The Power of Forgetting (28 page)

‘Come now Jay,
you need to be open with us.’ Oliver is piercing me with a look
that I know means he in an unyielding state of mind. It might be
best for me to calmly state the facts. He only calls me Jay when
he’s got something on his mind that is about to result in either:
me losing the argument; or being physically herded in the right
direction. Oliver scares me sometimes; because I’ve known him for a
long time, yet I know so little about him. He has enigmatic to an
art form. Oliver clamps a hand on my shoulder; ‘It’s time,’ he says
softly, with the lilt of music in that welsh drawl; ‘you’ve been
stalling long enough.’

‘She’s not
Janey;’ I hear myself saying, ‘but she’s not the other one either….
the one who is nasty and unpleasant.’

‘What is she
really like?’ Davey is appraising the situation in a similar
fashion, and twirling a biro between the fingers of his left
hand.

I found the
nearest chair and sat down next to him. Oliver is stood over me and
doesn’t seem disposed to relax otherwise until I say something
else.

‘I think that
we may have found the door way into a world that touches on some….
Elemental force.’

‘What makes you
think that?’ Joe had just joined us from tending to Janey
again.

‘She talked
about having power over nature. About something that is transmitted
by touch…. She said I saved that body.’ I looked up at Marcia, who
has her lips pressed together. ‘Ahh…’ she said; and turned away
from me; she whispered something to Joe, who then left the radio
room.

‘And the rest?’
Oliver’s voice is quieter now, yet carries even more power.

‘She said it
was for me. I think this is a warning…. I know that there has been
a key word; or set of words used on all of us. But I don’t think
that she can use than now. Because she doesn’t know what they
are.’

‘What are you
suggesting?’ Marcia nodded towards the info from the black box on
the screen, ‘this indicates that there are indeed several breaks of
transmission. It would seem to mean that a difference consciousness
took over. But perhaps it is just a trick. But we can see that she
has not been sleeping. And that this has been the case since before
we left the outpost outside of the anomaly.’

I stared to my
right; away from them all. Davey’s gaze is fastened on the screen
as if it will give back some sense of understanding about this
realisation.

I turn and
stare at the screen now in silence. The last break in consciousness
was at the moment I went into the medical bay: Nine fifteen. It is
ten twenty now. I looked at my hands, turning them both palms
upwards. There is still that trace of gold; a fine power etched off
the skin of this copy. She could be tricking me. Yet she seems so
sincere.

‘How far are we
from the map reference position?’ I try to sound upbeat now.

‘Just over five
miles.’ Oliver’s voice changed, ‘it’s a damn trap. We are just this
far from totally idiocy!’ He held up a finger and thumb.

‘The question
is: do we disassemble this copy now or not.’ Davey sounds quite
cold. I look at him sharply. He says in a different tone; ‘it was
never going to be an easy choice. You know that this is personal.
For both of us. I’m not denying it.’

‘We can’t just
kill her!’ I stood up suddenly, ‘she has helped us.’

‘Did she say
who attacked her?’ Oliver asked.

‘Well no. she
didn’t get round to that bit.’

‘It’s the most
important bit of the story.’ Oliver is in a definitely grizzly mood
at the moment.

‘Well then. We
will just have to suffer like everyone else.’ I said.

‘Suffer?’

‘She can tell
us a lot.’ I was getting worried now.

‘Worth more
that the payment for all our team?’ Oliver is surprizing matter of
fact.

‘I didn’t ask
her. So it’s my fault. I’m sorry…’

‘That’s okay.’
said Marcia, ‘Joe is just taking down all the answers now. It is
easy to get distracted.’

Did I sense
something other than sympathy in Marcia’s voice? She was after all
supposed to be my girlfriend. It was all I could do to stop myself
apologising again to Marcia, for anything that the evil twin had
seemed to have done while active in this third generation body.

‘It is stable.’
Davey pointed at the screen, ‘as long as there is a power
source.’

‘What does that
mean?’

‘Plants need
sunlight.’ Oliver said so quietly it was like back ground
noise.

‘When are we
leaving?’ I asked Marcia.

‘This
evening.’

‘What are you
going to do about this Janey?’

‘Nothing. We
think that in order to get rid of the copy permanently, one has to
bring the physical shell to a state of emptiness.’

‘Okay…. I’m in
need of a bit of fresh air. I think that she has a say in it too.
Don’t you?’ I stomped off out of the radio room without waiting for
a reply.

On the sand I
sat and let the sun warm me through. The light breeze blew my hair
into my eyes. It was getting shaggy and annoying and the damper
night air had made it curl into a crown of question marks. The sea
was so inviting. Five miles away? It was next door. So why hadn’t
they taken us all last night. Too easy?

This was the
experiment…. An observed state…. and an experiment that worked. Are
we on the next stage? Some are naturally more compliant than
others. God! That row of breakers looks so exhilarating!

I strip down to
my shorts. The breeze on my back is warmish.

I looked round.
Theirs is no one about. I just shrugged and slipped out of the
shorts.

The sea seems
chilly for a moment; but then covers me in a delicious coolness. I
rub my palms together as I stand in the line of breakers. That salt
sea weedy smack of the glassy edge rips away any malaise from my
brain. I push in to the water, holding my breath. I take myself
away from the shore with some powerful strokes. There is no point
in running. They know we are here. There is no point in hiding or
looking for something else to shape the simple meaning of this.
Alexander wants us; and for now we are to be treated like royalty.
They picked off the copies. Except the one that James was keeping.
I dove under the surface again. Came up and burst out in a stream
of foam. The sunlight of morning is roving the water. Now it sucks
onto that shingle with a musical symphony of stones and
patterns.

I can feel the
blood being washed away. I regret what I said last night about the
copies. There is another inside Janey’s form, but she wants to be
caring, helpful even. Surely we cannot destroy this without knowing
that it means we are severing a connection to the physical word for
some fey creature. I burst up out of the water, shaking it out of
my eyes. I am knee deep and think I might just go and sit on that
little patch next to my boots; on the spread out microfiber
towel.

‘Jared….’ In a
voice only I would know, she speaks. She wasn’t there a moment ago.
She is walking down the water’s edge. Her feet are bare. She is
wearing Janey’s clothes; but now I can see the difference. Her hair
is rich, golden and very long. Just like Janey…. The real one that
is. I can see the pinkness of her coral mouth even at this spot on
the shore here. I am suddenly aware of how this might look so I go
and sit on my towel.

She is standing
over me casting a shadow. I squinted upwards trying to avoid any
obvious expressions of embarrassment.

‘You always
swim Naked?’ she asked me then.

‘We all
do.’

‘Do I?’

‘I don’t
know.’

‘Do you know
anything about your sister?’

‘You are not
her…’

‘I am……well not
being someone else gives me a taste for freedom.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. You look
at me as a creature that owes you now. I think you would not
extract any payment.’

‘You don’t owe
me anything.’ I said.

‘Nevertheless.
I feel there is a debt of mercy; it is something I would willingly
exchange my true inclinations for.’

‘What are you?’
I suddenly asked her. She sat down on the sand. My boots were
between us.

‘Just take what
you want.’ She said, ‘because they will not let me live for much
longer.’

‘Who?’

‘The
company.’

‘You mean the
Bank Project?’

‘Nimbus. And
other things.’

I looked out to
sea. And we sat side by side. And the breezes sang away the
darkness.

‘Please don’t
touch me.’ I said; as she lightly brushed her fingertips along my
shoulder.

‘I’m not
Janey.’

‘You are
something much worse than that…’

‘Oh? What?’

‘My Fantasy
woman; come to life. My obsessive dream since…. well as long as I
can remember. You may not be her, but I bet that you taste as
sweet.’

‘Then try me.’
She smiled; and slipped the shirt off one shoulder.

‘What are you?’
I sound light still, but with an approaching edginess.

‘I am…. awake.
Since that last time. Auntie Zee said I could sleep, and then I
woke up here.’

‘When did you
“wake up”?’

‘Last
night.’

‘You were
there, near my parent’s house?’

‘At Zee’s
house? Yes. Of course’

‘But where was
Janey?’

‘She was there
too. I slipped into her mind to stop something bad from happening….
I don’t stick around.’ She looked away unhappiness written on her
face, ‘I will have to go back to my hiding place for quite a while.
They will not tolerate me when they find Janey.’

‘I don’t think
they are going to have much choice.’

‘Oh?’

‘I won’t let
you just be disconnected. You are not a kitchen appliance!’

She laughed and
looked out across the waves again. She turned then and leaned
closer to me.

‘I waited for
this day. You are my master. What do you wish?’

‘Err….’ I
realised how this could end up if I wasn’t careful. And sitting
around without one’s shorts, was not a way to prove you hadn’t done
anything with a woman. Something was still bothering me; ‘where do
you come from?’

‘I was there a
long time…. sleeping. We seem to die but come back again….’

‘It sounds like
the Cloud Fields.’

‘Yes…. Janey
says that doesn’t she?’

‘She invented
the phrase.’

‘I know what I
am…. But I don’t have a name for it…. You are not angry with
me?’

‘No.’

‘You can be
though.’

‘Yes.
Sometimes.’

‘Your nature is
unstable and full of passion.’

‘How do you
know me?’

‘You called me
out, so I would be awake.’

‘I did?’

‘And the other
who comes. She does not belong in this body, even though it is a
copy. It is near to what I really look like. I came back because
Janey wasn’t here to be your friend. She has gone her own way for a
long time now.’

‘So I
didn’t……’

‘No. you
didn’t; as you say.’ She smiled a little then looked sad, ‘You are
troubled by a thing that is fearful. It wants to be free, but
doesn’t know how.’

I felt my
expression harden and I turned my face away then. She had seen
inside of me and I didn’t like it.

‘I’m sorry…’
she said softly, ‘but in the Cloud Fields I found you free of it
and then you reached out to me.’

‘I don’t
understand!’

‘Jared…. Jay.
I’m in Love with you. Don’t you know that? And although a lowly
creature like this cannot hope to find a mortal’s love; there is
something I can do for you…’

‘Oh….’ I turned
back towards her then. She resembled my sister. But she was not
her. She was still and quiet and warm like a summer day. ‘What is
your name?’

‘You cannot
know… until it leaves I must not tell you.’

‘The
hitchhiker?’

‘Yes,’ she
smiled, ‘the hitchhiker. You are carrying too much of a burden. And
that would add to it…. But if it please you; you can call me Amber.
It makes more sense than confusing us.’

I can see her
lips part then; and I want her with such force it takes me effort
to draw another breath. It is raw, animal, basic, and savage…. ‘You
were the champagne girl?’

‘Yes, of
course.’ She seemed surprised that I didn’t know. ‘I would take you
to another place…. A warm place; like a dream it would seem. Janey
had nothing to do with this…. She is still a…’ but I interrupted
her; ‘So you tricked me?’

‘I didn’t trick
you. You were always aware of this. But you forgot…. It was that
horrible experiment!’

‘Wait a
minute…. You mean you remember it all?’

‘Yes of course.
I cannot be changed.’

Tell me who the
“Circle of Five” are?’

‘I’m not
absolutely certain. But they seem to be the men Charles and Ira;
and Mr Rimmington. And then two women who I cannot name…’

‘So who
attacked you?’

‘That would be
Davey…. But I think he mistook me for someone else.’

‘Davey!
But….’

‘It’s okay. It
really is. It wasn’t his fault.’

‘What about
Adam?’

‘That was your
Ex….’ She wrinkled her nose in disgust, ‘I think she was angry with
you. But she couldn’t let Adam’s Avatar warn you!’

‘So where is
Adam? And James?’

‘Adam is back
at the hotel in your village. And James never left London I
believe.’

‘How many
copies are there?’

‘A lot. But not
all are being inhabited by Rimmington’s people. We cannot destroy
them. So we take them over…. At night it works best. Sometimes it’s
hard to keep control. The transmitter makes it difficult.’

‘Those black
boxes?’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you an
Elemental?’

‘I think
so.’

‘You don’t
know?’

‘I have been
sleeping. You woke me up.’

‘I don’t
understand.’