The Rules In Paradise (Playing By The Rules) (32 page)

             
"That's clear. We're like fifty miles from the beach," I said.

             
"Not quite that far, come here," he hurried me and we came into a clearing where there were no palms or greenery around. There was however a blanket and a cooler.

             
"Did you do this?" I asked.

             
"I'm going to pretend you didn't ask another question." He kicked off his sandals and plopped down on the blanket. I followed his lead and sat on the other side of the blanket.

             
"I didn't anticipate instituting a question rule, thank goodness I did. However, I figured we could use some time alone, far from any distractions to talk."

             
I gave him a small smile. He was good. I had to give him that.

             
"I figured we might need these too," he gave a small smile as he pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of soda. I couldn't help but laugh, he was certainly prepared. He poured me a glass and handed it to me.

             
The sun was still bright but had started its decent to the water. I sat crossed-legged and sipped my drink. I shook my head, disbelieving that this was real.

             
"Is something wrong?" He asked seriously.

             
"This is just too much," I said looking off in the distance.

             
"I'm sorry? How do you mean?" He looked confused, almost sad.

             
"I'm sitting here, literally on a deserted island with you. Hours after I was crazy about having seen you. I was so just, shocked I guess, about seeing you."

             
"I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing Olivia."

             
"Me either. That is part of the problem. I've spent so much time trying to forget about you and move on, yet here I am, taken right back into your grasp."

             
"I told you earlier, there are no obligations. I don't expect that everything is ok. Please understand that," he said. He had pushed his sunglasses up to rest on the top of his head.

             
"I believe you, but I don't know any better. How I feel about you doesn't know that this doesn't fix it completely. I almost feel like I'm fighting myself. If I let myself feel the way I do about you I'm betraying the part of me that feels hurt still and angry. But this is literally perfect. Being here, in your presence, feeling like I did a year ago, it's too much." I looked up at the sky, hoping to keep my tears at bay.

             
"I didn't bring you here to make it hard for you to say no. I brought you here because I want you to say what you need to say without interruption," he had put his drink on the top of the cooler and was concentrating on me. I could feel his stare and it was overwhelming. I knew he was concentrated on me and it stressed me out.

             
"It never stopped Cole. Never. My mind was on a constant replay of you. Every day I ached, my heart, my chest, everything ached because of you. At night you ran through all of my dreams. I saw your face, I heard your voice. It's like you never stopped. It was 24 hours a day that I had to live with the thought that you existed. I had to live with the look on your face when I left. I walked away from the only person I ever loved. I blamed myself for so long. Maybe if I hadn't left we could have worked it out. I was so hurt that night. I was so angry at you. It took me a long time to blame you. You deserved the blame. I laid it on me for so long, but it didn't matter. Then when I finally could get out of bed, I would go about my regular life and I would feel you there. I would look around as I walked somewhere and think that I saw you. I realized no matter where I was I would look for you, like you'd show up. You never called, you never came, you sent one e-mail and that was it. I never heard from you." By now there were tears streaming down my face and Cole was sitting with his knees bent towards his chest, leaning on them. He shook his head.

             
"I came Olivia. I came twice. I came with Jason the first time. I stayed in the hotel he stayed at. I saw you. I saw you walk and you were not yourself. I saw you walking down the street with your arms wrapped around you. You looked like you were holding yourself together. You looked so, beat down. Jason told me not to see you, that he didn't think it would be a good idea. I left that same night. I flew in one morning, about three months ago. I knew that your friends were gone, I would always ask Jason to keep me updated. I knew Adrian was coming to California, I knew your other friend would be out of town. I planned to come speak to you. To just tell you that I was waiting for you. I was too scared, I was too frightened to have you turn me away. You always have had all the power Olivia. I am but your humble servant." He looked down at the ground and took a sip from his drink.

             
"You were there?" I asked. I hadn't expected that.

             
"Twice. Twice I came within yards of you, but I couldn't pull the trigger. I couldn't let you know that I had disobeyed your only request. I couldn't not see you, I had to know you were ok."

             
"I can't believe you came," I said.

             
"Is that a good or a bad can't believe?"

             
"It's good I think. I swear, I felt you there at times. That is so cliche and so stupid, but I swear. There were days you just felt, closer. I don't know if they were one in the same, but it felt different."

             
"What would you have done if I would have came to see you?" He asked.

             
"I have no idea. I guess I'd like to think it would have been like this, where we could be normal, but I have no idea."

             
We sat in silence and sipped our drinks.

             
"You know that Jason is quite fond of you. I don't think there was a time that I heard him on the phone with Adrian that he didn't ask about you."

             
I smiled. "We've made our peace I think."     

             
"I heard shit from him for months. I knew I had done things terribly wrong, but he reminded me everyday. He said said that I was so stupid for hurting you. He explained to me that he told you simply because he thought that the sooner you knew, the sooner we'd be able to move on. Obviously he also believed you deserved to know. He's always had faith that you'd take me for what I was. He believed in your love for me more than I did. All I could think was that I had lost you, he just kept telling me to give you time."

             
He poured us both another drink.

             
"The worst part was, I could see so much in the future. There was so much that I wanted to have for us. You had come into my life like a whirlwind and I had to constantly adjust. You were smart, and funny and you made me try harder to keep up. I knew early on that you were extremely special to me. It was as if I was in a Catch 22. In order to keep you, I had to hurt you by ending things in what I considered my old life. If I didn't change my life then I would have lost you for sure. I'm sure I had more choices, but at that point all I could see was damage control. It blew up. I didn't care about the money or the business for awhile. I had lost you. I meant it when I said none of that has any significance without you. Luckily Jason had plans of his own for he and Adrian and kicked me in the ass to pull it together."

             
"What plans did you have?" I asked. I had become extremely curious. He smiled and I was relieved to see his face lift from his look of dread and worry.

             
"You've run out for the day. Sorry," he said. His smile made me smile bigger. The sky was now deep pink and dark. The sun had mere inches before it would fully emerge itself seemingly in the water. 

             
"When do we need to go back?" I asked, hugging my knees to my chin.

             
Cole shrugged. "Damian knows I'm good for it. As long as we're back tomorrow when he opens he won't make a fuss."

             
I yawned and rested my head on my knees.

             
"Are you ready now?" He asked.

             
I shook my head. "No, not yet." Cole moved the cooler onto the sand and stretched out. He laid on the blanket, putting his head closer to my end of the blanket.

             
"For what it's worth, you saved me you know," he said. Looking up at the sky.

             
"What do you mean?"

             
"You saved me from a life that would have killed me, or got me into trouble. Before you I was so focused on things and work. I worked at least seventy-five hour weeks, sometimes one hundred hour weeks. I really enjoyed it, I still do. But I was keeping up a pace that was unrealistic. I didn't need to spend that much time there, but I did. I did it because I knew I was hiding from what the rest of my life had become. My only real friends I worked with all day. I was unhappy at home, I was happy going out with clients nightly, getting drunk, showing them a good time. A happy client was a profitable one, and I was more than happy to take the out on the town. I would sometimes wake up with a hangover and cure it with drinks. I was escaping. I don't think I'm some inherent alcoholic. I just think I used it as a crutch. You saved me from working or drinking myself to an early death."

             
I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze before letting go.

             
"You don't deserve to hate your life Cole. Even now I don't believe that. You deserve to be blissfully happy. It scares me to think of you so on edge that you spent so much time, not in your right mind. The Cole I know is so full of life and is always busy living, not just surviving."

             
"You only know him because you created him. He hasn't been there forever."

             
I took a deep breath trying to will my tears away.

             
"That makes me wholly sad. It was so hard to know that I didn't have you in my life anymore, it close to killed me some days. The only thing worse than that would be to know you, the you I know, wasn't here. I don't mean dead or ceasing to exist. I mean that someone as truly alive and vibrant as you wasn't living a life that supported that. That is the ultimate sadness here. To think about you not making people happy the way you make me happy is so sad. I think about all the things we've done in such a short amount of time and I think that everyone should live this way. It is very troubling to me to think about you not doing that. It's eerie, I don't like it." I gave a shudder. He let out a low laugh.

             
"You give me far too much credit. All of the credit belongs to you. You brought me back to life. I owe you so much. I owe you for that, I owe you for all of the happiness you brought me, I owe you for hurting you as terribly as I did. I am just so in awe of you Olivia. Every quality you possess makes me want to be better. That's what I mean when I say you keep me on my toes. I don't mean just in us going back and forth, I mean literally I strive to be more for you."

             
I kicked out my legs and laid down, putting my head next to his.

             
"You don't owe me anything. Just knowing you exist, and you're you, and you're real makes me feel better."

             
I looked up at the sky,studying the stars. I was so lost in my own world. I didn't know how I felt right now. Or if how I felt now was how I should feel given the circumstances. I stared at the stars for a long time. I heard Cole's breathing even out. I smiled hearing the sound of him sleeping. I grabbed his hand, and it wasn't long before my eyes grew heavy and closed.

Chapter 26

             
I woke up with a start. It was still dark out. Immediately I realized I was outside and the night at the beach came to my head. I sat up and saw Cole sleeping where he had originally laid down. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him sleep. You always hear about how people look so peaceful when they sleep. Peaceful didn't begin to cover what he looked like here.

             
This picture of him sleeping was a drastic change from his normal demeanor. I watched his face and saw every line was gone. His eyes were closed and he looked like a little boy. His hair was messy, not quite in its neat combed back style. It was ruffled and fell slightly over his forehead. His breathing was deep and soft and it was comforting to listen to it.