The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller (29 page)

It takes a couple of days, but after all the legal paperwork is filled out and she’s given the official okay to leave, Kaeleb and I carefully transport Linda home. We gladly take the advice offered to us by the staff and rent the best medical bed we can find, then after removing the living room furniture, we set her up right in the middle of the room. We also hire a hospice service to help us with her general care and to give us direction. They start by setting her up with an I.V. to deliver whatever pain meds she needs to make the rest of her time here on Earth as comfortable as possible. They also guide both of us in the little things, like helping her to the bathroom, general nutrition tips, and even how to properly give her medication and breathing treatments. Our first trip to the bathroom is surprisingly easy. As she puts her weight against me, it’s then that I realize how truly thin and frail she has become.

Over the next couple of weeks, I watch as her body slowly withers away, a true testament to how hard she was fighting to stay alive. Once Linda allowed her body to give in, there was no turning back.

My time on winter break passes quickly and as I stand here now, observing her as she sleeps somewhat peacefully, I know the calm exterior I’m witnessing is the exact opposite of the carnage and destruction being inflicted inside her body.

Cancer is a merciless pillager.

I’m disrupted from my thoughts when Kaeleb enters the living room, freshly showered and fully dressed, setting our bags gently on the floor before coming to stand by my side. I watch him as he gazes at Linda with concern filling his beautiful eyes before looking at me. He offers me a sad, uneven smile before rubbing the back of his neck and glancing at the bags in the corner.

“You ready?” he asks.

Following his gaze, I shrug my shoulders. “I guess. We need to wait for hospice to arrive before we go.” My heart clenches at the idea of leaving her, even if it’s just for the day.

“Of course,” he offers as he tucks a strand of black hair behind my ear. “I see you took your piercings out.”

“I did.” I sigh as I tear my eyes away from the bags. “I don’t need them anymore.”

His smile lifts as he strokes my cheek with his thumb. “You don’t.”

Dropping his hand, he adds, “I’m really proud of you, Bree. Not just with the way you’ve handled all of this with Linda, but also with your decision to stay with her.”

My lips form a modest grin. “Thank you, Kaeleb, for bringing me here, to her. You have no idea how much you’ve done for me.”

Kaeleb narrows his eyes a tiny bit before reaching forward and gliding his fingertips along my brow line, removing the hair from my face. He watches me for moment before inhaling a soft breath, whispering, “There you are.”

My heart skips with the term as it passes through his lips, the familiarity of his words sending my mind back to a time when I would have just jumped into his arms and hugged him for simply being
him
.

My chest thrums as he slowly leans forward and presses his lips gently to my cheek, cradling my face before releasing me. When he’s done, he takes a small step backward and gives me a wink. “It’s good to have you back.”

I remain silent, enjoying the tingle of where his lips just caressed my skin, and watch as he turns his back to me, walking to the corner and grabbing the bags before heading outside.

Linda stirs beside me. When I turn to face her, her eyes are open and a weak smile plays on her lips as she reaches forward. I take her emaciated hand into mine and she gives it a small squeeze before lifting her chin in the direction of the door. “You’d better not lose that boy again or I will personally haunt you for the rest of your life.”

A light laugh escapes me and my shoulders bob as I shake my head. “I’m not quite sure he’s mine to have, Linda.”

Her eyes drift closed as she inhales lightly. “He’s always been yours. And you his…” she trails off in a whisper before nodding back off to sleep.

I lean over her tiny body to kiss her forehead, muttering against her skin, “You’re as bad as Quinn, you know.” My lips curve into a slight smile as I step back and continue to watch her until hospice arrives.

Once everything is set, I grab some clothes and assure them of my return this evening. I’ve already withdrawn from my classes, explaining to the professors the situation here, and telling them that I need to take some time off but that I’ll be back as soon as I can. All were very understanding and gracious as they offered their condolences and well wishes.

The ride back to my apartment with Kaeleb is much more relaxed and engaging than the trip here. Obviously. We discuss a number of things: classes, food, music, movies, books, and of course, Walter. Who, by the way, has been a favorite return boarder at doggie daycare.

The conversation is a much needed relief from the intensity of the last couple of weeks. But soon, as my mind drifts to Quinn, I no longer want to make trivial conversation. I want to know what’s going on with my friend.

“Sooo…since you’ve been keeping tabs with Linda, I assume that you’ve also been speaking to Quinn? How is she?” I ask, my voice hopeful.

Kaeleb takes in a deep breath, then turns his head, giving me an encouraging smile. “She’s really good actually. She’s been in some pretty intensive therapy since she left. Working out her issues and focusing on her relationship with her parents.” He looks forward again and signals to change lanes.

“She had a long discussion with her mother. It seems she was mainly concerned with Quinn’s lack of self-confidence when she was younger and made a simple suggestion that she start eating healthy and exercising. In Quinn’s mind, that turned into things like fat camps, which wasn’t the case.” He glances at me from the driver’s seat.

“The camps were for confidence, and pageants were for self-esteem.” He releases another lengthy sigh. “But, I don’t blame her for thinking the way she did. There’s only so long you can live in your head before your view on certain things gets…
distorted
.”

He cocks his eyebrow before turning back to the road.

“Yeah,” I answer absently, lost in memories of that horrific night. “I feel so stupid though, you know? I thought she was getting better. I
wanted
her to get better so badly I ignored everything in my gut that was telling me otherwise. She could’ve died because I chose to remain oblivious to it all.”

Kaeleb reaches across the console and takes my hand in his, gingerly stroking it with his thumb. “I think we’re both guilty of overlooking certain aspects that should have never been ignored. But you also have to realize, some battles just aren’t yours to fight, no matter how desperately you want that person to get better.”

His eyes are full of certainty as he looks over at me, wordlessly communicating that the meaning of his statement isn’t solely about Quinn. My lips curve up gently before I set my other hand on top of his and give it a light squeeze before looking forward.

As I watch the terrain passing by, I inwardly sigh, grateful to have Kaeleb back in my life, only if it is just as a friend. I refuse to consider the possibility of anything more. Regardless of what my heart wants, my head knows that it’s just not an option at this point in my life.

This time is for Linda and Linda only.

Not much more is said during the car ride as we become lost in our thoughts. We arrive at my apartment and Kaeleb drops me off, leaving me with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call often.

After I’ve taken care of everything, I throw my bag into the trunk of my car and head to campus to hang the fliers I made to sublet my half of the apartment. Quinn’s was paid through the rest of the lease, so only mine needs to be taken care of until May.

When all fifty fliers are hung around campus, I head to my very last stop before going back to Linda.

Entering the Psych building, I breathe in deeply, the familiar stale air reminding me of my many sessions in Palmer’s office. So much has happened since the first time we spoke, and I’m reminded of every single event as I make my way to his office.

Once I reach his door, I take in one more deep breath before knocking.

As soon as it opens, I’m greeted with surprised eyes and a familiar grin as Palmer takes in my appearance.

“Aubrey, it’s good to see you again,” he says, gesturing for me to enter.

“You too, Doc,” I respond with my typical playful punch to the arm. I take my usual spot on the couch while he takes his seat.

His eyes continue to wander over my face until he reclines in his chair and crosses his ankle over his knee.

“You seem as though you’re feeling better than the last time you visited.” He steeples his fingers over his lips and I smile at the clichéd gesture that he falls into so often.

“I am. I, uh, I guess you could say I had a breakthrough over the last couple of weeks.”

He nods. “That’s good, Aubrey. That’s very good. What, if you don’t mind me asking, brought on this breakthrough?”

I glance at the blanket beside me and run my fingers along its fringe before answering. “Well, Kaeleb basically kidnapped me. That’s what started it. Thanks for that, Doc.” I give him a disapproving look in jest, and Palmer’s chuckles fill the air. “He took me to see Linda. When I walked into that hospital room and witnessed how hard she was fighting, everything just kind of made sense. My own issues seemed so trivial in the grand scheme of things.” I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s hard to describe.”

Palmer drops his hands from his face and leans forward, placing his foot on the ground and his elbows on his knees. “There’s no need. I understand what you mean.”

“Well, anyway, I’m here to say
thank you
. For everything. Your patience, your guidance, your willingness to just listen. Without you, I wouldn’t be sitting here as the person I am today. So thank you.”

My face breaks into a smile as his cheeks begin to redden. “You’re very welcome, Aubrey. Like I said, I’m always here, even when you don’t need me anymore.”

“Well, that’s the thing, Doc. I might be
in need of your guidance over the next couple of months…if you don’t mind.”

His eyebrows rise and he tilts his head, curious.

I clear my throat.

“Linda, well, she’s not doing well. I’ve withdrawn from classes this semester in order to stay with her.” He nods slowly in understanding as I continue to speak. “I just wanted to ask you if it would be okay to call you, you know, if I need to talk?” I finish, my voice sounding timid with the question.

“Of course, Aubrey. Feel free to call anytime.” He rises and heads over to his desk, then returns and offers me his business card. “Day or night.”

Standing, I take it from him and slip it into my back pocket before glancing back down to the couch. “Um, I know this is a weird request, but can I take this?” I gesture to the blanket.

His face breaks into a grin. “I take it you don’t have a problem with the blanket anymore?”

“No, the opposite actually. It’s given me comfort when I needed it most, and I would like to take it with me to Linda’s if that’s all right. I’ll bring it back.”

Palmer steps forward and clutches his fingers around the material before picking it up and handing it to me. “No need to return it. It’s yours.”

I accept it with a smile and cradle it to my chest as we walk to the door. Once it’s opened, I step outside his office.

“I mean it Aubrey, anytime.”

“Thanks, Doc.” Just as I turn away from him to leave, he clears his throat, halting my footsteps. Twisting back around, my eyes meet his.

“I’m really proud of you, Aubrey. Facing your fears isn’t easy. It seems you’ve done that and more since I’ve seen you last.” He pauses and peers at me, emphasizing his next statement. “You did all of that on your own. You thank
me
, but don’t forget it was
your
strength that got you to this point in your life. When you feel that strength wavering, just focus on that, okay?” His eyes are caring with his offered advice.

I nod my head and exit his office as my mind considers the inevitable.

I know the road ahead of me isn’t going to be easy. I know there will be moments I’m unsure and afraid. But it’s these moments that will define my future as they mold me into the adult I will become.

But I also know I’ll get through it.

I have no other choice.

I want no other choice.

Because such is life and I’m finally ready to fully embrace it.

I called Quinn as soon as I got settled into Linda’s, and because of the person that she is, I was welcomed back into her life with a high-pitched squeal and the complete rundown on what had been happening in the months since I’d seen her last. A lot of things I already knew from Kaeleb, but I let her talk me through them anyway. We skated over what happened to me over the last year, but right before we hung up, we both said what needed to be said.

“Aubrey, I’m so sorry for doing that to you. It was really selfish of me. I know that what I did played a part in what happened with you and I don’t think I will ever be able to apologize enough for that.”

“Quinn, you needed help, plain and simple, and I chose not to see that. It’s just as much my fault as yours. So let’s agree to just leave it in the past and move forward, okay?”