The Push: A Sequel to The Pull (8 page)

“We just feel bad for you, Liv, but we feel bad for ourselves, too. You’re not the only one who lost someone. We lost Darin, too.”

I closed my eyes. “I know,” I whispered. I did know, but I still felt as if they were going through something completely different, as if I were the only person in the world who really knew Darin Thorne. It was selfish of me but seemed completely justified somehow.

“Hey,” Shane said, his voice quiet. He took my hands in his and rubbed the top of my knuckles. I wouldn’t look at him, though. “Hey,” he repeated, bending his head down so he could look into my downcast eyes. “Listen to me. First look at me.”

I glanced up at him. He grinned.

“Liv…”

I swallowed and forced my head up so that I was eye level with him.

“Good girl.” He continued to caress the tops of my hands with his thumbs. “Now listen. You are not alone.” He paused for a second. “Did you hear me?”

I nodded.

“Seriously. You aren’t alone, Liv. You have it in your head that you are, but you aren’t. I will be right by your side during that funeral. I’ll hold you up if I have to. If your knees give way, I’ll catch you. Nobody wants to face something as horrible as this, but we have to go say goodbye to him, Liv. We have to. We owe it to him. So do it for Darin if you can’t do it for any other reason, and know that I’ll be there with you to share some of the burden. Don’t they say everything happens for a reason?”

“That’s horseshit and you know it,” I sputtered out.

Shane chuckled. “That it is.”

“So don’t feed me your lines about what the world says, Shane. I would need a pretty big fucking reason for why this happened to have it make any sense to me.”

“Let out the bitterness, Liv. Let it all out, because I don’t want it to build up and consume you. I want you to be the wonderful, happy Livvy that I’ve known for so long.”

“I’m afraid she’s gone, Shane,” I told him, choking on my tears.

“You say that now because the wound’s still fresh. Five years from now when that little boy is growing like a weed, I know he’ll bring a smile to your face. I know a little part of that void in your heart will be filled.”

I shrugged. Shane’s will was strong. I loved his optimism, and I wished for nothing more than for a little of it to extend to me. I wanted to have a positive outlook, but right now all I faced was doom and gloom.

“Do you want to go back to the house?” he asked after a little while of just sitting there.

The barn was comforting somehow. I didn’t know why, but it was. “Not yet.”

“Come here.” He pulled me off the bucket and onto the bench next to him. He draped his arm over my shoulder. I leaned my head against his shoulder. “We don’t have to go back in at all if you don’t want, okay? We can spend the night out here with all the old cow manure and rat poop.”

I elbowed him in the ribs.

“Well, maybe you can, but I think I’d rather sleep in a bed.”

I closed my eyes and listened to the crickets beginning to chirp outside.

“Just remember, Liv, I won’t let you go. Lean on me if you have to.”

A dull ache formed in the middle of my chest.
Oh, Shane, if you only knew.
I already was leaning on him with all my might.

NINE

Shane

It was the day of the funeral when we said our goodbyes and put Darin in the ground.

I was driving all of us back down for the services, my own emotions a mix of fear and apprehension at doing something that everyone did for their loved ones, yet screamed that it was so wrong—so permanent.

My mother was sitting to my right in the passenger seat. Dad and Liv were in the back. I glanced in my rearview mirror. Liv was dressed in all black, her hair swept back away from her forehead. Her blue eyes seemed dull and lifeless as she stared out of the window. The last few days had been awkward to say the least. After the episode with dinner and Liv rushing out to the barn, my parents had given her her space as if understanding even if they were only pretending to do so. She spent most of her time outside in her own desolate world and secluded thoughts. I didn’t press her much, only sat by her sometimes to let her know that I was still around if she needed someone to talk to. There weren’t words that needed to be said, though. Her own grief was internal. She didn’t even seem to be crying anymore. I was sure all of that would change today though when she saw Darin lying in the coffin. Everything she had tried to muster down deep inside would come rushing to the surface. I was certain my own sorrow would do the same, and that scared the hell out of me.

I parked the car and the four of us exited the vehicle in silence. My mother was gripping tightly onto my dad’s arm. Liv hesitated at the first step leading up into the building. I stepped up beside her and slipped my hand into hers. She didn’t look at me, merely squeezed my hand back in a silent thank you. I had promised I’d be there for her today, and I meant to keep my word.

We were the only ones there, arriving early to say our goodbyes first and out of the eyesight of others. Livvy placed her other hand underneath her growing belly. There were large, beautiful flowers everywhere. The stench of floral was overwhelming, and knowing this was all Sean’s doing made a gush of anger pulsate from within me. I didn’t say anything about it, though. This wasn’t the time nor place to make comments about that psycho. Liv’s body stiffened beside me. She wasn’t looking at the flower arrangements. She was focused on straight ahead—the coffin.

I put another arm under her elbow to give her extra support. This moment would be one of her toughest to overcome. Our feet glided up next to the wooden box where my parents already stood. My mother was already crying, a handkerchief pressed up to her nose as she kept patting Darin’s pale hand. He looked glorious lying there, like an angel. All of the stress that seemed to have been on his face at the hospital was long gone. He seemed content, as if he truly were in a deep slumber. It pissed me off. This wasn’t really how Darin would be. No, he would’ve wanted to be standing here with his hand in Liv’s, preparing for the upcoming days of his newborn son’s arrival. To say life is cruel would be an understatement. Life was fucked up.

“Give me a few moments, Shane,” Liv whispered, her eyes on Darin’s face.

“Yeah. Sure.” I released her hand and arm, walking backward to stand by my parents who had moved away. My mother kept mumbling things about her little boy. My dad rubbed at his own wet eyes with the back of his hand. I glanced up at Liv, her back to me now as she bent down over her husband and said who knows what to him to try to ease this incredibly terrible burden of saying a forever goodbye.

An hour later, people starting coming in, a lot of them from Darin’s work as he had been in a large company for a long time. I introduced myself as his brother and they each said their condolences and moved up to the coffin to see Darin. Liv still stood there, oblivious yet to the fact that others had begun to file into the room. I recognized some familiar faces of neighbors growing up who were friends of my parents who had also made the trip down. My parents immediately became invested in conversation with them. There would be a few hours of this before the formal service began. I stood there in my suit and coat with my hands folded in front of me, ready to rush to Liv’s aid if she needed me. She was in conversation with some co-workers of Darin’s. She seemed okay—for now. Then someone caught my attention as they entered the building through the side entrance. She had on a short purple dress with silver high-heeled shoes. I darted toward her, my heart racing fiercely.

“Violet,” I snapped in a low voice, grasping her arm probably a little more roughly than I’d intended and spinning her around so that her back was to Liv.

She looked surprised for a moment, then pressed her lips together into a smirk as she jerked her arm away from me. “Shane,” she replied. “How nice to see you again. I was so sorry to learn about Darin.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” I rattled off as Violet’s sister stepped in from behind her and gave me a hard stare.

Violet’s eyebrows went down. “What do you mean what am I doing here? I was engaged to Darin, remember? I loved him. Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“You’re here to cause trouble,” I accused her.

“What?” Violet’s eyes flashed around the room as she examined each face. Her gaze finally came to rest upon Livvy who was still talking to someone and hadn’t realized yet—thankfully—that Violet was here. “Oh,” she said. “Darin was still with
her.”

Violet’s sister was now staring at Livvy, too. My anxiety was increasing by the second.

“And…” Violet’s eyes narrowed. “She’s pregnant?” Her head snapped around to look at me again. “Is that Darin’s baby?”

“It’s none of your business, Vi,” I told her.

Violet’s sister snorted. “We didn’t know anything about that slut.”

“Stop,” I threatened her with an equally threatening look.

“We just came to pay our respects. I still haven’t forgiven that ass for what he did to me, probably never will, but I still came to say goodbye,” Violet said, her hand going to the side of her head to slick back her dark hair.

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to escort both of them out. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Violet smiled sweetly. “I don’t really care what you think, Shane.” She turned around along with her sister, and I watched in horror as they made their way to the front of the room—to Liv.

Never had it crossed my mind that Violet would even show up. Darin hadn’t heard a single thing from her from the moment she’d left his house. I was stupid for having been so naïve. I hurried around a group of people talking amongst themselves and rushed to Livvy’s side.

“It was nice meeting you, too,” Liv said, shaking a man’s hand.

“He sure will be missed,” the man commented, taking another look down at Darin before turning to leave.

Livvy gave the man a forced smile before she turned to me but stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes locked with Violet’s. Her mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Shocked to see me, Livvy?” Violet seemed to be enjoying every moment of this knowing that her presence had such an instant effect on everybody.

I watched Livvy’s throat as she swallowed hard and tried to recompose herself. A protective hand went immediately to her stomach as if she were afraid Violet would try to punch her there or something. I wouldn’t put it past Violet.

“How are you, Violet?” Liv asked quietly, her eyes darting between her and her sister.

Violet smirked again as she glanced down at Darin. “Better than you it seems. Congratulations on your pregnancy.”

“So the bastard is really dead,” her sister remarked. “At least you’re not the one who’s a widow, Vi.”

I wrapped an arm around Livvy’s shoulder. She was trembling a little. They had come here to cause drama for their own sick entertainment purposes. They even wanted to try and interfere with Darin’s peacefulness, as if their words could bite him in death.

“You two are such bitches,” I told them. “Darin thought so too.”

Violet shrugged smugly. “Livvy’s done me a favor. I’ve moved on.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Liv remarked dryly. “What he ever saw in you beats me. You might be beautiful on the outside, Violet, but on the inside you are very, very ugly.”

“Violet was only Darin’s rebound anyway,” I added, hoping to see my own words cause hostility stir in her eyes.

It had worked. Violet gritted her teeth together as a hushed growl escaped her throat. “Have fun being a widow the rest of your life.” She turned to leave.

“Don’t forget a single parent,” her sister added.

Livvy stood upright, her shoulders back until the two of them exited the building again. Then she turned around and buried her face in my chest, exploding in fits of whimpers and sobs.

I rubbed little circles on her back to try to comfort her. “I’m so sorry, Liv. I don’t know why they came. I tried to get them to leave but they were intent on coming up here and making you miserable.”

“How can people be so hateful?” she cried.

I shook my head. What had Darin seen in Violet? She was the exact opposite of Livvy. Violet was the biggest bitch I’d ever known.

The rest of the funeral continued and ended without seeing Violet or her sister again. No sudden appearances made by Sean either, although he could’ve been lurking behind a tree in the distance and no one would’ve been the wiser to it.

The preacher read some more scriptures from the Bible. We were outside under the trees in the graveyard where I’d helped carry Darin’s coffin. Everyone threw a flower on top and had turned to leave. My parents said their goodbyes, then there was no one left but me and Liv. My own legs felt heavy as if cemented in place. A huge lump had formed and was on the verge of choking me. This was it. The end of the legacy that was my only brother. The incredible love between Darin and Livvy Thorne whisked away in the wind just like that.

“Shane,” Liv whispered, “I need your help.”

“I’m here,” I told her.

Her legs looked as if they were beginning to buckle underneath her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and supported her so she could move forward up to the coffin and place a final rose on top. Her entire body began to tremble again from sobs as she then kissed her hand and placed it on the smooth wood.

Goodbye, my brother. You’ve left me with a broken-hearted woman who I have no idea how to mend back together.

One last glance at the coffin that held my brother’s body inside. One last glance behind me before I helped Livvy walk over to where my parents were waiting for us by the car. And not a single eye was dry between the four of us.

“Livvy, why don’t you come stay with us for a while?” my mother suggested. “I promise to give you your space. You can come and go as you please. I just don’t want you to have to be by yourself during this terrible time.”

I cringed at the idea knowing how uncomfortable Liv had been the last few days, but at the same time, it made sense. It wasn’t just looking after Livvy, but it was all of us looking after each other in a way.

Livvy’s eyes shifted to the ground as she processed my mother’s request.

My father cleared his throat. “Come on and keep us old folks company for a bit. We haven’t seen much of you lately anyway.”

Livvy pressed her lips together and slowly nodded her head. “Okay.”

I raised my eyebrows, surprised by her response. “Yeah?”

“I said okay, didn’t I?”

We climbed back into the car and headed back up north to my parents’ farm. We’d all survived this day. I was hoping the worst of it was now over. Surely we were all at the bottom and the only way to go was up from here.

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Livvy

I sat on my in-laws’ front porch gazing up at the stars with a glass of water in my hand wishing so badly that it was a glass of wine. But the little soccer star growing inside of me reminded me that drinking alcohol was not an option during this time, so I’d have to make do with being sober. I’d do anything to drink myself into a stupor now though, pass out, and forget everything around me.

Evelyn and Henry had gone to bed. It was a long, exhausting day for everyone that left us all emotionally drained. Darin was gone. It was that simple. The pain inside my chest was almost unbearable and it felt as though I’d left him behind today, abandoning him to that coffin. I had to close my eyes to try to think of something else, wanting to feel something other than lost at this moment.

The screen door screeched open. “Mind if I come out here?”

I shook my head and heard the flicker of Shane’s finger against the lighter as he lit up a cigarette.

“You’re smoking more,” I remarked, crossing my legs and taking a deep lungful of the crisp night air.

Smoke poured from his nostrils as he shrugged. “Yeah, well, my stress level has increased lately.”

I didn’t reply for a while, just sat there and tried to focus on the sounds around me, like the crickets and hum of the air conditioner turning on even though the weather was turning cooler. My thoughts went to Violet. “I can’t believe she showed up today.”

Shane chuckled. “Me either.”

“I can’t process what the purpose was of her being there.”

He was silent for a few moments. “I wouldn’t dwell on it too much, Liv. She’s not worth it. She’s a piece of shit who literally just came there to rub it in that things had gone bad. You handled it well.”