The Reckoning (9 page)

I
WATCHED
S
IMON WALK
away, then wiped my eyes with my sleeve and headed for the lights of the house. I’d just passed the edge of the woods when the rear door opened, light spilling into the nearly dark yard. Then a hulking figure blocked the light.

“No,” I whispered. “Not now. Just go back inside—”

The door slapped shut, sound echoing as Derek marched across the yard, dead on target.

I looked around, desperate for an escape route, but there was none. Go forward and deal with Derek, or run back toward Simon and have to deal with both of them. I kept walking.

“Where’s Simon?” he snapped.

Relief washed through me. I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I just pointed back to the woods.

“He
left
you? Out here? At night?”

“He dropped something,” I mumbled, trying to get past him. “He isn’t far.”

Without a sound, he was right in front of me, blocking my path.

“You’re crying?” he said.

“No, I—” I tore my gaze away. “Just dust. From the path. Simon’s that way.”

I tried to pass him, but he stooped, trying to get a look at my face. When I wouldn’t let him, he caught my chin. I jerked back, flinching at his touch, heart thudding at it, too.

I told myself Simon was wrong. I’d never be dumb enough to fall for Derek. But I had. With him so close, my stomach kept doing weird little flips. It wasn’t fear. It hadn’t been fear for a while.

“You
have
been crying,” he said, voice softer. Then his breath caught, the growl coming back as he snapped, “What did Simon—?” He bit off the words, cheeks reddening like he was embarrassed even to think Simon might be responsible.

“What happened?” he said.

“Nothing. It just didn’t work out.”

“Didn’t work out?” He spoke slowly, like he was processing a foreign language. “Why?”

“Talk to Simon.”

“I’m talking to
you
. What’d you do to him?”

I stiffened. Only he was right. I
had
done something to Simon. I’d hurt him. And for what? Some stupid crush on a
guy who barely tolerated me most of the time? Was
that
the kind of girl I was? Pick the jerk over the nice guy?

“I screwed up. Again. You’re shocked, I’m sure. Now, let me go inside—”

He blocked me. “What’d you do, Chloe?”

I sidestepped. He sidestepped.

“You like him, don’t you?” he said.

“Yes, I like him. Just not…”

“Not what?”

“Talk to Simon. He’s the one who thinks…”

“Thinks what?”

Step. Block.

“Thinks what?”

“That there’s someone else,” I blurted before I could stop myself. I took a deep, shuddering breath. “He thinks there’s someone else.”

“Who?”

I was going to say “I don’t know. Some guy from school, I guess.” But Derek’s expression said he already knew the answer. The look on his face…It’d been humiliating before, having Simon accuse me of liking Derek, but that was nothing compared to how I felt when I saw Derek’s look. Not just surprise, but shock. Shock and horror.

“Me?” he said. “Simon said he thinks you and I are—”

“No, not that. He knows we aren’t—”

“Good. So what
does
he think?”

“That I like you.” Again, the words flew out before I could
stop them. This time, I didn’t care. I’d completely humiliated myself, and now I was just empty and ashamed. All I wanted was to get him out of my way, and if telling him that made him run in terror, then good.

But he didn’t run. He just stared at me, and that was worse. I felt like the biggest loser at school, admitting to the coolest guy that she liked him. He stood there gaping like he must have heard me wrong.

“I don’t,” I said quickly. Those words came easily now, because at that moment, they were true. “I
don’t
,” I said again, when he just kept staring.

“You’d better not.” His voice was a low rumble, the scowl settling into place as he finally eased back. “You’d better not, Chloe, because Simon likes you.”

“I know.”

“Simon’s had girls calling him every day since he was twelve. They follow him at school. They even talk to me, trying to get to him. Cute girls. Popular girls.”

“So I should be thrilled that a guy like him even
looked
my way, right?”

“Course not. I didn’t mean—”

“Oh, I know what you meant. I should count my blessings that I happened to be around when his choices were, well, none, really, because otherwise I’d never have stood a chance.”

“That’s not—I never said—”

“Whatever.”

I wheeled and headed the other way. He cut me off.

“Simon likes you, Chloe. Yeah, he’s dated a lot of girls. But he
really
likes you, and I thought you liked him back.”

“I do. Just not…not like that, I guess.”

“Then you shouldn’t have let him think it
was
like that.”

“You think I led him on? For what? Kicks? I don’t have enough excitement in my life, so maybe I’ll tease a nice guy, get his hopes up, then laugh and skip away? How could I know how I felt until we went out and—?” I stopped. I couldn’t win this fight. No matter what I said, I’d still be the evil bitch who’d hurt his brother.

I turned and started walking along the edge of the woods.

“Where are you going?” he called.

“You won’t let me go into the house. I’m sure Simon doesn’t want me around him either. So it seems like I’m going to take a moonlight stroll in the forest.”

“Oh, no, you’re not.” He jumped in front of me. “You can’t go wandering around alone at night. It’s not safe.”

I looked up at him. His green eyes glittered in the dark, reflecting the moonlight like a cat’s. His scowl had vanished. The defiance was gone, too, replaced by a tightness around the mouth, a worry that clouded his eyes; and seeing that quicksilver change, I wanted to…

I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Kick him in the shins seemed like a good option. Unfortunately, bursting into tears seemed more likely, because here lay the root of the problem,
the contradiction in Derek that I couldn’t seem to work out, no matter how hard I tried.

One second he was in my face, making me feel stupid and useless. The next he was like this: hovering, concerned, worried. I told myself it was just his wolf instinct, that he had to protect me whether he wanted to or not, but when he looked like this, like he’d pushed me too far and regretted it…That look said he genuinely cared.

I turned toward the woods and resumed walking. “I’ll be careful. No dead will rise tonight. Go back inside, Derek.”

“You think that’s all I’m worried about? The Edison Group—”

“Could be camped out there right now, waiting for us to venture into the deep, dark woods. If you believed that, you’d never have let Simon go out.”

“I didn’t like it. But he promised you’d be back before dark, which is why I was at the door, getting ready to come find you two.” He caught my arm, quickly releasing it and grabbing my sleeve instead. “Just—”

He stopped. I turned to see him staring into the forest, chin lifted, nostrils flared, face tense.

“Don’t pull that,” I said.

“Pull what?”

“Pretending you smell something out there. Someone.”

“No, I thought—” He inhaled again, then shook his head sharply. “Nothing, I guess. Just—” He rubbed the back of his neck, wincing slightly, and I noticed the sheen of sweat
on his face, shimmering in the moonlight. His eyes glowed brighter than usual. Fever bright. The Change was coming.

Not now. Please not now. That’s the last thing I need to deal with.

He released my sleeve. “Fine, take a walk.”

I set out, staying in the yard. I wasn’t foolish enough to march into the woods to spite him. I’d gone about twenty feet when I glanced around to see where he’d gone. He was five paces behind, following soundlessly.

“Derek…” I sighed.

“I need some fresh air. Go on.”

Another twenty feet. He kept following me. I turned and glowered up at him. He stopped and stood there, face impassive.

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go in the house. You can track down Simon before the Edison Group snatches him.”

He followed me to the door, then waited as I went in before heading out to round up his brother.

T
ORI WAS IN OUR
room, reading an old leather-bound book from the library downstairs.

“So, how was the big ice cream date?” she asked, without looking up.

“Okay.”

She lowered the book. I quickly looked away and opened a bag that was sitting on my bed.

“Oh, that’s your new clothes,” she said. “Margaret bought them. Apparently Gwen wanted to, but the old bat insisted. Payback for this morning, I think.”

It was bargain store stuff. From the children’s department. At least it was for
girls
, unlike the ugly boys’ sweatshirts Derek had bought me. Still…I unwrapped the pajamas. Pink flannel covered in rainbows and unicorns.

“Hey, you think that’s bad?” Tori said. “She shopped in
ladies wear for me, and got a granny nightgown with lace.
Lace
. I’d trade you if those would fit me.” A thump, as she tossed the book onto the floor. “So how’d the date go?”

“It didn’t.”

She hesitated. “Well, love to say I’m surprised, but don’t forget, I’m the girl who was crazy about Simon until she was forced to spend twenty-four hours alone with him. That cured me, fast.”

“Simon’s fine.”

“Sure, he is. Or he will be when he grows up a little.”

“He’s
fine
. It was me. I screwed up. I—”

I didn’t continue. I could only imagine Tori’s reaction if I said I might have a crush on Derek. I’d lose every ounce of her respect I’d earned.

I wished I could talk to someone, though. A girl with more dating experience, preferably one who wouldn’t think I was a complete loser for liking Derek. Rae would be good. She didn’t care for either of the guys, but she’d listen and give advice. Liz would be even better—always helpful, never judging. As for my school friends, it was like they belonged to another life, friends of another Chloe.

“Were you crying?” Tori peered at my face. “You were.”

“I–it’s nothing. I—”

“Simon pulled something, didn’t he? Got you out on that walk, and the next thing you know, it’s not your hand he’s holding.” Her eyes blazed. “Guys. They can be such—”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“If he pulled that crap, you can tell me. I’ve had a few surprise first dates myself. Wish I’d had my spells then. Especially the binding one.”

“It wasn’t like that.” I met her gaze. “Really. Simon was fine.”

She eyed me. “You sure?”

“The only thing he did was kiss me, and he asked first. He was fine. I—I froze up.”

“Ah.” She settled onto my bed. “First kiss?”

“N-no. Of c-course not.”

“You know, it’s hard to lie convincingly when you stutter, Chloe. So it was your first kiss. Big deal. My first one was last year, and I made him wait until the third date. I don’t let a guy push me into anything I’m not ready for. They think because I’m popular I must put out. I don’t, and by the end of the first date, they know it.” She reclined on the bed. “So he kissed you and you froze up, and he thought that meant you weren’t into him. It happens. He should have expected that—everyone knows how jumpy you are.”

I glared at her.

“Well, it’s true. Just tell him he surprised you, and ask
him
out. Try again.”

And what if I didn’t want to try again?

I finished gathering up my stuff. “You’re getting the room to yourself tonight.”

She sat up. “What?”

“I’m going to sleep in the next one. I just—I’m not really good company.”

I could see that hurt her feelings. I was getting good at that. At the door I paused. “Thanks. For…everything today. I appreciate it.”

She nodded and I left.

I should have stayed with Tori.

Being alone meant I had nothing to do except curl up under the covers and cry about how horribly wrong my life had gone, then despise myself for wallowing in self-pity.

I’d screwed up everything. I couldn’t control my powers, even when our future depended on it. No one was talking about freeing Rae and Aunt Lauren and finding the guys’ dad anymore. We’d be lucky if my cemetery summoning didn’t turn
us
into prisoners.

The only people I could count on were Derek, Simon, and Tori. After they’d all apparently forgiven me for my cemetery screwup, now I’d hurt Simon, pissed off Derek, and rebuffed Tori.

I wanted to go home. If I had real guts, I’d pack my bag and leave before I made things worse. I couldn’t even manage that, though. I hated, hated,
hated
myself for being so weak. I couldn’t seem to do anything but cry until at last I fell into an exhausted sleep.

A rap on the door woke me. I squinted at the nightstand,
looking for the clock, only to remember that I’d changed rooms.

“Chloe? It’s me.” After a pause, he added, “Derek,” like I could mistake that deep rumble for anyone else, like I could mistake that little part of me that perked up like an eager puppy saying, “It’s
him
. Quick! Go see what he wants.”

God, how had I been so blind? It seemed so obvious now.

Sad and pathetic.

Par for the course these days.

I pulled the covers up and closed my eyes.

“Chloe?” The floorboards creaked. “I need to talk to you.”

I didn’t answer.

Another creak, this time the door itself, and I shot up in bed as he slipped in.

“
Hey
!” I said. “You can’t—”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “It’s just…”

He moved into the moonlight. That was no accident. He wanted me to see his eyes burning with fever, his skin flushed, hair sweat soaked. He wanted me to say, “Oh, you’re Changing,” leap out of bed, and insist on going outside with him, help him through it, as I had the last two times.

I looked at him and I lay back down.

He stepped forward. “Chloe…”

“What?”

“It’s…It’s starting again.”

“I see that.”

I sat up, swung my legs out of bed, and stood. He breathed a sigh of relief. I walked to the window.

“Head down that path about thirty feet, and you’ll find a clearing to the left. That should be a good place.”

A spark of panic ignited in his eyes. After how he’d treated me today, I should have said “good.” But I didn’t. Couldn’t. It took everything I had just to crawl back into bed.

“Chloe…”

“What?”

He scratched his arm. Scratched hard as the skin bubbled, his muscles writhing. He glanced at me, and the look in his eyes was so miserable that I had to clamp my jaw shut against the impulse to say, “Fine, I’ll come with you.”

“
What
?” I said instead.

“I—” He swallowed. Licked his lips. Tried again. “I—”

Even asking me to come with him was too much. He’d never had to before.

“I…I need—” He swallowed again. “I want…Will you come with me?”

I lifted my gaze to his. “How can you even ask me that? How many times did you chew me out today? Make me feel like everything’s going wrong and it’s all my fault?”

His eyes widened in genuine surprise. “That’s not what I meant.” He brushed his sweaty bangs back. “If I hurt you—”

“How could you not hurt me? This morning, after the cemetery, I needed your help. Your advice. All you could do
was make me feel worse than I already did, which, believe me, wasn’t easy. Then tonight, with Simon, you acted like that was all my fault, too, even when you could see how upset I was, how bad I felt.” I took a deep breath. “After the truck stop, after our trip back…I thought we were friends.”

“We are.”

“No.” I met his gaze. “Obviously we’re not.”

The look on his face, confused and miserable, made me feel awful, which only made me madder. He had no right to come in here and expect help, then make me feel guilty for refusing.

“Chloe, please.” He rubbed his hand over his throat. The veins and tendons pulsed. Sweat beaded on his forehead. “It’s coming faster this time.”

“Then you should go.”

“I c—I ca—” He swallowed hard and looked at me, fever making his eyes so bright they seemed to glow. “Please.”

It wasn’t the “please” that did it. It was the absolute panic in his eyes. He was terrified of the Change, of not knowing whether he could complete it, if the genetic modification had done something to him and that’s why he kept suffering through this, only to fail before he reached the end.

He’d never actually said that, and maybe I’m a pushover, but I couldn’t send him off to do it alone. So I grabbed my jacket and sneakers.

“Thank y—” he began.

I brushed past him to the door. “Let’s go.”