The Rules In Paradise (Playing By The Rules) (12 page)

             
"You turn the waters black Olivia." He laughed and the sound was so nice to hear.

             
"I want to know why this is so wrong. You said you don't have a girlfriend, you're here on business/pleasure and you seem to enjoy spending time with me. What makes this wrong again?"

             
"What makes it wrong is that I will undoubtedly hurt you. And this point I cannot hurt you without hurting myself. You have weaseled your way in and I don't know how to feel about it. I know how I feel about you when I'm with you, and I am certainly clear on how I feel when I'm kissing you, but that conflicts with how I am supposed to feel overall."

             
"Why do you think you're so bad for me?" I asked.

             
"Because I know that I am."

             
"But why?" That wasn't enough.

             
"Because I am not innocent and sweet like you. I have hurt people in the past and will continue to hurt people in the future. I don't want one of those people to be you because now I am involved."

             
"Involved?"

             
"Yes. Involved. I care for you."

             
That was it! I had heard it with my own ear. He had feelings for me. I still didn't understand why this was bad but he had admitted it. Inside I did a happy dance.

             
"You care about me." I repeated, not quite a question, but not quite a statement.

             
"Yes Olivia."

             
"I care about you too, you know." I said.

             
"Yes, I know," he said matter-of-factly.

             
"How?"

             
"How do I care for you or how do I know?"

             
"Both I guess."

             
"I know because of how you have changed. You think a lot more and talk less. Like you're trying to figure out what to say. You developed a filter. That night on the beach, the night we first spoke you were a little spitfire. You didn't care who you offended. Now you walk on eggshells."

             
"And the other part?"

             
"Although you are equally persistent. I care about you enough to be scared to hurt you. I am also scared to leave you. A woman has never made me afraid. I'm afraid sometimes you will take me at my word, that this can't happen and you will stop seeing me. You would be right and smart in doing that, but selfishly I hope you don't."

             
"Maybe I'm not smart then," I said.

             
"Except you're incredibly brilliant. Although you are too smart for your own good and won't listen to reason." His voice was low but kind of hoarse.

             
"You contradict yourself continuously."

             
"My internal conflict escapes sometimes."

             
"You tell me that we should not see each other yet you hope I don't leave. What am I supposed to do?" He shrugged at my question and kept walking.

             
"I cannot make that choice. I can only give you information to make a decision with." I got mad the moment he said this.

             
"You don't give me any kind of information. You talk in circles. One you're as romantic as can be and the next you tell me I should leave you alone. What the hell do I do with this?" I was nearly yelling at him. He stopped and faced me.

             
"Alcoholics, they cannot control themselves around alcohol. They cannot have one glass, they must have the whole bottle. If they do not have any they can train themselves to abstain. However, say a glass of liquor is before them. They know they should not take a sip because they will not be able to control their actions. You are the damn alcohol." I thought about his analogy for a moment. He was clearly angry as he started walking again. Was this forever going to be our pattern? After every kiss his mood would sour and we'd have to work back up to the level we were at before. It was quite literally an emotional roller coaster.

             
"Do you want me to make it easy on you and walk away?" His head snapped around to look at me. We had stopped walking and we were simply staring at one another.

             
"Do you want to walk away?" His tone was dead serious.

             
"I asked you a question, answer it." I was confused and I was upset. I said it as plainly and as matter-of-facty as I could.

             
"You walking away would make my life less complicated, but it is not what I want."

             
"I don't want to be a complication." I had had enough of his confusing conversation.

             
"You are a complication Olivia because I have never had to deal with these kinds of feelings, now come." He held out his hand for me to take and I hesitantly took it. We kept walking hand in hand.

             
"Are you going to talk to me after you leave?" That question had been bugging me for days.

             
"If you will be there to talk back, yes." I smiled to myself at his answer.

             
"What happens when we are both back in the states, thousands of miles away?"

             
"That I do not know," his voice was soft, it had lost its earlier sharpness.

             
"Will I see you again?"

             
"I also don't know that." His answer immediately made me sad. I walked silent, still holding his hand. "Please do not be upset. I did not mean that I won't wish to see you. There are things I need to handle when I get back home. Hopefully they will be done before you get back to your home and then we will be ok. I don't want tomorrow night to be the last time I see you, believe me." The word 'we' immediately stuck in my brain and started my heart on a faster pattern.

             
"Me either." My voice was soft and full of sadness. The thought of leaving the party tomorrow night and never seeing him again was upsetting.

             
We finally reached the top and  Cole grabbed our things and headed toward the Jeep. I slid on my clothes over my nearly dry bathing suit and hopped in. I was thankful that he did not do the same. He put only his sunglasses on and started the car.

             
We reached the condo and he found a spot and parked. It was late afternoon and the sun was still hot and bright.

             
"Join me at the pool?" He asked as he grabbed our things out of the back. I just nodded my head as we started to walk.

             
He set down our things on two lounge chairs. I noticed Adrian and Jason at the bar and they waved. I laid out my towel on the chair and sat as Cole did the same. He waved over a waiter and ordered us both drinks. Even though he had on sunglasses, I knew he was looking at me.

             
"You're incredibly beautiful. I wish you'd know that," he said.

             
"You're not as bad as you think you are. I wish you'd know that," I said. He smiled and leaned his head back against his chair and smiled.

             
"Touche Olivia."

             
"House or apartment?" I asked.

             
"Is this your psychology game or is this an actual question?" He said smiling.

             
"Both." I shrugged.

             
"House to both."

             
"What does it look like?"
             

             
"It has four walls and some windows and doors." I groaned at his impossible answer.

             
"You know what I mean."

             
"I have five bedrooms, four baths. A pool. I am quite in love with my home actually. I fully designed it and had it built with an extraordinary view."

             
"I have no doubt it's over the top."

             
"Maybe one day you will be brave enough to come see it." He said as he smiled.

             
"Maybe one day you will invite me before I have to invite myself."

             
"I do not doubt you would." Adrian and Jason came walking over. They were literally attached at the hip as Jason had his arm draped around her shoulders.

             
"Olivia, nice to see you again," Jason said as he smiled at me, "Can I see you for a minute man?" Jason asked Cole and motioned away from our area.

             
"Excuse me," Cole said to me as he got up and walked toward the bar with Jason. Adrian sat at the foot of my chair and smiled at me.

             
"Olivia, I have had the best days of my life. Jason is amazing." Her smile was so bright and she was giddy.

             
"I know, I've hardly seen you. He is good to you?"

             
"So good. He is so sweet and affectionate." A blush crept across her cheeks and I couldn't help but smile.

             
"What was that about?" I asked, nodding toward where they were standing at the bar. She shrugged.

             
"I don't know. Jason got a phone call and he didn't sound happy. Then we came over here, I don't know." I glanced over at the two men and it looked like Jason was giving him an earful. Cole was looking towards the ground as Jason's arms were flailing wildly. I frowned a little and turned my attention back to the glowing girl in front of me.

             
"So is it serious I asked?"

             
She nodded excitedly. "He's going to be my date to Char's wedding." Her face was hardly big enough for her smile. I hadn't thought of that. Char's wedding was in two months. Should I ask Cole, would he say yes? I decided to revisit those thoughts at another time.

             
The men were making their way back towards us and I tried to wipe away any concern until after Jason and Adrian left. I smiled as Cole came back and he did not smile back. He simply resumed his position on the lounge chair.

             
"Excuse us, we're off to grab some dinner. You're more than welcome to join us if you'd like." Jason said as Adrian got up and grabbed his hand. I noticed that Jason's voice was not nearly as warm as it had been before the conversation.

             
"No thanks, I'll see you this evening," Cole said, almost as if dismissing Jason. Jason shrugged and walked off happily with Adrian.

             
"They sure have hit it off," I said cheerfully.

             
"Indeed." His tone was flat.

             
"What was that about?" I asked.

             
"Nothing." Again, no emotion in his voice.

             
"Nothing that pissed you off pretty bad."

             
"Leave it alone Olivia." His tone was severe, almost a warning, so I dropped it.

             
I didn't speak for awhile. I watched Cole pick up his glass, drain all the liquid in his mouth, and then requested another. Yeah, it really seemed like nothing.

             
After he has finished his next drink he finally spoke.

             
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh with you. I just am not going to talk about it."

             
"I understand." He gave a small smile.

             
"Do you have something to wear tomorrow evening?" He asked, leaning back against his chair.

             
"I really don't know. I don't know if I brought anything that is going to be nice enough."

             
"I only ask because Jason said your friend was unsure as well. I'd like you both to go shopping tomorrow morning, on me. Whatever your heart desires for the party. I will be occupied getting a number of things ready so it will give you something to do."

             
"I'm not going to spend your money."

             
"Yes you are. I've asked you to go to something you are not prepared for and I will make sure you are taken care of. Get your hair or nails done or whatever you girls do. I mean it. Don't argue for once in your life." I sighed and nodded my head.
             

             
"Have you always been so closed off?" I asked out of nowhere.