The Right Treatment (10 page)

“I don’t think so, but to be honest, there’s been a lot I don’t remember.” Her face felt so hot as she replied that she was glad of the blindfold hiding her shame. She fully expected him to go into a lecture on safe sex and protecting herself from disease, but to her relief, he didn’t.

“Right, we had better do a swab to be on the safe side,” he replied. His voice was tight and strained. Aoife was so glad she couldn’t see the look of disapproval on his face.

“Will it hurt?” she asked, her tummy trembling with nerves.

“No, it’s just a cotton swab, you won’t even feel it. Do you want me to remove the blindfold?”

She shook her head in response. Of course she didn’t want him to remove the blindfold, she really did not need to watch him doing this to her. Dear God, it was just going from bad to worse. Within seconds she felt the swab invade her there, in the most private of holes. And she thought the other stuff was bad. Yet even as she cringed, she creamed. God, why did his poking around there always make her so hot? And not being able to see made it so much more intense. She felt her juices trickle downwards between her legs. Matt didn’t manage to suppress his chuckle and Aoife glared. Or tried to… which was pretty hard with her blouse tied around her eyes.

“Pig, it’s not nice to laugh at other people’s misfortunes,” Aoife spat. She heard him at the table again, and wondered what was next. She heard the screwing of a bottle cap, and the snapping of gloves being removed and replaced.

“It’s not nice to dribble all over your doctor’s couch. See?” he replied. His gloved fingers made their way to the source of her nectar, her slick wet folds. Aoife’s moan escaped unbidden.

“Is this okay, or should I stop?” Matt asked softly.

“It’s better than okay, Doctor McDaid,” she gasped. She rocked her hips, greedily pushing against him, wanting more pressure; the latexed hand just added to the fantasy and Aoife was lost in the spirals of ecstasy. His lips found hers for the briefest, sweetest moment, and Aoife fell over the precipice, her body clenching and tightening into an earthshattering orgasm.

“Consider that your prize for being such a good girl. Virtue has its rewards,” Matt said with another light kiss, before undoing her blindfold/blouse. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m good. I hope that’s not how you treat all of your patients.”

“Only the most troublesome ones. I’ll leave you to get dressed.”

Aoife was glad of the privacy. She wondered if this was as weird for him as it was for her. He was, after all, the man she had begged to take her virginity. And he had refused because he thought she was a slut. Back then, she had put it in her mental filing cabinet filing it under ‘Forget it’—the same place she had filed insults from her parents for as long as she could remember, and set out to prove his opinion didn’t matter a damn by losing her virginity the next night, at the leaving cert results party. She had refused to ever think of it again, until now, when it slapped her in the face how bloody right he was. And he had the proof of it. But she hadn’t deserved it then and she couldn’t let it go. It seemed all of her floodgates were opening today.

When he returned, she was dressed and waiting for him sitting on the side of the couch.

“Remember the night before my exam results when you came home?” Aoife asked. Matt dropped the plastic bag he was placing the swab in. He swore and picked up another.

“How could I forget?” he muttered.

“I’d never done it at that stage. It really hurt that you accused me of carrying something.” Aoife could feel the tears prick her eyes. Where the hell was that coming from, all these years later? she wondered. He looked her in the eye.

“I didn’t accuse you of anything,” Matt said adamantly.

“You wouldn’t have sex with me, because you said the pill didn’t protect against disease. That was as good as an accusation. And from you above all people. I thought you knew me, I thought you cared.” She cursed how the words caught in her throat, showing her vulnerability.

“Jesus, I’m so sorry you thought that for all these years. I really didn’t know why you ran out like that. I wanted to talk to you about it the next day and you wouldn’t give me the chance, remember? Then the next time I was home you were with someone else.”

“So why was it then, Matt, sorry, Doctor McDaid? Why did you refuse me because the pill wasn’t enough?” Aoife watched Matt blush even as a rogue tear streaked down her cheek.

“Why do you always assume everything is your fault? Anyway, it’s hardly relevant now after all these years. But for what it’s worth, apart from the fact that my parents could have walked in on us at any moment, there was also the problem that some of the lads had thought it was hilarious to replace my shower gel with hair removal cream and my genitals were an itchy, red mess. I was way too embarrassed to tell you.”

Even through her tears Aoife couldn’t help but giggle at the practical joke that not only gone so badly wrong, but had driven a massive wedge between them. But her chuckle incensed him.

“However, ten years later, it is very definitely your sexual health we are worried about and that’s what we are going to concentrate on, is that clear?” He was back to Dr. McDaid, filling in the forms, and the cold mask of the previous weeks was back in place.

“I’m sorry,” Aoife whispered. It was like those delicious few minutes after the examination never happened. Why did he find emotional intimacy so hard to take? He rose from the desk, grabbing the tests in his hands.

“I’m bringing these to the lab. Wait here.” He kissed her. Not the soft gentle tentative kiss of young love. A hard, angry kiss that bruised her mouth. Unsure of what the hell was going on with him, Aoife offered no resistance. She stared at the door for several minutes, trying to figure what to make of it all. It had been one hell of a day. All she wanted was for it to be over.

Chapter Eight

“Do you never go out? I mean apart from work. What about girlfriends?” Aoife eventually asked Matt one evening over dinner. She had been there for weeks, and the only time he ever left the apartment was to go to work, or to run with her. She felt both guilty that she may be the cause of it, and stifled as things had been unbelievably strained between them since the day of the examination. Matt had gone right back into sergeant major mode and it was if the intimacy had never happened. No, worse than that actually; they both knew it had happened and it increased the awkwardness tenfold.

“No time for them. Most of them want a boyfriend who is free every weekend and when I was in casualty, I couldn’t do that.”

“You’re not on casualty hours anymore. There is nothing stopping you having a social life. And if it’s me, you needn’t worry. My days of drug dabbling are over, the rehab centre fairly cured me. I don’t need babysitting.”

“Good. But no, it’s not just you. Apparently, I’m ‘uncompromising’ according to my last girlfriend. But I find most women more interested in my being a doctor than in me.”

“Uncompromising? I can’t imagine.” Aoife smothered the sarcasm from her voice. So it wasn’t just her Matt liked to disapprove of. “There are some nice people out there, you just have to find them.”

“The holy gospel according to Aoife. You’ve not exactly been that successful in finding the best of influences yourself.”

“Maybe not, but it was me who made the wrong choices. Maybe you do too,” Aoife snapped, ending all conversation for the duration of dinner. She was glad to leave the table to do the dishes. Matt didn’t volunteer to help her.

Going to the rehab centre had become the highlight of Aoife’s life. It was an escape from the silent sterile prison of Matt’s apartment. Katie had been fantastic after Aoife had opened up to her, providing a listening ear if Aoife needed it, but also seeming to understand Aoife’s innate self-sufficiency and finding a way to be supportive, non-judgmental, and yet un-intrusive all at the same time. It was no wonder she was such a cherished employee at the rehab. Those skills were all invaluable there. Aoife tried to learn as much as she could from Katie; Katie’s personal skills would be totally transferrable to Aoife’s job as an educational psychologist, especially when dealing with difficult parents.

To her surprise, in the beginning Aoife had been judgmental of the ‘hard’ drug users, even after what she herself had been through. But Matt’s tirades soon made her question her own lack of understanding. His view was that there was no excuse for what he considered ‘well brought up’ people to turn to drugs. It seemed that in his opinion, the right socio-economic background precluded all problems in life, regardless of what else went on behind the scenes. “They should know better,” was his stance on the subject. It hurt her when he talked like that. And while he shut down after the examination, his apparent lack of understanding prevented any attempt by Aoife to reach out to him. Interaction between them had been largely functional for the three weeks since her examination. Basically, he issued orders and Aoife obeyed; anything to avoid a trip across his knee for a spanking, to avoid both the pain and the closeness of it. The aftereffects of the examination had pushed them beyond a point where Aoife wanted any part of her to be naked around him. In a way it felt like a second rejection, and it was almost as painful as the first. She played ball, did everything he asked of her, and kept under the radar insofar as she could. She was still grateful to him; she was under no illusions that he had appeared back in her life when she needed him most, and had totally stepped up to the plate, sacrificing his time, energy, and even home to accommodate her. In spite of what Matt said about her choices in friends, Aoife knew she had chosen well at least twice. She and Matt might not be close like they once were, but he had been there when she needed him. Fiona too. She had put up with a lot, and Aoife was determined to fix their friendship if she could at all.

The following morning, Aoife had an appointment with Dr. Smith and he had hinted that this would be the final one before he signed her off as fit, well, and ready for work. She put a lot of effort into going to that meeting, dressing as if for work rather than her recent uniform of jeans or sweats. She even spent a half an hour putting on makeup and doing her hair. If she was being certified ‘normal,’ she was determined to look the part.

“That’s a lot of effort for the rehab,” Matt commented as she joined him for breakfast.

“I’m going straight to the hospital afterwards, remember?” Aoife was surprised at him. Normally he knew her schedule inside out, reminding her where she had to be, at what time, and the consequences of not arriving at least five minutes ahead of schedule.

“Oh, yes. Of course,” he replied absently.

“Actually, I thought about skipping the centre, Katie said she could cover it,” Aoife suggested, hopefully.

“Why? You’re not ill. You know the rules.”

“Fine! It just would have been nice, it’s a pretty big deal to me, you know. If Dr. Smith says it’s okay, I intend to start looking at apartments. I’m sure you’ll be glad to have your home back,” Aoife said with a sigh. She had expected him to refuse her the morning off; she’d said as much to Katie when her friend had suggested it, but yet, when it actually happened, it still stung.

Matt’s eyes flashed anger. “What about my opinion? I don’t think you’re ready to leave. We need to discuss this.”

“We are discussing it, right now. You have to trust me sometime. My time at the centre finishes on Friday, I finish with Dr. Smith today, hopefully. Then I have two weeks to organise myself before going back to school. I want to have adjusted by then.” Aoife was firm in her reply, and his surprise was obvious. Over the past weeks she had been so compliant. But Matt had already annoyed her over the clinic, and her old assertive self was sneaking back as she faced her demons.

“Don’t get me wrong, Matt. I am beyond grateful to you. You really saved my life, and then put me back on the right track. I owe you everything. But I need to live again, without a jailer.”

Grateful but not a fool,
she thought. Aoife knew she had to keep emotionally detached if at all possible. It would have been too easy to continue to rely on him and not face the world. It was obvious she had become a project to him, a project he intended to complete with top grades. She decided to give him his A+ and prepare for real life, as unscathed as possible. That meant regaining her life and self-control. She could do the star student. She had done it before as a child, under worse circumstances. But this time there was more at stake, or so it seemed.

Aoife had a spring in her step as she went to the clinic. It really felt like she was getting her life in order again. She arrived in with two coffees, and handed one to Katie.

“You’re very chirpy today, did the dishy doctor get his way with you or something?”

Aoife sputtered coffee over the desk. “Matt wouldn’t touch me with a fifty-foot barge pole. I used drugs; he’d be tainted by association,” Aoife said with a grin.

“Oh, come on. He can’t be that bad, surely. I could find you twenty people in here who think he is God Almighty.”

“Oh, no. He is great, really. Look at all he has done for me. But he’s just not big on the empathy thing. And drugs are dirty to him. The new leprosy. Anyway, to satisfy your curiosity, Matt has no designs on me. But I am hoping to hear that I will be back to work when the schools open in September.”

“Aw, that’s brilliant. And speaking of open, we had better admit the new lepers,” Katie said, rising from her chair. Four of the usual faces headed up the line, all there for their regular methadone. Aoife was still in front of the desk, tidying up the information leaflets in the stand at reception.

“Hey, Stacey. Last week for you and me,” Aoife said cheerfully. “How do you feel about it?”

“Scared and excited. I really want to do this, you know, for her. This is the first time I have dared think I might be clean.” Stacey looked at her newborn baby swaddled in pink. She was so different to when Aoife had first started in the rehab. She looked happy and hopeful—such a contrast to the desperate, heavily pregnant woman she had seen on her first day there. Stacey had made such an impression on Aoife that day, and Aoife prayed her journey would be successful. And somewhere, deep in her heart, Aoife really thought it would be.