The Revelations (17 page)

‘Jesus,’ Marcus said. Abby gasped.

Lee stumbled back and he caught her. He could see that along the side of the lake there was a line of the grain drums that the gamekeeper used to feed pheasants for the shoot. Above each one hung a dead rook, feathers falling from breasts and wings, eyeless, their bodies slowly growing to resemble the bone grey of their beaks. They all rotated eerily in the gloomy light under the pines, stirred by the fingers of the wind. He could follow the path of each gust in the quivering dead birds. Marcus led the girls hurriedly away from the water.

Back in the house, they took off their boots and made their way up to their rooms. They met Mrs Millman coming down the stairs. She smiled when she saw them.

‘Hello, young ones. Did you have a nice walk? You just missed the weather. It gets into my bones when it’s like this. I wish it would just break and be done with it. There’ll be tea and scones in the hall at four thirty, if you fancy it.’

Marcus and Abby left Lee at the door of her room. The hem of her skirt was black with mud and she looked very tired suddenly.

‘Have a sleep, love,’ Abby said, hugging her friend.

‘I will. I’m done in.’ Lee smiled at them and closed the door behind her.

Marcus and Abby lay on their bed reading for an hour as the light faded outside. Recently there had been a number of books published by high-profile academics and journalists attacking Christianity specifically or religious belief in general. Abby had a high pile of these books beside her bed at home and was currently working through one that had a picture of the author in the centre of the back cover, fixing the viewer with his notoriously piercing gaze, the high sweep of his equally famous hair barely contained within the photograph. Marcus put down the novel he was half-reading and nuzzled into the soft skin of Abby’s neck.

‘Don’t you worry about reading those? That you might be persuaded? I can never pick them up.’

Abby laid the book down on her lap and reached over to stroke Marcus’s hair, pulling his head onto her chest and running her nails across his scalp.

‘No, I don’t mind reading them. There are places where I think they’re spot on. Some of the rituals around faith are outmoded and ridiculous. Some of the more literal interpretations of the Bible are daft. But they use those examples to reject everything about Christianity. And that’s as idiotic as the people they’re trying to discredit. What I find most interesting, though, is that sometimes I feel these atheists have a closer relationship with the God they say they hate than a lot of believers. It takes a lot of heart to really hate someone.’

Marcus turned to face her and she placed a long kiss on his lips, slipping her tongue into his mouth. They both kept their eyes open and he could see thoughts moving through her mind like eels at the bottom of a pool. She drew away and smiled down at him.

‘It’s only recently that the big minds have been on the side of the enemy. You just have to read Milton or Bunyan or C. S. Lewis and they provide everything you need to defend against these books. They’re a fad, a way for these vain old men to pay for dental work, ensure that they have beautiful coffins to house them for their disenchanted eternities.’

Marcus liked it when Abby got angry. Her cheeks flushed bullfinch red and she breathed very quickly, her face creasing into a frown of concentration. Her anger always passed swiftly; now her face was once again centred upon her wide smile. Rain began to spot on the windows. Marcus could see it streaming down from the clouds over the woods.

‘I feel a bit sick,’ Abby said.

‘I’m really nervous, too.’ He took her hand.

‘I just feel like there’s so much pressure on us. I really want David to be proud of us. I want him to feel like the Retreat has been a success.’

Marcus was quiet for a moment.

‘It’s different for you, I think. Because you work for the Course. I worry about some of the ways we keep people attending. Sometimes I think the Course should live and die on its own merits. Poor Maki clearly isn’t feeling comfortable, but I think we’ve almost persuaded her to stick it out.’

‘If people stay for long enough, they’re converted. You know that. The Course just needs time to do its work, and if we have to be a little disingenuous in order to buy that time, I can live with that. Maki will end up thanking us for it. Sometimes you have to commit a few small sins to achieve something as good and holy as conversion to the Course.’

‘You’re right. I know you are. But you can see why it makes me uncomfortable.’

Abby smiled distantly at him and rose from the bed. ‘We should go downstairs,’ she said. ‘It’s time for tea.’

Marcus knocked on Lee’s door on the way down. She answered it wearing a black blouse that clung tightly to her ribs; the sleeves were fitted around her thin arms and the décolletage dived low, showing a thin strip of mauve bra. She was still in her pants, and turned away from Marcus to pull on a new skirt. While Abby waited in the hallway outside, he watched Lee bend to tug the skirt up over her spindly legs. He imagined stepping behind her, pressing himself against her thin body, feeling the flimsy delicacy of her. She looked quizzically over her shoulder at him, thrust her feet into a pair of white trainers and shut the door behind her.

They ate tea in the hall as the rain roared down around them. Mrs Millman brought out plates of buttered scones. The twins toasted marshmallows by the fire and dropped them
into
mugs of hot chocolate which they passed around the other Course members. Neil had changed into a blue blazer with nautical gold buttons which he polished absent-mindedly with his handkerchief as he listened to David and the Earl, who were sitting in armchairs by the fire. The Earl was speaking loudly about a mine he had invested in after a tip-off from a priest.

‘He’s out at the Anglican mission in Baku. Does a service every now and then for BP executives and their wives, but mainly he’s quietly lining his own pockets. Tipped me off about this uranium find a couple of years back and it has been quite spectacular . . .’

Philip and Maki chatted quietly in a corner. When the scones had disappeared, a comfortable lull fell over the group. Marcus lolled in an armchair in one corner with Abby perched on the arm; Mouse, with his nose pressed against the window, watched the rain fall in the darkness outside; Lee sat at his side, her hand on his back. After a few minutes, David rose from his chair, stood next to the fire and spoke, his white shirt very bright above khaki chinos.

‘It’s time for me to go down and prepare for this evening’s service. This is the centrepiece of the Retreat, the heart of the whole Course, really. You guys should make your way down when you feel ready. It is a good idea to sit down there and prepare yourselves to speak to God before we begin. We’ll be playing some gentle music to help get you in the mood before we start the service proper at six. I’ll be praying for all of you. Good luck and God bless.’

He strode towards the doors, flung them open and stepped out into the darkness and the rain. The Earl followed him into the deluge and Marcus watched them scurry down to the chapel. He stood up, took Abby by the hand and led her outside. Mouse and Lee followed, with Mouse’s velvet jacket tented above them. Inside the chapel it was very dark. Marcus and Abby still held hands. Someone flicked a switch and a spotlight cut along the aisle, exploding onto the backcloth behind the altar. David stepped into the circle of light. Marcus followed the beam to its source and saw the Earl perched behind a lighting desk in the shadows at the back of the chapel, his fingers moving swiftly over the controls. The beam falling on David faded imperceptibly, until there was only a golden aura surrounding him. Then another spotlight shone onto the stage to the left of the altar, and the four friends walked together down the aisle and took up their positions. Marcus picked up his bass guitar, Mouse sat behind the drum kit, Abby sat on the edge of the stage swinging her legs. Lee started to play the ‘Promenade’ from
Pictures at an Exhibition
, imbuing the music with great sadness. Finally, the priest stepped up to join them, and picked out a series of minor chords on the guitar which he strapped around his neck.

Marcus saw the Course members coming into the chapel in twos and threes, picking their way self-consciously down the aisle. Neil and the twins were first, then Philip and Maki, then a cluster of younger girls from his group, followed by their boyfriends. Finally, Sally and Mrs Millman entered, shaking the water from their umbrellas. The members sat in the pews at the front of the chapel, again holding candles that the Earl had handed to them on the way in.

Abby hummed quietly, her eyes shut, her feet still swinging. Marcus turned his bass down until it was scarcely audible. Mouse circled his brushes over the snare so that the noise from the drum was barely distinguishable from the sound of the rain falling on the chapel roof. The Earl was back behind the lighting desk and he brought the spot up very slowly so that the group on the stage seemed to be at the centre of the room. The music rose gradually and Abby climbed to her feet, stretching her arms upwards as she began to sing.

Mouse had picked up his drumsticks and began to crash out a driving military beat. Marcus turned up his volume switch and, moving into the middle of the stage, David played a series of explosive power chords. The rest of the Course members joined in with the song’s chorus, the mix of voices swirling around the small church.

When the music ended, David put down his guitar and stepped into the beam of light that fell upon the
altar
. The four musicians left on the stage – now in darkness – turned to watch him. The priest pressed his hands together and unleashed his vivid smile. The rain was still falling. Marcus saw that one of the twins’ candles had gone out. He watched her light it from her sister’s flame. The silence continued. Then David’s voice, low and full of power:

‘Welcome. This is a very special night. Each Course has its own character, its own concerns, its own life. This group has grown to be very special to me. Not only is it the first Course to be looked after by our new Course leaders, but I also feel a great sense of holiness among you, a great urge to be close to God. This service will help some of you make that leap. Let us be quiet for a moment. Let us allow silence to work its magic around us, let us dwell with God in that awesome silence that was everywhere before He said
Let there be light
.’

Marcus worried at the strap of his guitar. Threads were coming loose, the leather buckle was cracked and peeling. He looked out into the bent heads of the congregation, downward-turned faces illuminated by the candles they held in their laps. He watched Maki tuck a black ribbon of hair behind her ear to stop it from catching in the flame. After the prayers, there was another long silence and the wind moaned above the sound of the rain. The priest began to talk again, walking down the aisle and facing the Course members as he spoke. Fixing each of them in turn with his bright, pale eyes.

‘Don’t be afraid of letting yourself go. We are brought up to believe that losing control of ourselves is wrong; but only by letting go of yourself will you find yourself. Turn towards the child in you, the innocent in you. Jesus said:
I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
Let us remember what it was like to have the hope, the optimism of children. Help us, we who are blind like the beggar in Jericho, gain our sight. Help us Lord to open up our hearts to you, to step aside from the sinful, corrupt people we are and move towards the people we wish to be. Let us open our arms to you, Lord.’

David placed his hands on Philip’s shoulders and turned him to face the aisle.

‘Philip, I see good in you. Open yourself up to the Lord. Will you, Philip?’

Philip looked at Maki beside him, then over towards Lee on the stage. ‘I will,’ he mumbled.

‘Alice, Ele.’ He took each of the twins by the hand and raised their arms into the air. They held their candles towards him and the priest’s face glowed. ‘You are the Lord’s children now. He loves you with a great love. Will you follow Him?’

‘We will,’ the twins replied.

David walked back down the aisle and stood facing the altar for a moment, then turned to face the members again, speaking very quickly, his head nodding as he spoke.

‘Let the Holy Spirit into your hearts, lose yourself in the love of Jesus, fall into His arms and let Him take the weight of your sins, your heartache.’

Lee, still in darkness, started to play the same series of slowly descending chords as the night before, and Abby, her voice clear and powerful, sang alone.

David stood trapped in the beam of light that fell upon the
altar
. His white shirt shone as he held his arms up to the roof, turned his head upwards and opened his mouth to sing. The light around him increased again until Marcus found it hard to look at the priest. David began to shake in the light, his thin body stretched out, his long fingers reaching up to the sky. He started to chant, again inserting his words rhythmically into the interstices of Abby’s song.

‘Weilala, shanti, shanti, leilala.’

The music grew louder. Marcus and Mouse began to play, the drums and bass picking up the rhythms of the priest’s song. The light came up on the stage and Marcus blinked out over the audience. The Course members in the congregation started singing along with Abby. All eyes were trained on the priest. The sound was beautiful, a language that hid its meaning behind the words, that danced and swooped and shone around them.