The Pool of St. Branok (37 page)

“I feel in my bones that we must go … before it is too late.”

“I know what’s wrong. It’s the baby. Women get fancies when they are going to have babies.”

“I have had this feeling for a long time.”

He kissed me lightly: and I knew that I could never make him understand.

I went to see Morwenna. She was able to take the baby into the garden now. She was still weak, however, and in no condition to return to the shack.

She said: “I shall always be grateful to Ben for allowing me to stay here. I don’t know how I could have coped with living in that little place.”

“Yes,” I said. “Ben has been very helpful.”

“Meg and Minnie are wonderful and even Thomas and Jacob come out and look at him. It is rather funny to see them. They are just a bit awkward and feel it is not manly to be interested in babies. I have written to Mother and Pa and told them all about him … how bright he is. He already knows me.”

“Does he?”

“Well, he stops crying when I pick him up.”

“That means he is going to be a genius.”

It was wonderful to see her so happy. I thought: Happiness is transient … a moment here and another there … and then it is gone. One should savor it when it comes and never miss an opportunity of seizing it when it is offered.

“Yes,” said Morwenna. “I owe a lot to Ben. The way he rode through the night to Dr. Field. I should have lost my baby but for that.” Her eyes closed with horror at the thought. “But he went … that way … through the night … And then letting me stay here. When I try to thank him he won’t listen. He says it was nothing. Anyone would have done it. I wish I could repay him.”

“His repayment is to see you and the baby well and happy here.”

“I wish he could get that land he is trying to buy.”

“You mean Morley’s land?”

“Morley is obstinate. He’s afraid Ben would start mining there and he just wants it for cattle. Justin told me about it. Morley is a stubborn man.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “I wonder if Ben will get it in the end.”

“Ben is determined and so is Morley. When you get two men like that you never know what will happen … except that it is Mr. Morley who owns the land, and if he won’t give it up then Ben can’t succeed in getting it. Mr. Morley thinks that everyone ought to go back to the towns and earn what he calls a decent living and stop scrabbling in the dust for what isn’t there.”

“But you see, once it was and some found it. Think of all those lovely houses in Melbourne.”

“Yes,” said Morwenna. “Wouldn’t it be lovely to go home?”

“Yes,” I said fervently, “it would.”

After leaving Morwenna in her comfortable surroundings, the shack seemed particularly uninviting. No matter how one tried it was impossible to keep the place clean. The dust blew in and covered everything.

I thought that the men at least had the excitement of hope with every shovelful that was brought up and washed in the stream because it might contain what they sought. That would keep them going. For the women there was nothing but the daily chores—the unpalatable food to prepare, the preservation of the precious water.

I said to myself: I will not endure this any longer. There were times when I felt like going to Ben and saying: You promised to take me away from this. Take me home and I will come with you.

No. That would make it seem like a bargain. But it was not only the prospect of going home; I wanted to be with Ben. I knew he had this ambition, this lust for gold which I deplored; and yet it made no difference to my feelings for him.

Then One-Eye and Cassidy came back to the township.

They rode in at midday; the men were all working on their patches; the women were in the shacks. There was a certain midday peace over the town.

And then they came. A shout went up. The men left their work; the women came out of the shacks. They crowded round to hear the news.

One-Eye and Cassidy were triumphant. They had found their gold. They had it with them. And they had found David Skelling, too. With him was his horse—a skeleton of a horse.

“He was lying out there where we found him,” said Cassidy. “Not more than fifty miles from here. His horse was still alive … wouldn’t leave him.”

One-Eye patted the animal. “We’ll feed him. We’ll put him to rights,” he said. “It was through him we found Skelling.”

Everyone was firing questions at them and they were only too ready to tell their story. But the horse had to be fed. One-Eye and Cassidy wanted him looked after before they would sit down. They owed their find to him and they were men who paid their debts. The horse was going to be given royal treatment. He was theirs from now on.

We crowded into the saloon. One-Eye and Cassidy sat down and ate meat pies and drank ale with relish.

And then they told their story.

They had gone off in search of Skelling. “Like looking for a needle in a haystack,” said Cassidy. “We was hopping mad, wasn’t we, One-Eye? There was one thing we had in mind … what we was going to do to that cheating little thief. There wasn’t nothing too bad for him. We was going to string him up. We was going to let him die by inches. All this time it took … and him not more than fifty miles away. He was always a fool, Skelling was. I don’t know where he was trying to make for … Walloo perhaps … and get on from there. He thought the first place we’d look was Melbourne. He was right there. We did. Made inquiries. No one had seen him. So we knew he hadn’t gone there to try to place the nuggets. So we came back. We’d almost given up hope, hadn’t we, One-Eye?”

One-Eye said they had.

“Then,” went on Cassidy, “when we was almost back and reckoned we’d have to start digging again, we saw the horse. There he was standing by the body of Skelling. Know what had happened? He was just starved to death. He’d tried eating grass. There was stains on his face. The buzzards would soon have made short work of him, I reckon … when they got wind of him. But there he was. Must have been dead a few days. So we didn’t get him alive.”

One-Eye nodded.

Arthur Bowles said: “And he’s still lying there?”

“Yes,” said One-Eye.

Cassidy added: “Seeing him like that … made us sort of glad that we wasn’t the ones to have to take revenge. We was glad it had been done for us. I don’t know … funny how you change. We found our gold on him … some on his belt … some in his pockets … We’ve found every single bit … haven’t we, One-Eye?”

“Yes,” affirmed One-Eye, “every single bit.”

“It makes you think,” went on Cassidy. “A man’s dead and gone for good, ain’t he? And once he’s gone you feel different about what you’re going to do. Me and One-Eye wants to get a coffin made for him and we’re going out to get him and bring him back. We’re going to give him a burial here … and then we’re going home. And we’re never going to let that gold leave our sight again, are we, One-Eye? Not till we get to Melbourne, get it weighed up and all that has to be done.”

There was little work done that day. Everyone was talking about the way they had found poor old Skelling who was now dead.

Poor old Skelling, they said. He had never had a chance. They sent him out for seven years when he was little more than a boy and he had lived hard ever since. He hadn’t even had that little bit of luck which had come to most people at some time. Poor old Skelling.

True to their word, One-Eye and Cassidy made their coffin. They took the buggy with them and went out and brought Skelling home.

The parson was summoned from Walloo and there was a burial service; and outside the town where a few graves already existed, old Skelling was laid to rest.

The entire incident made me feel more eager than ever to go home.

It was just after the funeral when Ben asked me to ride with him because he must talk to me.

We went out to that spot near the creek, and we tethered our horses and sat down.

He said: “How long are we going on like this?”

I replied: “I suppose something will happen. It usually does.”

“It won’t unless we make it. Listen to me, Angel. Are you going to spend your life in this place?”

“God forbid.”

“Do you think Gervaise is ever going to find gold? Enough to make him give up?”

“No … not really. I don’t think anyone will. I know somebody did and started all this. It was a pity. I wish the gold had stayed where it was and nobody knew about it.”

“You can’t go on living like this, Angel.”

“I have felt that.”

“Have you told Gervaise how you feel about it?”

I nodded.

“And he said, ‘We’ll strike gold soon and then we’ll go home,’ eh? Is that what he said?”

“Yes.”

“He won’t find it.”

“Why not? One-Eye and Cassidy did.”

“And suppose he did? What would he do? Go home? It would be gone in a few weeks. Then would you be persuaded to come out and start all over again?”

“Once I was home, I would never come back.”

“I’ll take you home. I’ll give you my word. Come with me … and we’ll go home. We could leave in a few weeks. Say yes, Angel. You don’t know how important it is for you to say yes … now.”

I closed my eyes. It was like having the kingdoms of the world spread before my eyes and being told: This will be yours. Ben … and Home. I would be freed from the perpetual worry of how many debts would be mounting. I should be home … I should see my family. Yet I must say: “Get thee behind me, Satan.”

“Angel …” His arms were about me.

“No, Ben, no. I can’t.”

“You want to.”

I did not answer.

He kissed me and said: “We can’t go on like this … either of us. I know your feelings. You know mine. Look, Angel, I came here to find gold. I vowed I wouldn’t go back until I did. I’d give that up for you. Doesn’t that tell you …?”

“Why did this have to happen now? Why did you come here in the first place? Why didn’t you come back to Cador?”

“It’s no use saying that. It’s too late. You know very well you can’t go back and change things.”

“Oh, Ben … if only I could.”

“We could start from now on. We can make our own way. All we need is the courage to leave this place … to go home and start afresh.”

“What of our families?”

“They would be shocked. We’d live that down. You are too important to your family for them to want to lose you. There would be a fuss at first. But people get used to these things. They always do.”

“I can’t do it, Ben.”

“You could.”

“I can’t. I’m going to have a child.”

“A child! Gervaise’s child!”

“Whose else? He is my husband. It makes a difference, doesn’t it?”

“It’s a complication certainly, but we’d get over that.”

“I couldn’t, Ben.”

“But for this child you would have said yes?”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t leave Gervaise.”

“Why not? He is perpetually in debt. He’s playing now … if not in the saloon in one of the shacks. Justin Cartwright is such another, but he seems to know what he is about. Gervaise is a loser. I happen to know he is in debt at the saloon.”

“Oh no!”

“Yes. It will go on like that all your life. Are you going to endure that? Come away with me. We’ll go home. There’ll be a scandal. My grandfather won’t like it, but he has come through worse, I believe. One thing about him, he is no saint, but like most sinners he is not hard on his own kind. It would be all right in time. It would be as it was meant to be from the moment we met. Oh, Angel, don’t turn away from our second chance.”

“There is the child,” I said.

“We’ll look after the child together.”

“But Gervaise will be its father. How could I explain that?”

“You wouldn’t have to. There is no reason why it should know.”

“Secrets. Deception. Oh, I know it would be wrong. Ben, I couldn’t do it. Gervaise would be so hurt. He thinks everything is right between us.”

“He is happy as long as he has the cards in his hands. He’s a gambler, Angel.”

“If he could only find the gold … if we could go home … it would make a difference. I believe I could …”

“You can’t change people, Angel. I can’t change you and you can’t change me. This is important. This is important … today … now … Angel, I have to know. We belong together. I have to make plans. This is very serious. I must have your answer … now.”

“My answer can only be no.”

“Because you don’t love me? Because you haven’t faith enough in me?”

“You know it is not that. It is just that I cannot do this. I cannot leave Gervaise. Particularly now there is to be a baby.”

“You must go home for the child’s sake. Remember Morwenna.”

“It wouldn’t happen to me. I’m stronger than Morwenna.”

“I must have your answer, Angel. You understand why I must have it now.”

“Ben, I can’t. I can’t.”

He had turned away. He was staring at the creek.

“There is little time,” he said. “I must have your answer, Angel. I must, I must.”

“It has to be no. I have married Gervaise. I have made my vows. They are sacred to me. And there is the child. Don’t you see? I could never be happy … either way I cannot be happy. I’ll be frank. I do love you, Ben. It should have been us. But it didn’t work out that way. We were unlucky. Things … got in the way. And here we are. I suppose it has happened to many people before us.”

“We are not concerned with what happens to others. I am offering you happiness. For the last time, Angel … will you take it?”

“I must go home. There is a meal to cook. I have to think of things like that.”

“You should never have been brought to this.”

“I am here and things are as they are.”

“So you have decided.”

“I have to, Ben. I have to.”

His mouth set firmly. I thought he was angry; but he was very gentle as he helped me into the saddle.

I had the news from Mrs. Bowles.

I had gone into the shop to buy a few stores. She greeted me warmly.

“And how is that little darling?” she asked.

She was referring to Pedrek in whom she had established proprietorial rights.

I said he was well.

“Should be, living up there off the fat of the land. It will be nice for Mr. Lansdon to have a mistress in the house. It’s not good for men to live alone. Mind you, I’m saying nothing against that Meg and Minnie. He couldn’t have better to look after him than them. But a wife’s a wife and there’s no gainsaying that.”