The Prince Charming Hoax (23 page)

After a week of prompting him for an explanation about his unresponsiveness and seemingly perpetual foul mood, she received a response.

To: Leah
Date: March 16

Subject: If you really want to know

Leah, my love, I am afraid. Having you move to New York has pushed the reality of what lies ahead to the forefront and I am anxious about how it will all work out. It
’
s clear that you will be unable to relocate and support yourself here on your income alone. Right now, I can and will gladly help you. But what if I lose my job and can
’
t support two households? What if I become unemployed after I
’
m divorced and I am saddled with huge child support and alimony expenses?

If I could barely make ends meet, would you still want to be with me? I don
’
t know how long it will take for me to be free. I fear that if I keep asking you to wait until my home situation is resolved, you
’
ll lose patience with the situation and l will lose you again.

Will you wait for me while I work this out, Leah? Or will you leave me if a better opportunity turns up for you before I am free? I don
’
t think I could take the hurt of losing you twice. I am not proud of these feelings, but you wanted to know. Doug

To: Doug
Date: March 17

Subject: Re: If you really want to know

Why do you think I would leave you for a
“
better opportunity?
”
I told you that I will wait, that I will agree to any circumstances regarding your children and your work, that all I want is to be with you—openly.

Don
’
t you see that you hold the power to your happiness, not me? You can have what you want, you only need to move toward it. Please tell me how you can love me with such intensity and choose to stay in your unhappy marriage. I understand how complex this situation is and that it cannot be easily changed, but now it sounds like you
’
re telling me you don
’
t know when you
’
ll leave.

If that
’
s so, it seems to me that I
’
m the one at greater risk of being hurt in this situation. Because of what I feel for you and how you make me feel, I have opened up my very being for you to explore. Yet, there appears to be so much about you and your life that I know nothing about, and it frightens me.

I love you deeply, truly, and unconditionally. I want you and am willing to pay whatever price I must to have you. Are you willing to do the same for me?

If this is bad timing, I am so sorry. I didn
’
t plan on saying these things to you at this time, or maybe ever. But your words tonight pierced my breaking heart. If you love me so, then how can you accept less?

Please think it over and talk to me as soon as you can. I love you forever and in all ways, L.

P.S. I wrote this email much earlier this evening and have been afraid to send it. I hope I am not making the biggest mistake of my life, but I believe you should know how I feel, too.

To: Leah
Date: March 18

Re: If you really want to know

I am confused and unclear about what I should do next. It
’
s so big and important, I want it to be done right. Remember it was just a few short months ago that someone who I have thought about and loved constantly for five years suddenly reentered my life. It has shaken my neat little world to its core. No matter what happens now, there will be hurt.

All of that rational and logical thought is overwhelmed by the love I feel for you. I know that you are afraid. I don
’
t blame you—I am too. I also know that I love you deeply and for life. I am going as fast as I can, but I must do things right…out of love. I love you forever and always, D

To: Doug
Date: March 19

Subject: Re: If you really want to know

I
’
m starting to think moving to NY is not such a good idea after all. It
’
s beginning to sound like nothing will change in our relationship other than my geography, which may be more convenient, but is only a short-term solution as far as I
’
m concerned.

If you want me near you then you must commit to leaving your present situation. I
’
m not selling my house, leaving my friends, and starting over professionally in NY until you are clear about what you are willing to change in your life in order to be with me. I will move only if and when it means we
’
re starting a real life together. I know this is not what we originally discussed, but it seems that the reality of my move is pushing some buttons for you. I need some assurance that I
’
m moving toward a real life together with you, not just a continuation of what I thought was a temporary situation until you left your marriage.

I know I may be adding fuel to the fire here, and it was never my intention to deliver an ultimatum, but your reluctance to begin to take action on resolving your home situation is a big red flag to me that our future is being built on a shaky foundation. Doug, we
’
re either in this together, or we
’
re not. I don
’
t care about your money or position. I
’
m willing to start over with you. Are you willing to do the same?

Once again I
’
m going out on a limb and risking everything, but I need to know where I stand. Take the time you need to respond. Love, Leah

To: Leah
Date: March 21

Subject: Let
’
s start over

Leah my love, I know this must have been an agonizing few days for you, because it was hell for me as well.

As painful as it is for me to think about the hurt and turmoil my leaving my marriage and pursuit of child custody will cause, it
’
s more painful to consider a life without you. My long delay in responding wasn
’
t caused by making that decision, but rather because I wanted to have a plan in place when I wrote, so you would know I am serious.

My family leaves for our summer home in the Hamptons on Memorial Day weekend and will stay until Labor Day. Between now and Memorial Day, I
’
ll start researching the legal proceedings necessary to end the marriage and request full child custody. The process should be well underway by Memorial Day, and I
’
ll make my intentions known to Amanda that weekend. I
’
ll be moved out of our Connecticut home before they return in September. You can move to New York in June after Ali
’
s graduation as planned and into the corporate apartment. We
’
ll have the summer to find a permanent home for you to move to in the fall.

As heavy as my heart feels, knowing that I am about to cause my family deep pain, I believe it
’
s in the best interest of my boys. For me, all of this is made possible only by the strength and joy I feel knowing that you and I will be together as we were always meant to be.

I will be in D.C. March 28-31. Can you meet me there? I can
’
t wait to hold you again. The tension of the past few weeks has drained me, and although the decision is a relief, I need your physical presence to restore me fully. I love you always and in all ways, Doug

To: Doug
Date: March 21

Subject: Re: Let
’
s start over

You are right. It has been agony waiting for your reply. As thrilled as I am about your decision, I ache for you, knowing and remembering the pain of my own divorce. The breakup of your marriage is far more complicated, but that alone can
’
t be a reason not to do it. I
’
m so glad you are finally beginning the process of moving toward your happiness, which in the long run will be best for your family.

Yes, I will meet you in D.C. I am so ready to begin focusing on the joyful part of this transition again...our being together! I
’
ll make my flight reservations. Send me the details of where we
’
ll be staying so I know where to go when I get to Dulles. I love you so and am counting the days, hours, and minutes until we can be in each other
’
s arms once more. Love forever and always, L

Leah leafed through a dozen or so more pages of emails. There weren
’
t as many because she was so busy in April and May, getting ready for her move. Her townhouse sold quickly and she had to negotiate to stay in it until June. She went through all her possessions, held garage sales, ran Craig
’
s List ads, and generally cleaned out to the bare bones in order to make her move to New York light and easy.

She was so engrossed in what she was doing that she failed to notice that Doug never mentioned anything about how his separation and custody plans were progressing in his emails or conversations. It was back to business as usual for him, which meant meetings and travel, with only stolen moments for phone calls and emails. She met him once in Chicago in April and again in Orlando early in May, but that was all she could manage with her own schedule of work commitments, getting ready to move, and helping Ali prepare for life after graduation.

She remembered being both excited and a little nervous about Doug
’
s trip to Miami on June 4, when they would celebrate their last meeting as lovers living apart before her final move two weeks after.

Leah closed her eyes and rested her head on the couch pillows behind her. She envisioned herself walking into the lobby of the Avalon Hotel on Miami
’
s Ocean Drive to meet him at the bar. She hadn
’
t spoken to Doug in almost a week, since right before he left for the Hamptons on Memorial Day Weekend, and she was edgy to find out how it went. Amanda was unstable in good moments, and she knew it could have been a terrible scene.

They had a martini before deciding to dine outside in the hotel
’
s well-known seafood restaurant. Leah sensed Doug becoming increasingly uneasy and quiet she chattered on about the last-minute details she was attending to before her move in two weeks. She waited for him to bring it up, but he remained silent on the subject. She finally burst out with,
“
You
’
ve been so quiet and preoccupied this evening. Is it because of your breakup last weekend with Amanda? I don
’
t need to know the details, if you don
’
t want to share, but I was wondering how it went for you.
”
She reached to take his hand that was resting near his drink on the table, but he grabbed the glass, threw down the rest of what was left, and motioned for another round as he pulled his chair in closer to the table.

“
Leah, I didn
’
t have that conversation with Amanda, and I
’
ve been trying to find the words to explain to you why I didn
’
t. She
’
s a mess, just a mess. I hired a nanny to stay with her and the children. I can
’
t trust her to be alone with them, and I fear for what she
’
ll do if I ask for a divorce and custody. She
’
s so unstable, I
’
m going to have to work with her doctors on this.
”

Leah stared at him, waiting for him to continue, but nothing more followed.
“
So,
”
she began slowly,
“
where does this leave us?
”

He leaned in and reached over to take her hands.
“
Leah, please be patient a little while longer. I don
’
t know exactly how this will all work out, but it will. I know it.
”

She pulled her hands away.
“
Doug, you promised. You know I never would have sold my home and all my stuff to go live in in a temporary location unless you promised to leave. And you did!
”

“
I know, Leah, but what I thought would be the right time just wasn
’
t. You
’
ve known all along that my priority is my children
’
s safety. I can
’
t risk that.
”

“
I thought you were working with an attorney for custody. Why didn
’
t you say anything before now? You let me go on thinking everything was going to proceed as planned. What am I supposed to do now? Where will I go?
”