The Returning Hero (8 page)

“Ah, I should put that pasta on, right?” he asked.

Jamie cleared her throat, took a step backward to put some distance between them, to force a space between them that would stop the magnetic pull she was feeling toward him. Toward a man she couldn’t feel like that about, not yet. Not now. She’d lost two soldiers in her life already—there was no way she was going to let a third one break her heart.

“I’ll, ah, go set up the table outside,” she told him, nodding her head like she was trying to convince herself. “We may as well eat alfresco.”

Brett turned away and pulled out a big pot, filling it with water and setting it to boil. “This won’t take long. I’ll bring it all out when it’s ready.”

Jamie swallowed a lump of something—maybe it was just pure emotion but it felt like pure pain to her—and pulled out place mats and cutlery. She could come back for the wine, but right now she needed some space. A moment to breathe. A moment to think about what she was so close to doing.

Because if she did it, if she gave in to her feelings, then there was no going back. And she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life regretting ruining the one friendship that meant the world to her, and had meant even more to her husband.

Jamie walked outside and set the table, before wandering around to the side of the house and leaning against it, out of view of the kitchen. She needed to feel the air on her face, shut her eyes and just think.

About Sam.
About the fact that she was still wearing her wedding ring, that she still loved the man she’d married five years ago, that she didn’t want to be unfaithful to him even though he was gone.

And the fact that her feelings for Brett were starting to consume her.

Because friends or not, widow or not, she wanted to know what it felt like to kiss Brett again. To be held in his arms. To have his big body pressed against hers, protecting her,
loving her.

“You okay?”

Jamie’s eyes flew open and she smoothed her hands down over her shorts.

“Yeah, fine. I just needed a minute.”

She turned to find him standing by the table, not coming into her space, but concern was written all over his face. He’d brought the wine and their glasses out, along with some napkins.

“Jamie, are we okay?”

She took a deep breath. “Yeah, we’re okay.” Jamie paused. “We are, right?”

Brett nodded, smiling, but his eyes told a story of concern. Of not knowing what to say, of what to think about what was happening.

Because they weren’t okay and yet they were, all at the same time.

“How’s that pasta looking?” she asked.

“Your stomach still growling?”

She reached for the wine bottle and poured a little more into each of their glasses. “It just so happens that I’m ravenous. I can’t wait.”

Brett gave her one last, long look before turning around and heading back inside. “Give me two minutes. Then you can eat until you can’t fit another mouthful in.”

Comfort food was exactly what she needed, and if the taste of sauce she’d had inside was anything to go by, it might even take her mind off how she was feeling. At least for a few minutes.

CHAPTER SEVEN

J
AMIE
LEANED
BACK
, glass of wine in hand, staring up at the stars. It was only nine o’clock, but the sun had gone down long ago and the only light around them was the artificial kind. She’d lit the large candle in the center of the table, and the small flame was making her smile with its constant flicker against the glass, but it wasn’t doing enough to distract her entirely from Brett.

Their dinner had been amazing, and things seemed to have simmered down between them. There had been no awkward silences, no difficult conversations, just a pleasant night eating alfresco in good company. She was full and content from the huge bowl of pasta she had, the tomato taste still lingering even now. She’d never tasted homemade tomato sauce like that, and now she had, she knew she’d never be satisfied with the bought kind again.

“You know, when you’re away like we were, the stars are the only constant. The one thing you can look up at, and know that someone else in another country will be staring up at that same sky.”

She turned her head slightly so she could see Brett’s profile. The light was playing off his features, making him look even more handsome than usual. His dark hair looked black, shadows across part of his face making his features seem even stronger, more masculine. Jamie had always thought him handsome, but sitting out here with him tonight, watching the kind and thoughtful expressions on his face, she knew she’d never realized quite how gorgeous he really was. They’d spent so much time together over the years, but never alone like this without the other guys around.

“Did you wonder sometimes why you were there? Wish you weren’t?” Jamie asked him. “I mean, it must have been hard dealing with being away so often, doing what you were doing.”

He chuckled. “There were plenty of times I wished I wasn’t there, but that was usually because of boredom, or missing things from home.” He paused, took a long sip of his drink, clearly deep in thought. “I never lost sight of why we were there, though. And without us? So many soldiers would have been losing their lives. There would be convoys blown up everywhere without our dogs detecting IEDs. Men coming home in body bags. The young guys standing on those bloody things is enough to make you physically sick. Just kids, in their twenties, and having to have prosthetic limbs fitted just to be able to walk again.” He sighed. “And besides, the army was like my family. They were all I had.”

“I can’t even imagine what you went through. How you could put your life and your dogs in danger…” She froze, catching her lip between her teeth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” Jamie wished she could have crawled into a hole and died. She knew why they did it, she just couldn’t imagine dealing with it, living it. And she hadn’t meant to bring up his dog dying again.

Brett smiled, but she knew the reminder of his dog must have hurt.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about offending me,” he said. “We all know the risks when we go in, but nothing prepares you. Especially for the hatred, of how desperate they are to blow each and every one of us into pieces. It’s kind of hard to understand until you’re there, and once you are, you just have to stay focused on the job.”

“I heard about that dog they found. The one that survived despite everything she went through.” Jamie sighed. “I should be embarrassed by how much I cried when I read it.”

He laughed, his smile wide. “Yeah, she was injured, survived one of the harshest winters and summers on record, and managed to be spotted by troops more than a year later. Sarbi is the poster dog for never losing hope. And better still, she’s an Australian citizen.”

They sat in silence for a bit, and Jamie hoped she hadn’t ruined the night by bringing up war and death. She’d been trying to avoid mentioning Sam, but somehow the conversation had reverted to soldier talk, which seemed to lead straight back to her husband.

“Do you think I’m going to make it? As a dog owner, I mean?”

Brett had been leaning back, his chair on two legs, but when she spoke he pushed in closer to the table and leaned toward her instead.

“Sweetheart, Bear is in love with you and you’re desperate to look after him properly. If there was ever a partnership destined to work, it’s this one. And besides, you were already doing well, it was just that he was a bit confused by your signals.”

The smile that spread across her face was genuine, because if Brett thought she could make it, then maybe her chances weren’t so bad after all. Especially with his help to make her understand her new canine—she wouldn’t have ever given up on Bear, but they sure could have struggled for a while trying to figure one another out.

“Talking of partnerships,” she said, digging her fingers into her palm to force herself to continue. “Are you sure I’m not keeping you from seeing anyone? I mean, I don’t want you to feel that you have to be here babysitting me.”

He stared at her, face expressionless. For a moment she wondered if she’d offended him, wished she hadn’t said anything, until he shrugged and grinned at her.

“I’m not seeing anyone, if that’s what you’re asking,” he said. “And for the record, I have no plans to
babysit
you.”

Jamie fought the blush that was heating her neck and cheeks, refusing to give in to it. “I didn’t mean to be nosy, it’s just you’ve been spending so much time with me, and I didn’t want you to feel so sorry for me that you were missing out on seeing someone else. Someone…”
Special
was what she’d been thinking of saying. He might have said he wasn’t seeing anyone, but it didn’t mean he wanted to spend all his free time with her.

Now his expression was serious, completely different than before. “I’m not here because I feel sorry for you. Don’t ever think that for a second.”

She stared back at him, lost in his dark gaze, his eyes stormy and almost black in the half-light. She’d thought he looked beyond handsome before, but all riled up he looked even more irresistible.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love having you here, but I feel guilty about keeping you from what you want to be doing,” she said. “I know I need to stand on my own two feet, learn how to be alone.” Just because she knew it, didn’t make it any easier.

“Jamie, I only came back to Sydney for you.”

She swallowed, not quite sure what to say. He wouldn’t have come back to his home city if it hadn’t been for her? Maybe she’d heard him wrong.

“I’m the one who should be feeling guilty, for taking so long to get back here. For not being here for you when you needed me,” he said. “I’ve been beating myself up about deserting you for months, so believe me when I say that this is exactly the place I want to be. Sam was family to me, and that makes you family. I should have been here sooner.”

“Oh, Brett, you were injured and you’d lost your best friend and your dog. You have nothing to apologize for,” she told him. “I just appreciate seeing you again, having you here, but I wouldn’t have judged you if you’d decided not to come home at all.”

He cleared his throat, leaned across the table toward her and then seemed to change his mind, clasping his hands and staring back up at the sky.

“I didn’t come back for no reason, Jamie.”

When he looked back at her, she had to force herself not to hold her breath. Because she had a feeling that what he was struggling to tell her was something that would change
everything
between them. More than a touch or a drunken kiss ever could, which meant this was something she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear.

Just because she was having feelings for him, knew that the way she felt about him had changed, didn’t mean that she was ready to hear him admit the same to her.

“You don’t need to tell me,” she heard herself say, afraid..

“You know when we met, all those years ago? Before you had even met Sam?”

She did remember, well. It wasn’t something they’d ever really discussed, but it wasn’t something she’d ever forgotten, either. “You were dating that gorgeous blonde.”

“She
was
gorgeous, but I finished with her that night.”

Jamie felt her eyebrows pull together. “Why?” Now she
did
want to hear what he had to say. Why would any man end things with a woman that beautiful?

“Because after I met you, you were all I could think about. I didn’t want to ask you out while I was involved, because I wanted to do it right, but by the time I found you…”

No, he couldn’t have. Jamie gulped. “I was already with Sam,” she finished for him.

“You were already with Sam,” he repeated, “and he was happier than I’d ever seen him in his life, so there was no way I would have ever stepped in, even at the start. Sam was like my brother, and I’d have sacrificed anything for him.
And I did
.”

“But you were looking for me?” she said, voice low, almost a whisper. “You actually came looking for me after that night?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “Kind of ironic, huh? It all just blew up in my face like I’d never even met you, like that night had never even happened.”

“And you never told Sam? You just let us…” She didn’t even know what to say.

The night she’d met Brett, at a party where she’d hardly known anyone, she’d been drawn to him immediately. But their flirting had been nothing more than that, because he’d had a girlfriend, although she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking about him afterward. That she hadn’t wished he’d been single.

And then she’d met Sam.
Gorgeous, kind, loving Sam, who’d she fallen in love with and married within a year. Leaving Brett as a pleasant memory of what could have been.

“I told Sam that I’d never found the girl I met at that party, the one I’d talked about nonstop, because when I saw him with you, I knew he’d found
the one
.” Brett blew out a breath. “I never stopped kicking myself for letting you walk away that night, and I got to see my best friend marry my dream girl. And all these years I just kept my mouth shut and never said anything, because no good could ever have come out of me being honest about my feelings, about what had happened.”

She couldn’t stop staring at Brett, could hardly believe what he was telling her—the words that were coming out of his mouth. She’d been insanely attracted to him, too, but thinking about what could have been wasn’t something she’d ever really considered, until now. Because she’d been happy with Sam, she’d
loved
Sam, and Brett had always been his best friend. His best friend who’d loved to flirt with her and make her laugh, who she’d always thought could have been someone more to her at a different time, different place.

“So what did you come back for this time, Brett?” she asked.

Brett shrugged. “I told myself I was coming back to look out for you, to stay true to what I promised Sam, but honestly? That’s not the reason I’m still here.”

Jamie’s hand was shaking slightly as she reached for her glass, clutching the stem to steady it, for something to do to stop herself from staring at him. For the first time in her life, she was absolutely speechless—couldn’t even grasp what he was telling her. She took a sip of wine.