up?”

“It was so hot I burned my tongue.”

“Good.” Adam lifted his gaze to Hannah. “How’re you doing?”

“What’s wrong with Dr. Linden?” Matt swung around toward her.

“Nothing. I just stepped on a rock wrong.”

“If Satchmo wasn’t lame, I’d put the doc on his back,” Adam said. “But it looks like she’s getting another piggyback ride.” He let go of Matt and turned his back to her. “Up you go.”

Hannah stared at the expanse of ski jacket. Adam sounded almost playful. It must be that the release of tension after finding Matt was making him giddy.

“Thanks, but I can walk.” She wasn’t going to subject herself to the delicious torment of being draped over his back again.

“Too undignified for you?” She thought she saw his teeth flash in a smile. “Then lean on me.” He pivoted to snake his arm around her waist, the firmness of his grip telling her she wasn’t going to win this argument. “Matt, you take the lantern and follow right behind us.”

As they set off, Adam drew her close against him so their hips jostled against each other as they walked. He let her set the pace, shortening his stride to a mere saunter as he threw frequent glances over his shoulder to check on Matt. Trace ranged back and forth beside them, his eyes occasionally blazing in the flashlight’s beam.

What a strange little procession they made, yet contentment warmed Hannah. Despite her aching ankle and the sting of spitting snow, she relished the movement of Adam’s body against hers, the arrhythmic thud of Satchmo’s hooves as he limped along, Matt’s murmured encouragement to the pony, and the jingle of Trace’s dog tags.

Cocooned in the dark embrace of the woods, they could almost be a family.

“Hey, anyone out there?” Sharon’s voice echoed through the woods, tearing the fabric of Hannah’s illusion to shreds.

Soon the rescue party located them. A bevy of helpful stable hands attended to Satchmo, while Sharon handed Hannah a pair of crutches, removing her need to lean on Adam. When the cavalcade arrived back at the stable, Sharon insisted on icing and bandaging Hannah’s ankle. Adam had come into the tack room to thank her before he took Matt home to a warm bed, but all the activity swirling around her had kept his acknowledgement formal and brief. He hadn’t even given her a peck on t
he chee
k.

Hannah couldn’t decide if she felt cheated or relieved.

Chapter 30

T
HE NEXT AFTERNOON
, Hannah and Sharon stood in the middle of the indoor riding ring, scrutinizing Satchmo as Lynnie led the pony back and forth in front of them. The snow had piled up during the night, so half a dozen other horses and riders circled around the outer path, the jingle and creak of their tack composing a soft music.

Other than a slightly swollen knee, Satchmo showed no ill effects from his previous day’s misadventure.

“If that pony were a human, I’d say he faked the whole thing,” Sharon said, crossing her arms.

“You don’t think Matt got scared by the fall and overreacted?” Hannah changed positions to examine Satchmo from a different angle.

“Didn’t he tell you Satch’s head was bobbing up and down as he limped? No way Matt made that up.”

“Maybe lying down on the cold ground for a couple of hours reduced the swelling and numbed the pain. I’ll give you some more bute, in case he stiffens up, but otherwise I’d just continue to ice the knee,” Hannah said, rummaging around in her medical duffel for the medication.

Her stomach growled, reminding her she’d skipped lunch to check on the pony. She hadn’t waited until after work because she couldn’t bear to run into Adam. Or Matt. She was afraid the boy would ask her more questions about his father, and she didn’t have the energy to dance around the answers.

The throb of her twisted ankle and the tangle of emotions had kept her tossing and turning all night. She was exhausted physically and mentally. And she still had to face returning Ferdie’s ashes to Mrs. Crickenberger. At least Satchmo was miraculously unscathed.

As she pulled the bottle of phenylbutazone tablets from her bag, she caught sight of a man’s legs visible under Satchmo’s belly. Clad in black trousers with a knife-sharp crease in the front and shod in elegant, black loafers marred by clots of damp sawdust, they could only belong to one person. She briefly closed her eyes to brace herself before she straightened to face Adam on the other side of the pony, his hands thrust into the pockets of his long, black overcoat.

“I never got the chance to thank you properly for all you did last night,” he said.

She frowned. Something about him nagged at her, although at least the sharp lines around his mouth had eased. “There’s no need. Everyone pitched in to look for Matt and Satchmo.” She did a quick visual scan, drawing on her medical training in observing patients. “You’re wearing a red scarf! And a red shirt!”

He freed a hand from his pocket to pick up the corner of the burgundy wool scarf, gazing down at it with a half-smile. “Matt loaned it to me. The shirt is from Walmart. I didn’t have time to shop elsewhere.”

“Oh.” Thrown off balance, she turned to hand the bute to Sharon.

“How’s Satch this morning?” Adam asked, running his palm along the pony’s spine.

“He’s made a remarkable recovery. There’s a slight swelling in his knee,” Hannah pointed, “but he barely limps now.”

Adam’s gaze went to Sharon. “I wonder if a whisper pony knows when he needs to exaggerate an injury.”

“Since ponies are even smarter than horses, it wouldn’t surprise me at all,” the horsewoman said.

Lynnie snorted and shook her head.

Hannah grabbed the handles of her medical kit. “I have another appointment, so I have to head out.”

“I brought you a gift,” Adam said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small glass jar. He held it out over the pony’s back, the scars on his fingers showing clearly in the sun.

Hannah sucked in a breath. She could see tiny round fish eggs pressed against the jar’s side. Her eyes flew to his face as she took his expensive offering and cradled its cold, smooth weight in her palm. “Thank you.”

Was he giving her this as an expensive thank you gift? Or was he sending her a more intimate message? She tucked it into her jacket pocket.

“May I speak with you a moment?” Adam asked, his gaze intent on her face.

She kept a firm hold on the duffel and didn’t move. “Sure.” Sharon started to signal Lynnie to lead Satchmo away, but Hannah sent her a pleading look. She wanted the pony between her and Adam.

He looked discomfited for a moment before the half-smile kicked up again. “I guess public amends are required.” He took a step closer, so only the width of Satchmo’s back was between them. “I’m adopting Matt. Paul Taggart started the process this morning. And Matt and I are going to swim with the dolphins in Disney World.”

Joy for both Matt and his father surged through her. No wonder the strain in Adam’s face had smoothed away. He’d wrestled his demons to the ground at last. “I’m so happy for you and Matt.” It was inadequate, but she couldn’t throw her arms around him and kiss him. Hopefully, her wide smile told him enough.

She remembered Sharon and Lynnie could hear and wondered why they didn’t jump in with congratulations. When she glanced in their direction, she caught expressions of rapt attention on their faces. Evidently, they didn’t want to interrupt the conversation.

Adam laid both hands flat on Satch’s back, leaning inward. “You were right. I can work out the details as long as Matt and I are together. It took a whisper pony and a woman brave enough to be brutally honest to convince me of it.”

Hannah felt a flush heat her face.

“There’s more you were right about.” He breathed in. “The Aerie isn’t enough. I tried to make it be, but what’s that old saying? No one ever dies wishing they’d spent more time at work.” He looked down at his fingers spread on the pony’s reddish coat. “The emptiness I have inside me can’t be filled by more hours at the restaurant or even by six-thousand-dollar bottles of Pétrus, although I certainly tried. It needs people to fill it. People I love.”

His hands curled into fists. “Stupidly, I’ve pushed away those people. I thought I was being noble and unselfish, but you were right about what I really was.” He looked straight into her eyes. “A coward.”

Hannah heard a gasp from one of the women standing stock still at Satchmo’s head, but she couldn’t look away from the bleak honesty in Adam’s gaze. She made a gesture toward the entrance to the riding ring. “Please, we can go—”

He shook his head. “I owe you this.” Opening his hands, he held them out across Satchmo’s back, palms up in invitation.

She dropped the duffel with a thud and put her hands in his, loving the heat and texture of his skin.

His voice dropped low. “I have no right to ask you this, but will you forgive me and try again?”

She wanted to leap across Satchmo and wrap her arms around Adam’s neck. Instead she tightened her grip on his hands and said, “Yes! Absolutely, yes!”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Lynnie, move the pony so she can kiss him,” Sharon ordered, laughter in her voice.

Satchmo disappeared from between them, but Adam didn’t instantly pull her into his arms. He closed his eyes a moment as though to absorb her response. When he opened them, she saw hope there. Still he didn’t move. “I will always be an alcoholic, Hannah. It’s a disease. But I swear to you I will fight it with every molecule of my being. And I will win.”

She stopped waiting for him. Pulling her hands from his, she threw herself against him, seizing his lapels to bring herself closer. “Matt and I will be right beside you.
We
will win.”

His arms came around her, and he bent his head to brush her lips with his. “Thank you,” he breathed against her cheek.

She let go of his coat and threaded her fingers through his glorious, waving hair, smiling into his eyes. “Thank Satchmo, not me.” She had no chance to say anything more because he swooped down on her mouth, no longer gentle with gratitude. His hands flattened on her back and her waist, pressing her against him as though he were trying to merge their bodies together. She moved her grip to his shoulders, digging her fingers into the fine wool.

His touch sent delicious zings of electric sensation fizzing through her body, and she hummed with anticipation at the thought of where he would kiss her later when they were alone.

“You two are makin’ my heart go pitter-patter, but I got kids in here.” Sharon’s voice made Hannah try to pull away from Adam, but his grip on her was too tight. All she could do was turn her head to see the horsewoman grinning at them, Satchmo by her side. Sharon held out her hand. “Here’s the key to the tack room. I’m not the only one who has a key, so make sure you throw the bolt after you go in.”

Adam laughed. “As tempting as that is, I think we can find a more comfortable place to continue.”

“Hey, you haven’t lived until you’ve done it in a tack room,” Sharon said, putting the key back in her pocket. She gave Satchmo’s lead line a tug. “Your work here is done, whisper pony.”

Hannah wriggled free of Adam’s embrace and walked over to plant a kiss on the pony’s velvety nose. “You’ve made a believer out of me, Satch.”