The Road to Amazing (17 page)

But Nate wasn't horrified.
On the contrary, he seemed to be enjoying the effect he was having
on me. He wasn't necessarily turned on — trust me, I was close
enough to the bulge in his Speedo that I knew his degree of arousal
almost exactly (it was still jiggling and not yet twitching). But
he had a sly, evil grin on his face, and I remembered that these
days, a lot of straight guys loved the attention they got from gay
guys. They
liked
the idea that they could be sex objects.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it
anymore, Nate stood up again and stepped back. I wasn't sure what
to do about the railroad spike in my pants, but I was pretty sure
it was disguised by the crease in my jeans, and if I leaned forward
to cover myself, that would only call attention to it.

Nate worked his way over to Kevin,
dropping his hands around Kevin's head, running his fingers through
his hair too, then sinking down onto his lap.

"Oh, God, I can't believe
this is happening," Kevin muttered. "Someone please
kill me now
!"

But Nate kept at it, grinding and
flopping his crotch against Kevin's stomach like he'd done to me.
Everyone laughed and cheered.

Below Nate, Kevin shifted in his chair
ever so slightly, and I knew Nate had given him a boner too. But
that didn't stop Nate, who lowered himself all the way onto Kevin's
lap.

Nate smirked, incredibly pleased with
himself that he'd inspired the desired response in Kevin — that
he'd basically conquered Kevin and me both.

But then Kevin flashed his own evil
little grin.

As Nate writhed and grinded on his
lap, he leaned forward and licked Nate's torso. It wasn't a little
lick either — it was long and slow. His tongue was a creature with
a mind of its own, slowly worming its way upward until it zeroed in
on Nate's nipple.

Naturally, everyone went absolutely
nuts for that.

"Oh,
my
!" Vernie said.

For a second, even Nate was taken
aback, but he recovered nicely, pulling Kevin's face into his chest
and grinding some more.

(And can I just say?
Watching my fiancé-and-future-husband lick and nuzzle the sleek,
neatly trimmed chest of his hot Australian friend was
breathtakingly hot. I hadn't expected this — it hit me a little
like a freight train — and I immediately thought, "I wonder what
exactly
this
could mean for our future marriage.")

Finally, Nate pulled away, not quite
as cocky-confident as he'd seemed before. I was farther from Nate's
bulge now, so I no longer had an exact read on his degree of
arousal, but I think he enjoyed those lap dances a bit more than he
expected, especially after Kevin licked his chest. I guess this
whole straight-guy-letting-gay-guys-openly-ogle-him thing was sort
of new territory for everyone involved.

Nate kept dancing, a bit more
frenetically now, maybe wrapping things up.

Meanwhile, all this continued to
unsettle me. What did it all mean? What would it be like around
Nate now?

Outside, the rain still fell, and
something creaked, then snapped — probably a tree branch breaking
in the torrent of water.

Something snapped inside my head
too.

What's the big
deal?
I thought.

I said before that a line
had been blurred, but had it really? It's not like Nate had gotten
drunk and crawled into bed with Kevin and me. This was a
bachelor party.
The
whole point was to be fun and carefree and, yes, even sexy on the
night before your wedding.

It's possible —
possible!
— that I had a
tendency to over-think things, especially things like hot boys in
well-packed green Speedos grinding into my lap.

Nate kept dancing, back to his
straight-boy strut, even hinting that he was going to pull down the
whole Speedo and giving us a flash of his pubes.

I wasn't nervous anymore. Now I was
only having fun.

"Talk about doctors without borders!"
I said, and the whole room laughed.

We all clapped and hooted a minute
more, then Min finally lowered the music, and Nate took a bow, then
turned to shimmy back into his doctor-scrubs.

Everyone applauded, and Vernie fanned
herself, saying, "I haven't been this hot since
menopause."

After that, we broke for snacks and
drink refills. (I stayed seated, for obvious reasons, but somehow
Kevin managed to stand.)

As everyone was complimenting Nate,
Vernie slid up next to me. "I hate to say this," she said, "but
that was another movie moment."

"You think?" I said.

"Oh, absolutely. Who
would've guessed Nate had
that
in him?"

"You have a point."

"But mostly it was the expression on
your face. That's what made it a movie moment."

I was about to protest, but I knew it
was pointless. I was the one behind the terrified expression, and
even I could tell it had probably been priceless.

Behind us, Otto called to the crowd.
"Hey, we're not done yet! Everyone get back in here."

So, clutching snacks and
drinks, everyone wandered back into the front room. Kevin joined me
again, and I looked at him as if to say, "
Now
what?" but the fact is, we were
both enjoying this.

With Kevin and me back in the two
chairs in the middle of the room, Min punched up something else on
her iPhone: cheesy game show music.

"It's time for the Been Together Off
And On For Ten Years And Are Finally Getting Married Game!" Otto
announced to the room. Then he added, "Also known as the Newlywed
Game. How well do Kevin and Russel know each other? Tonight we'll
find out!"

Kevin and I glanced at
each other again. How well
did
we know each other?

Actually
, I thought,
pretty damn well
. I
wasn't worried.

Min cut the music, and Otto handed
Kevin and me dry-erase boards and pens, and quickly explained the
rules. He was only talking to a crowd of five people, but he was
remarkably polished and confident. Which I guess made sense since
he was a professional performer.

Finally, Otto turned to us and, "Are
you ready?"

Kevin smiled coolly.
"We've got this
down
," he said, and I nodded.

"Well, now you're just challenging
fate," Min said.

"Okay, first question," Otto said.
"Let's start with an easy one." He read from a list on his phone.
"Write down who each of you think the other would say is the
hottest Disney prince."

"Hottest Disney Prince?" Ruby said,
confused. "You mean, like, Aladdin?"

"Yes, but he's too geeky," I
said.

"Wait," Ruby said. "Is this, like, a
gay man thing?"

"Are you kidding?" Min said. "Animated
Disney musicals and handsome princes? It's a total gay man
thing."

"Just Disney?" Nate asked. "Not, say,
Pixar?"

"Like who?" I said. "The
old man from
Up
?
The rat from
Ratatouille
? Pixar doesn't do sexy,
at least not sexy men. Neither does Dreamworks."

"But Disney does?" Nate said,
fascinated, and Kevin and I nodded at the same time.

"Totally," Otto said.

Kevin scribbled something onto his
board, then looked at me expectantly. Everyone was staring at me
now.

I had to think. I knew
who
I
thought was
the hottest Disney prince, but I had to consider who Kevin would
pick.

"I can't believe this," Vernie said
from the audience. "He procrastinates even when he's working with
the medium of dry-erase! Boooo! Get with the game,
Middlebrook!"

I smiled, then wrote something on the
board.

"Okay," Otto said. "Russel first. Who
did Kevin say you would say is the hottest Disney
prince?"

"There's not even, like, a
question," I said. "It's Prince Eric from
The Little Mermaid
. Have you guys
seen those online photos where someone turned the animated
characters into actual faces? They're all hot — well, except for
the guys in
Frozen
, but that was sort of the whole point of
Frozen
, how the princesses didn't
need a hot prince to be happy. But Prince Eric? He's the
hottest."

Smiling smugly, Kevin
flipped over his board, and it read,
Prince Eric.

I grinned, and people clapped gamely.
But honestly, it really was so obvious I don't know how much credit
we deserved.

"I didn't even know the
prince in
The Little Mermaid
had a
name
," Ruby said to no one in
particular.

"Okay," Otto said to
Kevin, "who did Russel say
you'd
say is the hottest Disney prince?"

"This is difficult," Kevin
said, "because I did have this brief thing for the older brother
from
Big Hero 6
."

"Tadashi?" Otto said. "But he's not a
prince."

"True," Kevin said, "but
it doesn't matter anyway, because in the end, I think he knew I'd
say Flynn Rider from
Tangled
. Who
is
a prince by the end of the movie.
And also a total hottie."

I flipped over my board.
It read,
Flynn Rider
.

"Yes!" I said, fist-bumping Kevin.
"We're two for two!"

Ruby looked at Min. "They've really
given this 'prince' thing a lot of thought, haven't
they?"

"I told you," Min said. "Gay guys are
crazy. Russel once told me he had a thing for Danny Phantom in that
old Nickelodeon cartoon."

Otto sighed dreamily. "It was all
about the snark."

"See?" Min said, and Ruby rolled her
eyes.

Outside, the rain picked up again,
washing across the roof in waves. Obviously, the rain didn't remind
me of perspiration (or something naughtier) anymore. But I was a
little worried that it would be freaking Kevin out — that he'd be
obsessing about flooding or something. I looked over at him, but he
seemed to be keeping it together, smiling and casual, not even
noticing the rain.

"Okay, next question," Otto said.
"Write down the item of clothing of yours that your future husband
most hates."

Kevin and I eyed each other
skeptically. But honestly, this was another easy one.

We both scribbled something
down.

"Russel?" Otto asked.

"His metallic blue hoodie," I
said.

Kevin flipped his
board.
Blue hoodie,
it read.

"Seriously, you guys need to see it,"
I said. "It's horrible. It looks like the shell of a
beetle."

"It does
not
," Kevin said,
pretending to be wounded, but actually giving the audience exactly
what it wanted.

"Kevin," Otto said, "what does Russel
wear that drives you crazy?"

"He keeps wearing his socks even when
they have holes in them."

I flipped the
board.
White socks
, it said.

We did another fist-bump.
The fact is, we were
killing
in this game. We really did know each other
well.

That was a good thing,
right? On the other hand, I couldn't help but think: If we knew
each other so well, did that mean our marriage was going to be
boring? Walker, the old man Min and I met in Amazing, had said the
world needed more mystery. Well, didn't marriages need mystery too,
at least to stay interesting? If I was being neurotic about this
whole "wedding" thing, this game might have caused me to start
seriously pondering this. But I
wasn't
being neurotic, as I've
already told you, so this was really more of a fleeting
thought.

Otto started to ask another question.
"A meteor is heading right for your house..."

"Ask something dirty!" Ruby
called.

"Really?" Otto said. "Two questions in
and we're already moving on to sex?"

"The first question was
about Disney cartoons, but they managed to turn
that
into sex," Nate
said.

"Said the guy who was just dancing
around in his Speedo," Kevin said.

Everyone laughed, and it was all
pretty funny, but it did occur to me — another totally passing
thought! — that Kevin's and my relationship was so predictable it
wasn't even keeping our best friends entertained.

"Okay, okay," Otto said to the group,
"the pervy public has spoken." He scanned his list. "Here we go!"
He turned to Kevin and me. "What is the naughtiest place the two of
you have ever made whoopie?" He looked out at the audience. "That's
how they put it on the Newlywed Game, right? They say 'making
whoopie' rather than 'fucking'?"