The Queen Bee of Bridgeton (22 page)

The girl in the video looked down and started unbuttoning her shirt.  Then it hit me.

"Shut it off!"  I yelled, bolting out of my chair.  The audience gasped. Sasha started crying hysterically.  To everyone else, my outburst and her crying seemed like my admission of guilt.  The devotion of my supporters plummeted, as the signs proclaiming my innocence inched down and disappeared from sight. A chilling silence fell over the crowd. 

I looked out over the auditorium and saw the Bitch Brigade sitting in the front row smiling.  They were enjoying my torment.  I so wanted to expose them for what they really were.  I wanted to spit out everything they had done to people at Bridgeton and explain what really took place in that video.  But I knew I couldn't do that.  Our 'Get
Out
of
Venton
Heights' plan depended on what I chose to do next. 

I turned my focus away from the Bitch Brigade and found Will's ashen white face. I couldn't tell whether he wanted to vomit or cry or both. This had to feel like the ultimate betrayal to him, after I had just assured him last night that nothing happened between me and David.

I looked over at Sasha, who held her face in her hands as her shoulders shook with sobs.  And though I loved them both, I knew what I had to do. And I had to do it soon.  Any second, someone could have realized the girl in the video was Sasha and not me.

"Young lady, do you have something to say?" Headmaster Collins barked at me.

I nodded as I wiped my sweaty hands on my green plaid skirt. Then I shrugged with doubt.  Where would I find the courage to take the blame for my sister's cheating? What would
Will
think of me? The answers really didn't matter.  I had to do it.  I looked to Will, then Sasha, then Will.  I mouthed "I'm sorry" to Will then said to Headmaster Collins, "I'm guilty."  It wasn't a complete lie. I did feel guilty. I felt guilty for ever lusting after that sleaze David Winthrop especially while I was with Will. And I felt guilty for what my sister had apparently been driven to do. I should have paid more attention to her. I should have realized no one could work as hard as she did without breaking at some point.

Sasha screamed 'no' and ran over to me.

"Don't do this," she sobbed as she embraced me.  "I can fix it.  Let me fix it.  It's
all my
fault.  I'm sorry."

Headmaster Collins said something about me being expelled from school and ordered me to leave campus immediately, but Sasha wouldn't let me go.  They had to pull her off of me as she yelled, "No, not my sister, please, no!"

I wasn't even allowed time to clean out my locker. Mr. Hayden, the assistant head of school, escorted me off campus. As the main gate slammed shut behind me, so did all my dreams for a bright future.

Believe it or not, I didn't cry. Maybe the shock of the situation had temporarily clogged my tear ducts. Or, maybe, I thought I'd dreamt the whole thing.  It didn't really happen.  I dreamt it. I tried to convince myself as I stood on the corner and looked at my school.  Then, I looked down at my ballet pink tights and my green plaid skirt. Why did I wear these tights? Oh, yeah, I'd decided to take a page out of Will's book.  I thought they'd be good luck.
So much for that.
   I had to breathe deeply to keep from hyperventilating. I turned my back to Bridgeton, my past, my former school, and I walked.

I rationalized the situation as I found my way to the bus stop. Okay, I was expelled from Bridgeton, but it wasn't that bad, right. I wanted to be a dancer.  I didn't need to graduate from Bridgeton in order to be a dancer.  But Sasha, yes, she needed a Bridgeton diploma in order to go to Princeton.  So, yes, I did the right thing. I couldn't let anyone find out it was her on that tape.

So, why did I feel so awful? I did the right thing.  I did the right thing. No matter how many times I said it, it didn't feel right.  No one at Bridgeton would ever look at me the same, including Will.  I had to talk to him. Maybe if I told him the truth…no, I couldn't do that. He'd tell Headmaster Collins and get Sasha expelled. Maybe if I just told him that I was sorry and I loved him, maybe he'd forgive me.

I found a payphone and dialed his cell number.

"Maddox," he answered.

"Will, baby, please listen to
- "

"I feel like an idiot. You're a whore and I never want to see you again." Then he hung up on me.

The full impact of the trial, Bridgeton, losing Will and saving Sasha didn't hit until I sat on my bed at home.  I had sacrificed my education, my boyfriend, and my future.

So, then, I cried.  I cried painful, violent, heart-twisting tears. I cried until I could cry no more; until my throat sealed dry and tight and my eyes wouldn't stay open of their own volition.  Then sleep came to swallow me whole, but brought me no relief since I dreamt of Will.  Even in my dream, he didn't want me anymore.

"Why did you do it?"  Sasha asked when she came home and woke me from my fitful slumber.

"Why did
I
do it?" I asked, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my red swollen eyes.  "I didn't have a choice.  I couldn't let them find out it was you.  You would've had your acceptance to Princeton revoked."  Sasha sat down on the bed and placed her face in her hands.

"I ruined your life, didn't I?"

"How could you cheat, Sasha?  How could you risk everything on a stupid little Spanish test?"  For the first time, the tables had turned.  It wasn't Sasha scolding me for saying something stupid or failing a test.  This time, I reprimanded her.

"I don't know how it happened. It was a moment of weakness. I was really stressed out and I didn't have time to study and I just thought of it as a little study aid."  Sasha buried her face in her hands and cried. It seemed like her eyes hadn't healed since her last breakdown.

"And then you slept with him to cover it up?"

"I would've done anything to protect us from something like this.  I never thought you'd get dragged into it.  I still don't know why he took you down instead of me." Sasha wiped tears from her eyes and tried to gain some composure.

"Maybe he really can't tell us apart," I said, even though I knew the real reason.  Since I had just shown the entire Bridgeton community what I looked like in my underwear, I'm sure people easily imagined I'd do something as sleazy as sleep with David to cover up an honor violation.  No one would even believe Sasha could do such a thing.  By accusing me instead of Sasha, the Bitch Brigade finally got their revenge.  They had me right where they wanted.  They knew no matter what I did, I would lose.  If I didn't take the blame and let my sister get expelled, I would've felt just as bad. 

"What are we
gonna
do?" she asked, flopping backwards on her bed.  "I can't let you take the fall for me."

"What's done is done. It's over." I sighed.

"No, don't say that.  I can fix this. Maybe I can talk to David and get him to take it all back." She stood up excitedly as a plan started to form in her mind.

"It doesn't matter.  I already confessed.  Even if David took it back, I still committed an honor violation by saying I cheated when I didn't." She sat back down and mulled this over.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a roach making its way across our bedroom wall. A surge of anger flowed through me.  Suddenly, I hated those roaches as much as Sasha, maybe more.  It was this place, this apartment, this neighborhood, these roaches, that had put us in the position we were now in.  Sasha's determination to make a better life for us had forced her into a dead end path for which there was no escape. We were trapped. I picked up a lamp and flung it against the wall, demolishing the roach and the lamp.

"What are you doing?" Sasha yelled, as she covered her head with her arms.

"It's better this way.  You deserve Princeton.  You've worked too hard for anything less.  At least one of us needs to get out of here."  Sasha came over to my bed and hugged me.

"I'll never leave you behind. I'll figure something out.”

It
was
better this way I decided.  I wasn't as smart as Sasha.  She deserved her shot at an Ivy League education.  She shouldn't have that taken away from her because of one moment of weakness.  I, on the other hand, had options.  I just wanted to dance.  I didn't need a high school diploma for that.  Or so I thought.

"What the hell were you thinking?" my mother asked, slamming a jar of peanut butter on the counter. I had just given her a short summary of the honor trial, leaving out the minor detail that I was completely innocent. If she knew the truth, she'd take matters into her own hands and talk to Headmaster Collins herself.

"I guess I wasn't really thinking." I hung my head low afraid of making eye contact with her. One look at me and she'd see I was lying.

"Damn straight you weren't. Cheating? And on
a Spanish
test? Sonya, that's just not like you. You're fluent in Spanish." My mother fell silent for a moment as she went back to preparing her lunch for work. I thought maybe she was starting to put things together. My pulse quickened. What if she figured out the truth on her own? But then she said, "I bet it was because of dance. I bet you were so busy practicing that you didn't have time to study so you felt you had to cheat."

I nodded numbly. I hated that she blamed it on dance, but what could I say. I swallowed my pride and accepted I would just have to let her think that. It was the only way Sasha could go to Princeton.

My mother put her peanut butter and jelly sandwich into a baggie then crammed it into her purse. Without another word, she headed to the door on her way to the hospital for a twelve hour shift. Before leaving she paused and said, "I'm so disappointed in you. Why can't you be more like Sasha?"

Angry tears stung behind my eyes, but I remained strong. As long as I got into
DiRisio
, everything would be okay. In a few months, I'd be living in Rome and starting my fantastic, limitless future.  Then my mother wouldn't see me as a failure anymore. All would be forgotten.

Another part of my determination to get into
DiRisio
could have been the fact that I knew Will would be in Rome. Maybe a part of me believed that we could rekindle our relationship in a foreign, romantic city.

I missed him so much.  I hadn't seen or spoken to him since the honor trial.  He never called or came to the studio or showed any kind of sign that he wanted to ever see or speak to me again.  I couldn't blame him.  I would've been devastated if I had seen a video of him having sex with someone else.   Although a part of me wished that he'd realize it wasn't me.  I wished somehow he could look inside his heart and realize that I'd always be true to him. 

I tried to call him every day from different numbers, but he always hung up once he heard my voice.  Sometimes I imagined he was watching me through the window like he used to before we knew each other. I thought I saw him walk past the studio one day and I ran out after him.  But once I got outside, he was nowhere to be found.  Finally, three days before the audition, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I went to his house.