The Romance Novel Book Club (3 page)

Chapter
Five

Candles, aromatic and soft, lit my apartment like some romantic interlude with the man of my dreams. Outside the rain still tormented those in the black-as-pitch city, but I was safe and sound inside eating my pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. If I didn’t eat it, it would melt because the power still had not returned an hour after it went out. To waste premium ice cream was a sin or something. Um, Leviticus 3:13 maybe?

My power should have never gone out. Backup generator charge on my rent, my ass. Wait until the next renters’ meeting. Hmph.

Matt sat on the opposite side of my comfy couch indulging in Julie’s pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey with a bag of ice on his crotch. His face crunched as he shifted, and I mumbled the occasional ‘sorry’.

“I bet you didn’t think your evening would end up like this.” I chuckled for a moment before pounding back another heaping spoonful of ice cream. Tucked beside me, half in the cushion, hid
Heart’s Desire
. I was sure Armando and Melody were on the cusp of another horizontal bop session while I celebrated my misery by expanding my waistline. The weight would probably go all to my boobs. It always did. Pretty soon I wouldn’t be able to go into my favorite knick-knack store in fear every time I turned my knockers would send a Hummel figurine crashing to the ground.

“I’ve had worse, Patricia. Stop apologizing, okay? I should have said something instead of touching you.” He shifted the ice on his lap. I was half-tempted to ask if he wanted me to kiss his cock and make it better. When the books were getting more nookie than I was, my mind tended to wander. I swear if we’d had power, I’d have thrown a movie on for Matt and sung the tune of the happy vibrator in my bedroom, period or not. I took our empty containers and fed them to the trashcan. Maybe he wouldn’t notice if I took a shower.

“You need more ice?” I asked.

“No. It’s actually feeling a little bit chilly in here.”

I had noticed that and not just because both of our nipples were standing at attention. I snuffed out a few of the candles in the kitchen area before trudging to the bedroom. I could navigate my small living space in the dark but took a lit candle to the bedroom for later. I grabbed two comforters from my closet. Back out in the living room, I gently removed the ice from Matt’s magnificent masterpiece I had mishandled and put a blanket around him.

“There.” I pressed my boobs into the back of his neck and wrapped my arms around him. “Is Mommy’s big boy feeling better?” To my surprise, he rubbed my arms.

“Yes, Mommy.” His smile washed away the guilt for wounding his anaconda.

“How about some wine to warm us up?” I slid away so relaxed. Every muscle in my body unclenched as I walked into the kitchen. I couldn’t climb on top of him and see if the shoe fit, if you know what I mean, but at least having him as company had the ease of having a friend over. No expectations of bedroom action. I picked a classic red vintage, pouring a generous amount in the biggest wine glasses I had. Handing one to him, I curled up on my side of the couch with my own blanket.

“So how long have you and Julie known each other?” Matt swirled the wine around in his glass.

“Oh.” I took a nice sip of my beverage. Bye-bye last of the nerves. “Since grade school. We were on the pep squad in High School and attended the same University.”

“So it doesn’t bother you that she went with Ted?” Matt nodded as he sipped the wine. A sign, I hoped, he appreciated my wine choice and not that I was boring him to death.

“No. She’s very strong headed, and it’s best if I don’t get in her way on those things. We have an open and honest relationship. She’ll tell me how she made out tomorrow.” I felt much better and topped off both our glasses. “I mean we don’t room together anymore since we’re like night and day when it comes to setting up shop.” I giggled. “We learned that in college. We enjoy each other’s company better when we’ve been apart anyways. So how long have you been waiting tables?”

“I do it to help out Ted. I figure I owe him that much for putting up with me. It’s my night job since I don’t like to go out clubbing like he does. By day I’m a boring office worker. What’s your line of work?”

“Graphic design. I used to work for a company, but they didn’t care for my wild lifestyle and so we parted ways. I do freelance and make a helluva lot more money. I have all the time in the world to take on a lot of work.” Another crack of lightning lanced the sky. “You know this might be one of those long hauls with the weather, Matt. Feel free to stay here for the night. The couch is all yours.” Woozy from the wine, I propped my feet up on Matt’s legs and set the spent wine glass on the end table. My eyes threatened to close, but something brushed against my foot, and I jumped. Matt’s fingers were massaging my feet, and his touch had me groaning in pleasure.

“Julie going to mind that I spent the night here?”

“Is Ted going to mind you being here?”

“I don’t see why he would.”

His magic fingers were near bliss. I hadn’t been pampered in a while, and no way was I stopping the train from going out of the station. Of course my cell phone had other plans. Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” blared through the apartment. Julie and I’s joke, soon to be our future. I sighed and reluctantly pulled my feet away from Matt’s pampering. With the phone in my hand, I got off the couch.

“Hey, Jules. What’s up with you and Ted?” I pinched my bottom lip, giving Matt a wink before heading to the bedroom. After hearing Matt’s conversation, I didn’t feel like sharing mine.

“Oh my God, Patricia! Ted’s gay. He took me to a gay bar!” Julie’s voice echoed.

“I know he is. I kinda figured it out since I took his partner home with me.” I flopped on the bed, the Egyptian cotton sheets reminding me my next conquest would be eating at the ‘Y’ if Julie’s luck was any indication. I whispered in low tones to her, not wanting Matt to overhear.

“What?” Julie’s cell phone faded out. “Matt’s … gay! What are you talking …”

“Julie? Julie?” The static on the line sounded like crackling cellophane. I checked my phone and saw her call had dropped. My tongue blew a raspberry at the failing electronic device, and I decided if I was going to enjoy the evening for what it was, the modern day contraption needed to go away. I rolled on the bed and opened the nightstand drawer to drop my phone in. To my horror, the whole drawer and its contents tumbled to the floor.

“Oh no.” I jumped up and panicked, seeing the rainbow of sexual toys scattered on the floor. Red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue. Like Rainbow Bright vomited on my floor. If she grew up to be a sexual deviant.

I scrambled to the floor trying to jam the drawer back. The wood cracked from my exertion but slid back in place. My mad dash for the naughty toys and Astroglide commenced. I counted what went in, knowing which favorites I kept next to the bed and which ones I stored in a bin in the closet. My parents didn’t visit their deviant daughter enough for me to worry about a lock box for my magical dildos. Going over the inventory in my head, I freaked when I realized my fuzzy handcuffs were MIA. I searched the floor for them, pawing at the carpet in the dim candlelight.

I smiled and sighed as my fingers slipped around soft cuffs. In triumph, I hoisted them up only to notice Matt standing in the doorway with a candle in his hand.

“Are you ok—” He stopped in mid-sentence, his gaze falling on the cuffs
dangling
from my fingertips.

I jerked up to my feet, trying in vain to put my body between Matt and the drawer of silicone joy. The cuffs went behind my back in a vain attempt at a vanishing trick.

Great. Now who’s the psychopath?

I could picture the headline perfectly. A vigilante, and recovering Catholic, bent on destroying the world’s largest penis. Her costume would be a provocative leather nun’s outfit with fishnet stockings ending in huge stripper heels. She’d hover over her latest victim in the war on cock.

I punched it once, and I’ll do it again, and I’m taking your balls into custody. Spread ‘em.

“Wow. Um.” The cuffs dropped into the drawer, and I slammed it shut. “Those are, uh, Julie’s.” Liar, liar, raging crotch on fire. “You know how girls can get. Ha-ha.” I covered my face and slumped on the bed.

“Hey. Don’t worry about it.” The bed lowered, and his arm wrapped around me. “It’s not like you were going to use them on me, right? I’m not your type.” He squeezed me into him and that great manly scent wiggled up my nose. I buried my face into his chest to get a better whiff, curling an arm around him.

“Yeah, and I’m not yours.” And it sucked. “It’s the story of my life because I think you’re great, Matt.”

“Nothing says we couldn’t be friends, Patricia. I think we’ve both had enough embarrassing moments tonight to laugh about for years.” His hands gently massaged my back, and I found myself gliding my fingers across his wonderfully formed chest.

“That’s funny. Usually that phrase means you’re butt ugly and I wouldn’t do you with a bag over your head. Somehow I don’t think you mean it like that.” My lips brushed against his nipple, and I swore I heard
him purr.

Yeah, and you thought he grabbed you
in the kitchen. D
umbass.

I wanted to swim in the electricity sparking between us. His bare chest begged me to yank out Eve’s Curse Dam Blocker and throw Matt to the bed. Would a gay man protest a mercy fuck?

“So, on a serious note, how long has it been since a man touched you?” Matt asked, still soothing my woes with his dancing digits. “I’m not trying to pry. I just think me being here is making you uneasy.”

“No, it’s me. Honestly? I think I stopped counting. I try not to worry about it too much.” I glanced up to peer into his deep eyes, grinning. “Maybe I should kiss you since I already lured you into my bed.” I gave him a fake evil laugh.

He chuckled.

When his hand shifted, it brushed against my right boob. As Popeye always stated—‘that’s all I can stand and I can’t stand no more!’ I sprung before the rational side of my brain could stop me, and I kissed Matt. Not just a peck on the cheek but a full-blown horny-as-hell chick please fuck me kiss.

When I paused to catch my breath, the shock on Matt’s face had me wondering if I had just messed up our starting friendship. That’s what I got for thinking I had the sexual prowess to make a gay man straight again.

See, gentlemen? You’re not the only gender to believe what’s between your legs should rule your world.

Chapter Six

The lights flickered on, and I couldn’t breathe. My heart pounded in my chest and seized a hold of my lungs. Worse yet, my body yearned for more than the taboo taste of his lips. I bolted like a cat being told it was time for the vet appointment and fled to the kitchen. I hovered over the sink, sure my stomach would paint the stainless steel with a palette of colors.

“Patricia.” His voice sounded seductive to the fire deep inside, yet I swear I could feel the sting of Matt’s judgmental gaze. Hot flashes scalded my skin and set my senses on fire.
Shame on you, Patricia
, it waggled a finger at me.
I love to have man meat rubbing against my organ not a female harlot.

“I’m sorry, okay? It must have been the wine. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
Liar.
“It won’t happen again.”
Maybe if I joined a Convent it wouldn’t.
I bent over the sink, and my hands knotted up in my hair. My body played wicked tricks on me, but if I turned around, Matt would be yelling ‘rape’ as he sissy slapped my roaming hands molesting his hunky body. For all the shame I felt I still wanted to dry hump his leg. “I don’t blame you if you want to leave.”

“Actually my clothes aren’t dried yet. Mind if I take a shower?”

Only if you lock the door
, I snorted to myself. He might as well take a shower to wash off the putrid scent of me. I sighed and turned to face him. He leaned like a Greek god against the corner of the hallway, only part of his ripped upper body showing. On my lips a coy smile almost blossomed, but I hammered it down like a nun with a ruler. If I saw him naked again…

Oh I needed a release, and Matt had to get out of my line of horn dog sight.

“Yeah, sure. Towels are in my closet, and I have French doors that lock to, um, prevent another
embarrassing moment.” I
walked into the living room and took up the wine glas
ses, grimacing as I saw his
still more than half full. I had topped most of that whole bottle on my own, most likely to throw the
sliver o
f inhibition I had out the fifty-story window of morality. I heard the door shut to the bathroom, and I took care of the glasses, downing the last of Matt’s wine.

Never waste a good Merlot.

With my chin high, I snatched
Heart’s Desire
from the couch and locked myself in my bedroom. Men usually took about five minutes in the shower. I figured a gay man would take longer.

Sifting through my fun drawer, I withdrew my favorite vibrator. While not the
Hitachi
wand, it would do the job. That monstrosity made far too much noise and the cordless ones hid easier in case of an emergency. As in, if someone sauntered in during my self-pleasuring high. Period or not, I was dialing the pink phone. If I didn’t get rid of this sexual tension, I’d combust. I picked one of the Post-It note spots, whipped off my pants and spread out on the bed. I shouldn’t have needed reading material but every time the thought of making love to Matt popped into my head, the gay ruined it.

My toy hummed, and I touched it to the magical spot.
 
My back arched as my clitoris sang a happy tune. I breathed in pure bliss, turning my gaze to the book. My hand worked like a maestro conducting an orchestra. I knew my body better than anyone. Intimacy I’d shared solo countless nights.
The magical lights of the vibrator gave a disco feel to the room as I roamed the book.

Armando clutched Melody’s shoulders possessively. He had to have her one last time before her family stole her away from him. His lips pressed in, hard and wanting. Her once rigid body became compliant. She offered no resistance as Armando slowly pulled the corners of her dress down to expose her milky-white bosom. The stark contrast of their skin color made him desire her even more. He had to convince her to stay with him.

“We shouldn’t,” she breathlessly whispered into his ear as his lips trailed down her exposed flesh. “Tis not right. I am betrothed to another.”

“No, Melody. You will always belong to me.” His tongue swirled on her hardening nipple and Mel
ody gasped and her fingers tangled
in Armando’s hair to demand more.

I realized a slight moan had escaped my mouth as I shuddered way too early. All the tension building inside of me being so close to a man I desired caused a massive waterfall. The book dropped from my hand in favor of a pillow to stifle the scream. Oh yes, I wailed like a banshee, and I didn’t need Matt to hear. I smiled at the twinkling lights on the ceiling, coaxing one last hurrah to slowly bring myself down. While not completely satisfied, I couldn’t muster another session considering the current conditions.

I enjoyed a fair amount of foreplay. The touching and teasing of the flesh excited me the most. The actual act, in my opinion, could last five minutes and I’d be happy. I cringed thinking of the porn industry and their need to show a small amount of foreplay before tab ‘A’ got into slot ‘B’. A good fuck was great, but an extended pummeling on my vagina made me stiff and sore for a few days. Factor in the almost seven days we lost to Eve’s Curse. A valuable commodity lost, in my opinion.

I sighed and curled up against my scream pillow to the pulsing sounds of my bedmate. The pitter-patter of rain had ceased. I sat up in a panic. No other sounds meant the shower had stopped, which meant Matt was done with his scrub down. Switching off my vibrator, the buzzing as loud as a fire engine roaring past, I stuffed it under my pillow and threw on my pants. I needed a shower myself after honking Bobo. My feet were in a flurry into my walk-in closet. I slid the French door open a sliver to make sure the coast was clear. I stifled a huge intake of air in shock. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Hunched over the tub with his cell phone in one hand and that two-fister snake in the other, Matt stroked one out in my bathroom. I tried to be disgusted by someone else defiling my bathroom and wondered what sick twisted image he had on his cell phone to use as a point of reference to beat off. Instead I lingered, the burning need between my thighs growing. I couldn’t risk pinching pinko again because I’d barely got the pillow to my face last time. I made up my mind that Matt had to go before he drove me
nuts
. My sanity couldn’t take the onslaught of sexual tension.

I tore myself away from the sight and sulked my way to the kitchen to get a tall glass of cold water. Instead, I grabbed a bottle of white wine. I wanted to sleep like the dead without the erotic reprise of my kinky fetish with Matt. I fingered one of my CDs and took out an old Guns n Roses disc, cramming it into the mini system underneath the countertop.

The music blared, the wine started to flow, and Matt whacked off in the bathroom.

It was a symphony for the sublime if I was a glutton for punishment. I had to find something to occupy my mind beyond sexual fantasies.

I leafed through a proposal from a potential client sitting on the counter. Granted, the wine wreaked havoc on my eyesight, and it looked more like a melted crayon display, but it distracted me along with the music. I smelled Matt before I saw him. He’d definitely used my body wash, but what else could he have used? I’m not one to use regular soap unless it’s a complete emergency. I swayed around, the booklet in one hand and the glass of wine in the other.

“Your clothes should be ready.” At least, that’s what I my brain translated my garbled jargon as. Drunk didn’t even begin to describe my current condition. “I’m thinking it’s best you go before I start Karaoke night at Patricia’s.”

“Nothing’s wrong with karaoke.” Matt wiped the towel across his brow. I’m sure he thought I perceived it as water but knew it was sweat from his skin flute slide.

“It is when there’s a very horny girl with nothing she can play with in the house. You’re nice and all but—”

“I’m not your type. I know.” Matt sighed. “I don’t want to start any issues in your personal life, so I’ll go.” He paused a moment with his hands on his hips. “You kissing me. We can pretend it never happened if it makes your life easier.”

I giggle
d that retarded
‘I’ve had way too much Chardonnay that I’ll be pissing grapes later’ giggle.

“I think it would uncomplicated both our lives, actually. Deal.” I tossed the booklet aside and stuck out my hand for a stiff-arm shake. Matt obliged. “The kiss might have complicated things, but regret isn’t a word I’d tag onto it.” I smirked at Matt.

“Yeah. I know where you’re coming from. Next time we’ll skip the wine after our ice cream binge.” Matt winked. I chuckled as his firm ass teased me on the way to the laundry room.

“Just leave the sweatpants on the dryer, Matt. I’ll take care of them later.” I yelled. Dressed, Matt gave a simple wave as he exited out of the apartment. No more words, no more heated kisses. When the door shut, I stimulated fellatio with a rather large imaginary object. My nipples perked up as bawdy thoughts popped in my head. Matt draping me over the kitchen counters, shimmying on the washer, and just throwing the towel on the floor.

“Down girls,” I murmured as I tiptoed into the laundry room. I know I shouldn’t be creeping in my place. Matt wasn’t going to spring up from behind the dryer and catch me in my moment of weakness. Picking up the sweatpants, I took in that special man odor.

“That’s the spot.” I headed for the shower, intending to get down and out right nasty. Period or not, the shower washed away it all, and I wanted to do the silicone tango until the hot water ran out.