The Redemption of Callie and Kayden (15 page)

through the front window that’s surrounded by icicles. “Do you

mind if we head somewhere and talk. I’d like to get the hell away

from here.”

“Yeah, of course, man.” I start to let go of Callie, but she

slides her hand from my shoulder and down my arm.

“I’m going with you,” she says as she laces her fingers

through mine.

I shake my head and try to remove my fingers from hers. “No

way. You’ll freeze to death.”

She straightens her shoulders and fixes me with a look of

determination. “Yes, I am.”

I look at Seth, who’s fiddling with the strings on the hood of

his jacket. “You mind helping me out with this one?”

“Sure.” Seth unzips his jacket and slips his arms out of the

sleeves. “Put this on.” He chucks the jacket to Callie and she

catches it with a smile on her face.

“She’ll freeze to death,” I say as Callie puts her arms through

the sleeves. The jacket nearly swallows her tiny body.

Seth raises his eyebrows as he yanks down the sleeves of his

black shirt, and then he backs toward Luke’s truck. “She’ll be fine.

She’s a lot tougher than you give her credit for.”

Callie zips the jacket up all the way to her chin and then

gathers her hair at the nape of her neck and pulls the hood over

her head. She looks up at me and her eyes are filled with so much

willpower I’m not sure what to do with it. She’s usually so fragile

and vulnerable.

“Are you sure?” I ask, hoping she’ll change her mind.

“Because it’s colder than hell.”

She steps past me toward the bike with her chin elevated

even when her small legs sink deep into the snow concealing the

front yard. “Absolutely.” A smile touches her deep-red lips and

humor creeps into her voice. “Besides, hell is warm.”

I restrain a laugh and walk behind her, the snow up to my

ankles. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“Kayden.” Luke calls out my name and I reluctantly turn

around.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” he says, and for a second

everything’s normal between us. He’s just my friend, not the guy

who saw me lying on the floor in a pool of my own blood and cuts

on my arms that I put there myself. He tosses me one of his spare

coats, a thick tan one with a thermal insulated layer that he keeps

in the truck in case it breaks down. He likes to always be prepared.

I catch it and put it on, even though I was enjoying freezing

the pain out of me. I pull the hood over my head and when I turn

around Callie is sitting on the bike. She looks good on it, like she

belongs there, and it makes me uneasy because I don’t want her to

belong with me. I want her to belong with someone who will make

her happy, even if it means I have to hurt for the rest of my life.

I proceed to the bike cautiously, deciding if I should put her

in front of me or behind.

She slides back without looking at me and runs her fingers

along the dent in the side of it. “You wreck this once?” Her eyes are massive when she glances up at me.

I swallow the rock-size lump in my throat and resist the

overwhelming impulse to lean forward and kiss her. “Yeah, it was a

while ago though. I promise I’ll drive safely, especially with you on the back… I would never let anything hurt you.” I feel stupid for

saying it because I’ve hurt her many times.

She gives me a dead-serious look as she says, “I know you

won’t.” She swivels her hips and inches back a little farther with her hands on the seat. “I trust you, Kayden. Even if you don’t want me

to.”

She doesn’t know enough about me to trust me so much,

but I can see in her eyes there’s no use arguing with her. I hop on

and rev the engine. She scoots forward until her chest is pressed

up against my back and the fronts of her legs are touching the

backs of mine. Her arms circle my waist and she buries her face

into my back. It’s the most contact I’ve had with someone since it

happened and I swear my heart practically ruptures and bleeds out

into my chest. I wish I could die right there with her holding onto

me, because it would be a very peaceful death. I wouldn’t be alone

and empty inside. She would be there with me and she’d be the

last thing I’d ever feel and breathe.

I start to panic at how calming the thought is, but I shove it

way down where I can’t feel it. I stop overthinking everything and

give the motorcycle some gas, before releasing the brake. We take

off, just Callie and me and the wind.

#16 Make someone understand that you understand them

no matter what it takes

Callie

I thought I’d be more scared than I am. The roads are icy and

there’s nothing but two wheels and a small amount of metal

between the ground and my body. But I’m holding onto Kayden

and my head’s resting against his back and I’m happier than I have

been in the last month. I let the cold air flow over me as he winds

back and forth, following the curves of the road. We pass people in

cars and on the sidewalks in front of the stores bordering the main

road in town. They look at us like we’re insane. But that’s okay. We

can be insane together.

I shut my eyes and block everything out, breathing in the

smell of the crisp winter air as I tighten my arms around Kayden’s

waist. I feel his chest contract, like he gasped, but the lull of the engine is all I hear.

When the motorcycle starts to decelerate, I open my eyes.

We’re pulling up in front of the café where Seth and I get our

pancakes almost every morning. I don’t move right away. I don’t

really want to.

Kayden parks the bike at the front, near the entrance doors.

Red and green twinkly lights are flashing and reflect across the

snow. The air smells like sausage and coffee and it makes my

stomach growl.

“You alive back there?” Kayden asks, turning his head and

looking over his shoulder at me.

I nod, but don’t move my face away from his back. I’m afraid

if I do he’ll disappear.

“Callie?” Kayden says. “Are you okay?”

My shoulders lower as I let out a breath and then force

myself to let him go. I lean back and look him in the eyes. “Yeah,

I’m fine.”

He frowns and draws a line across my cheek with his finger.

“You look frozen.”

I touch my cheeks and either they’re numb or my fingers are.

“Maybe we should go inside.”

Kayden swings his leg over the bike and gets to his feet. I

start to climb off when my phone vibrates inside my pocket. I take

it out and scroll through to check my messages.

Seth: We’ll b there in a bit. We had to stop at the store.

Me: For what?

Seth: For stuff.

Me: Is something wrong?

Seth: No… we just think you two might need a few

minutes to yourselves.

Me: When will you be here?

Seth: Soon. And remember: skittish cat.

“Skittish cat?” Kayden says.

I look up at him and realize he’s leaning over me, reading the

screen. “It’s nothing.” I shove the phone into my pocket, bend my

knee up, and draw my leg to the side to get off the bike.

Kayden lifts an eyebrow as he circles his fingers around my

wrist and helps me off the bike. “So they’re giving us time?”

Damn it. Why did he have to read the message? He lets go

off my arm and I lower my chin down into the jacket and tuck my

hands into the pockets. “Seth’s just being weird.”

He eyes me with suspicion and I’m worried I’ve already

messed my chance up. But then he says, “Isn’t Seth always weird?”

And I feel like his giving me an easy exit because maybe he wants

a few minutes with me.

I nod. “Yes, he is, but he wouldn’t be Seth if he wasn’t weird.”

He returns my smile and then moves his hand toward mine,

hesitating momentarily before he interlocks our fingers, slipping

his large ones through my tiny ones. I glance up at him and his

chest puffs out as he liberates a stressed breath from his lungs. We

don’t say anything else. We just cling onto each other as we head

toward the front door of the café that’s decorated with a picture of

Santa holding a bag of toys.

When I step inside, I realize how frozen I am. The coziness of

the warm air encloses me and prickles the life out of my cooled

skin. It’s not very crowded today in the café, but we still pick one of the corner booths hidden away at the back to get as much privacy

as we can. Christmas tunes play from the speakers in the ceiling

and on each table are unlit silver and white candles. It’s that time

of year where people are happy and they try to sprinkle things

with magic. I wish they would sprinkle some on us.

Once I’m in the booth, I wiggle my arms out of Seth’s jacket,

ball it up to the side of me, and then remove my own jacket that

was beneath it. I’m a little disappointed that Kayden chose to sit

across from me, but I just remind myself skittish cat, skittish cat.

He instantly reaches for the saltshaker and rotates it between

his hands, channeling his nervous energy. It’s quiet, except for the

flow of chatter and the clinking of glasses and pans coming from

inside the kitchen. I struggle to think of something to say as

Kayden stares at the saltshaker in his hands. I retrieve a menu from

the stack on the table near the napkin dispenser and begin reading

it over.

The waitress comes to take our orders. She’s the same one

who flirted with Seth and she gives me this knowing look, like I’m a

slut. Her hair is braided to the side and her name tag says “Jenna.”

I think I remember her from school. She was a grade lower than

me and was friends with Daisy McMillian.

“Hey, Kayden,” she says, adding a giggle at the end.

He glances up and then shoves the saltshaker to the side.

“Hey, Jenna.”

“How are you?” She touches his arm with her manicured

fingers, petting his muscles like he’s a dog. I have this insane

impulse to slap her hand away. I don’t like it because it’s not me. “I heard you were in a car accident or something.”

Kayden rolls his eyes and mutters, “Yeah, or something.”

She laughs, but her eyebrows knit. “You’re so funny.”

Kayden looks at me as he stretches his arm toward the stack

of menus and my gaze darts to the table. I tuck my hands between

my legs and focus on the list of appetizers.

Kayden and she start conversing about their old high school

days and how everyone’s missed seeing Kayden play and hanging

out with him at parties. Kayden smiles at her every once in a while

and it hurts a little because he’s barely said anything to me since

I’ve seen him.

“You know she misses you,” Jenna says, smacking on her

gum with the pen poised against the order book.

Kayden peers up from the menu at her, his eyes glazed over,

looking lost. “Who?”

She pops a pink bubble in out of her lips and glances at me

from the corner of her eye. “Daisy.”

I inch lower into the booth, wishing I were smaller or

invisible, and position my hand to the side of my face, pretending

to be fixated on the beverage list.

“Yeah…” Kayden focus on the menu. “I think I’ll have the

pancakes.”

I smile, thinking of Seth and our pancakes endeavor and a

little bit of courage surfaces in me. I sit up a little straighter and scoot my menu to the side. “I’ll have pancakes too, and coffee.”

Her nose scrunches as she writes down my order and then

smiles charismatically at Kayden. “Do you want anything to drink?”

Kayden closes his menu. “I’ll have a cup of coffee too.”

She scribbles that down, flashes a grin at him, and when she

turns around to head to the counter, she scowls at me. I look away

from her and focus my concentration on Kayden. I have more

important things to worry about than Jenna and Daisy.

“I want to talk to you,” he starts, looking at the cracks in the

table. “I just don’t know how.”

“You don’t know how to talk to me?” I don’t know how to

take what he said. I always thought we were great at talking, which

is why I shared my secrets with him. “Why?”

He traces his fingers along the oval-ringed patterns in the

wood as he reaches up with his other hand and draws his hood off

his head. He rakes his fingers through his hair and rearranges his

brown locks into place so they’re out of his eyes and flipping up at

his ears. “Because you saw me like that. And I’ve never wanted

anyone to see me like that, especially you.”

I pick at the cracks in the table, knowing I have to choose my

words wisely. “Kayden, I’ve told you a thousand times that I’ll never judge you and I mean it.”

“It’s not about judgment, Callie.” He glances up at me and

the misery in his eyes matches what lies inside my heart. “It’s about what you deserve.” He sighs, rolls up his sleeves, and traces his

finger along a fresh scar running vertically down his forearm. “You

deserve better than this.”

“No, I don’t.” I think about the last time I threw up in the

bathroom because I couldn’t deal with the pain, something I’ve

done for years and years. “You and I aren’t that different.”

He looks even gloomier as he jerks his sleeve back down and