The Risen: Dawning (19 page)

“I
think we should stay.” Marxx is the first to speak after we have been told why we are all summoned to the room that is serving as the men’s apartment. J.D. feels he has humored us long enough with his conceding to our idea of coming here. Now he is ready to take his control back.

Each man in the room stands a good distance apart. J.D. and Lawless are standing in the center of the room, across from Rhett and Marxx. Chapel is sitting to the side on one of the cots still unmade from the night before. The tension in the room can be felt from all angles with no one looking at another. I only have guesses as to what has happened within their happy little men’s club while we were away, and I am trying not to smile with the thoughts.

“It is a nice set up. Just from a defensive state alone. There are no outside windows on the bottom floor for Risen to break into. There are only two doors from the bottom floor to enter. One has been welded shut. The other is into the courtyard, which is always being watched from the floor above. Other than that, we are surrounded by thick walls and many windows making it impossible for anything to go unnoticed.” Rhett offers solid reasons trying to point out why J.D. should agree with Marxx.

“Simon already said our help would be welcomed on keeping it secure. We get to keep our weapons and not sit around all day taking orders from them.” Marxx knows our leader well and he is pushing the right buttons to get J.D. to join the conversation.

J.D., who until now has been staring blindly at the floor, looks up at what was spoken. Rhett tries to hide his smile as Marxx’ words hit home.

“I ain’t taking no orders from any Democrat and his sidekicks.” J.D. lets his tone express his thoughts more than the actual words.

“Won’t have to. He said we could do our own thing as long as we agree to not stir up anything.” Hearing J.D.’s voice, Lawless finally speaks. I wonder if he will rollover next; maybe shake. Play dead would be just as amusing.

Aimes and I stand silently watching them trying to talk J.D. into the shared opinion of the group. We are as close to the door as possible so we may leave as soon as we can. We know our thoughts have no real value here with this discussion. Nothing we say will hold any sway over the final judgment of what to do. J.D. did not want us here for that. He just wanted to prove to us and to them that we will still come when called. Maybe we should be the ones learning to shake. We seem to have rollover down well enough.

“This what you really want?” J.D. asks the room. His tone is soft, almost cautious, as if he is afraid to hear our answer. The exposed weakness takes us all by surprise for a moment, pulling our attention to the man in the center of our storm.

Rhett looks to our direction to see if we are seeing it, too. If I see the cracks that are forming in the man we all think of as our leader. There is a sadness about Rhett as he looks at me. An almost pleading in his eyes for my help, he is lost with the many divisions forming within our group now. He is desperately looking for us all to start again and to forget the words and actions that have been done. He wants this new place to be the start of our family bond and laughter again. Our brave and ruthless Rhett is shrouded in doubt and remorse. I do not know how to tell him that I don’t think I have the maturity to fix us.

“Yeah, it is.” Aimes is the only one to speak up and all eyes rest on her. “At least it is what I want. You can stay or go if you please, but I am staying here.”

Rhett closes those sad eyes knowing the damage her words have done.

“And you, Barbie?” J.D. asks. “Where do you stand?”

“Here. I am tired. I want a “home” again.” I answer him, letting my voice try to take some of the sting from her words. “Don’t you?”

I can feel Aimes’ body shift from my words. In her mind, the lines are still drawn, but she is not the one watching Rhett being broken from the weight of it. She does not see Marxx withdrawing further into his shadow every moment. She cannot see the scars Chapel is now wearing as he fights for us. Nor does she see the light fade from Lawless’ eyes. She does not see all the steel hearts rusting before us. I do.

J.D. stares at me with his silent resolve. Our eyes meet across the great divide we have created, and for a moment, I am taken back to days that now seem to be years ago where he was the Father I needed and I was the daughter he craved. Just as quickly as those feelings return, I watch them slip away.

“No.” J.D. says and I hear them slip away. His voice fills the room with the finality of the word. Like a black casket closing, the hope the men were holding is buried.

One single word, and the room falls back into the darkness. Every man inhales, pulling the armour tight around his soul again. The small glimpses they spared me are now a thing of the past as the battle rages on. I know now that no matter what the cost is to them, they will stand by this man. They do not know how to do anything else. The men I once found so brave and strong now seem pathetic to me. The pity I felt for them only moments ago fades at their refusal to stand on their own, allowing J.D. to break them down with his stubbornness. I am just as upset at J.D. for breaking what he is supposed to protect.

“Well then, I guess you five remember where the door is?” I ask, letting my words chill the room with my lack of concern for them now. I meet each of their eyes as they look at me. Even the ones that belong to the man I once sought to guide me through the darkness of my nightmares. Only blank eyes stare back at me from behind their well-constructed walls.

“Not five.” Chapel says with his head down. He stands with a deep inhale of his breath. “Not five.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised.” J.D. attempts to taunt Chapel with his sneer.

“Me either.” Chapel lashes back, with just as much disgust for not only J.D., but the others as well. “It must be unnerving to see them with more courage than us. It is our job to keep them safe. It’s always been our job. Now you’ve each turned your back on them for this man and that quick lay? Whatever happens next, it’s on you. Never forget that.”

“Come on.” Chapel opens the door for Aimes and me, never taking his eyes from the men in the room.

“Peace!” Aimes says walking past Chapel. Her voice is deceivingly strong. Her brave face is only one layer deep and now she rushes out of the room before that layer is stripped from her. All the anger that she holds like a bonfire inside of her is losing its heat against the truth of what is happening to us.

I stand still, leaning against the wall where I have been watching this whole time. J.D. is losing the battle of his blank stare and I watch it unfold on his face like a silent movie. Those cold steel eyes are swimming in a sea of his own making as he now swims on the edge of his darkest emotions. Each of us is crumbling from his actions and he knows it. The world he has built is turning its back on him, but he is either too weak or too strong to stop it.

“Call a vote.” I say to the room and it is the last life preserver I will throw them.

J.D. reclaims his face with the knowledge of what I have just done. Demanding a vote is only done when making it deadly clear when voices are not being heard. It is a direct insult to his leadership. Because of that, no one has dared called one in some time. Throw in the fact that a woman has called one and it is gasoline to the fire of his pride. As much as a part of them as Aimes and I are, we are just as much not. I haven’t forgotten that fact. I am just calling the room once more into the sea.

He will now have to stand behind the decision it lands on if the men back the vote. I know with this, the divide just grew between him and me by miles. The look in his eyes confirms it. The shock on the men’s faces seals it. Damned if I do….

Aimes and Chapel both stare at me with disbelief. I could have walked out with them, closing the door forever on all of this. I was inches from my freedom, but instead I retied the noose. This dead horse is not only getting heavy, but it is also starting to stink.

“We stay.” Chapel is the first to start, stealing the room’s silence with his vote, backing the decision for one to be called. The wheels on the bus go around and around as it heads my way.

“Stay.” Aimes takes up the chant while still staring at me.

“Stay.” I say with a cold voice. I know that this is the last chance for our family, and I am preparing my heart to close another door of another room. If the vote does not go in our favor, they will be lost to me forever with what I have just done.

“Stay.” Rhett answers, keeping his face blank, and turned away from J.D.

“Stay.” Marxx’ deep gravel voice is strong with his decision and he stares at J.D. with the full force of himself.

“Stay.” Lawless is the last to vote after a long pause. His head is down, pulling his shoulders in with the knowledge of what his vote may cost him and what it may have lost him if he chose the other option.

J.D. is silent. Anger rides his body and I am the focus for it, but there is a different flavor to this anger. I know this man well. Every motion he has ever made, I have memorized like a melody out of fear of him. Now these lyrics are singing to me with a new song.

“See you at dinner.” I tell him. I keep this new song to myself. It is a private tune to hum another day. A day I know will be here soon.

“I can’t believe you did that!” Aimes says to me after we three have left the room. “I don’t know if I should hi-five your hand or the back of your head!”

“The back of her head.” Chapel offers to help her solve her debate. He is always so helpful like that.

“It will be fine.” I answer them both, keeping what I saw in J.D.’s face close to me.

“I am thinking we should have let Rhett choose the other name for you instead of Zombie Barbie.” Aimes stomps with her walking, still irked with me at what I potentially risked, stepping so far over our line.

“What was that one?” I ask with mild curiosity.

“Wonder Bitch. As in, I wonder what the Bitch was thinking!” She says with complete honesty.

Oh that Rhett, always a charmer.

A
imes and I offered to help Paula with dinner, but upon discovering the tornado that Aimes is in the kitchen, we were politely asked to stop. If polite is Chapel picking Aimes up and placing her on the counter threatening her with harm if she moves, then yes, it was a very polite request.

Chapel surprises all of us with his culinary skills. The man is a Betty Crocker in an apron, making Paula smile her warm smile the whole time with his knowledge and eagerness to help. Chapel was made for moments like these. He is a “home and hearth” guy to the bone and he returns her smiles with his own. Soon the two of them have completely forgotten us amid our hidden giggles and whispered comments. We sneak from the room before our laughter gets the best of us.

“Do you think there are really that many types of whisks or were they totally going sexy top secret kitchen code?” Aimes asks, her eyes dancing with the thought.

“It scares me you are that excited about the possibility. Can you even imagine Chapel….” I leave the sentence dangling, unable to form the words to finish it. We are both lost in a mixture of morbid curiosity and avoidance of the idea and our faces exchange the concept.

We are lounging on a bench in the courtyard amid the many metal cans that have been turned into bonfires for light. The many fires give off enough heat to keep the winter winds at bay. The surrounded courtyard keeps the fires from being seen and exposing us to anything in the darkness beyond. It is a nice touch, pushing the darkness away, and letting the many people mingling around enjoy the space before the weather keeps so many confined inside.

“Hey, I was just asking about their secret sexy code talk. You are the one that went all hard core porn viewing on us.” Aimes says, feigning innocence and twirling a bright pink streak.

“Who’s viewing hard core porn?” We both jump at the male voice, almost spilling us off the cement bench. I am glad at this moment there is not a raised window around us with the amount of grace we hold.

Dolph is standing behind the man that was sitting at their table this morning. He is close enough to the flames that I can see him but deep enough in the darkness to keep his face masked with the dancing flame’s shadows. The new man is not as shy, standing smirking down at our graceful ways fully embraced by the fire’s light.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. At least not that well.” He smiles and I hear Aimes inhale beside me with it. Come into my parlor said the spider to the fly. His smile draws her in with the same welcome mat.

“I’m Richard.” He says to us, almost feeling embarrassed and shy by our silent stares. “I believe you have met Dolph already?”

My wave is met with the same signature head nod. I wonder if he ever gets a cramp from repeating that motion so often.

“So where is the porn?” Richard pushes through the stalemate of a conversation attempt, still wearing an amused smile. Richard should have picked a better partner if he had hopes that Dolph would help steer this ship.

His voice is soft. Soft in a way of wanting to hear him sing you to sleep at night. Soft in a way you desire to hear him whisper words in the dark of the night against your flesh. His short cut curly hair is the color of sunsets with its warm red and orange glow. His full beard is trimmed close, holding the same red and orange coloring. He wears his smile with ease upon his friendly face as his mirth-filled eyes watch us. They catch the light of the flames, reflecting their warmth back at us. Other than their similar body shape of well-toned workings, he and Dolph have very little in common.

Richard seems warm and inviting where Dolph is shy and cautious. Richard has already spoken more words to us than I believe Dolph has our entire time here. I wonder if Aimes and I are so different. Or, does Dolph have a different side he keeps hidden from those he has not deemed worthy of his trust yet?

“It’s in the kitchen.” Aimes smiles, returning Richard’s. The pixie is ready to play.

“I hope that’s not what’s for dinner.” Richard’s smile grows, baiting my friend.

“I hope it is.” He is about to learn why one should not bait Aimes as she continues the verbal match, dropping the pitch of her voice to a soft feminine whisper of intentions.

“Well,” Richard says leaning in close to her with her invitation, “I guess we will have to go find out. The only real question is, will we be needing a spoon or a fork to eat tonight? “

He lingers there staring into her eyes for a moment with his enjoyment of her expression before returning to Dolph. I think Aimes was just out Aimesed. Dolph is shaking his head with amusement and pats Richard on the shoulder as he passes. I am still wondering what just happened when I hear her whisper in my ear.

“Dibs.” She follows them with more speed than I have seen her move all day.

Dinner is relatively uneventful as we join Simon’s table, much to Shelia’s delight. I suppose she is not the only one that grows tired of being the only girl amid a male-centered group. I let the conversations flow around me, keeping myself reserved in my own bitterness of how things once were. It is not only J.D. who is having a hard time accepting the many changes that are so easily taking place for our group with our bonds slipping away.

Kira dances around the table, with her meal already complete, in a game of Duck, Duck, Goose. Simon is the only “goose” she ever picks and he chases her each time, resulting in her high-pitched laughter. My sinking mood helps me reach the darkness inside me faster than normal tonight. Doors open on rooms I have tried to keep nailed shut with each laugh that circles me with their game. Their hinges creak like a soft moan as memories escape from the cracks.

Laughter of a different pitch joins in with the one around me. I refuse to look up, too afraid of what I may see running around the table. Will her eyes be joyful or hateful with my failures? Will her gown be white or crimson soaked, leaving red footprints in her wake? Will she be alone or surrounded by the rest of the Angels I have failed with their damning eyes.

“Won’t your boys be missing you?” Dolph’s southern drawl startles me. The door slams shut taking the haunting memories with it. He nods, his eyes looking behind me, in what I can only imagine to be where the rest of our group is sitting.

“Didn’t have plans to ask them.” I resist glancing behind me and his eyes lock with mine. They are searching my face, and try as I might, I slip. My mortar has been cracked today leaving my walls vulnerable and weak. He sees it, but just nods. I have never appreciated his avoidance of conversation more than I do right now. It is times like these that I appreciate the meaning of being friends with males. They do not feel the need to ask any in-depth questions to push deeper into your troubles. They don’t expect for you to either. My scars. Your scars. There are no “our scars” with men.

“You think your group is up for a little fun?” Simon asks Aimes and me. I hope he means more than just us for whatever he is thinking with that glint in his eye.

“Define “fun”?’ Aimes must be holding the same thoughts. Paranoia is our new perfume. It is like Obsession, but cheaper.

“Looked over that list today. We are running low on some of the things needed. Seems your boys could use a little escape. I’ve seen what you consider as R&R.” His smile reaches his eyes as he teases me.

“We don’t hold much sway with them anymore. You’ll have to ask yourself. They don’t normally pass up the chance to cause a little mayhem though.” I smile back, pretending to not catch on to his meanings.

“Rhett is growing bored.” Aimes offers.

“Always a dangerous thought.” I say as we fall into our normal pattern of conversation.

“True story.” She begins

“They probably miss their bikes.”

“Been a whole, what, two days now?”

“Devastating.”

“To be sure.”

“We are running low on C’s”

“Which C?”

“The most important one.”

“I thought they were all important?”

“Not like
this
one.” She pauses in our volley to make eye contact, trying to hint at which one she is speaking. The eye shift to Richard across from her gives the best clue.

“Truly devastating.” I offer with condolences.

“Is that a yes?” Simon is trying to follow our conversation. The look on his face telling us he has not. He does glance at Richard though, wondering what he has missed.

“It is a “yes” we will ask them. Not a “yes” they will do it.” I explain, helping his mental train get back on track. “Hand me the list of what you need.”

“We need.” He corrects me. “One big happy family now, remember?”

“Of shining happy faces.” Aimes smiles as I take the list to give the men we have been avoiding all day. She cannot pass up the chance to tease Dolph, who still refuses to join her fan club.

“Hey Dolphers, say porn.” She asks him sweetly.

Dolph’s face holds confusion for a moment before a slow smile spreads across his lips. He looks to me with those deep colored eyes of his. “Porn.” he says, letting the word develop more syllables than it should hold with his southern drawl.

I smile. I did. I smiled.

Aimes and I take our trays to the drop off window, signaling for a very happy Chapel to come with us. At least he was very happy. Now as he falls in behind us, he is closing the emotions down he was allowing himself to show with Paula. We walk to the table before us as if preparing for war. Each step is pulling us deeper behind mental shutters to help protect and to help face the man watching us. His face shifts from cautious to amused seeing our path leading us to him.

“Well, well, lookie here boys. You playing messenger now Barbie, or have you just come to your senses finally about where you belong?” J.D. smiles at me, sharpening his stick to poke where it will hurt the most. The wooden shavings will stay lodged in as burning splinters for days to come.

“…and here that is why I thought we were sitting over there, Hells.” Aimes counters his verbal attack. It takes some of the joy from his eyes.

“Simon wants to know if we feel up to a supply run.” I ignore them both. So much for Aimes not getting involved in our little domestic drama as I had asked her. She is sharpening her own stick ready for the fight. Sometimes I wonder if she really listens or just nods to shut me up.

“We, huh?” J.D. asks.

“Yeah. Guess Simon still seems to think we are a part of this group.” Aimes yawns, showing her boredom with having to be near them. Yup, she just nods.

“Either you do or you don’t want to get the items.” I try to interrupt their verbal match before the blows start going low, “If you don’t, then fine. I am sure Dolph, Richard, and I can go find them.”

“We got it.” Lawless says taking the paper from me. He is as shocked as I am with his sudden outburst. We stand staring, unsure of what to say to each other anymore.

“You will need my truck to carry it back. I will meet you in the morning when you’re ready to head out.” These are not the words that I want to say to him. These are the only words I can say to him with so many watching us hoping for a show.

“You will be staying in that truck.” J.D. tells me, taking the paper from Lawless before heading out.

“You forgot your tray.” Aimes tells him, still not ready to let go. I am thinking of a few nicknames for her at this moment to go with my own. Chihuahua comes to mind first.

J.D. nods, picking up his tray with a false smile. “Anything for the ladies.” He says as the other men follow him with theirs.

Aimes sighs in frustration, heading for the courtyard, which is conveniently in the opposite direction from the path the group takes. I watch as we split into two again with a sigh of defeat. Holding a closed fist up to Chapel, I offer to play Rock, Paper, Scissors’ to figure out which path we will take, but he only laughs, leading us to follow Aimes. Like we really had any other choice?