The Regal Rules for Girls (52 page)

When in doubt, check out ratings on Trip Advisor and look for last-minute luxury bargains on Mr. and Mrs. Smith,
www.mrandmrssmith.com/hotel-search
.

Looking for something even more regal? Try the Stafford Hotel (Prince Harry is known to have clandestine drinks here) or the Goring Hotel (where the entire Middleton family stayed during Kate’s wedding to Prince William)—both are minutes from Buckingham Palace.
www.kempinski.com/en/london/the-stafford-london/welcome
;
www.thegoring.com

The British Broadcasting Company (BBC) is kind of like the UK equivalent of PBS. You will find absolutely no commercials on BBC TV or radio, but unlike PBS which is funded almost entirely by donations, the BBC is funded almost entirely by the taxpayers. For this reason, every person in the UK who owns a television set is required by law to pay for an annual TV license. That’s correct—you must be licensed to drive a car, but you also must be licensed
to watch television. They actually do random house checks on people to see if you are watching TV without one—so be sure to pay for yours asap.
www.tvlicensing.co.uk

English TV is weird. The commercials (or “adverts”
)
are few and far between compared to the US, but they are so subtle, sophisticated, and nuanced, you often aren’t sure what they are trying to sell you. Shows about cooking, gardening, and decorating (stuff that is considered daytime TV in America) actually make up the majority of prime-time programming in England. After 9 p.m., full frontal nudity and bad language is completely allowed. Whereas American soap operas are about rich, beautiful people and the terrible things that happen to them, English soap operas (also shown during prime time) are about poor, ugly people and the terrible things that happen to them. Nevertheless, while you may never get to watch
The Bachelor
, every now and then, the Brits will produce a television series that is absolutely phenomenal. These include:

For a vital (and highly entertaining) slice of English culture, I implore you to view the boxed sets of all of the above.

BBC Radio is the UK version of NPR. But again, unlike NPR, which is funded almost entirely by donations, BBC Radio is funded almost entirely by the taxpayers.

In the US, we have Democrats and Republicans. In the UK, you have the Labour Party and the Conservative Party (also called the Tory Party) and a smaller third party called the Liberal Democrats. (Please note that a UK Republican is a person who is against the monarchy.)

However, the most conservative members of the Tory Party are still considered to be more liberal that most US Democrats.
The majority of UK politicians, regardless of left/right party affiliation, are pro-choice, pro–gay rights, pro–stem cell research, and against any kind of gun legalization. (The running joke is that a British policeman must shout, “Stop! Or I shall say ‘stop’ again!”) It is also extremely rare for God or religion to be mentioned in any kind of political debate. Major UK issues tend to be purely economical rather than moral—they debate and protest and complain about taxes and pensions, tuition fees and interest rates. So boring—but
so
much more civilized.

Most government offices are located within the Palace of Westminster—a historic royal palace and former residence of kings. The layout of the palace is intricate, with its existing buildings containing more than two miles of passages. And within this beautiful, ancient maze of a building, you will find twenty-three official bars. By law, the bars must stay open as long as the House is in session. So while the MPs and their staff sit around waiting for the voting bells to ring, they drink. Vote. Drink. Vote. Drink. Vote. Drink. It’s no wonder the government runs like such a finely oiled machine.

You’ll find no one violently protesting about unborn children, demanding the right to own semiautomatic weapons, or insisting that gay humans are somehow less deserving than straight ones. No one complains about the topless women that appear every day in the tabloid newspapers or about the full frontal nudity that appears on most TV stations after 9 p.m. On the surface, England appears to be an oasis of sheer calm and civilization under the watchful eye of Her Majesty the Queen.

But tensions are bubbling beneath the surface—Brits are upset about budget cuts and banking bonuses, about burkas and bike theft, about Afghanistan and Iraq, about civil liberties and CCTV cameras, and about the increasing gap between the rich and the
poor. The difference is that they debate these issues in a much more subtle, much more cerebral way.

My English husband once made a joke about George W. Bush in front of two Texans and was nearly punched in the face. Mark my words: you will not find any Englishmen punching anyone over the likes of Thatcher, Blair, Brown, and Cameron. Brits do care about political issues—but as a general rule they don’t get emotionally worked up about them.

While the US has one neutral national newspaper (
USA Today
); the UK has
twelve
, and unlike American journalism, all are unabashedly political, making it clear what policies and politicians they do and don’t support—which sometimes makes it difficult to distinguish fact from opinion.