The Remedy Files: Illusion (22 page)

Despite the emotions running high in me, I’m intentional with the path I take. I purposely headed straight back, in the same way we took to get to our spot but then cut sharply to the right, looping back closer to the tree lines.

Gavin had taken me to our spot, a place I was all too familiar with. I know the path to get from there back to Impetus If he wasn’t going to save all the people there, I was going to take matters in my own hands and at least rescue Jacqueline. Tonight, I’m going back.

CHAPTER 28

I imagine the events of the day as if I was there. I would be finishing up from a busy day at the Clinic, making my last rounds as I check on the patients. The other nurse on shift and I would be laughing at some joke one of the older patients made. I would do my last check on supplies and make any notes on items we needed for the next day. Then I would say goodbye to everyone, and leave.

Instead of going to the Paired housing, I would take a slow walk to the Park, saying hi to people I pass, waving to Mr. Frank as he waters plants and hums a new song. I would meet Jacqueline there at the Park. We would sit on the bench and share stories from things that happened that day. She would sneak me a new pin she made based off of a special rock she found while working. Then we would walk back to the Paired housing together and I would go into my house while she enters hers. I’d make dinner for Brennan, we would sit down and eat, chatting about our days. Then we would read a little bit and go to bed for the night. I’d wake up and do it all over again the next day.

“That’s not bad.” I say out loud to hear a voice in the silence I’ve been sitting in for hours. “It’s safe.”

It’s safe. Just like Gavin said. That’s what he meant by not rescuing me right away; I was in a safe place. When you don’t know what else there is, it’s a good place to be. But when you do know what else there is, how life could actually be so much better, that’s when it all changes. Logic gives a life a direction; feeling gives it worth and a purpose.

Leaning back on the trunk of the tree I’ve prepared as a hiding place, I run through the plan again in my head. I look up at the sun and watch it lowering in the sky. Instinctively I know it’s about dinner time in Impetus. This is going to be my peak time to try to find Jacqueline because everyone who is of the adult age will be doing the same thing at this time: coming home from work, preparing dinner and sitting down to eat. It will be easy to peek in the Paired housings and try to find her.

I thought about just sneaking in her work but figured it would be too risky. Too many people have the potential to be at the park. At least at her house, it’ll be just her and Ethan. I could probably rescue him too. The thought of rescuing both Jacqueline and Ethan energizes me to the point that I want to jump down the tree, march right on in, and invite them to a better life in Rebirth. But of course I know it won’t be that simple.

I wait for the sun to go down a bit more before I climb down the tree and quietly head to the bushes that I’ve always used to go in and out of Impetus. I wish I had been bold enough over the years to learn different routes but always stuck to what I knew. Unfortunately this path puts me at the complete opposite end of the circle than where the Paired housing resides. My best bet is to stick closely to the thickets and the gardens in hopes that the shadows from those and the buildings will keep me camouflaged.

In that moment, the thought that I have to sneak past both of the steel buildings strikes me and the threat of seeing that creepy man sends shivers down my spine. But if I try the other side of the community circle, it’s an extra road I have to try to cross over which puts me in the light’s path a lot more. Going through the middle of Impetus is definitely out since it’s all the high traffic areas.

I simply need to stay alert and be as careful as possible, listening for every single noise I can identity. Taking my time will be the key. I can do this. I know I can. Regardless, it’s worth it to be able to save Jacqueline. Seeing her again is all the motivation I need as I push my way through the bushes, stopping right at the edge, listening vigilantly for any voices. When I don’t hear any, I poke my head out and do a visual surveillance. No one.

Stepping out of the thickets and into Impetus fully exposed again almost sends me reeling back with emotions as though I was hit with a cannonball. The air even smells differently here- like a syndicated scented, created to only make us think and feel a certain way that’s so far from reality. A trick. A lie. Like everything here now represents to me.

I take a deep breath and continue on my way, each step making my heart race.
So this is fear
, I think to myself. My stomach has a knot in it that seems to be trying to force itself out of my stomach so it can run on its own in the opposite direction of me towards safety. As the first tool shed looms closer, my feet become heavier and it takes more effort to pick them up. I focus on just one at a time, willing my legs to be the hero. Every time the wind rustles one of the plants in the garden, I freeze.

The echo of a tin door slamming send me to the ground in a panic. But it’s either in my imagination or happened at the other shed as I don’t see or hear any other movement. I pick myself up from the ground and continue on my path. I reach the road crossing so I bend down as I edge to it, careful that the light doesn’t land on any part of me. Once it seems safe, I dart across it as quickly as possible until I reach the garden on the other side, and then bend back down quickly to hide in the shadows. I listen carefully. Nothing. I think it’s clear.

Now, standing at the second tool shed, my heart speeds up again. I don’t know if the same kind of strange people all dressed in gray go in and out of this one like they do the other. At least I’m closer to the Paired housing. I’m almost there. I maintain the same pattern that has worked so far with sticking to the shadows and stopping to listen to every sound that occurs.

My heart begins racing even faster as I near the first row of Paired housing. This is where I have to be the most careful as people could still be coming in and out of them as they please. If the wrong person saw me, it would be over with. I’m sure Impetus would flat out kill me this time. No sense in punishing someone that has already broken through Remedy and has seen the truth. I’m much more of a danger now.

There are several rows of houses I would have to get through and who knows which one Jacqueline is in. It suddenly becomes apparent to me how daunting of a task this could actually turn into. I may not even find her by the time most dinners are over with. But there’s no turning back now. I’m too close to finding my friend and rescuing her. I can do this.

Each house has one door and window, and that pattern repeats one after another, each connected until one row ends and a new one begins. I decide my best bet is to stick closely to the back of the houses across from the row I’m checking, and quickly go down the line, hoping to catch a glance of who may be sitting in the window.

As luck would have it, I make it all the way down towards the end of the back row before seeing Jacqueline’s face in the window, three houses to the end. I almost went by it with being in such a rush, but her face registered in time for me to pull back on my run.

I remain motionless as I watch through the window. Ethan is sitting across from her and they are both smiling, looking to be in a deep discussion. If she knew what happiness was, I would think that’s what she’d realize she’s currently feeling. At least that’s the way it looks. The fact that she doesn’t understand that feeling makes my heart ache. I know what I need to do.

Glancing at both directions on each side of me to confirm no one else is coming, I walk straight to her door and knock two times, trying to be as quiet as possible but loud enough for them to hear.

The door swings open and there she is, standing in front of me. Her hair is pulled back into a tight bun, showing deep set lines around her eyes. She already looks years older despite me being gone for only a few months. Her clothes, her hair- everything looks so much more mature- including the way she’s standing in the door, so comfortable with her house and her life.

“Evangeline!” Jacqueline squeals out as her brown eyes light up. She gives me a big hug and says, “Come in!”

I am grateful for the invite, to be somewhere within closed doors and not exposed to anyone else that could possibly see me and know that I’m not supposed to be back in Impetus. I’m also relieved to see her personality hasn’t changed at all.

When the door closes behind me, I can’t help but give her another hug. I can feel her for the first time in my life and it makes her hug an amazing thing- something actually intimate and special. I pull away, taking a couple of steps back and say, “You look beautiful as always.”

She flashes her big smile at me. “Welcome to our home.”

I look around at the quaint space. In the main room, there’s a tan couch, wooden bookshelf filled with a variety of books, and a few other decorations and odds and ends. To the right is a room that looks to be the bedroom and then a smaller door which I’m assuming leads to the bathroom. The kitchen is to my left with a small table, several cabinets, refrigerator, and stove.

Ethan waves from the table. “Good to see you, Evangeline.” He stands up, pushing his chair back. “I’ll give you ladies some time to talk.” He grabs their plates and places them with a clink in the sink. He slips behind us, disappearing into the bedroom with the door closing quietly.  It’s weird to think that Jacqueline lives with a man now.

“Come sit.” She pulls me to the couch. I take a seat on the soft couch at her request and peek over at the open window, aware that I could still be exposed if the wrong person walks by.

“I can’t stay for long.” I declare sadly. I would give anything for this to just be a regular visit where we talk about our days. But if I can get her out of here, we can have those days back and they will be better than ever before. “I’m sure you’ve been looking for me. I can’t imagine what you must have thought happened to me after that fiasco.” 

“I haven’t been looking for you.” Jacqueline admits matter-of-factly, blindly stinging me with her words. “I believed I would see you again. And here you are so I was right.”

It hurt to think that while I was suffering in that box, she wasn’t worried about where I was. Then I correct myself, realizing that of course she can’t be alarmed. Impetus prevents her from having feelings of anything including concern. Still, she admitted that she hadn’t been wondering about where I am. That hurts and she doesn’t even realize it.

“Things aren’t right, Jacqueline. This life here… they’re not telling us the truth. Bad things are happening. There’s something so much more outside--”

“I know.” She responds, harshly cutting me off.

“You know? How much do you know?” I am flabbergasted. How has Jacqueline been able to figure this out?

“Shhh.” She chastises me. “If someone walked by and heard you asking a question, you’d be punished.”

I’d be punished for other reasons
, I think to myself but stay quiet, hoping she’ll still answer my question.

“I guess I don’t know specifics.” Jacqueline admits. “In one of the early trainings with the Doctor, he told me he can’t be on Remedy. He has to be able to feel to do his job. That’s why I didn’t want that path… I knew I didn’t want to be forced off Remedy. I don’t want to feel.” 

Liam had shared with me that Doctor Bordine and a couple of the other Community Board members are the only ones not on Remedy due to the delicate requirements of their profession. That’s why they’re so careful with who they choose to move into those prominent positions in order to still function under the regulations of Impetus while holding the strictest amount of confidentiality. So although this information didn’t come as a surprise to me, the fact that Jacqueline has known about this for years is a shocking revelation. Apparently I wasn’t the only one with secrets throughout our friendship.  It also now makes sense to me why her and the Doctor had such a strained relationship.

Jacqueline glances over her shoulder at the open window and sighs. “Evangeline, I’m not stupid.  I know things aren’t completely as they seem. But I believe in the system. I believe there’s a reason behind all of this. You’ve seen the books, the movies, the fractions of pieces of The Before like I have. There’s nothing out of that I want. They
destroyed
themselves.” She grabs her hair, pulling it to the side of her shoulder and subconsciously braids it while avoiding my eyes. “Everything I’ve ever wanted, I have. This system works. You just have to believe.” She shoots me a look from the corner of her eye. “And obey.”

I ignore her purposeful stab at me. “But don’t you want to know the reason behind it instead of just believing? If there’s more, wouldn’t you want it?”

Jacqueline sits up straight and looks at me head on. “Evangeline, if you’re going to sit in my house, you need to obey the rules. You are not going to put me and Ethan at risk.” It’s the most serious I’ve ever heard Jacqueline be. I never thought she would speak to me in that way. “I already told you, I have everything I’ve ever wanted. You would too if you’d just cool it. I don’t know what happened to you when we were younger, but I thought for sure you’d snap out of it after we graduated. Instead it’s like you’ve gotten worst.”

I sit, bewildered. A part of me wants to cry at her words. She has no clue what I’ve been through! What
they
put me through! She wants to defend a community who tried to torture me and who knows how many others throughout the years! I want to shout out to her and tell her about all of these truths that I’ve discovered, but I’m at a loss for words. Here was my best friend for my entire life who now has been brainwashed to someone I don’t know. The only thing I can think to say is, “So you wouldn’t go with me somewhere else if I asked you.”

“There’s nowhere else to go.” She firmly responds, making it evident she doesn’t care to hear anything else. This conversation is clearly over.