The Redemption of Callie and Kayden (34 page)

He starts kissing me and I feel his tears drip against my

cheeks and mix with my own tears. I open up my legs and he

keeps kissing me as he thrusts inside me, slowly and perfectly in

rhythm. I thread my fingers through his soft, damp hair, and then

move my fingers down to his cheek, feeling his stubble and the

slight unevenness of his jawline. His hands explore my body too,

touching every inch of it, his palms callously against my skin, but I enjoy every minute of it.

Sliding his hand to my knee, he tips to the side and brings

my knee up as he keeps rocking into me. I’m climbing higher,

faster, and my hands cling to him, gripping onto his shoulders. He

kisses me with more passion than he ever has before, delving his

tongue into my mouth and then sucking my tongue into his. He

bites at my lips, nibbles at my neck, and grabs at my breast until a

passionate fire combusts inside me. I cry out as I arc into him and

my head falls back against the mattress. I gasp, waiting for him to

catch up with me, and then I shut my eyes and breathe in the

moment, letting go of my second biggest fear and preparing

myself to face my first.

Kayden

I slide out of her and roll onto my back, feeling more of my

shield crack apart. As insane as it sounds, I’m somehow becoming

whole again—or becoming whole for the first time in my life. I

want to keep moving forward, putting myself back together again

and helping her heal too. I decide to take a baby step in that

direction and get up off the bed. She watches me walk across the

room naked and her cheeks are heating, which makes me smile.

“What are you doing?” she asks, pulling the sheets over her

body as she sits up.

I unzip my bag that I dropped on the floor near the door and

rummage through my clothes until I find it. The cold metal presses

against my palm as I round the foot of the bed and lie down

beside.

“What’s in your hand?” she asks as she reaches for my

fingers.

I let her pry them open and then watch her face twist as she

stares at the necklace in my hand. “I found it when Luke and I were

walking around in San Diego. It made me think of you,” I explain.

She peers up at me through her lashes, chewing on her

bottom lip. “How come?”

I turn my hand sideways and let the chain fall from my hand

and dangle from my fingers. At the end is a four-leaf clover,

stained a shiny metallic. “Because you’ve brought me nothing but

luck, Callie Lawrence.”

She immediately frowns. Sitting up, she brings her knees to

her chest and wraps her arms around her legs. “I’ve brought you

nothing but bad luck. You almost wound up dead because of me.”

I shake my head, then move behind her, putting a leg on

each side of her and sweeping her hair to one shoulder. “Every

single second I’ve spent with you has been worth it. Besides, I

probably would have wound up dead anyway.” She starts to turn

her head in shock, but I put my hands on her shoulders so she

can’t see past my arms. She can’t be looking at me when I say this.

“Before you, there was just pain and emptiness and I really didn’t

care if I lived or died. I was just there, existing at the surface of the water, not quite drowning but not quite able to breathe. And then

you came alone and I could finally breathe. Without you, I

probably would have just kept cutting until I finished my body off.”

“But so many bad things have happened to you since I came

into your life,” she says, sounding choked up.

“Those bad things were because of my own choices and

from problems that existed well before you came along.” I put my

lips beside her ear. “But you showed me something I’d never seen

before.” I kiss the tip of her earlobe and she shivers, her shoulder

moving upward against my cheek. “You gave me good… I’ve never

had good before.” I place a soft kiss on her neck and whisper, “You

showed me that it was okay to feel both the good and the bad. It

just took me a while to get it balanced.” I suck her earlobe into my

mouth, thinking about how she poured her heart and soul out to

me on the phone. I want to say it to her, to let her know that I feel the same way, but the words won’t roll off my tongue, so instead I

say, “I want to be with you, Callie, more than anything.”

Her head falls against her knees and she starts to sob, her

body heaving. I slide my arms underneath hers and then steer her

back with me as I lean against the headboard. I listen to her cry

and it matches with the rhythm of my heart. I feel how much I want

her—need her. I feel how much she means to me. I feel the pain

that coexists with my feelings for her. I feel how much I want to

run a razor down my arm, feel the skin split open, and watch the

blood pour out, and then I feel how much I don’t want to do that

because of her. I feel how much I want to live and be with her.

My heart opens up and I feel it all. Every single emotion

that’s ever been inside me starts pumping through my veins: the

good, the bad, the painfulness, the heartache, the loneliness, the

happiness, the need, the knowing that there’s more out there to

life than what I grew up with.

And for the first time in my life, I feel it all and tell myself

that, in the end, I’ll still be okay.

Callie

I cry myself to sleep and when I wake up, I feel different.

Kayden’s pressed up against me, with his arm around me, clinging

onto me like I’m the most important thing to him in the world as

he sleeps off his overwhelming day. I have a necklace around my

neck that he gave me because he thinks I’m good luck. Seth is still

gone and again I wonder if he has spy cameras all over the place

because it’s like he knows what he’d be walking into if he came

back to the room.

I also feel lighter—braver. I want to be free from the one

thing that still pushes me down. I want to tell my family about

Caleb, not just because I want them to know, but because I want to

free Kayden from the burden of letting his father buy Caleb off.

If I tell my family, then they’ll be on my side—and

Kayden’s—once they understand why he beat Caleb up. At least

that’s what I hope. Honestly, I have no idea how it’ll all turn out.

Maybe they’ll crush me and decide not to believe me. But

whatever the outcome, it’s time to face my worst fear and not

allow it to own me anymore. Then maybe Kayden and I can move

forward, together, with a little less weight on our shoulders.

I decide to check my voicemail but give up after the fifth

repetitive message and switch to texts. Skimming through them, I

come across one that catches my attention. After numerous

threats from my mother, she finally finds my weak spot, although

I’m not sure how she knows it exists.

Mom: Callie, I don’t even know who you are anymore.

You run off with those boys who are nothing but trouble. I’m

not going to let them ruin you and neither will your brother or

Caleb. We’ve all decided that Caleb should press charges. You

need to come home and side with this family. We’re going to

be there for him.

I drop the phone and get out of bed. I get dressed in jeans, a

long-sleeved thermal shirt, and my coat. I write Kayden a note and

leave it by the pillow.

Please don’t freak out when you wake up, but I had to tell

them by myself and I know you’ll understand. I’ll be back soon. I

promise.

Love,

Callie

I slip my shoes on and then sneak out the door, letting him

sleep. As much as I would love for him to come hold my hand and

be my security blanket, he’s already dealt with enough today and

I’m going to force myself to be brave all on my own. Besides, after

that message, I know my mom will attack him the moment he

steps foot in the house.

I walk the quiet streets underneath the clouds and the sun,

hoping that ultimately they’ll part and let the sun shine freely. This is all your fault, Callie. If you ever tell anyone, that’s what they’ll think. I keep walking, quickly and determinedly, one foot in front of the other until I reach my house. You better keep quiet. I swear to

fucking God, you’ll regret it if you don’t. The snow has been

shoveled from the driveway and my dad’s truck is parked in front

of the shut garage. The curtains are open and the steps have been

sprinkled with blue salt. One foot in front of the other. Just keep

going. I open the side door and stand in the doorway, taking in the

overwhelming memories rising in my head. Come with me for a

second, he says. I have a present for you, and I skip after him,

excited.

My mom turns from the sink. There’s a dishrag over her

shoulder and her hair is done up in a bun. Her skin is bare of

makeup and she has a pair of slacks and a pink sweater on.

“Callie Lawrence,” she says, tossing the towel onto the

counter and placing her hands on her hips. “Where the hell have

you been?”

I turn to my father sitting at the table, wearing a hooded

sweatshirt with the high school’s logo on it. He’s eating eggs and

toast and drinking juice and my brother is next to him, texting on

his phone.

“I need to talk to you,” I tell my dad in an uneven voice. I’m

not quite sure why I choose him, other than that we use to get

along really well when I was younger and I know he’ll be more

stable than my mother. “Alone.”

Glancing up at me with confusion in his eyes, he sets his fork

down and without arguing he rises from his chair. “All right,

honey.”

My brother scowls at me as he sets his phone down on the

table. “Aren’t you even going to tell mom where you’ve been?

She’s been worried.”

“It’s not important where I’ve been,” I say. “It’s only

important why I’m here.”

He frowns at me and then shakes his head before returning

his attention to his phone. My mom starts shouting that I need to

explain where I’ve been and I’m surprised when she doesn’t follow

my dad and me to the living room. Once I’ve settled down on the

couch, and he’s sitting in his tattered leather recliner across from

me, I give myself a final quick mental pep talk. I look at the photos around the room, the ones with our family and some even with

Caleb.

“That was fun, right?” I point at one photo of the two of us

wearing jerseys and standing in front of a stadium with smiles on

our faces. I was eight and I was happy.

He tracks to where I point and then a smile turns up at his

lips. “That was a good day.” His forehead creases as he looks back

at me. “Honey, your mother and I have been really worried… about

what happened that night and then you just ran away with those

boys you barely know.”

“Those boys are like my family, Dad,” I say truthfully. “They’ve

really been there for me.”

He fiddles with the string on his hoodie, tightening it and

then loosening it. “Yeah, they always seemed like they were good

kids.” He smiles. “They kicked ass on the field too.”

I know right then and there that I’ve made the right choice

by telling him first. He’s looking past the fact that Kayden beat

Caleb and maybe that’s because he’s looked a little deeper into

the situation.

“I have to tell you something.” I clear my throat. “And it’s

going to be kind of hard, not just for me to tell you, but it’s going to be hard to hear.”

“Okay…” He’s puzzled and uncertain, which it is

understandable.

I take a few deep breaths and then I take some more, until I

feel like I’m going to pass out. And then I stop breathing all

together. You better not fucking tell, or I swear I’ll hurt you. I clutch the clover hanging on my neck in my hand, needing to hold on to

a part of Kayden so I can have strength and courage. “You

remember my twelfth birthday?”

This seems to confuse him even more, his head slanting

slightly to the side, his blue eyes getting a little squinty and his

forehead scrunching up as he assesses me. “Yeah… didn’t you have

a party?”

Pressing my lips together, I nod. “And there were a lot of

people there.”

“You know how your mother likes a show,” he says with a

heavy sigh. “She’s always loved her parties and get-togethers.”

I nod again and then push forward before my pulse and my

thoughts can catch up with my voice. “Something bad happened

to me… that day.” My thoughts drift back to when he pinned me

down and I start to shake. Please get off me. It hurts. I’m breaking.

Please. Help me. Help me. Help…

He sits up straighter and scoots forward in his chair, like he’s

about to go kick someone’s butt or something. I don’t want him

to, though. I just want him to know.

“Dad, please stay calm when I tell you this.” I fidget with the

bottom of my coat, unzipping the pockets and then zipping them

back up, and then I return my hand to the clover. “I need you to

just stay calm.”

His fists clench on his lap. “I’ll try my best, but no promises.

Callie honey, you’re really scaring me.”

“I’m sorry.” I run my hand down my face and then up it,