The Reluctant Rancher (23 page)

“
Then I guess this is goodbye.
”

Her voice faltered, but he didn’t flinch.

“
I guess it is.
 
Have a good life, sweetheart.
”
She’d never know how much he meant the endearment. He turned and walked away.

He felt her eyes boring into
his back then he heard her blowing out the candles and her footsteps as she left the room.
Fifteen minutes later
the slam of the front door echoed through the house and he knew she’d left the ranch for good.

He curled his fingers around the glass still in his hand then threw it with all his might into the fireplace
. He growled i
n satisfaction as it broke into a thousand pieces.
 
He wanted to run after Mary and drag her back inside.
 
He wanted to take her in his arms and shout to the world that he loved her.

But he couldn’t.

W
hile his heart told him one thing, his mind told him another.
 
Betrayal and anger were all that he’d ever known from the people he loved. First from his p
arents and then his ex-wife.
 
H
e couldn’t withstand the pain if Mary turned out just like the others, pretending to love hi
m until she got what she wanted.

It was better this way, he told himself.
 
He’d done the leaving, he’d called the shots.
 
But that didn’t quell the waves of agony ripping his insides to shreds.
 
He felt as though he had lost the most vital part of himself.
 
The part that made him want to go on living.
 
He cl
osed his eyes against the pain. T
he look on
her face when he’d told her to leave would
haun
t him for the rest of his days.

* * * * * *

Mary walked through her office
,
her steps slow and uneven. She stopped
at the small basket of ivy in her window. She’d picked up the plant the day she’d gotten the loan, a little present to herself in celebr
ation of the good news. But
its leaves
had turned
brown and withered.
 
It
had died
as surely as her dreams.

The sun shone through the blinds but even
that did
n
’
t lift her spirits.
 
It had been over a month since she’d left the Circle T.
 
Since she’d left Luke.

The town had gotten
back to normal
, the weather had warmed considerably,
and her business flourished like never before.
 
She should have been the happiest woman in the world, but she wasn’t.
 
And she didn’t know if she would ever be again.

She missed Joseph.
 
And Luke.
 
Lord, how she missed Luke.
 
She missed his touch,
she missed
the sound of his voice,
she missed
the sight of his tall body striding across the pasture.
 
She was hopelessly, completely in love with the coldhearted rancher.

A
nd for that reason she had to
leave the only place that had ever felt like home.

She wiped her eyes and squared her shoulders.
 
She had shed enough tears in the last few weeks to last a lifetime. She needed work to take her mind off her problems and she had a lot to do before leaving Fiddler Creek.
 
Surprisingly enough, Joseph’s friend Sara had
offered to take over the agency. The
small business loan had been transferred into her name without any problems.
 
Mary had sw
orn the other woman to secrecy and made h
er promise not to tell the Tanners until after she left.

Mary unlocked the front door and flipped the sign to ‘open’.
 
Moments later, the bell jangled announcing someone’s arrival.

“
Good morning,
”
Joseph said.

“
Oh,
Joseph, it’s so good to see you.
”
S
he rushed forward
and gave
him a fierce hug.
 
She hadn’t seen the older man since she’d left the ranch.

Joseph kissed her on the forehead
then
pull
ed
back
to take a good look at her
.
 
“
I’m
sorry I haven’t been in before.
I didn’t know if I’d be welcome.
”

“Of course you’re welcome.
”
Just seeing her friend brought tears to her eyes.
 
“
How’
s Hawk and the foal
?
”

“
Hawk’s fine and the colt is the son of his father, that’s for sure,
”
he said, referring to the foal that had been born the night Luke and Mary had stayed in the line shack.
“Luke named him Midnight Fire.”

“
That’s great.”
Mary blushed, wondering if the colt’s name had been inspired by their time together. If he hadn’t thrown her off the ranch, she might have thought so.
That night had been the happiest of her life, the beginning of her future with Luke or so she’d thought.
 
But she had been wrong.
 
Terribly wrong.

“How
are you?
”
 
W
orry
was
evident in his faded green eyes.

His tenderness almost broke through her staunch control.
 
She stemmed the fresh flow of tears that threatened.
 
Joseph had been so kind that she didn’t want to burden him with an emotional outburst.
 
“
I’m fine.
”

“
Right, and I’m the next candidate for president.
I know that grandson of mine can be a horse’s ass, Mary.
 
It’s hard for him to trust.
 
Give him some time, he’ll come around.
”

“
How much time, Joseph?
 
It’s been over a month since he ordered me to leave.
”
 
She wanted to believe the older man with all h
er heart.
 
She’d thought
the loan from the Small Business Administration
would somehow show Luke
she wanted him for himself,
not for his money.
Instead it had proven to be the impetus he had needed to cut her out of his life altogether.
 
Lord, how she had wanted to tell him that she loved him that night, but the words had not come.
 
She’d spoken them once and he had brushed them aside as meaningless chatter.

“He doesn’t want me, Joseph. I’m not the type of woman he wants.” She’d seen pictures of his ex-wife. She was blonde and thin. Mary might be blonde but she would never be thin. No matter what a man said or did, they all wanted a pretty woman on their arm.

She hated to tell Joseph her news, but he had a right to know.
“
I’m leaving Fiddler Creek, Joseph.
 
Sara’s buying the business and I think its best for everyone concerned if I go.
”

“
You can’t do that, Mary.
 
Talk to Luke,
”
he urged.
 
“
You’ll work it out.
 
He needs you.
”

“
I don’t think so, Joseph.
”
 
She turned away before he could see the anguish
she knew must be showing
in her eyes.
 
See the
doubts that had tormented her all of her life.
 
She felt unloved, unwanted.
 
Undese
rving of any kind of happiness.

“
Luke’s afraid.
 
Afraid of what you want from him.
”

“
But I don’t want anything,
”
she cried.
 
“
I have the loan so now I don’t need anything.
”

“I’m afraid that’s the problem.
Luke has always given his affection in the form of cold, hard cash or pretty trinkets.
 
He doesn’t know how to give you what you want.
”

“
I want his heart, Joseph.
 
I want his love.
”

“
Exactly, Mary.
 
Exactly.
”

* *  * * *

Luke grabbed the end of the barbed wire and stretched it tautly across the post.
 
He took a staple and h
ammered the wire in place.

Repairing the fence line was a thankless, time consuming job, but one that he usually enjoyed doing.
H
e could let his thoughts wander, let himself dream.
And he had begun to have such wonderful dreams.
 
Dreams of Mary cuddled close to him on a cold winter’s night.
 
Dreams of Christmases with silver-blonde little girls and mischievous little boys.

But not today.
 
Today it took all his attention to perform the simple task.
 
He had a granddaddy of a hangover with a thousand little men playing drums inside his skull.

He wore no shirt in the early summer heat and sweat rolled unheeded down his back
and soaked
the waistband of his jeans.
 
An annoying horsefly buzzed in his ear and he cursed as he felt its sharp bite beneath his shoulder blade once again.

But he considered the sting just reward for the pain he’d inflicted on Mary.
 
He wanted so much to love her but he didn’t know how.
 
He didn’t know how unless he gave her some tangible evidence of his affection.
 
He could give her money, he could support her business for years to come, but he didn’t know how to say the three words she deserved to hear.
 
Apparently Debbie had warped him on another level as well.

And it was slowly destroying him.

Ever
y
evening since
he’d ordered Mary off the ranch, Luke headed straight for town.
 
Straight for the nearest bar.
 
Every night since then he’d gotten falling down drunk.
 
And every morning he remembered.

He remembered the taste of her lips beneath his.
 
The
laug
hter and the smell of her hair and
the shape and feel of her as he held her in his arms.

He ripped off his gloves and
walked to the flat bed of his picku
p. He splashed
ice cold water
from the cooler
on his face
and shook
the clinging
droplets from his hair. H
is grandfather pull
ed
up in the old truck the hands used to deliver hay.

Luke studied the man who had raised him, who had been his mentor all his life and his
closest friend.
 
When the owner of the local bars
call
ed
, Joseph arr
ived and brought him home.
 
Every night he’d
shown up at closing time to repeat the procedure.
 
All without a word of reprimand.

“
Well, what are you going to try next?
”
 
Joseph asked as he ambled up beside him.

“
What the hell are you talking about?
”
 
Luke demanded.
 
He prepared himself for the lecture he deserved, knew it wouldn’t change a damn thing.
 
Luke intended to get falling down drunk again and again.
 
It was the only way he could make it through the long, lonely hours till dawn.