The Regal Rules for Girls (51 page)

More Favorites:

BEST VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT

The Gate
. Even die-hard carnivores love this place!
www.thegate.tv

BEST FISH AND CHIPS

Geales
.
www.geales.com

BEST “CURRY” (INDIAN FOOD)

Tandoori Lane
. 131 Munster Road, SW6. (Try the chicken specials and king prawn madras!) Closest tube: Parsons Green

Craving Mexican Food?

I don’t blame you. England is just getting to grips with Mexican food, and you’ll find that more often than not they try to Europeanize it by adding ingredients like shredded duck meat and goat cheese. Still, two great restaurants have appeared lately that, while not entirely authentic, are as close as you’re going to get:

Craving Surf ’n’ Turf or Pecan Pie?

Sometimes a girl needs a taste of home. There are lots of restaurants in London that call themselves “American,” but most are anything but. Thank god for the Big Easy. It is the one place in London that genuinely feels like a little slice of the USA. The food portions are large and the cooking is entirely authentic. Live music on the weekends.
www.bigeasy.co.uk

Tipping

In London restaurants it is customary to tip approximately 10 percent, though it is more and more common to see a service charge
already included on your bill, usually for 12.5 percent. Don’t forget that unlike US servers, waiters and waitresses in the UK actually make minimum wage and aren’t reliant on tips to supplement their income. This is why they are not especially nice to you.

Splitting the Check

This is not a big deal in the UK, and I’ve regularly seen groups of twenty or more paying for their meal with twenty separate credit cards.

Puzzling Pedicures

For the longest time, I never understood why so many British women had such awful looking toenails. I mean how hard is it to clip them straight and brush on some polish? But on hot days in London, I’d be sitting on the steamy train and observing in horror row upon row of exposed feet bedecked in their best summer sandals. Peeking out of these sandals were unspeakable toenails—twice as long as anything you’d ever see in America and rather than cut straight across the top, they were
curved
, sometimes practically pointed! It was as if everyone was trying to reproduce long, painted fingernails on their feet! I was horrified, and baffled as to how and why British women thought this was appropriate. Until one day, I was browsing through Boots (a UK drugstore) and came across
special toenail scissors that actually cut your nails in a curved shape. So that explained it. But it certainly didn’t justify it.

As an American in London, I’m confident that you won’t succumb to such savagery and purchase these scissors. But if you’re hoping for an affordable, American-style pedicure, prepare to be disappointed. Don’t expect comfy vibrating chairs with built-in Jacuzzi foot baths as a matter of course. Even many of the expensive spas provide nothing more than a normal chair and a plastic tub of warm water. One well-known spa (which shall remain nameless) didn’t even bother to get my feet wet! So I’ve learned to take care of my toes myself. Believe me, even a self-pedicure will look better than 99 percent of the toes that are out there.

Still, if you must get your pedi fix, try these (they are at least
attempting
to emulate American standards):

Hair Hitches

Obtaining heavenly hair in the UK is difficult. After nearly fifteen years here, I have yet to walk out of a salon entirely happy—and I’ve been to every celebrity stylist on the block (including the royal coiffure of the moment, Richard Ward, who did Kate’s hair on her wedding day). Yet I can walk into any no-name salon in small town America and emerge looking fabulous—perfect classic cut, sublimely bouncy dry. I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I have very thick, very curly hair and English stylists simply aren’t used to
handling such foreign textured tresses. Maybe it’s because when I ask for a classic Jackie O or Grace Kelly shape, most stylists have no idea what I’m referring to. Maybe it’s because London hairstylists are so über-trendy that they are simply incapable of creating anything other than an asymmetrical, rock-chick haircut. (And I’m telling you; even the
dogs
in New York City get better blow-dries.) Whatever the reason, I’m no longer taking risks with my best feature. English highlights are fine, but when it comes to cut and finish—it may be worth waiting for your next trip to America.
⁴
And considering how expensive some of these UK salons are, sometimes a flight from London to New York is actually
cheaper
. (Also see
Chapter 9
, “Fake It Till You Make It.”)

No matter how much you want to host them, usually your London flat will be so small that your friends and family will be forced to sleep on the floor, on the sofa, or even in your bed. Finding cheap accommodation in London that offers more than third world living conditions is not easy—but after years of research, these are my recommendations: