The Romance Novel Book Club (5 page)

“I like whatever shampoo you use, Patricia.”

“You used it while taking a shower in my place.”

“Yeah, I did unnatural things to your washcloth too.”

I giggled, giving his chest a thump. “Keep it up, mister, and you’ll be sorry.”

“Will I?”

I slung one of my legs over his, and he shifted to the middle of the front seat. I straddled one leg, looking down at him.

“Yes, you will.” I shook a finger at him. “Naughty boys who do things to good girl’s washcloths always get what’s coming to them.”

“Maybe I’ll go back in there and give one of your towels a good work over.” He waggled his finger in my face. I grabbed it, placing it in my mouth. He shuddered as my tongue swirled the length of it. It slid out, and Matt’s eyes locked onto mine. I suddenly became aware of a growing problem in Matt’s pants and the gnawing hunger inside me. In the flash of a heartbeat, I tore my sweatshirt off as Matt did the same. Like cats in heat we battled for supremacy, our tongues our only weapons. His hands pawed my boobs like the mad dash for the bouquet at a wedding, and my fingers curled around his belt ready to rip it off like the cord of the emergency backup chute. Without warning, Matt jerked me back, panting for breath.

“I can’t do this. It’s not right for us to do this.”

Why does life hate me?

Chapter Nine

The first tear made its way down my cheek. I scrambled off Matt, putting my sweatshirt back on, and got out of the car as he reached for me. I avoided his grab as I ran for the apartment. The rain mixed in with my tears, and I choked down the sobs. The tremors in my hands wouldn’t stop, and my keys dropped onto the soggy ground. I bent to retrieve them, only getting more upset when I saw Matt’s boots. He probably came to laugh at the stupid girl who tried to seduce a gay man, not once, but twice. I wouldn’t blame him. When would I learn? Maybe I liked being an emotional wreck, derailing my hopes and dreams. Queasiness grew in my stomach, threatening to toss up the pint of dairy heaven I hogged down earlier.

“Patricia.”

“No. Just don’t, all right? Go back to Ted and delete my number, and I swear I won’t bother you again.” I sobbed, jammed the key into the lock and forced the door open.

Why did it hurt this much? My heart wouldn’t stop aching.

Matt wouldn’t let my humiliation end. He squeezed in behind me. I sprinted to my bedroom in a vain attempt to flee my gaffe. I hit the bed in a heap and dragged a pillow close to me. Matt, like Adonis’ shadow stretching across me, stood in the doorway.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t let what we were doing ruin your relationship with Julie.”

“Why?” I bit back. “You think she actually cares who I sleep with?”

“She might.”

I sat up and threw the pillow at him. “Don’t sit there and bring Julie into this! You’re just afraid Ted will find out. Well guess what?” I took off my sweatshirt. “You already played the piano on these so it’s a little too late to be self-conscious about what we did!” I grabbed my swollen breasts for emphasis. They perked up, and my nipples hardened at the memory of Matt tweaking my ta-tas.

Was he trying to ruin the last shred of exuberance I had? To make matters worse, he stared at me like I was some two-headed gargoyle.

“What?” he said.

“That’s right!” I got up close and personal. “You’re a chicken shit. I doubt you remember how to please a real woman. Hah!” My boobs jiggled as I wagged a finger in his face.

Matt’s gaze searched mine, as if looking for the answer inside a genie’s bottle without invoking the curse. He wiped the tears from my face.

My nipples hardened; an electrical charge of wanting pulsed in my veins. His gaze held me frozen, and I stared deep into his liquid pools, feeding on the raw emotion emanating within. I couldn’t let him suck me in again, wanting to remain strong against the effect he had on me.

“When you kissed me the first time. Was that an accident?” he asked.

My cheeks heated as I lost my courage. His mouth hung open, his gorgeous lips forming a perfect ‘O’. I had an epiphany and shock ran through my body.

“You’re not gay?” we said in unison. My hand flew to my mouth. The boldness of being topless and flaunting my assets seemed a bit trashy. I ran for the bathroom, locking myself in. The soft knock alerted me Matt hadn’t run to the hills from the Horny Slut of Ho Street.

“Patricia? Will you please come out of there and talk to me?”

“No.” I sniffed, using a hand cloth to wipe the tears away.

“If you don’t, I’ll have to do something unnatural to your towels.”

Despite myself, I laughed. I wanted Matt, right? He hadn’t left so he had some interest in me. Why was I acting like a scared little schoolgirl? The pain in my chest didn’t ease, though I’ve been disappointed in my life before, yet it felt different. For one, Matt and I hadn’t done anything past kissing unlike my previous relationships—not for lack of trying. Matt made me laugh and gave me the old feeling of someone’s first love: butterflies in my stomach and warmness spreading across my skin.

Most important to me, the insatiable need to curl up beside him just to hear him breathe.

 “Patricia.”

A squeak escaped my lips when I saw Matt standing in the doorway. Crap, I forgot to close the hallway door. I snatched a towel and covered my massive mammaries.

 “I, uh.” My eyes wandered over Matt’s bare chest, soaking in the ripples of his abs. I couldn’t think straight with him in front of me like a man-meat buffet.

 “I’m such an ass.” I groaned, one hand holding the towel covering my boobs and the other smothering my face.

“No, you’re not. I am.” Matt sighed and leaned against the doorframe. “I’ve just had my share of fucked up relationships. Pardon the language.”

“Fuck? My favorite word.” I half-smiled before coughing. “Ditto on the relationships. Scary, isn’t it?”

“Hug?” He opened his arms wide, and I accepted. Why not? I breathed in his scent, stifling a moan of pleasure. My lips trailed along his neckline, and my tongue begged for a taste.

“Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?” I chuckled. His hands massaged the small of my back, and I purred.

“I thought good girls had pure thoughts?”

“I got a secret,” I whispered in his ear. “I haven’t been innocent for a long time, and your hands are artistry in motion.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if I can handle someone as wicked as you.”

“Tease,” I murmured, nuzzling his neck while his hands kept kneading.

“How about we start a full body massage without any strings attached?”

I snorted only to groan as he pressed just the right spot on my lower back. Breathless, I said ‘yes’ into his ear. My body crashed into the soft sheets on my bed. The warmth of his touch was the best caress I’d had in … I don’t know. His fingers never strayed, and he managed to get me naked. I don’t remember how except for the brief whisper of cloth against skin. I wanted to lose control, to position myself in a way to seduce Matt. Excruciating didn’t describe the burning need to bury my head in his chest. To take in his musky scent and feel his warm lips pressed against mine.

Matt straddled my hips but made no move to go any further than the mind-bending massage. The flow of his fingers along my spine, kneading and soothing, caressed me to the core. His rigid manhood could not be contained in his tight jeans, pressing against my buttocks with every stroke of his hands. Did he expect me to beg like those women in the stack of romance novels shoved to the back of my closet? That was so not me.

 He rolled off and propped himself up with an elbow, an infectious smile on his face.

“So.” I trailed a finger down his bare chest and to the back of his pants, giving his butt a squeeze. My hand started up his spine. My wanting clawed its way out, and I trailed my lips up his neck.

Our lips locked, and the heat from his body sent shivers through my body. Matt broke it off to utter one phrase. “No strings attached.”

“None whatsoever. I mean it.” My speech slurred, and I rocked him onto his back, snapping his belt open. I started thinking of a thousand positions in which to test his agility, already knowing my flexibility. It wasn’t long before that mammoth cock lay firm in my expert hands. I stroked it a few times before pausing. Angling over Matt to the nightstand, I pulled the drawer open. I took out the last condom, frowning at the date. Still good, but I gazed at his girth and wondered if it would work.

My eyebrows raised, and I showed it to him. He shook his head.
Damn
. Slumping back, I eyed him. I can’t believe it! So close and yet so far. I wasn’t paranoid about getting pregnant—that’s why I used birth control.

I wanted to ride Matt until sunrise. The last rubber would stretch beyond hope on Gargantua the Super Dick. I flicked the wrapped latex balloon behind me and straddled Matt’s stomach.

“I’m going to be completely honest here. I can’t tell you the last time I got fucked with something other than silicone. I’ve lived my entire life under the umbrella of Trojan and birth control.” My voice took a whiney pitch I hadn’t intended. “I need to get laid!”

Matt smiled at me, brushing my hair away from my face. His hand cupped the back of my neck and dragged me down onto him. Just as I was about to squirm off him to tell him I was dead serious about not riding the baloney pony to eons without a sausage wrapper, he flipped me on my back. His hands trickled down between my legs.

“Ditto.”

I think I just came.

Chapter
Ten

The anticipation of someone’s hand, instead of mine, touching my happy hat sent my body into full gear. I groaned as Matt started his devious digit manipulation. The man knew what he was doing. When his teeth clamped down on my jutting nipple, ecstasy’s doors flung open faster than me twirling two toys of my choosing. Like the toll bells of my life, that notorious ringtone of his blared, and Matt hesitated. I pleaded with him using my puppy-dog eye look, hoping he’d ignore it. I knew it was Ted, and since my wild imagination had been derailed (go me!), he didn’t need to answer it. At least, not right that second. To divert his attention, I ran my tongue along my lips and squirmed my hips.

“I’ll call him back later.” He swirled his tongue down to the Valley of the ‘Y’, and I accommodated him by opening my legs wide.

Sorry, I wasn’t a prude. I knew what felt good to me. That would be a man reciting the alphabet with his tongue on my happy place. I jumped and let out the whoriest sound out of my throat. Matt did nothing to make me think I needed to draw a diagram with instructions.

Again his phone hummed that merry tune, and Matt’s tongue tango ceased. I heard the mutter of an apology.

Sitting up, trying hard not to invoke that loving feeling with my own talents, I half-listened to Matt’s conversation. He sat naked at the end of the bed, his back to me. Getting up, I kneaded his shoulders to keep him in the mood as he continued to drone on and on. Okay, I really wasn’t eavesdropping. In the back of my mind, a tune went off in my head.

I like big cocks and I cannot lie

You other ladies can’t deny

When a brother walks in

With a schlong so thick and prim

You toss it on the bed and get fucked!

YAH!

“Uh what?” I shook my head as Matt put a hand on mine to stop the deep tissue massage.

“That was Ted’s sister. Some guys jumped Ted coming out of his restaurant and beat him up pretty bad. She thinks it was a hate crime.” Matt sighed and turned toward me. “I want to stay, you have no idea how much I want to, but Ted and I have been friends since college.”

Oh judging from your massive erection, I do know how much you want to stay.
Ugh. Poor Ted! I reached out and gave Matt a huge hug because I wanted to press my tits against his chest.

Hello? Not a prude, remember?

“I’ll come with you so you have company. It’s the least I can do.”

“You don’t have to,” Matt said, putting his pants back on.

“Hey. I consider Ted a friend too. He’s more than my pasta man whore.” I hopped out of bed and faced him, holding both hands up. “I promise these hands will not roam in a publicly inappropriate manner.”
Unless you want them to
.

His eyebrows arched, doubting my words. “All right.”

I wanted to say what could go wrong, but considering the night, I thought better of it.

On the ride to the hospital, I sat on my hands until Matt’s hand crept over with an invitation to hold hands. How could I resist? His grip trembled before he tightened. The man had the appearance of someone being forced down the aisle of a shotgun wedding. His brow creased, and his fingers drummed on the steering wheel.

“Relax.” I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Well, as much as I could with his death grip. A smile came and faded on his face. He was trying to keep it together and failing miserably. I tried to spark a conversation, but nothing came to mind, and we pulled into the parking garage of the hospital. He stayed in the car after he parked, one hand trapping mine and the other on the steering wheel. His chest heaved as he sucked in a few deep breaths. I knew what would relax him, but I promised that I wouldn’t paw at him like a groupie backstage at a rock ‘n’ roll concert.
YAY! Where’s the blowjob line form?

“I have to tell you something before we go in there.” He faced me. “You see, Ted’s sister and I used to be married.”

“You were married?” I dug in my purse for some Altoids. I popped a few into my mouth and offered the tin to Matt. Fresh breath never hurt for a potential confrontation. “Guess it didn’t work out too well, huh?” Great line, Captain Obvious.

He grimaced. “Not really. It only lasted a year because of, um, bedroom issues.”

“Well, I didn’t see any problem with what you were doing.” I nudged him with a grin on my face.

He chuckled with a grimace.

“She didn’t let you, ah…” My mouth stumbled over the sexual act performed in my bedroom.

He shook his head. I was flabbergasted. Who wouldn’t want their man to head south of the border? Hell, I’d heard of men who won’t go down on a woman but have no qualms about jamming his cock in her mouth. My body buzzed a warning, and I wanted to tell it to shut the hell up and enjoy the ride. What did it matter if his ex never indulged? I’d gladly spread my legs wide for anything he had to offer.

“This visit is about Ted, not her. What we did is still no strings attached.” I laced my fingers in his and brushed my lips across his knuckles. “You need to chill for Ted’s sake.”

“You’re breaking your promise doing that, you know.”

“Am I?” I grinned and licked the tip of his knuckle before trailing my tongue down a finger. “I believe I said my hands would behave. I’m no angel, Matt, and barring the hardcore bondage-type stuff I’m well versed at putting a smile on the face of a man. Especially when he does it for me.”
Here I go again.
Finding a way around the words spoken earlier. The loophole finder! That’s me! I really should feel ashamed with Ted lying in god-knows-what state and me wanting to play hide the salami with Matt.

“You’re a very bad girl, Patricia.” He drew my hand near and brushed it with his lips before planting a kiss. Head to toe I tingled from one stroke of his mouth.

His phone rang again, snapping our connection faster than a nun with a ruler. He answered it, and I heard the most horrible screeching on the other end. It sounded like someone swinging a cat by its tail.

“
Beverly
, I’m almost there. Yes, I know you called a half hour ago, but I can’t speed through red lights. I’m parking now.” He stabbed the off button on his phone and threw it in the backseat. “Bitch.”

And how.
We scrambled out of the car. Play time was over. As we reached the elevator, Matt snatched my hand. An alarm bell rang like Quasimodo at Notre Dame, but I didn’t yank my hand free. I’d been called promiscuous before and whatever his uber ex-wife had in store for me, I could take it. If Matt wanted her to think we were bunnies in heat, I’d do it for him.

Yeah, you’d drop down on your knees and play the pink flute for all to see just to shut her up
, my evil inner twin chimed.

Cripes, I didn’t even know the woman and I wanted to tear into her lily-white stance.

I’ll save you, Matt! Stand behind me with your magnificent sword of thrusting while I stave her off with my laser titties! After we’ve vanquished our foes, I’ll twist myself like a pretzel, and you can lick the salt off my center!

Ding! The elevator doors swung open. We hurried over the crosswalk and through the double doors of the emergency room. A perky little blonde with a sour expression strode over to us. By the iron grip on my hand, I could assume the woman was
Beverly
.

Beverly
, we meet at last. Hello. My name is Patricia Bairnsberry. You killed my love cock. Prepare to die.