The Reluctant Cowgirl (11 page)

Ten long months of waiting for a middle-of-the-night phone call brought Jeremy awake on the first ring. “Jeremy Buchanan,” he growled as he sat up and turned on the bedside lamp.

“You need to get here to Memphis. They’ve found a woman they think is Lindsey.”

“Sam? Where? Is Beka with her?” Jeremy wiped his palm across his eyes, trying to clear the fog of sleep from them, as well as from his brain.

“Whoa, whoa. Nobody’s seen Beka. But the woman they think is Lindsey is at Baptist Hospital. I’ll meet you there, but hurry.”

“Wait.” He grabbed his jeans from the cedar chest at the end of the bed and yanked them on with one hand. “Was she in an accident?”

“Drug overdose.”

“Is she...” He clutched the phone to his shoulder as he shrugged into a shirt.

Sam hesitated. “She’s still alive, but barely.”

“Has she said where Beka is?”

“You need to be praying, because right now she’s unconscious.”

“I will be.”

And he did, the prayers tumbling on top of each other as he wrestled his socks and boots on and grabbed his wallet and keys. Any romantic feeling he’d had for Lindsey had dissipated to dusty memories years ago. But even as angry as he was that she’d taken Beka, he’d never wished for her to die. He was ashamed that the next thought came so quickly, but it did. If she did die, how would they find his little girl?

In the garage, he jumped into his truck. As he backed out onto the road, his gut clenched.
What if it isn’t her?
But an equally awful thought pushed into his jumbled mind.
What if it is?

The dashboard clock read four a.m.

“Beka, where are you, honey?” he whispered to the empty truck.

As he passed through Jonesboro at five thirty, the sky was barely starting to lighten. His dark imaginings lifted slightly. To distract himself, he thought back on the previous day. The day that was supposed to have been his last day “staying right with” Crystal as Aaron had requested. But he just wasn’t ready to go back to the loneliness he’d been enduring before she came into his life. Had she seen through his decision to keep working a few more days?

Not that he’d be there now to check the cows this morning. He picked up the phone and scrolled to her name. She should be getting up about now. He punched SEND.

“Hello?” Her voice was heavy with sleep.

“Crystal, I’m sorry for waking you.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I should be up, but I hit Snooze. Everything okay?”

“Not really.” He ran his hand across the leather of the steering wheel. “I’m on my way to Memphis. A woman they think might be Lindsey is in the hospital from an overdose.”

Crystal gasped. “What about Beka?” All traces of sleepiness were gone from her voice.

His chest constricted, but he forced the words out. “There’s no sign of her.”

“Oh, Jeremy,” she whispered, “you’ll find her.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you know when I get home. But I won’t be at work today for sure.”

“That’s fine. I’ll get Slim to help me check the cows out and let them go. Take care of what you need to.” She hesitated. “Please call me, whatever happens. And know I’m praying.”

He knew he should hang up.

“Do you want to talk for a while?” Crystal said softly. “I hate that you’re alone.”

“Thanks.” Grateful for her understanding, he was embarrassed that he had no words to fill the gap right now. Every time he opened his mouth, he struggled not to give voice to his worse fears.

As if she knew exactly what he was thinking, Crystal began to tell rambling stories about when she was growing up. Specifically about how they got each of her brothers and sisters, starting with Aaron and ending with the twins, Kaleigh and Chance.

His breath was coming a little easier.

“Does Beka like the stars?” Crystal asked suddenly.

Jeremy blinked at her sudden subject change. “Yes. She loves them. We used to spread a blanket on the ground and lie out and watch them when we first moved up here.”

“Can she find the Big Dipper?”

He chuckled. “Sometimes. Right before...” The fears came rushing back, but he pushed them away. “She was getting to where she could find it sometimes.”

“I had a book when I was her age...” This time Crystal’s voice faltered. “I’m pretty sure it’s here somewhere. Anyway, it teaches an easy way to find some of the constellations. I can’t wait to read it to her.”

“She’d love that. But she might give you a run for your money reading. She could already read some simple books when she turned five.”

“Sounds like she’s smart like her daddy.” The warmth in Crystal’s voice pushed away the coldness of being alone.

“I don’t know about that. But I know she’ll love you. She always colors her princesses with blond hair. And you know...” He paused, and to his amazement, felt a little bit of a smile tilt his lips. “I told you Sleeping Beauty’s her favorite.”

Crystal groaned. “Are you ever going to let that rest?” She giggled. “Pun intended.”

“Probably not. You’re too much fun to tease.” He stared at the interstate sign in amazement. The exit for the hospital was straight ahead. “I’m here. I’ll call you later.”

“So you haven’t heard from him since day before yesterday?” Elyse rubbed her dog’s head.

“Right. He called me Thursday morning on his way to Memphis.” Crystal sighed. “I’m about to go crazy not knowing. Thanks for walking down to keep me company.” An engine roar in the distance brought her to her feet. “Somebody’s coming around the barn.”

Elyse stood, too. “It’s Luke.”

“Oh. It is.” Crystal sank back to the swing.

“You know, Crys, if you’re feeling like this now, how are you going to feel when you go back to New York and leave him a thousand miles behind?”

Crystal jerked her gaze to her soft-spoken sister, irrational anger welling inside her. “Feeling like what? I’m concerned about his little girl. Just like I would be if it were any friend.”
Any friend who kissed me on this very porch,
she thought, her face growing hot.

“Ohh ... Sorry for misunderstanding.” Elyse stared out at the front yard.

Luke’s truck screeched to a stop in the driveway. He got out and slammed the door. Crystal and Elyse sat without speaking, listening to the sound of his boots click-clacking loudly on the gravel.

Another sound caught Crystal’s ear. She and Elyse, their own awkwardness forgotten, looked at each other in amazement. Their brother who had been so tense lately was whistling. A happy tune.

He stepped up on the porch and grinned. “Mornin’.”

Crystal narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

“Doc Westwood found out there’s a big festival or something the same weekend she was having her grand opening, so she decided to move it out a month.”

“Oh, Luke!” Elyse jumped up and hugged him. “That’s wonderful!”

Crystal stood and hugged him, too. “It’s good to see you looking more relaxed.”

“I even thought of taking the day off, but I didn’t have anything else to do, so I figured I might as well work.”

“How sad,” Crystal said automatically then thought of how that sentiment had pretty much been her own for the last seven years. “You deserve a Saturday off. Life’s too short to work all the time.”

“Let’s do something together today.” Elyse pointed toward the sunny sky. “It’ll be so much better than fighting the rain.”

Luke cast a sideways glance at Crystal. “Want to see if Jeremy wants to hang out with us? We could drive over to Hardy, see if there’s any live music.”

Crystal shook her head. “He’s out of town.”

“You sure? I saw his truck in his driveway when I went out to get a newspaper early this morning.”

“Jeremy’s truck?” Crystal tilted her head. “Is in his driveway?”

Luke nodded. “Something wrong with that?”

Her heart felt like lead in her chest. The news must have been bad for him not to call her. “I don’t know.” She picked up her cell phone and punched the button to dial Jeremy. After five rings, it went to voice mail. “I’m going to drive by there,” she said to Elyse. “You can tell Luke what’s going on.”

“Thanks,” Luke drawled, still standing. “I was starting to feel like I was invisible.”

Crystal didn’t respond as she snatched her keys from inside the door and ran out to the farm truck. If she was staying around, she’d have to see about getting a car or an SUV like Elyse’s. But in the city, she wouldn’t need one.

Ten minutes later, she felt like a stalker, parked out in front of his house. She’d driven slowly by twice and finally pulled in. Luke was right. Jeremy’s truck was here. But there was no sign of life.

She finally got out of the truck and walked up the driveway. On the porch, she hesitated. What would she say if he opened the door? She’d improvise. She raised her fist and hammered the door. On the fourth blow, she saw a small white button on the door facing. A doorbell. Why didn’t she think of that? She pressed her finger on it, and inside the house, she heard it play a loud tune. No one could
not
hear that.

She waited and rang it again. “Jeremy,” she yelled, feeling unreasonable panic.

When no one came, she stopped, suddenly feeling foolish. What if his parents had come back to town early and taken him out for breakfast? Or what if he was out at the barn, feeding the cat? Did he even have a cat?

The door creaked open.

He looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen and his face was covered in short stubble. And he looked as if he’d been asleep.

She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“That’s okay,” he said dully.

“Have you been home long?”

“Since about two this morning.” He just stood there, not coming out, not inviting her to come in.

Why had she come? Surely he’d have called her when he woke up. Although he hadn’t in the last two days. So maybe not.

“I was going to call you later.”

“Oh.” She shifted her weight backward, ready to bolt. “Then I’ll just go on home and wait for you to call.”

He winced. “No, I didn’t mean that.”

She stared at a little butterfly fluttering back and forth from a shrub next to the door. It couldn’t seem to make up its mind.

“She died.”

Her heart lurched. Beka? Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.

“Lindsey, I mean. She didn’t make it.”

“Oh no.”

He ran his hand across his face. “I just kept hoping she’d bring Beka back safe and sound as Luke prayed last Sunday. Then disappear quietly into the night. Without me having to have her prosecuted. But also without me or Beka ever having to deal with her again.”

“Nobody could blame you for hoping that,” Crystal said.

“No? Why not? No life is disposable. But that’s how I thought of her at this point. A means to an end. I hated her.” His laugh was humorless. “Truth is ... I’m still so mad at her I can hardly stand it.”

“Jeremy, you prayed for her. You told me last night that you tried not to hate her.” She took a step toward him. “You didn’t want her to die.”

The haunted look in his eyes tore her heart out. “I didn’t. She looked so...” His voice drifted off. “It was terrible seeing her like that.”

“I know it was.”

After a few seconds, he took a deep breath. “Since she never regained consciousness, no one knows where Beka is.”

Crystal’s legs wobbled. But he was still standing, so she wouldn’t give in to her weakness. “Oh no. What can we do?”

“The police are trying. And I knocked on as many doors as I could in the area around the fleabag hotel where they found her. I did that all day yesterday until it got too late last night.”

“Nobody knew anything?”

“If they did, they weren’t talking. But it was hard to cover a lot of area.” He ran his fingers through his hair that was already standing on end. “I’m about to take a shower and drive back over there to start again.”

“Have you told your parents about Lindsey?”

He shook his head. “I can’t. This is the first time they’ve even tried to get away from everything. I’ll call them later.”

“Hopefully, soon you can call and tell them that Beka’s back home with you,” Crystal said absently, an idea germinating in her mind. “You need a flyer. Do you have a picture of her? The most recent one?”

He nodded. “I have one I took door-to-door with me yesterday.” “Give me your phone.”

He squinted at her, but he handed her his phone. She quickly mashed some buttons and handed it back. “I set your alarm. That will give you an hour and a half more sleep.”

He looked like he was going to protest but she shook her head. “You can’t help Beka if you’re dead on your feet. Right?”

He nodded.

“So you’ll sleep until the alarm goes off at nine then get up and take a shower?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now I just need that picture and a pen and paper.”

He stepped into the house then back out with a small notepad, a pen, and a framed photo of the cutest little girl Crystal had ever seen. Blue eyes, blond hair, and adorable dimples. “She’s beautiful.” She clicked the pen and poised it over the paper. “Do you know the address where they found Lindsey?”

He gave her the name of the hotel. “Why?”

“I’m going to get you a map of the area and I want to know where the central point is.”

“Oh.” He looked confused but didn’t argue.

“Now go to bed.”

He nodded again and stumbled back into the house.

She practically ran back to the truck. If she was going to put her plan into action, she was going to have to hurry.

Jeremy slipped into his clean jeans and shirt and rubbed his hand across his clean-shaven jaw. He wouldn’t have taken time to shave, but he figured the more respectable he looked, the more likely someone would be to help him. Although in that neighborhood it might work the opposite. Still, he felt better.

Partly because Crystal had insisted he go back to bed. As he put on his socks and boots, he wondered about how knowing she was doing something—even something as small as making a flyer—had made it easier for him to sleep.

The doorbell rang and he jumped up. Perfect. Another minute and he’d have been on edge waiting. Any earlier and she’d have been waiting for him.

He opened the door. “You have perfect ti–ming,” he finished weakly as he took in the crowd on his porch and in his driveway. There were at least thirty people, mostly from church. They all held up papers, the clear bright picture of Beka smiling at him.

“I—” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what to say.”

Daniel Montgomery held out his hand. Jeremy took it gratefully. The big man looked out at him through sorrowful eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jeremy.”

“Me, too,” Jack Westwood echoed.

Jeremy nodded to the local deputy. Jack had been a big support when Lindsey had first taken Beka and in the long months since, rallying the sheriff’s department around the search. It was amazing how many people hadn’t seemed to care since the kidnapper was the mother. But Jack had.

Jack’s wife, Rachel, had tears in her eyes, but she nodded.

Luke clapped him on the shoulder. “We’re with you, man.” Behind him, sympathy shone in Elyse’s brown eyes.

“Thank you.” He still couldn’t believe all these people were here to show their support. He was overwhelmed.

Crystal stepped forward. “We’ve already divided into teams of two. We’ll carpool to the area and go on foot door-to-door around the place where Lindsey was found.”

He stared out at the crowd. “Everyone’s going to Memphis?”

“Yes, Memphis,” Crystal said, readjusting her white cap over her blond ponytail. “Vans are filling up first, folks. Then we’ll go to cars. At one o’clock, we’ll meet at Corky’s BBQ for lunch and report in.” She turned to Jeremy. “If it’s okay, since your truck is a crew cab, Luke and Elyse and I will ride with you. We’re willing to stay as long as you want to.”

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Crystal started off the porch.

“Crys, wait.”

She turned back and tilted her head to the side.

He cleared his throat again. “You’ll never know how much this means to me. This morning ... before you got here ... it looked pretty hopeless.” He waved out at the people climbing into vehicles. “And now this.”

She brushed aside his thanks and rushed off to make sure everyone had directions, but he wasn’t fooled. He was blessed that Crystal McCord had come into his life.

For however long she chose to stay.

Crystal glanced over at where the others were wearily climbing into their vehicles then back to Jeremy’s tense face. “Do you want to stay a little longer and keep knocking on doors? Elyse and Luke said they don’t mind at all.”

“I guess we may as well go on home.” Defeat punctuated his words.

“We left some flyers. Maybe somebody will recognize her and call.”

He nodded tersely. “Maybe.”

“Someone knows where she is.” She kept her voice hopeful. “Maybe we’ll get some calls tonight.”

“Maybe.” Jeremy’s attempt at a smile faltered just before reaching his eyes, as though the effort proved too great.

Crystal would have given just about anything to take away his fear, his anguish. Anything to bring back that little girl for him. The depth of her emotions took her aback, frightened her a little.

The trip home was unbearably quiet. She searched her brain to find something ... anything to say that might make a difference. Jeremy’s anger and despair were almost palpable.

Outside of Jonesboro, about an hour from Shady Grove, he spoke suddenly. “I can’t believe so many people from church went all the way to Memphis.”

She nodded. “Everyone was glad to help.” And they had been. Thrilled to be able to do something hands-on to try to find Beka. Crystal had to admit she’d been impressed. It had been a long time since she’d felt the presence of a church family. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it.

“I called this morning and made the arrangements for Lindsey.” Jeremy’s voice sounded tight.

Crystal could feel his anger and she didn’t blame him. “That was good of you.”

His face inscrutable, he turned his head slightly away from her. “Don’t give me any praise. I didn’t feel like I had a lot of choice. When Beka grows up and wants to know where her mother is buried, how would I explain to her that I have no idea?”

“So what did you decide?”

“We’re having a graveside service Tuesday afternoon at the Shady Grove cemetery. That way Mom and Dad will have time to get back.”

Luke leaned forward and touched him on the shoulder. “I can’t imagine how rough this must be. Wish there was more we could do.”

Jeremy glanced in the rearview mirror. “Today was enough, man. Thanks.”

“If there’s anything else you need, let us know,” Elyse said, her voice sleepy. “If we need to feed the family...”

Jeremy blew out his breath and kept his gaze on the road. “No family. Just me and Mom and Dad. And I doubt we’ll be hungry. But thanks.”

“I’m sorry,” Crystal said softly and rested her hand in the seat between them. Just in case. A moment passed and she felt a little silly, but then his warm hand enfolded hers. In the darkness of the truck interior, they maintained that connection the rest of the silent trip home. She didn’t know if he got any comfort from the simple act of holding her hand.

But she definitely did.

Back at Jeremy’s house, Luke and Elyse said quick good-byes, jumped in Luke’s truck, and were gone.

“Want me to stay around for a while?” Crystal asked softly as they gathered their things out of the truck.

The look he gave her was one of apology, as if he had anything to be sorry for. “I’m probably better off by myself right now.”

She nodded. “I understand. It’s been a long day.”

He walked her to the farm truck.

She set her purse inside and turned to face him. Worry and anger etched lines in his face so deeply she could see them in the moonlight. “Jeremy, don’t give up.”

His jaw muscle tight, he shook his head. “I can’t.”

She started to turn to climb into the truck, but he took her hands and pulled her to him. In his arms, she tried to memorize the rhythm of his heart. Maybe it was just the solemn mood of tonight, but she had a foreboding feeling that someday she’d want to remember.

When he released her, she shivered. He looked down at her, his eyes tender. “Thanks again.”

She stood up on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. “Take care.”

She jumped in the truck, revved the motor, and fled down the driveway. Who was she kidding? She glanced in her rearview mirror. She was the one who needed to take care. Her heart was in imminent danger of being lost to the cowboy standing back there in the moonlight, still watching her.

It was natural, she reminded herself firmly, as the farm truck bounced along in the ruts, for him to lean on her right now. But when he didn’t need her anymore and it was time for her to go back to the city, what would keep her heart from shattering into a million pieces?