The Revolution (5 page)

He walks over and everything goes quiet in my world. Or that’s just my world grinding to a silent stop. My heart is racing watching his body move like he knows how to use it. He’s a beautiful man, the word handsome insufficient to describe his dark features: hair like midnight at the beach, eyes like caramel candies melting from the heat of the sun, and skin tinted by the southern California weather. Then the door next to me opens and he says, “See you after,” as he passes.

I want to die. Die of embarrassment. I mentally facepalm that he just caught me daydreaming about him while staring at him.

“Yeah, okay,” is all I manage to squeak out before Derrick passes, then Dex and Johnny. Tommy follows them and I’m left with Holli and Rochelle, both of whom are shaking their heads at me, and then start laughing.

I’m so busted.

Holli heads for the door, and states, “He is really cute.”

I roll my eyes, my face heating from humiliation. Rochelle adds, “Super cute.” She wraps her arm around mine and turns me so we walk out together. “Don’t worry. I don’t think he caught the sexual fantasy playing out all over your face when he walked by.”

“Ugh. Was it that obvious?”

She answers with a laugh.

“Just kill me now.”

Tapping my drink, she says, “Drink up, Buttercup. You need it.”

“And about five more to erase this embarrassment.”
And the situation with Mark earlier tonight.
I rub my wrists and look down, making sure the leather bands hide the redness. It should be gone by tomorrow. Hopefully. Now, I just need to settle my nerves.

“Ah, good ole alcohol. The great eraser. I’ve used it before, but it only relieves temporarily. Trust me on that.” Her arm drops and she hurries to catch up with Holli. Looking back over her shoulder, she says, “C’mon. I don’t want to miss Dex’s opening. It’s my favorite part.”

I have to get over what just happened and decide to laugh it off. What does it matter? Millions of women have fantasies about him. I’m sure Kaz Fabian is used to it. One more won’t make a difference to him. I join the girls and we go down the stairs and around a gathered group of men in suits. After bypassing them, we cross through a red velvet curtain and out a door. A large bodyguard takes to Holli’s side and leads us to a section in the front. The lights go down and the crowd goes quiet.

Rochelle grabs my hand and squeezes. I can tell she’s nervous. When I look over, she’s biting her bottom lip and staring at the stage. The first hit on the drum kit gets my attention and I search the darkness on stage until a spotlight hits Dex, who is pounding his intro solo to his own beat. Rochelle screams and so do I; the beat is contagious. The excitement is invigorating.

As soon as Johnny starts singing, a spotlight hits him and the crowd goes wild. The lights flicker to the chorus and the stage lights up revealing Kaz and Derrick flanking Johnny.

Kaz is on the opposite side from us, too far for my liking, but I enjoy the song and move to the beat anyway. Drinks are delivered to us three songs in and the girls and I toast to the night. I’m swaying my hips and closing my eyes, letting the rhythm dictate my moves. Rochelle hip bumps me to get my attention. “Look up.”

When I do, Kaz and Derrick have switched sides. He has his eyes focused on the guitar as he plays but then glances in our direction. When his eyes meet mine, he smirks with a little head nod before leaning back and getting back into the music. The muscles in his arms are buff and the veins strain from the intensity as he strums. He’s passionate about playing which is incredibly sexy and intoxicating, making me want to discover what else he’s passionate about.

During the next song, Derrick and Kaz swap sides again and my view is partially blocked by Johnny. Not that it’s not a great view, but he’s taken. Another forty-five minutes pass and I continue to watch Kaz, captivated by the way he moves his fingers over the strings and holds the guitar pressed against his body. He’s sweaty and sexy and—

“Let’s get another round before the encore,” Holli says, taking our hands.

Probably best. I’m getting too hot anyway.

Rochelle and I follow her backstage to the bar set up on the table outside their dressing room. She pours a large glass of water just as the guys, surrounded by bodyguards, start walking toward us. She hands Johnny the water and he takes her by the hand with him into the room. Rochelle makes a drink for herself and I refill my glass, giving the band their space. Just as I look up, Kaz winks at me and follows the other guys into the room.

Rochelle leans against the wall and says, “Sometimes I like to stay out here.”

She gets reflective, her thoughts changing her expression. While she looks down at the floor, I start to wonder so many things about when she’s back in this environment and if she’s okay or not. I worry about her, but do I need to? “Do you still think of Cory?”

Her reaction is a smile and bright eyes. “All the time. He was such a great songwriter and guitarist. It’s hard not to think of him when they play one of his songs.” She pushes off the wall. “But the band has lived on long after he did.” After taking a sip of her drink, she adds, “Dex has really helped me.” Her smile grows and she blushes. “There’s just something about that bad-boy drummer…”

Kaz and Derrick replaced Cory, who was one of the founding band members. I just thought it would always be Cory and Rochelle and their sons. But things change, things outside of our control. I’ve thought a lot about them over the last month. Knowing I couldn’t waste my life being unhappy, I knew I had to breakup with Mark. We’re not in so deep that we can’t crawl back out with only minor damage. I believe in love, which means I’m open to finding the real thing. My heart and head know it’s not going to be found with Mark.

I take a long gulp, the stress of a “talk” with Mark still weighing me down. Turning to Rochelle for support, I whisper, “I did it.”

“Did what?” she asks.

“I broke up with Mark.”

Her eyebrows go up and her eyes go wide in shock. “You did it? Like finality,
finito
did it?”

“This morning and then again tonight. That’s why I was late. I went to get some clothes and he was there.” I look away. “I thought he’d be at practice, but he was there as if nothing had changed, demanding I go out with him.”

“Oh honey, are you okay?” She moves over to the side of the table where I’m standing and sets her drink down to hug me.

“It was a long time coming, but doing it was hard.” A memory from earlier still haunting me—
my wrist is grabbed, the tips of his fingers like spears to my skin as he digs in.

“I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but you’re so much better off. I didn’t want to say anything, but I saw an Instagram photo of him and some woman the other night. If I was with him, that would have been it for me.”

“He tried to explain that photo, but she was on his lap and her hand was touching his inner thigh, so yeah, I didn’t believe him. We had a huge fight over it. That’s why I don’t know why he’s fighting so hard to stay together.”

“What do you mean? He wants to keep dating?”

“Yeah. He wants to talk again. Tomorrow. He didn’t seem right tonight. It was odd.”

She looks surprised. “No, that’s not a good idea. You broke up. It’s done.”

“It’s not that easy, Ro. He has some of my things and I want us to end this amicably.”

“How will it end amicably if he doesn’t want to breakup?”

The door opens near us and Tommy walks out. The bodyguards come over and the band walks back toward the stage. Holli follows them out, but stops to make a cocktail. “You girls ready?”

“Yep,” I reply.

She waggles her eyebrows once and says, “This should be good. Dalton’s all fired up.”

Rochelle laughs. “You always have a way with him.” She dashes off suddenly and slaps Dex’s ass as she passes. Holli and I trail behind laughing.

HOLLI AND JOHNNY
rarely come to the after parties from what I hear and Dex and Rochelle do some of the time. Tonight Rochelle said she wants to party, so she grabs me, and Dex is right there with her. He’s got it so bad for her. He has for a while, but it’s new for them. It will be interesting to watch how they maneuver through their relationship. I’m in a Suburban with them, Derrick, Tommy, and Kaz. Kaz is sitting in the front and I’m sitting next to Rochelle who is whispering to Dex. His hand is rubbing her shoulder as he listens intently. Tommy and Derrick are in the third row discussing some ancient artifacts exhibit in Washington, D.C. that they want to see when they fly out there for the tour.

It’s weird being in a situation like this, knowing I’m fresh from a breakup. I’m left feeling caught between being a fifth or sixth wheel and awkwardly wondering what I should be doing or if I should just be sitting here quietly. From my position I have a full view of Kaz. He’s showered and changed. His hair is still damp and I don’t know if he washed it or it’s from sweat but I’m intrigued enough to want to find out. Guilt overrides the fun. Mark has a way of inserting himself in all aspects of my life, even when he doesn’t have the right any longer.

When Kaz turns, he catches me watching him, so I turn to look out the window instead. The lights outside are suddenly the most fascinating things in the world. I shouldn’t be thinking about him the way I do… the way I have for a while now, if I’m honest with myself. Nobody wants to be a
re
bound.
Is that what Kaz will be
? I haven’t had sex in so long that he just might be a bound at this point.

It’s amazing to think I even have the option. I glance back at him. Our eyes meet and he stretches his arm and rubs the back of my jeans-covered calf. “I’m glad you came.”

My whole body warms from his touch. “Me too.”

He turns back and I sit there melting in all the swoons for the rest of the ride. I had no idea he’d even noticed me before the other day or even in the last year. Sure, we’ve been around each other more than a few times, but the only time we talked was during group settings, parties and such, or backstage with other stuff going on. Except this one party Rochelle took me out at Carillo Beach, the night before I met Mark…

Everyone was dancing on the beach, drinking, roasting marshmallows. A few were even skinny-dipping. If the rest of LA only knew how many celebrities were out here right now, this state beach would be overrun with groupies. Tonight, the band, the actors, and the models, they were just people out for a bonfire with their friends.

Rochelle went back to the house to get another round of drinks for us. I remained outside because the music was too loud in the house to enjoy any kind of real conversation, and I liked the sound of the ocean. The group thinned when Derrick went looking for weed and the Brazilian model hanging on his arm accompanied him. Kaz stayed.

He always seemed preoccupied with others when I was around or with the band. I’ve seen women flirt with him. I’ve seen him flirt in return, but when I really think about those times, they were more on the courteous side than returning their interest.

That night it got chilly as soon as the sun set, and I shivered. He moved closer and set his beer down in the sand. Taking his leather jacket off, he wrapped it around my shoulders. Surprised by his gesture, I said, “You’ll get cold.”

Kaz shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll be okay.”

“Thank you.” I set my Solo cup down and slipped my arms into the sleeves. The worn leather smelled like warmth if warm had a scent—comfort and musky, cognac, and sunsets. I then looked at Kaz differently. I watched as he stared into the fire, the flames’ reflection flickering in his irises.

He glanced my way and a small smile made its way across his mouth. I’m sure he’s used to people staring at him because of his fame and because he’s gorgeous. I looked away after holding the connection a few seconds. I didn’t know what to say, the loss of words coming with a loss of breath from his nearness.

“This is the first time we’ve had a chance to talk,” he starts. After pausing, he turns back to the fire. “So you’re a deco—”

“Dude! Kaz, c’mere!” is shouted from a group nearby. Derrick. “Kaaaazzzzz! Get the fuck over here.”

Kaz stares into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

He nods, appearing as disappointed as I feel. I start to take the jacket off, but he moves in front of me, fists the front and tightens it closed again. “It looks good on you. You should hold on to it. You can return it next week after the show.”