The Radleys (37 page)

Her husband looks at her with tender frustration, as if she is the one who doesn’t understand.

“Look, Helen,” he says. “Most of the world can’t believe we exist. We’re myths to them. The truth is what people want to believe. Trust me, I see it every day at work. People take whatever fact they want and ignore the rest of them. I know it’s probably the blood talking, but I want to believe in
us
.

You know, me and you. As two people who love each other and who always did, real y, underneath it al , and that nothing ever did or ever could get in the way of that. And it might be a myth right now, but I think if you are wil ing to believe in a myth hard enough, it becomes the truth. And I believe in us, Helen. I real y do.” He stops being serious and smiles at her, and it is his old smile. That wicked Radley smile which she had once fal en in love with. “You real y are bloody sexy, you know?”

It probably
is
the blood talking, Helen thinks, but right now she is more than wil ing to believe they can be like they once were. Without, hopeful y, the kil ing. And a few hours later, after lying happily awake in the dark imagining the other is asleep, they hug and kiss in one mutual motion and their teeth change as natural y and unconsciously as in a dream. And before they know it they are tasting each other.

For Helen, as for Peter, it is as if they have never tasted each other before. Not like this, free from fears and doubts. It feels beautiful and warm, a homecoming of sorts, but to a home they’ve always known but never truly felt. And as the first feathery traces of light filter through their curtains, they sink deeper into the darkness beneath the duvet, and Helen doesn’t think for a moment about the blood that might be leaking onto the sheets.

An Abstainer’s Glossary

abstainer

a hereditary or converted vampire who is in the process—a continual process—of overcoming his blood addiction.

blood addict

correct term for vampire general y favored by abstainers.

blood minding

the blood-induced ability to temporarily gain control of an unblood’s mind; this immoral talent is the preserve of certain and general y the most malevolent practicing vampires only and is deeply frowned upon by the abstainer community.

bram

original y an acronym for blood resister’s animal meat,
bram
refers to the food of abstaining vampires and is possibly a reference to the author of
Dracula
(who was himself an abstainer who lived on a strict diet of horse steak and pig’s blood).

CMS

continual migraine syndrome.

converted

a born unblood who, with or without consent, is bitten by a vampire and then given his blood; fol owing this, the victim survives the bite, but at the price of becoming a blood addict himself.

convertor

a hereditary vampire who has converted a human by replenishing the blood he/she has taken from the unblood with his/her own; the age difference between convertors and converted must be less than a decade for the conversion to be successful.

cry-boy

a male unblood in awe of vampire culture; see
sylvie
.

georging

faking your death in order to start a new life; possibly derives from the vampire poet Lord George Gordon Byron, who faked his death on a battlefield in Greece and then numerous times thereafter in order to keep practicing his bloodlust.

instinct

a misguided and dangerous impulse, given much lip service by unbloods who mistakenly believe they are stil in tune with theirs.

OBT

overwhelming blood thirst; a sudden and intense craving often triggered by denying the body valuable substitutes for human blood, to which vegetarian and vegan abstainers are particularly vulnerable; OBT may strike with little or no warning, rendering the abstainer powerless to resist.

OVA

Orphaned Vampire Agency.

practicer

practicing vampire; a blood addict who is unable and/or unwil ing to give up his immoral habit.

red hour

term used by abstainers and practicers alike to refer to the time of night, eleven p.m., when the most intense cravings begin, and typical y lasting until just after midnight.

tusks

alternative term for fangs and one which is preferred by practicers.

safetooth desires

physical lusts minus the blood craving.

sirker

an abstainer who dreams of lapsing but never does so; the term is thought to be derived from the wel -known director of film melodramas and abstaining vampire Douglas Sirk.

sylvie

female equivalent of a
cry-boy
.

unblood

an unconverted ordinary human being, who believes the existence of vampires is a fiction.

unpire

an unblood who happens to drink VB, thereby inducing in themselves temporary effects such as enhanced physical desires, a sudden recklessness of behavior, and a disproportionate sense of joy in being alive.

UP Unnamed Predator

police euphemism for blood-addict.

UPU Unnamed Predator Unit

although its headquarters are based in Manchester, this is a police unit operating nationwide and kept beyond the knowledge of the wider unblood population. Its noble aim is to limit the social y and moral y destructive activities of the vampire population.

vampire/vampyre

a romanticized standard term for a blood addict, whether practicing or not.

VB

vampire blood; as desirable to the vampire as human blood, although it preserves better, which is why human blood is never bottled for drinking purposes, but vampire blood is; abstainers must resist VB at al times, to keep living a safe life ful of decent and moral pursuits.

VIB Room

designated section of a nightclub where only known, practicing vampires are granted access.

VIB
stands for very important blood and is thought to refer either to the guests or their chosen victims. These zones of debauchery witness sickening amounts of blood drinking, from both unblood and VB sources.

The Abstainer’s Handbook
(second edition), pp. 230–33

Acknowledgments

There are no solo artists. Only bands.

Infinite thanks to:

Amber Qureshi, my bril iant American editor, and everyone at Free Press.

Caradoc King and al at A P Watt.

Francis Bickmore, Jamie Byng, Alfonso Cuarón, Tanya Seghatchian and the UK Film Council.

And, on drums, Andrea Semple.

About the Author

Matt Haig was born in Sheffield in 1975 and grew up in Nottinghamshire. He has lived in London and Spain and now lives in North Yorkshire. His writing has frequently appeared in the UK

press. He is the author of
The Last Family in England
, a UK best sel er narrated by a Labrador;
The Dead Fathers Club
, an update of Hamlet featuring an eleven-year-old boy; and
The
Possession of Mr. Cave
, a horror story about an overprotective father. Al three are being developed for film, by Heyday/Film Four, Brad Pitt/Plan B, and Paral el Productions, respectively.

He has also written two children’s novels, both critical y and commercial y successful. His website is www.matthaig.com.