The Revenge of Dr Von Burpinburger (4 page)

‘Steady!'

Eric was feeding the pigeons before going to school on Monday morning. Einstein was helping. The pigeons were all over them, cooing and calling.

‘Take it easy,' the boy told them. ‘Everyone'll get fed in the end.'

But the birds took no notice.

So Einstein stepped in. ‘You heard what the boss said,' the mouse shouted. He grabbed a long nail that was lying nearby, and swished it like a sword. ‘Stand back!' he demanded, prancing like a musketeer. ‘Let's have a bit of order here!'

The pigeons fluttered up into the air for a moment. But then in the next instant they rushed back again and swarmed all over Eric and his mouse mate. Einstein had to duck for cover.

Eric scattered the last bits of cereal and stood. ‘We'd better be going,' he told Einstein. ‘Don't want to be late for school.'

At that moment, a big black shadow crept over them, and covered the whole terrace. Eric froze. Einstein shuddered. The birds stopped babbling. And everyone looked up.

An enormous grey balloon was blocking out the morning sun. It drifted slowly across until it was directly above Eric and his friends. Then it began to descend.

‘Got you this time,' said a familiar voice from above.

The little man with the big head hung out of the basket that swayed beneath the balloon. Next to him was a figure covered in bandages. For a moment Eric thought it was a mummy, escaped from an ancient pyramid, but then he realised that it must be the flying madman.

‘They're back,' he said to Einstein. ‘Those lunatics.'

‘
Balloonatics
,' Einstein shouted.

‘They're coming down fast,' Eric added. ‘They're going to land right on top of us!'

‘Not if our pigeon patrol can help it,' Einstein grinned. ‘Look!' The birds had flown straight up into the air and were attacking the balloon.

But the doctor was ready this time. He pointed a hose at them and a strong spray knocked the pigeons out of the sky in all directions. At the same time, Brique lunged with a net at any birds that came too close. The pigeons tried their hardest, but they couldn't stop the big balloon descending.

‘This is serious!' Eric shouted. ‘What can we do?'

Dr von Burpinburger was enjoying every moment. ‘Ha ha,' he gurgled. ‘It's all over, Wimplebottom! As for you, mouse, prepare to meet your master.' He cackled with glee and let out a long, loud burp.

Einstein heard the burp and something clicked. ‘That's it!' he called to Eric. ‘His name. I've got his name. It's Burp … Burp …
Burpinburger
. He's Dr von Burpinburger. He stole me from my family and experimented on me. And now he wants to kidnap me again!'

‘We've got to stop him!' shouted Eric.

‘You said it.' Einstein was still scared, but he was furious too. His head buzzed and whirred. It rattled and hummed, and even rumbled, until in the end he held up his paw.

‘I've got it,' he said, and gave a long piercing whistle.

Luke heard the whistle. The big pigeon turned and dived down to the terrace, landing right next to Einstein. The mouse leant over and grabbed the nail he'd been using earlier as a sword.

‘This should do the trick,' he chuckled. ‘We'll nail those two nicely.'

Einstein brandished his weapon, and this time it really did look like a sword, glinting in the morning sun. Then he climbed onto Luke's back and the two of them cooed and warbled to each other in pigeonese.

‘What going on?' Eric asked.

‘Just a little plan,' Einstein grinned. ‘A two-pronged plan.'

He gave Luke a nudge. The pigeon spread his wings and swooped up into the air. Eric called after them, but already they were high in the sky.

Luke flew in a wide circle around the balloon, while Einstein swung his sword in the air and shouted at the doctor.

‘Big mistake, Burpee Boy! Should've picked on someone your own size. You are goin' down, clown. Down, down, down!'

He whispered to Luke, and they swerved in closer. The doctor didn't know what to do. If he turned his hose on Einstein, the mouse might fall and be killed. He certainly didn't want that to happen.

‘Be ready with the net, Brique,' the doctor hissed. ‘If they come close, nab them.'

They did come close. Very close. It was all part of Einstein's plan, but it looked risky to Eric. He could barely watch as Luke swooped right in. The doctor leant from the basket as far as he could, and the mummy-man lunged with his net. They'd catch them for sure!

But then, at the very last moment, Luke swerved away. With horrified shrieks, both men lost their balance and fell out of the basket. Brique managed to grab the edge of the basket, but the doctor missed. He just caught hold of Brique's leg. The two villains screamed and howled as they hung in the air.

But the balloon was still floating down onto the terrace. It had to be moved off course somehow. This was prong two of Einstein's plan.

He shouted to Luke, and the pigeon flew up to the side of the balloon. When they were as close as possible, Einstein grasped the nail like a spear, drew his arm right back, and hurled it as hard as he could. The nail went straight into the side of the balloon, puncturing it.

The hole was small at first, but soon widened, and the air rushing out sent the balloon sideways. So now, instead of coming down on Eric's apartment, the balloon was descending
between
the big buildings. It would land in the main street of the city, at the busiest time of the day.

Eric watched as the balloon floated past, down to the street. The pigeons sat on the railing and
watched as well, waving their wings. Einstein and Luke circled the balloon once more then swung in close to the villains.

‘Any last requests?' Einstein asked

‘You're mine!' Dr von Burpinburger screamed. ‘Come here at once!'

‘Very well,' Einstein giggled. ‘If you insist.' At that, he landed Luke right on top of the doctor's head. ‘Here I am. All yours, Doc.'

The doctor spluttered in fury, and then with one hand tried to grab the mouse. What a mistake! He lost his grip and fell. Luckily, he just managed to grab hold of a strip of Brique's bandage.

There was a very loud tearing noise, and the bandage began to unravel. Slowly it peeled away from Brique in a long strip. People in the street
looked up and gasped at the horrible sight descending upon them.

First Brique's legs appeared, wobbly, white and hairy. Then his knobbly knees, covered in scabs. Next the thighs. And then – horror of horrors – the bum! Car horns beeped, tyres screeched, people shrieked and clapped. Some covered their eyes.

Fortunately, Brique
was
wearing underpants – spotted ones. But they were large underpants, and rather loose. They definitely looked as if they'd peel off with the bandages as well.

There was a huge sigh of relief in the city that Monday morning (especially from Brique himself) when those underpants just managed to stay on. Everyone cheered as the two strange men landed right in the middle of the busy city traffic.

Eric heard the siren. A moment later a police van pulled up and two officers jumped out.

‘I think our villains are in for a spot of trouble,' Eric called to Einstein, who was circling closer on Luke's back.

‘Absolutely!' Einstein replied as Luke flew down and landed. The mouse climbed off the pigeon and dusted his paws. ‘And now it's time for school, methinks,' he said.

‘That will be a week's detention, Cramsey,' the headmaster growled, then scribbled in his black book.

‘Aw no!' Eric moaned. He stopped and stared towards the front gates of Templeton Grammar. Mr Growlworthy was lecturing a latecomer, glaring down at the boy.

The headmaster always waited at the school gates to pounce on latecomers. He so enjoyed watching them squirm like worms on a hook. ‘And don't let it happen again, or I'll feed you to the vultures!' Mr Growlworthy loomed over the boy like a vulture, and Cramsey scurried away.

Eric took a step back. ‘I'm in for it if he sees me,' he whispered to Einstein. ‘He's in mean mode.'

‘Don't be ridiculous,' Einstein replied.

‘But we're really late!' Eric glanced at his watch.

‘So? You could be as late as you want. Old
Growly loves you these days. You're his hero. Remember?'

‘What? Just because I was on television?' Eric asked. ‘On
The Big Brain Game
?'

‘Isn't that enough? You've made the school famous. You're a genius, a super-brain. Haven't you heard him boasting?' Einstein did a very good imitation of the headmaster: ‘Templeton Grammar! We turn ordinary kids into
whiz kids
!'

‘I suppose you're right,' Eric gulped. ‘He has been heaps nicer lately.'

Einstein
was
right. As soon as Mr Growlworthy saw Eric his normally grouchy face broke into a smile.

‘And how's our star pupil today?' the headmaster asked.

‘Very well, thanks, sir. Sorry I'm late, but …'

‘Not a worry, lad,' Mr Growlworthy laughed. ‘Although I will have to punish you with a few questions.'

The headmaster was grinning broadly. He loved asking Eric questions, especially if he could catch the boy out with a trick problem or a joke. The jokes were painful. Einstein groaned at them, but Eric always made himself laugh politely.

Mr Growlworthy quickly fired the first question. ‘What's the longest river in Africa, eh?'

Eric closed his eyes. Barely a second later, Einstein sent him the answer by thought-talk.

‘The Nile,' Eric answered. ‘It's 6695 kilometres long.'

‘Excellent. What about the capital of Canada?'

‘Ottawa.'

‘Correct.'

Mr Growlworthy then pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. ‘This one will test you, though.' He read from the paper. ‘I have fifteen boxes of apples. There are forty apples in each box. How many apples do I have all up?'

Piece of cheese
, Einstein thought-talked to Eric, and immediately gave him the answer.

‘Six hundred,' Eric replied.

‘Wrong!' Mr Growlworthy beamed, looking very pleased with himself. ‘The answer is five hundred and ninety-nine.'

Impossible
, Einstein almost yelled. ‘Impossible,' Eric said. ‘Forty times fifteen is six hundred, sir.'

‘Ah yes.' The headmaster gave a mischievous grin. ‘But I ate one, didn't I?' At that, he burst out laughing. ‘Get it? I
ate
one!' He laughed uproariously. ‘Got you that time, Wimpleby.'

‘Pathetic,' Einstein moaned. ‘I've heard funnier things at a funeral.'

Eric laughed, partly to make sure the headmaster didn't hear his mouse. ‘Oh yes, very funny, sir. One of your best yet.'

‘Don't make me sick.' Einstein pretended he was about to vomit.

Mr Growlworthy patted Eric on the back. ‘Off you go, then, lad. Miss Graymouth will be
delighted
to see you.'