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Authors: Laurie Ellingham

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‘Apparently
Carl, her husband, is in A&E and she needs someone to watch Sam whilst she
goes to get him.’

‘Can’t
someone else do it? We haven’t even started to have fun yet.’ A slow smile
spread across her face.

‘I’m
really sorry Sonja, I’ve already agreed.’

‘I
could wait here for you if you like,’ she said, unwrapping her arms and taking
another step towards him.

‘Well
actually, Debbie is dropping Sam over on the way.’ 

‘So
I could stay then? Surely he’ll be asleep.’ She reached out to touch his arm.

Come
on think, Guy implored his mind. He had to find a way to put her off.  ‘Yeah
that would be great,’ he began. ‘I’d love some help. Sam’s got chicken pox at
the moment and is throwing up everywhere.’

Guy
watched the workings of Sonja’s mind as she processed his lie. He had no idea
if children were sick when they had chicken pox, but he guessed Sonja didn’t know
either.     

‘On
second thoughts, I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow,’ Sonja replied, smiling
tightly.

If
she’d guessed he was making up an excuse to get rid of her then she had the
class not to point it out, Guy thought with relief, saying a silent prayer to
Debbie, Sam and Carl, as he waited for Sonja to get dressed.

Ten
minutes later, Guy slid his body beneath the smooth cotton of his bed sheets, his
mind racing too much for sleep. He needed a plan this time.

He’d
given up far too easily last time he’d seen her; something he couldn’t let
happen again. Not if he wanted to spend more time with her, let alone win her
back. The thought launched a barrage of nerves in his stomach. It was the first
time he’d let himself admit his intentions. Despite the nerves, it felt right. 

Loughborough University (5 years earlier)

The
remnants of their picnic lay scattered around them as they lay motionless,
enjoying the warm rays from the afternoon sun.

Guy
opened one eye and stared at the beautiful girl lying next to him. Even with
her eyes closed, half asleep, her lips remained fixed in a grin. He could feel
the warmth of her bare legs tangled in his; her tiny white dress barely
covering a bright pink bikini and the curves of her otherwise slim frame. 

Eyes
that swim like an emerald sea

Can’t you see, can’t you see, you’re drowning me?

The
lyrics had been haunting him for weeks. From the moment he’d walked out half
way through his final exam and his days as a student had become numbered.

He’d
sat for hours desperately trying to construct another verse, but those two
lines had stuck like a scratched CD, stuttering on the same bit of music and
driving him crazy.

The feverish
humidity of a week-long heat wave had finally drawn it out of him.  It had been
prickling under his skin for months, but it had taken the inescapable heat suffocating
him day and night to surface into his thoughts. Now it was there, he couldn’t
think of anything else.

Guy
swallowed hard as he felt his stomach curdle. He had to do it, before it ate
him alive.

‘I’m
going to London Juliet.’ The words left his mouth before he could put it off
again.

‘Don’t
forget the graduation party is next week,’ she mumbled sleepily.

‘No,
I mean I’m moving there...for good.’

She
pulled her body up to sitting and pushed her pink sunglasses onto the top of
her head.

By
some small miracle they had discovered a quiet space in the otherwise heaving
park as every person in a twenty-mile radius scrambled to enjoy the weather.  

Perhaps
more quiet than he’d have liked, Guy realised as the piercing green of her eyes
bore into him. 

‘What?’
she asked, her voice already wavering with emotion.

He
took a breath, unsure if the feeling of asphyxiation had more to do with the
humidity or Juliet’s stare. The latter, he thought.       

‘I’m
moving to London.’

‘But
you can’t be. What are you talking about?’

‘Remember
that woman who offered me her business card a few months ago?’

‘The
modelling thing? I thought you threw that away.’

‘No
I was going to, but...,’ he paused, trying to find the words to describe the
feeling that had been building inside him. ‘I thought what the hell. I went for
an audition last week and they liked me.’

‘Last
week? When?

‘Tuesday.’

‘Tuesday,’
she repeated. ‘Whilst I was taking my final exam? And when your phone was off
and you told me it had run out of battery?’

Guy
didn’t respond.

‘But
you’ve always thought modelling was stupid,’ she exclaimed.  

‘They’ve
found me a job,’ he continued with a shrug, ignoring her comment.

‘I
don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me? When are you going?’

‘After
graduation.’ The lie rolled easily off his tongue. He should have told her the
truth, but it seemed too cruel to put into words.

In
reality, the modelling agency was expecting him in London in two days. His
sister had promised him her sofa to sleep on and he’d booked a seat on a coach
leaving in just a few hours time. He could have gone and come back for
graduation, or even waited until afterwards before moving, but he didn’t want
to. It didn’t feel like there was anything left for him here.    

‘Guy, why didn’t you talk to me about this?’

‘I
don’t know.’

Her
large eyes fixed on him.

‘I
really don’t. It just sort of happened,’ he added.

‘What
about your music? I thought you wanted to stay up here and pick up some
part-time work until-’

‘Until
what?’ he interrupted, sitting up to meet her gaze. ‘You should see the old
timers playing the same pub circuits as me. All old students, all stuck in some
hellish office job, all still waiting for a break. I won’t do it. I can’t do it.’

‘Guy
you’re panicking, we all are. But you’ve got to hold out for what you believe
in. It will happen. You’re too good for it not to, I promise.’ 

‘For
God’s sake Juliet. Wake up will you. This is not a dreamland where everything
works out. This is real life.’

He
watched her eyes widen at the harshness of his tone. He hadn’t meant it to
sound so aggressive.

The
silence grew between them.

‘Baby,’
she whispered, ‘I’m sorry, I…I didn’t mean…’

He
jumped to his feet. The anger in him exploding out of nowhere, as hot as the
sun burning against the back of his neck. ‘You are so fucking optimistic it’s
pathetic. Fuck reality. Fuck needing to earn money, that’s not for us then?’’

‘I
didn’t mean that,’ she replied, her chest heaving with a sob.

Guy
stared down at her as a slow rage unleashed itself within him. He wanted her to
argue back. To scream at him for being such as bastard, but he knew she would never
do that.

‘What
did you mean then? Because it sounded to me like you don’t want me to be
successful.’

 ‘Guy,
how can you say that?’ Water began to stream from her eyes, mixing with the
charcoal of her eyeliner and running in long black streaks down her face.
‘You’re a fantastic musician, and you’re going to make it, I know it. I just
don’t want you to sell yourself short.’

‘It’s
modelling Juliet, not McDonalds. It’s a great opportunity to get somewhere.
Anywhere but here.’

‘But
what’s wrong with here?’ she sniffed.

‘Everything,’
he shot back, turning away and shoving a bare foot into one of his discarded
trainers. He couldn’t look at her face any longer. 

‘Wait
Guy, I’m sorry okay. I didn’t know you felt this way.’ Juliet took a shaky
breath and wiped a hand across her face, leaving long smears of black across
her cheeks.

 ‘You
never said anything,’ she continued. ‘But look, I haven’t accepted that design
assistant’s job yet. We can have a fresh start. Find a flat share in a cheap
part of London. You can do modelling if it’s what you want and I can get a different
job. It will work out.’

‘I’m
going alone,’ he replied in a low voice, forcing his remaining bare foot into
the other trainer as the hatred hammered through him. ‘I can’t do this
anymore.’

‘What
can’t you do? I don’t understand.’

‘This.
Pretending every day that it might be the day I get my break. Watching the
doubt and the pity in peoples’ when I tell them I’m trying to make it as a
musician. I need to do something else. Be someone else. Away from here and away
from you.’ 

‘No,
you don’t mean that, you can’t,’ she cried, clambering to her knees. ‘Why are
you doing this? Baby please, whatever it is, we can work it out, I…I can
change. We love each other, that’s all that matters, please…’ her voice trailed
off into wrenching sobs.

He
wanted to turn around and hold her. To cry with her and beg for forgiveness,
but he didn’t. He’d only meant to suggest they spent a few months apart, but as
the words had left his mouth, he’d realised it had to end. If he was going to
start over, then he needed to do it alone. 

So
instead, he started walking, his body feeding from the anger as he broke into a
run. Not stopping to take a breath until he’d taken his seat at the back of the
coach.

One week later

Guy
stepped into the empty warehouse, two miles walk from High Barnet tube, the
last stop north at the end of the Northern line. It looked like the last place
on earth anyone would choose to hold a photo shoot.          

Two
rows of steel pillars ran the length of the warehouse, supporting a windowless
concrete ceiling. With the exception of a scattering of damp cardboard boxes,
spread around puddles of grey murky water, the space was empty. Only the
florescent tubes dangling just below the ceiling, and the huge metal door large
enough for a lorry to fit through, allowed any light into the gloom.             

He
looked down at the dog-eared A-Z map he’d borrowed from Debbie as if the tiny
black and white street names might have changed in the last thirty seconds.

‘Hello?’
his voice echoed into the emptiness.       

‘Hey
man,’ a short man in tight black leather trousers and a t-shirt came up behind
him. ‘If you’re looking for the crew, they’re setting up in the car park round
back.’

‘Great,
thanks.’

‘What
do you think of my creation?’ he grinned, waving his hands out into the
warehouse. ‘Magnificent isn’t it?’

‘Err
yes,’ Guy nodded, looking back into the derelict warehouse just in case he’d
missed something. It still looked like an abandoned rat infested concrete
block.

‘One
of my best. Oh, that reminds me, if you spot Liam on your travels, tell him to
get his arse in here with the other bag of artificial dust before I die of old
age.’

‘Right,
will do,’ Guy replied, stepping back into the sunshine. He was starting to feel
like he’d fallen down the rabbit hole. Or jumped down it head first.

What
was he doing? Guy asked himself for the tenth time in as many minutes as he negotiated
his way around the building, only to come face-to-face with a sprawling hive of
activity. Dozens of people dashed around him, in and out of five insanely long
and very clean white trailers. They stood alone, with no sign of the vehicles
that had brought them there, as if they’d grown up from the cracks in the
concrete.

He
stood still for a moment, wishing he had somewhere to move to at the same rate
as the people pushing past him, just so wouldn’t feel as out of place as a pair
of flat shoes in Juliet’s wardrobe. Guy smirked at the analogy, before he
remembered what he’d done.

‘Guy,’
a female voice called out in front of him.

‘Sidney,
hi,’ he replied with relief as his agent air kissed him three times; another
thing in the long list of new phenomenon he had yet to understand since his
move to London.

‘How
are you feeling?’

‘Great.’

‘Good,’
she smiled. ‘Well come on, it’s this way. You’ll be a hero around here today.
You’re the first model to arrive, although you’ll soon learn the power
struggles that go on between the models and the crew.’

He
felt like an obedient puppy as he followed the tall body of his agent through
the maze of equipment and vehicles.

Sidney
was unlike any woman he’d ever met. He could only guess that her age fell
somewhere between forty and sixty, but with her slim frame and smooth skin, Guy
guessed she might pass for thirty from a only a short distance. And despite the
fact that she spent most of her days among young beautiful models, she still managed
to ooze a level of confidence he’d never seen before.

Guy
had only to sit silently beside her whilst she’d furiously fought over his
contract with the people from
GiGi
to know that he had one of the most
intimidating and successful agents in London.  

‘Ah
look, perfect timing.’ Sidney said, coming to a stop by the door of one of the
trailers. ‘Here are your hair and make-up girls, Janine and Mandy. Girls, this
is Guy.’

‘Hi,
nice to meet you,’ Guy said, smiling through another bout of nervousness.

‘Hi
Guy,’ the two blondes echoed back.

He
could feel their eyes appraising his face, doing some secret calculations he
couldn’t begin to understand.

‘So,
how much time will you be spending with each model today?’ he asked.

To
his surprise, the three women laughed.

‘Guy,
Janine and Mandy are your hair and make-up artists. They’ll be working on you
alone.’ Sidney explained. ‘By the end of the day, you’ll be running off to the loo,
just to get five minutes to yourself. Although, be warned, these two have been
known to follow models anywhere.’

‘Hey,’
Mandy exclaimed with a smile. ‘That was one time, and to be fair she was three
hours late and hung over.

‘Talking
of late, what time are we expecting Lola today?’ Janine added.

Sidney
winked at Guy. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said turning to the girls, ‘I warned her
GiGi
wouldn’t be standing for any of her usual tricks.’

‘Lola?
As in Lola Frost?’ Guy exclaimed.

‘Sorry
darling. I was waiting until the contracts were signed to tell you. Lola will
be modelling
GiGi
’s new swimwear range. We only had it confirmed this
morning.’

‘Great,’
Guy replied. It seemed to be a word he was using a lot recently. When Sidney
had introduced him to the
GiGi
team; when he’d signed the contract and
seen the ridiculous amount of money they’d be paying him; when Debbie asked him
how he was finding his new life in London. His only response was ‘great’.

Now
he was not only meeting, but working with, an international supermodel, and
there was that word again, summing up a cocktail of emotions and thoughts in a
tiny one-syllable word.  

Sidney
patted his arm. ‘I’ll leave you in the very capable hands of these two for a
little while, but don’t be afraid to ask if you have any questions. Remember
Guy,
GiGi
picked you because you have a totally fresh look, so no one is
expecting you to know what you are doing. If you’re not sure about anything, or
you need a break, give me a nod. I’ll be here all day.’

‘Thanks
Sidney,’ Guy replied, swallowing back the million questions that he could feel
lingering on the tip of his tongue. Like, what the hell was he doing as a
model? Somehow, he didn’t think Sidney would have the answer to that one.

‘Right.
This way Guy,’ Mandy said, as she stepped into the trailer. ‘You’ve got all of this
to yourself today,’ she added with a grin. ‘But don’t get used to it. More
often than not, everyone is crammed into a backstage area the size of broom
cupboard.

‘Believe
me, until you’ve experienced twenty hairdryers all going at once, you can’t
even begin to understand the meaning of the word hot.’

Guy nodded
but said nothing as he stepped through a small kitchen and into a seating area.
The clean grey leather chairs looked a lot more comfortable than Debbie’s sofa
bed. It was hard to take in. This was his trailer. Someone had hired this thing
just for him.

‘If
you can take a seat here,’ Mandy said, urging him towards a director’s style
chair. ‘We can get started.’

‘Yeah
of course,’ he replied, moving through to the back of the room, and sitting
down.

‘Now
sweetie,’ Janine began, coming up behind him. ‘I see you haven’t shaved this
morning.’

‘Err
no,’ Guy stammered. ‘Sydney mentioned that it would be best-’

‘Relax
Guy,’ Janine laughed. ‘I was just going to say thanks. It makes our life a
whole lot easier if you leave it for us to do.’

‘Sure,’
he replied, feeling like a total idiot. What was he doing here? He wasn’t a
model.

‘Oh
and this one is important,’ Janine added with a grin. ‘If you wake up with any
spots, whatever you do don’t squeeze them. Don’t even touch them. We’ve got
products here that can work miracles, but only if you leave them alone.’

‘Right,
will do.’ Guy said, trying to work his face into a relaxed smile.

‘Now
sweetie, you just take a load off. You’ll soon get used to us fussing around
you, so read a mag or make calls, whatever you like.’ Mandy said, giving his
shoulder a squeeze.

‘Thanks,’
he replied, reaching into his jeans for his new mobile. He couldn’t wait to
tell Juliet. She would love the endless rows of hair and make-up products
spread on the counter in front of him. But just as the tip of his thumb
stretched automatically over the keypad, he remembered. Shutting his phone with
one swift action, he pushed it back into his pocket.

He’d
been doing the same thing all week. They’d spoken so often, it was as natural
for him to dial her number as it was to drink a glass of water. Every time he
slipped his phone back into his pocket, it felt as if he was cutting off a part
of himself.

Instead,
he sat still, staring at the bright bulbs bordering the mirror and the dozen or
so pieces of equipment sticking out from circular holes on his right. The top
one looked like a giant hair dryer, but the rest looked like they belonged in a
torture chamber rather than a make-up trailer. Although as Mandy’s face loomed
into his, her hand wielding a sharp pair of tweezers, Guy started to wonder if
the two were all that different.

It
seemed to go on forever.

His
arse ached from sitting down for so long. His eyes hurt from staring at the
bare white bulbs, his ears throbbed from listening to Janine and Mandy’s
gossiping, but worst of all his mind wandered. No matter which magazine he tried
to read or what topic he tried to focus his thoughts on, it always seemed to
lead straight back to Juliet and the last time he’d seen her. 

A
whole week had gone by. One of the craziest weeks of his life and yet no amount
of time or distraction could ease the burning sensation which circled around
his chest.

He’d
made a mistake. Whatever he’d been hoping or trying to achieve, he hadn’t meant
to break up with her, had he? It had taken the seven tedious hours sitting at
the back of the coach, with the overworked engine rattling noisily in ears, to
fully understand what he’d done. Totally fucked up, that’s what.

So
why hadn’t he called her and begged for forgiveness? Why had he ignored her
calls and changed his mobile? Why was he throwing away the only thing he
believed in? The questions dogged him constantly but there never seemed to be
any answers.

He
had no idea what he was doing with his life, why he was sitting in a trailer
someone had hired just for him, whilst two complete strangers shoved tweezers
up his nostrils. He couldn’t bear to drag Juliet into his abyss.

To
his relief, Sidney’s smiling face appeared behind him in the mirror, dragging
his mind back to the relative safety of the day.       

‘Wow,’
she grinned. ‘What a transformation. I mean, we all knew it was possible but
still, Guy, you look totally hot.’

Guy
felt his cheeks flush. She was his agent, it was her job to complement him, he
reminded himself, glancing at his reflection for the first time in the hours
since Janine and Mandy had been working their magic.

‘Holy
shit,’ he said, moving his hand to his face.

‘Wait
Guy,’ Mandy cried out grabbing his arm. ‘Whatever you do, don’t touch your
face.’

‘Oh
right, yeah of course sorry. I...I just can’t believe it,’ he stammered.

If
someone had shown him a photograph of the face in the mirror, he wouldn’t in a
million years have guessed it was his own. They had cut his hair. The longish
unkempt curls had been replaced with short straight spikes. It looked somehow
messy and yet every hair was in its place.

His
cheekbones seemed suddenly more defined, which would have made him look
feminine if it wasn’t for the designer stubble. If he didn’t know any better,
he would have thought he’d been sitting in the trailer for weeks based on the
amount of facial hair he now seemed to have.  

 He
looked like a model, he realised with a sudden bout of nausea.

‘We’re
glad you like it,’ Janine said, blowing him a kiss in the mirror.

Sidney
nodded. ‘So Guy, if you’re ready let’s get you next door to wardrobe for your
first outfit.’

‘Great.’

‘No
hang on, what am I thinking, let me introduce you to Lola first.’

Guy said
nothing. His palms felt suddenly sweaty and his heart seemed to have jumped
into his throat.

Before
he had time to think, he’d said goodbye to Janine and Mandy and followed Sidney
into the trailer next to his. Right before his eyes sat one of the most
beautiful women in the world.

A
man and a woman bustled around her, oblivious to their arrival.

‘Guy,
I want you to meet Lola.’

‘Lola,
this is Guy.’

She
looked up from her mobile with a curt nod, but her thumbs kept moving.  She
said nothing.

‘As
part of the
GiGi
promotions, you two will be spending quite a bit of
time together,’ Sidney began, with a smile of encouragement at Guy. ‘We’ve
agreed with the PR team, that you’ll be photographed together on three
occasions between now and the launch next week. I’ve arranged for one of those
times to be later today. You can grab a quick coffee during one of the set
changes. Then a new club opening on Wednesday night which I’m sure you’d both have
been planning to go to anyway. And the third time we can arrange for an early
morning snap near South Kensington.’

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