The Price of Falling (17 page)

As it happened, it wasn't me who broke up this little party.

I was pretty much laying on top of Jason, lost in a deep kiss as our hands strayed lower. It was so easy to fall into our familiar play. I started it without thinking, sliding down his body and taking his jeans with me. I just wanted to show him...everything, how sorry I was, how much I wanted him.

And that was how my Dad found us.

In retrospect, I suppose it could have been worse. I was still partially clothed at least. My sister even commented on that, after she knew all about it.

Unfortunately it did nothing to reduce Dad's reaction.

I'd been so involved in what I was doing, working my mouth over Jason, breathing hard and thinking about getting my jeans off too. The sound of the door opening amongst the music reached my brain pretty slow.

‘Mike, can you...’

Dad's voice greeted me like a shower of ice water.

I raised my head, my lips releasing the cock in my mouth with a wet pop and turned to see him standing there. As I sat up and shifted away, Dad was agape. He raised a finger to point at us.

‘That's a
guy
?!’

I froze, sat on the bed. Jason started to get up slowly, our fingers brushed together. That was the last time I touched him.

I was horrified by my Dad's reaction. His face had gone red, and he just stood there staring at us. My heart pounded in my chest and whatever boner I'd had before completely vanished.

Jason instinctively knew it was time to leave. He quickly pulled his jeans back up, grabbed his t-shirt and slowly edged past my Dad at the door. Dad glanced at him briefly, looking him up at down, at his bare chest, then back at me. His face was getting more and more distorted.

Once past my Dad I saw Jason take off at a run down the stairs.

It was then my Dad let rip.

First he pointed at my stereo with another shaking finger. ‘Turn that shit off,’ he said. His voice was wavering. I knew he was going to start shouting soon.

I was still in shock but obediently got up and turned off the cassette. The silence was heavy. Over my own heartbeat in my ears I could hear the front door close. I couldn't help but wonder how was Jason going to get home.

‘Do you want to tell me-’ Dad started quiet but was getting louder. ‘What the hell you were doing WITH ANOTHER GUY?!’

I looked down at the floor. I'd started trembling, my skin was alight with shame. It felt like my lips were burning so pressed them together nervously, trying to hide them. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I didn't know how to answer. I didn't think he'd want me to answer, not really.

I could hear Dad breathing raggedly before he said, ‘Put some clothes on and get downstairs.’

Then he stormed out of my room.

I panicked. A million thoughts ran through my mind, jumping out of the window being top of the list. What would I do, what
could
I do?

Run away? But where? Dad was a well respected, well feared member of the family. No-one else would take me in if he said not to. I couldn't impose on my friends and their lives. My family was important to me anyway. I knew nothing else, I'd always been obedient, done as I was told.

I'd never been in trouble before.

As I washed my face and put a clean t-shirt on I reasoned that maybe after the initial shock had worn off and Dad had shouted a bit he would calm down.

Had I known what was coming, I wished I'd taken my chances and run away.

If only a couple of things had been different that night, he might never have known. Turned out Mom had a bad stomach after too many fish canapés and glasses of champagne. They'd come back early but Dad couldn't get his car in the garage because I'd parked mine in a rush and in his way.

Mom had come in downstairs to get a glass of water from the kitchen. She'd heard the front door slam and when she'd come back into the hall Dad had stormed downstairs and told her to send the girls to bed. Then he'd crashed out the front door to turn his car engine off. Dad always parked in his garage, so I knew it was serious if he wasn't bothering tonight.

‘What's going on?’ Mom asked, my sisters trailing behind her.

‘Just get them to bed!’ Dad snapped at her.

She did as she was told, knowing better than to argue. I passed them on the stairs as they hurried up and I slowly descended to my fate.

Dad shut me in his study as he laid into me. He called me a lot of things that stuck with me, even to this day; disgusting, filthy, unnatural, perverted, strange, not normal.

But what hurt me most, was when he said I was a disappointment.

I'd had no idea he would react like this. My whole life I'd done as I was told, I'd never done anything to upset my parents. I'd only ever been in trouble when I was small and didn't know any better. I knew I wasn't clever, but I still tried at school. That's why I played football, hoping if I lived up to the expectation of being a good all-rounder then he'd be pleased with me.

Dad said I made him feel sick to look at. I breathed in deep and slow, trying not to lose it. He wouldn't want me to cry, that would make things worse. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and took his tirade.

Looking back on it now, I know he was being unfair. At the time, as a seventeen year old who didn't know any better, I was more upset than I could ever describe.

Eventually Dad sent me up to my room. I was pleased to get away but I could still hear him shouting downstairs when Mom had gone to ask him what was wrong. I was embarrassed the whole house would be able to hear. I'd never liked being the centre of attention.

I didn't hear Dad go up to bed that night. I heard him slamming about in his liquor cabinet though. It must have given him a sore head the next day.

On Sunday he ordered me to do chores outside. I went willingly to get away from him. Alicia snuck over to me and told me that he'd insisted Gabrielle strip my bed clothes and throw them out. I felt so upset, like he thought I was diseased or something.

‘What happened?’ Alicia asked me softly, rubbing a hand on my arm.

It was small comfort, but I appreciated her efforts. I didn't want her to hate me too.

‘Erm, Dad kinda caught me-’

‘With that guy?’ She guessed.

‘Er, yeah.’

‘He's pretty mad,’ she said, raising her eyebrows.

‘That's an understatement.’ I jabbed at the paved ground with the broom I'd been sweeping up leaves with. ‘Do you hate me too?’

I was almost afraid of her answer but Alicia wrapped her thin arms around my side, embracing me tightly. ‘'Of course not,’ she said. ‘I kinda figured it out anyway. I wasn't going to say anything.’

I looked at her in surprise. ‘You knew?’

She nodded. ‘I'm home a lot more than you think, I saw you going upstairs with him. I knew you weren't studying.’

‘Oh,’ I looked away, my face flushing. ‘I'm sorry.’

‘I don't care,’ she said, holding me tighter. It was a relief to know that, and I hugged her back. As long as Alicia was with me, I'd be OK.

Unfortunately Dad had other plans. If I thought him banishing my bed sheets from the house was a bit over the top, keeping me from going back to school was positively extreme.

He insisted I stayed at home. He said he needed to make some phone calls.

I continued doing chores around the house to keep myself occupied. I was a bundle of nerves. I hoped he wasn't going to like, call a town meeting and make an announcement about me.

What he ended up doing was pretty much brush me under an imaginary rug. I never went back to school. I never had my graduation, although I still had to do a few assignments to officially complete school.

Then he sent me away. I couldn't believe it. It took him only a week to organize. I had barely a few days to realize what was happening.

In all the commotion I'd completely forgotten about the money, but I got another shock when Dad had gone to draw money from my savings account. From almost three thousand dollars, there was barely two hundred left. I still had fifty or so in cash up in my room, but I didn't think that would help matters.

Dad was furious, to say the least. He wanted to know what I'd spent it on. I tried to play it down, saying I'd needed a lot for gas and going out. I didn't dare tell him anything more. He called me a thief, a liar, and many other names I didn't want to hear. Mom asked him to calm down, but he got more angry. I hated seeing them argue, especially over me. I was horrified by the whole thing.

By the following Friday, everything had been organized.

I was leaving Saturday morning. I was too dumb-struck to argue. Alicia seemed pretty upset. I even heard her shouting at Dad that evening, but he wasn't having any of it. He walked away from her and slammed himself in his study. She shouted through the door at him. I pulled her away and hugged her to me.

‘Don't go,’ she sobbed against my chest. ‘Please don't go.’

‘Alicia, please,’ I whispered, trying to keep calm. ‘I want to do what he says. I'm sure it won't be for long.’

I think, sadly, I actually believed that.

I was shipped off to Harlan, absolutely miles away in the middle of nowhere. Harlan was smaller than Ellwood, along the state motorway past barren grounds. Nothing for miles.

Dad had sent me to stay with Blake Lewis, one of his business partners. I was embarrassed showing up there, not knowing what they knew or what they must think of me. I was to stay in one of the Lewis's spare rooms, the one next to their cleaner's room at the back of the house.

They were a nice enough family; very conservative, went to Church every Sunday. I had met them a few times at various functions where the families were brought along. Blake and his wife Melissa were welcoming to me, but it wasn't my home. I felt like I was imposing and wished I could go back to Ellwood.

On the first night when Blake had shown me to my room and told me where I could find things, he tried talking to me. He stood over me as I sat on the bed, too shy to meet his eyes.

‘So,’ he said, in his strong Texan accent. ‘What on earth did you do to get sent over here, son?’

At least now I knew that Dad hadn't told him the whole story. I didn't want anyone else to look at me the way he'd done, I couldn't take it.

‘I disappointed my Father, Sir,’ I answered quietly.

At least that wasn't a lie. I still couldn't look Blake in the face. I tried swallowing back the lump in my throat, tried to blink back the prickle threatening to engulf my eyes with tears. I must have looked pathetic.

Blake said nothing for a moment, then sighed.

‘Well, can't imagine it's all that bad, son. You hear about my boy?’

His question distracted me enough to keep my tears back. I'd heard Dad remark over dinner a while ago about Blake's son being sent to prison. Dad had said at the time it was 'disgraceful'. The news report had said it was manslaughter of Kelvin Lewis's girlfriend. He'd been drunk apparently, lost control of his car and crashed it, putting himself in hospital but killing her instantly.

Kelvin Lewis was currently serving time in prison. He was only a couple of years older than me.

I nodded at Blake, I saw no reason to lie. Most people knew about it anyway.

‘Yeah, big shame,’ Blake said, shaking his head. ‘He's got another two years to go before they look at parole. He said to me he was sorry, and if he could take it all back, he would.’